European Euros Said Knock YEEEEEWWW OUT!

That’s right, fuckos.  It’s nut-cuttin’ time.  Perhaps we shall get extra time and/or pennos to add to the suspense.  It’s been a fun tournament, so hopes are high.

But remember, kids, never ever have hope.

Wales v. Denmark – in Amsterdam (Noon, ESPN)

Emotional favoUrites Denmark get kinda sorta home pitch for this?  Seems an easier trip than from Wales, and what Welshman would want to leave his best sheep behind for such a nervy affair?  Still, this is a very even matchup.  Danes could run out of juice at any moment, though they surely have the best keeper if we’uns level after 120.

Italy v. Austria – in London (3:00, ABC)

Tasty affair, this.  I expected – based on nothing in particular – the Fightin’ Fuhrers to be a dreadful watch.  But they were pretty attack-minded in the group stage.  Sphincters get mighty tight in knockout play, though.  But I wouldn’t count on shutting the Mussolini Men out.  Though I still harboUr my lingering doubts as to their staying power.  Phrasing.  I look forward to your Blitz jokes, which obvs must continue this coming Tuesday.

Come laugh at DFO’s Prediction Pool.

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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litre_cola

There it is. Achey as fuck but the beers and tequila make bed comfy. I didnt know certain muscles could hurt for no reason. I do now.

Horatio Cornblower

Important travel update: my cousin who works for the NFL legal office is here. Gonna ply with her booze and see what dirt I can get on Goodell.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Get her to admit that his office 40 time was a fraud!

Mr. Ayo

Ze Austrians will not go down that easily.

ballsofsteelandfury

NOT DEAD YET!

ballsofsteelandfury

I was going to make a joke comparing the Austrian defense to a famous Austrian porn star but then I did a quick Google search and oh boy the pickings are SLIM!

litre_cola

Like curvy girls anyway. Smh.

clint greasewood

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scotchnaut

“The Italian defense is now tighter than the back end of an altar boy in The Vatican!”

-Soccer announcer, Sky Italia

Last edited 3 years ago by scotchnaut
Warthog

I’ma confused. Does that mean it’s tight or not?

Dunstan

“The great thing about altar boys is, I get older, they stay the same age.” — Cardinal Wooderson

scotchnaut

Some jokes are “open” to interpretation.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That was the most homoerotic goal celebration I’ve ever seen.

THANKS CARL NASSIB!

WCS

Careful now, Italy… you’ve seen what happens when you piss off Austria…

scotchnaut

‘Wide open Italian’ is not what I expected, tbh.

ballsofsteelandfury

Is this game going to go to pennes?

Mr. Ayo

Nyet.

ballsofsteelandfury

Maybe not

scotchnaut

Just crossed off ‘impetuous’ on my English Announcer Bingo card. [crosses fingers] C’mon, ‘untenable’! That’ll give me a score right down the middle!

Dunstan

I can’t think of many stupider concepts for a show than Celebrity Dating Game. I mean, aren’t half of the celebrity “relationships” fake already?

Wait, I just answered my own question. People are totally going to eat that shit up, aren’t they? Publicists are already rubbing their hands with glee.

WCS

My new speakers just arrived. I hope the neighbors like Pantera and Alice In Chains at 02:30.

Mr. Ayo
WCS

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scotchnaut

Who knew the Austrians were so good on defense?