Hello there fellow DFO’er.  Hope you’re well today.  And thanks for coming back to see last weeks comments of the week as decided by my brain.  There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t.  

I just realised, even though I’m the commish for the fantasy football(FF) league at work, that I have multiple FF drafts coming up and that I’ve done SFA about getting ready.  I looked at the site I used last year for a cheat sheet but they want money for it this year and I’m wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy to cheap for that.  I barely read the free stuff they send, I’m not going to have time to go read the paid content.  So, anyone have any good site’s they use?  No, as you want to win, or watch me lose.  Fine then.  Be that way.  I don’t caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaareeeeeee. [Voice over person: he does care]

This also reminds me that I have a team preview to do, so I need work to fuck off for a few days so I can poorly research and scribble something down about it.  There have been some great previews already and I’m feeling pressure to at least have something coherent.  It won’t happen, but it’s nice to have goals.

For the parents, it’s the ramp up to back to school up here.  Not sure how long the in-person school will last with the fourth wave already in progress, but we’ll see.  My money is that things get locked back down for our Thanksgiving (Oct 6) and that’s it for the in-peroson learning for a few months .  This year will also be the first time that one of our kids is not here for school as she’s moving there to take classes in person.  While it’s a good step for her, I’m not sure I’m ready for her to move out.  Will be strange only having one kid around. 

As a reminder, this post will cover comments made up to and through the Saturday Night Open Thread. Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post. Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.

Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.

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Last season, I saw live the Murray to Nuk Hail Mary that defeated Buffalo.

Me: jumps off bed OF MY GAWD DIDJA SEE THAT

Her: glances at TV I’ve seen better at weddings. returns to reading papers

It was that day I knew the relationship wouldn’t work.
Don T

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Here’s another submarine story. I hope these don’t bore you.

This is the Jazz Musician story.

After I got out of the U.S. Navy I attended American University in upper northwest Washington. I lived in Arlington, where I was born and raised. Washington is not a big town, certainly not in those days, which were the 1980s.

So one winter night there was a minor snowstorm and young Brick decided to walk home from A.U. to Arlington. I was maybe 25 years old, so I could certainly pull this off. On M Street in Georgetown I made a pit stop at a bar, and playing in a jazz trio in there is one of the weapons officers from my submarine.

When they took their break, I talked to him. He was out of the service and was getting a Ph.D in philosophy at Catholic University.He was playing in the band to pick up spending money. This was the mettle of the guys I served with.

I like walking in the snow too.
Brick Meathook

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My wife mentions to a friend in the neighborhood that we have Raiders tickets. The friend asks my wife about getting tickets to a game. I tell her that game is taken (is a company package so we technically split it and my brother wanted that game). She asks about another. I say sure, face value is X and I got a parking pass for another hundo, audio face value, if you want.

She comes back that it seems high. I mean, I say the same thing when I see Mark Davis looking over this land like we’re in The Stand and sending me the invoice but, for resale in the area where no seats aren’t 2X that, Jeez lady in not even being picky about the PSL lost opportunity cost. I’m losing money for you to go. And I wish you’d just say yes because it’s probably gonna be fun to be there for a packed house — plus tickets next me are like 6x so see how generous as offer like this is and would you please not just take it?
blaxabbath

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lol

dude is doubling down…

rockingdog

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Since I’m writing all these old submarine stories, here’s a picture of my boat, which shows the attack pericope and the ECM mast raised.

We could fuck some shit up if we wanted to, and on a major level. Our main battery had a range of 4500 miles with nuclear warheads (although we could not use those without the permission of the President of the United States) but our secondary battery were Mark 48 torpedoes with 1000 lb high explosive warheads and sophisticated guidance systems, and we didn’t need anybody’s permission to use those. We could kill anything. Yet we killed nobody.

The boat could also make doughnuts.

The USS James Madison no longer exists. I was on it 1982 to 1985 and then I got out and studied literature at American University in Washington DC. The boat was cut up and scrapped in 1997.

https://youtu.be/iq9mzhz9IQo

Brick Meathook

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found a funny:

[Plato returns from the dead]

Plato: so who’s that girl, are you together?
Me: nah, it’s purely platonic.
Plato: …what does platonic mean?
Me: it means we don’t have sex.
Plato: what the fuck
rockingdog

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So, GTDs Tuesday AM post was there, and now it isn’t. That’s odd.
Viva La Tabula Raza

Sharkbait

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Sure, the Jaguars may have waived Tim Tebow, but some other team will pick him up in three days.
Dunstan

he shall rise play again
Game Time Decision

Filipino boys rejoice at news of Jaguars cutting Tebow.
LemonJello

Ha! Tables turn for Tebow.
-Foreskins
Don T

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“Well well well, if it isn’t the consequences of my own actions”

Texas Governor Abbott has COVID-19

— Daniel Uhlfelder (@DWUhlfelderLaw) August 17, 2021

Unfortunately, he’s fully vaccinated and will likely get the good drugs. I feel sorry for the people who had to be around him
Anthony In TX

But getting Regeneron already, so something’s up there.
Game Time Decision

He needs to be a man and walk it off.
blaxabbath

“Rub some bleach in it, kid!”
BeefReeferLives

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I found a helpful new resource in this regard, so stay tuned for more of these:

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Context:
https://i.imgur.com/uO7OY4Al.png
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Sharkbait

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Mr. Ayo

Hashtag not all Texans
Anthony In TX

Maybe, but you’re still being monitored.

And for fuck’s sake, get your hands out of your pants.
SonOfSpam

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Sharkbait

I want to make slow, sweet love to this meme.

But I’m over 50, so at best I’m going to hit it and quit it within 5 minutes and then fall asleep watching baseball highlights.
Horatio Cornblower

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I gotta admit, I have more faith in the Taliban creating a fully inclusive democracy than I do the Republicans.
Redshirt

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As a tribute to Tebow, my next post will be composed in Can’t Block Editor.
scotchnaut

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Wonder how Robert Saleh feels about the events in Afghanistan?
blaxabbath

He sympathizes with the people at the Kabul airport. He know what it’s like to realize that jets aren’t going to take you anywhere.
Dunstan

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I’m never buying petit sirloin again. Five hours in the sous vide and it’s still basically a shoe. Just an absolute garbage cut of meat.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Should’ve bought a grand ma’amloin. Big girls know how to get it done.

That’s such a stupid joke.
Anthony In TX

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Shit, almost forgot to celebrate National Pinot Noir Day!
Dunstan

Shit! I am drinking a Zinfandel!
Doktor Zymm

So disappointed in you.
Dunstan

At least you aren’t hollering “zInfidel” and trying to behead me
Doktor Zymm

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Shohei Ohtani just hit home run #40.

It went 430 feet.

It put the Angels up 3-1 in the top of the 8th at Detriot.

He is still in the game as the starting pitcher.
SonOfSpam

Yeah, but did you see what happened between the Yanks and Red Sox?

— ESPN
Mr. Ayo

“The Maple Leafs just signed a journeyman to an AHL contract.”

-TSN’s lead story tonight, probably
scotchnaut

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found a funny:

me: this game is fun. what’s it called. normal frisbee?

inventor of ultimate frisbee: [kicking me in the nuts] guess again, bitch
rockingdog

Today: ultimate frisbee
Yesterday : penultimate frisbee
Tomorrow: no more frisbee
Doktor Zymm

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If you schedule a meeting with me at 4 o’clock, there is a 99.999999% chance I will be drinking a beer during it.
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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For all the dumbasses who think they don’t need the vaxx because God will protect them

Gumbygirl

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I really hope that when Kirk Cousins gets sacked this season, the defenders celebrate mimicking giving each other the vaccine.
Sharkbait

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Here’s another submarine story. I hope these don’t bore.

Well it’s actually a shore and Hollywood story.

It’s the story of the Two Italian Lecturers.

One Italian lecturer was cinematographer Vittorio Storaro, who would give an amazing presentation on lighting, about “light and dark.” It was almost expressed in religious terms, in his Italian accent. It’s hard to describe it because it was very visual. It was delivered on a stage at Paramount Pictures on Melrose, on the corner parcel that had once been RKO and later Desilu. I was sitting next to Haskell Wexler ASC and he was telling me jokes he learned from his first boss, cinematographer James Wong Howe. This was magical; it was about 1997.

The other Italian was a few years earlier. I got a case of genital warts from a young lady who was a student at the Medical College of South Carolina, which was in downtown Charleston. I was afraid to go to a Navy clinic because we could get into trouble for this. So I went to the free clinic, ironically at the Medical College of South Carolina. I sheepishly entered, and the waiting room was filled with students from The Citadel, the military college in Charleston. God knows what happened but none of us were making eye contact with each other.

The doctor who saw me was a very distinguished Italian professor from the college, and he put a liquid on my penis that cured the problem in about two days. That took about five minutes. But then he gave me a a stern lecture in his Italian accent about sexually transmitted diseases and about personal responsibility. This entire time, his gloved hand is holding my penis, and at key points in his speech he would give my dick a sharp tug, strictly for emphasis.

Taught me a lesson.
Brick Meathook

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Here’s another submarine story. I hope these don’t bore you.

This is the Deep Submergence story.

Ordinarily we would cruise at 400 feet. That was our “sweet spot.” No matter how bad the weather and the seas were upstairs, we didn’t feel a thing. Surface ships are getting the shit kicked out of them; we are down below drinking coffee and watching movies.

However, we always had to be able to listen to radio messages. We didn’t broadcast (radio silence) but we always had to hear, and this was a big deal. If our main listening device malfunctioned (which was seemingly always) we had to cruise at 150 feet to use our “floating wire.”

Sometimes we would go deep, and I don’t know why but I can tell you that I hated it. If we got down to 700 feet the only word I can use to describe it is “spooky.” Back in engineering we had four seawater cooling systems and they were going nuts due to the extreme seawater pressure. There were weird noises everywhere. It was like we were on the edge of death.

Please please please let’s go back up to 150 feet.
Brick Meathook

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I’m in full on experimentation mode in the Sunday Gravy test kitchen and I pretty much pepper sprayed myself. I was steeping some arbol chilies and garlic in my blender with the lid on. I removed the lid and gave it a whiff.

Holy fuck!

It was pretty hilarious actually.
yeah right

“yeah right gave himself a facial” is my takeaway here.
scotchnaut

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The Dr. Mrs. hitting me with a nice dose of perspective as I lament our broken fridge by pointing out what’s happening in Haiti.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Every day is a broken refrigerator day in Haiti, innit?
King Hippo

At best.

Our power company is telling us to be prepared to be without power for 10 days due to the looming storm.

I am prepared to be without power for 10 minutes before I start whining like a 2-year-old. This is Connecticut, not Puerto Rico.
/machete boomerang takes off Horatio’s ear.
//Don T sheaths machete
Horatio Cornblower

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“Don’t wake up to watch the braying Redshite fuckwits, as their side beat the tar shit out of Team White Lives Matter (7:30, Peacock). Christ in heaven, talk about a match only a mother(fucker) could love.”

I’m gonna say this to my wife with absolutely no context and see what her reaction is.
Anthony In TX

Hippo heartily approves of this fine idea!
King Hippo

She’ll probably just roll her eyes and say, “Is that from that one football dick joke website?”

She’s smart.
Anthony In TX

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Philadelphia street art

Gumbygirl

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I just don’t think I’m ready to go and sit in a stadium with a bunch of unmasked, maybe vaccinated people, since Lumen Field isn’t requiring proof of vaccination. I figure I would have had my panic attack at the herd of people at the ticket gates anyways – I wouldn’t have even made it to my seats tonight even if I thought I was ready.

So I got that going for me, which is nice.

How the fuck are y’all doin?
ThePirateSloth

If you’re vaccinated just go and wear a mask.

< style=”padding-left: 50px;”p>Nothing is going to change going forward anyway.
Mr. Ayo

Well that certainly does nothing for my anxiety, hah. We were so optimistic about things when we got vaccinated, we planned an Oct wedding. Probably gonna have to cancel it at this rate.
ThePirateSloth

My wife’s a minister, (internet), so how do you feel about a small Zoom wedding attended by a bunch of dick-joke and football enthusiasts, none of whom would be wearing pants?
Horatio Cornblower

Hey, I’m a minister too if you want to get all non denominational.
yeah right

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August 21, 2021 8:20 pm  [NOTE the times]
For fuck’s sake. Get Ju-Ju off the field.
the king in yellow

August 21, 2021 8:25 pm
I’m a Bengals fan, and even I’m questioning why he’s on the field. At this point, they have to be trying to get him hurt.
Redshirt

August 21, 2021 8:26 pm
Too late. He’s in the Blue Tent of Doom.
Redshirt

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Off to Chicago again, I am not sure they should show Jets games at the airport
Doktor Zymm

“This guy Mohammed, he’s really taking control of these Jets–what?”
herodotus450

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I’m getting shithoused-fucking-blind-hammered-wasted for season opener. Then I’m barfing on the dog and then I’m yelling: ‘THIS IS THE NEW NORMAL AROUND HERE YOU CHUCKLE FUCKS GET USED TO IT!”
jjfozz

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Bar Rescue Owners: “Hi. It’s our dream to own a bar, but with our credit, no one would lend us the money. So we got our daughter to buy the bar and go $80,000 into debt. But since we don’t know what we’re doing, our daughter won’t be able to go to college.”

Jon Taffer: “Let’s save this bar!”

Me: “Actually, I would like to discuss why two parents guilted their daughter and her educational and financial future by putting her $80,000 in debt with no return. Also, what evil lender would give a 22 year old with little credit that much money with no way to…”

Jon Taffer: “ WE’RE SAVING THE BAR!!!”

Me: “Sorry, it’s your show.”
Redshirt

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Was reading Ali Wong’s Dear Girls last night (hilarious & thought provoking, rec’d) and tittered to The Good Mrs. Reefer that Ali sure talked a lot about how bushy her vag was. She chuckled & agreed, then cocked an eyebrow at the copy of Yearbook (also good) on the nightstand that I had recently finished and quipped “Of course Seth and pretty much every other male comedian you like never talk about their dick or make jokes about them now, do they?”

TGMR: 9,753
BRL: 0
BeefReeferLives

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herodotus450

“WHERE ARE THE PILLS?!?”
WCS

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NFL Tidbit: Frank Gore, who broke the NFL’s color barrier in 1946, will finally retire in 2021.
scotchnaut

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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.

Stay busy and safe out there.

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