Sadly, we are on international break, so there is no Lesser Footy to discuss. No Lesser Footy of any consequence, anyway. Good thing the teevee folks managed to fanagle a strong Week One slate. Among the fixtures Hippo suggests watching:
Paedo State (+5.5) at Wisconsin (Noon, Fox)
Walking penis James Franklin is feeling a bit of heat in “I didn’t see nuthin'” Valley, and it couldn’t happen to a nicer guy. Quite titillating to see them as an underdog, though I’d bet against that line. For sure. But it would be (ass) blood money.
Stanford (+3.5) at Kansas State (Noon, FS1)
I dub this the Very Fucked-up Body Clock Bowl. Lookit all the RESPEK paid to the Unded Bill Snyders! Or is it just the Trees bandwagon emptying like a nightclub at 2:15?
Fresno State (+20.5) at Oregon (2:00, Pac12)
Is this too many points? WAY too many points. Third straight game kicking off at 11:00a local time, too.
Alabama (-19.5) v. Miami-FL @ Megatron’s Butthole (3:30, ABC)
This line is racing in favoUr of the Tide, and it seems the betting public is not buying the annual “No Really, This is the Year Da U is Back!!!1111” boomlet. Maybe they will start a fight, at least.
Indiana (+4) at Iowa (3:30, BTN)
I suspect we will watch MOAR of this than Roll Damn Tide doing its usual. Indiana is a trendy sleeper team, though playing away to Team Cornpone is a tough task. Especially to start the season.
Louisiana-Lafayette (+9) at Texas (4:30, Fox)
Steerfuckers South are the Miami-FL of the Southwest. They’ll beat the coolest character from True Blood (FUCK YOU, no name change is recognized here), and the hype machine will go into overdrive. Because the sportsball media NEVAR learns.
How did that take so long to review? That’s the most blatant targeting I’ve seen all year.
A friend’s brother started at Arizona doing band. Holy hell those kids out a lot of time into that.
Do college football coaches wear make up?
Something tells me crypto.com is going to end in scandal.
Has anyone ever stopped off at the world’s largest wooden nickel in Iowa? I have to assume it’s just the fucking worst but still considering it for tomorrow.
I saw the worlds largest replica cheese in Wisconsin. And a ginormous statue of the Jolly Green Giant in Minnesota.
I don’t remember why they called it replica cheese, but they did!
Always do that stuff. Even when it sucks, you’ve got something to compare the mediocre ones to.
I’ve learned to no longer worry about getting in like”optimal” experiences. Just go and make the best of it. My wife and I have been critiquing last nights ghost tour and kind of ranking the ones we’ve done. It was a thing to do while oven shopping this morning.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tcw326PJuDw
The previous play is under review. You don’t need to say “further”.
You’d think they’d try to be more appropriate considering these places advertise themselves as like premier educational institutions.
Honest to God, these safe helmets look better too. Old helmets look so bad in these new uniforms. The Cardinals have not been able to get a good modern uniform that works with that lame grandma’s Christmas card helmet.
THIS WISCONSIN DEFENSE, I CALL THEM LUCY RICARDO BECAUSE THEIR BULLSHIT SCHEMES ARE ABOUT TO PUT MERTZ IN AN UNCOMFORTABLE SITUATION AT HOME
Well done.
That’s how you get there.
Banner?
I’m surprised these uniforms in this Wisconsin Pennsylvania State game are even this modern.
Sinner just won the first set, but I believe this means that Monfils can sue him in Texas now.
You smell that? It’s fear from the Ducks! Fresno State just scored and narrowed the score. It’s now 3 – 14.
This September, let’s take a moment to reflect. In 44 minutes, Imaginary Pal WCS will go into a full West By God Virginia FITBAW season. BONE DRY.
The long awaited renewal of WVU-Maryland starts the season. Today is also my birthday. I’m ready to run through a bank vault’s wall.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aDACorIaxNw&ab_channel=Pantera
oh wow, they better do you proud!
My niece is at the Maryland game today.
Today is my brother’s birthday too. Yesterday was my sister’s, and Gumby’s was the 1st. Mine is the 26th. September b’days are the best! Happy birthday to you!
My old roommate’s birthday was yesterday, and wifey’s is the 18th. Everyone’s parents banged on New Years.
That’s it. Winter is cold, cuddlin’ leads to bangin’.
Is there a whiter song than “Jump Around?” And is it whiter when Wiscy or the SAWX do it??
UConn has a kid from Edmonton on D.
I expect our Western Canadian contingent to adjust their rooting interests accordingly.
/checks score
UConn has a defensive unit??
I think the offense is directly responsible for 14-21 of those points. One fumble return directly for a TD and couple of other turnovers that put the D in impossible situations.
That said, there is nothing about the UConn football program that would be considered “good”, or “competent”, or “meeting the bare minimum for an acceptable D-I program”, so your point is well taken.
In FARENESS, y’all did play a home and home with me Shitty Wolves awhile back. UConn 2, Shitty Wolves nil.
I see Fox is hyping the 9/11 Yankees/Mets game (that nobody will watch, b/c FITBAW). In lieu of the ceremonial first pitch, Rudy Giuliani will rub one out on the mound.
Nothing more satisfying than that last time they showed Rudy at a game and he was booed relentlessly.
Penn State scoring against 12th ranked Wisconsin is hardly the first time their football program has scored against something related to the number 12.
Who wants to see a Fat Guy Touchdown?
https://twitter.com/NoEscalators/status/1434212608232632322
I was told there was a pot roast in the endzone. Coach is a liar
“I said there WAS a pot roast there. Took you too long.” — Andy Reid, dabbing his face with a napkin.
My rise to power will begin with my platform that teevee commercials must proactively mute themselves, and can only be heard if the viewer explicitly unmutes them. The best part is, after it takes effect, no one will be able to hear the attack ads by my opponents complaining about “corruption” and “taxpayer funded Tijuana donkey shows.”
Why in Christ’s name would you name a male child “Skylar?” Just try again, maybe you will get the girl type you wanted.
I believe that the male version is ‘Schuyler’, but either way, little Sky better learn to throw a punch.
“Novak Djokovic has a chance to make history” is the “Jerome Bettis is from Detroit” of this year’s U.S. Open coverage.
I love me some Gus Johnson, but I can’t abide him openly rooting FOAR the Paedos.
Agreed. Two things though:
1) Great seeing him enjoying the hell out of the student section bumping to “Jump Around” and 2) God DAMN can the man wear a suit.
So Army can play football now?
I believe they’re on the upswing now. New coach or something.
I’m told it’s a hell of a place to see a game. Someday I’ll try to confirm that.
Looks pretty. How many maga hats would you see in the parking lot? Honest question.
I’m not sure if the military academies have a policy on that, but I’d probably go ahead and take the Over to be safe.
I want Nishikori to beat Djokovic, but it’s hard to support this fashion crime he’s sporting of teal, pink, and maroon.
Eh, that’s really more of a burgundy.
Fair enough, and you could probably call the teal “aqua” or something, but bottom line is it’s an ugly combination.
Bad FITBAW still beats good sex.
/says the Hippo who can barely remember what any sex is like, let alone good sex
Someone switch the hippo’s pills with a little blue one
“Football and sex are the same. You have to overpower the defense.” — Ben R., Pittsburgh
This right here is banner worthy for all the wrong reasons.
No. Just no.
Well, Mister Man, I’d like to see you play Footy Manager during the conjugal act
“Hold on baby, I’m almost there!”
“Oh, yeah, are you gonna cum!?’
“Cum? What? No! I’ve almost got Mbappe signed to Pretend Arsenal! What the hell are you talking about?”
UConn is down 3 to Holy Cross in the 3rd.
They play Clemson on 11/13. Good god.
When does basketball season start?
Not soon enough.
For all you second-half bettors, Sandusky’s Thumpers (defense) have been on the field for most of the first half. Wisco should be up at least 10-0 by now. The dam might burst in the second half in a big way. The Badgers’ Clemson transfer RB has been gashing them on the ground already. He’s bound to break a big one.
Just saw the Applebee’s Date Nightmare ad.
I can’t find the mute button fast enough. I’m deathly afraid of what happens to me if I hear the entire ad.
If you play it three times in a row while standing in front of a mirror Candy Man appears and stuffs an undercooked steak down your throat and cold fries up your nose.
“That doesn’t happen.” – Andy Reid, with a voice gone hoarse from having tried it so many times
Well, at least Tulane had a good first quarter.
They made Oklahoma look like an average team for that quarter.
I’d like to say “and then the floodgates opened” but I’d hate for y’all to think me insensitive.
I kind of want to watch Holy Cross/UConn now.
Probably the best game to watch while cutting yourself.
Be hard to be MOAR “watching flies fuck” than Wiscy/Paedos has been.
Paedo State’s defensive coordinator seems to have NO EYEBROWS. Freak like that ain’t gonna draw the hot 12-year olds to camp.
UT’s Hudson Card sure could edumacate you on what’s REALLY in those globalist vaccines, I bet…
Biden’s CDC should (wink, wink) come out and recommend Ivermectin, just to get the anti-vaxxers to stop taking it.
If only someone said you need to take that paste and massage it into the prostrate, and if you can’t reach up there, get your friend to help you.
Invermectin is so last week. The cool kids are into Brazilian viper venom now.
The anti-vaxxers would probably just weird flex over to empty potato chip bags or somesuch.
Football should really adopt the “gimmie” part of golf; instead of a touchdown and moving on with our lives, we get to watch 3 different pointless replays for 5 minutes to decide that it was in fact a touchdown.
So should baseball. If the throw clearly beat you to the base, you’re out. I don’t care if the sweep tag didn’t actually touch the runner.
“Common sense” and “baseball” don’t much go together. Especially under Galactical Disgrace Rob Manfred
Following the NHL’s strategy of hiring a guy who clearly hates the sport as commissioner is gonna pay off big, just you wait.
So, I have the app to listen to the Wrexham games. They allowed a goal and were down one going into the half. I’m the second half, they allowed another goal. It looked bleak.
Immediately following the goal they allowed, they scored within a minute, now down by one. They then scored again to tie it up, and that was the final score 2 – 2.
Wrexham is still undefeated with one win and 3 ties.
Does Sweet Dee do the coloUr??
It’s all Great British sounding to me. So whoever is on the Mixlr app.
Dee wasn’t available because of…reasons
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pmH34M6UPwc
After a full year off the Reedley Fucking Tigers football team is back in action today! Two consecutive Golden Coast championships have allowed Reedley to be promoted into a state league.
Today they travel to Stockton to play San Joaquin Delta College.
Imagine my surprise learning there is a delta in Stockton.
There is no delta in Stockton.
Coach nephew is also the new assistant offensive coordinator.
Bet they got tired of his seconaries eating up the first-team offense in scrimmages! GO FOOKIN’
RIDLEYREEDLEYIsn’t that the school Kurt Russell played for in those Disney movies of yore?
I heard that Snake Plissken is dead.
Impossible. He can’t be killed.
Reedley college is not too far from me. If they play a home game and you go, hit me up in Slack. I’ll meet up with you.
They named it for the variant.
FINALLY, I can get back to the post without site logging me out. Daggum interweb gremlins!
I still want to change the login page so that instead “Remember Me” it says “WITNESS ME!!!”
Had the same problem yesterday. Forced you to log in then when you went to the home page you weren’t logged in.
I had issues too, but I figured it was just my own dumbass.
I had problems yestiddy, was bragging that they are all better now. I’ll be damned if I didn’t just spend ten minutes chasing my tail tryna log in again!
I am about to engage in a horrific project of cleaning the carpet in my garage. This means I have to move every single weight I own among a million other things. Dear God why am I doing this to myself?
thats ROCKING!
A neighboUrhood kid is coming by next weekend to take EVERYTHING (except my cats’ beanbag chair) to the dump. I am so very excited.
“Hey cmon mister, you told me to take everything (whack) it was just a little bottle with some white things in it”
I really DO wonder how much of my moved-out kid’s drug paraphenalia he’ll find…
Shoulda put field turf in there, like I suggested years ago.
The carpet is fantastic it’s just that after ten years it’s more dirt than carpet now. Kind of like…um…Buddy Cole, give me a name to work with here.
I am not even going to ask why the fuck you have carpet in your garage.
Why the fuck do you have carpet in your garage?
In an act of solidarity, I will also move every weight I own.
[warms up with a set of jumping jacks and squat thrusts]
[scans house]
[sits back down on couch]
We’ll, I’m done. How’s it going on your end?
I have some boxes of wine that are kind of heavy, do those count?
Time to kill, so a light parlay du hippopotamus is in order. I went Paedo+5.5/U 49.5 with Stanford +134. One gets me seven.
Stanford looks like an ass-on-shit sandwich, I’m afraid.
Worth a buck, anyway 🤓. For penance, I’ll pick up an extra carload of JMU Greeks tonight in my Uber adventures.
Tulane looking good out the gate with an INT. The Oklahoma QB has a bro-douche vibe going on.
found a funny;
Joe Rogan looks like the middle picture on an Animorphs cover of a guy turning into a fire hydrant
In tennis action today, Djokovic-Nishikori will get all the attention, but I doubt Kei can do more than take a set off him. I of course am interested in Shapovalov-Harris, but I know nothing about Harris’s game. The most intriguing matchups on the men’s side are Monfils-Sinner, Zverev-Sock, and I’ve got a good feeling about Karatsev-Brooksby.
Don’t really have much to say about the women’s matches today. Of course another Canuck, Andreescu, is playing. Kvitova-Sakkari could be good, and is the first match on Arthur Ashe 30 minutes from now. The young British phenom Raducanu is playing this afternoon.
Dunstan’s man-crush on Jack “Gym” Sock continues unabated.
Not my first choice, but sometimes you just have to resort to the Jack Sock. He’s always there when you need him.
What time is his match? I need to know when to put Jack Sock on.
dude is PSYCHED!!!!
thats Rocking!
https://twitter.com/TennisChannel/status/1434038082613899271
I watched most of that one. A great match — both guys played well, and Tiafoe played an attacking style that you don’t see as much as you’d like these days. And of course he worked the crowd well. Also dropped a f-bomb during the post-match interview, which always amuses me.
Of course he plays Canadian Felix Auger-Aliassime in the next round, so I’ll be cheering against him this time.
“You can have my day-old onion rings when you rip then from my cold, dead hands” is not a thing that has ever been said.
Here’s what you get drafting 5th (mock) in an eight man league
Allen, Cousins
Taylor, Gibson, Mixon, Robinson and Javontae
Kupp, Higgins, Jeudy and Rice Paper Smith (DeVonta)
Hockenson, Tonyan
I was given a ‘C’.
“Too bad for you. I was given a ‘D'” — Buddy Cole
I wish someone would give me some E. I guess some K would be okay, too.
I haven’t watched ESPN’s Game Day for a while, and is it just me or is Lee Corso really starting to slip?
He started to show signs of professionalism?
We used to run into him all the time when we lived in Florida. He and Gumby blocked the aisles at Albertsons talking about football. He’s really nice.
I’m trying hard not to take this as a personal insult, but I can’t help notice that Hippo left the UConn-Holy Cross line off the list.
For the record, UConn is favored by a whopping 3 points over Holy Cross, an FCS school playing their first game of the season AT UConn.
I would take Holy Cross and the points.
My aunt’s first husband played for Holy Cross back in the 1960s. Typical jock, knocked up Aunt Jeri, married her, knocked her up again to show he meant it the first time, then they were divorced. He ended up as a guidance counselor at the local HS where just about everyone in my immediate family attended. He told my cousin she needed to steer her oldest towards the jobs program because he wasn’t smart enough for college (high end Aspergers). That’s the kid that’s currently finishing up his PhD in microbiology or something at some UConn medical campus in Hartford. He’s pretty socially retahded but is wicked smaht.
Fuck Uncle Dave.
The guidance counsellors at my high school were real pieces of work. One guy was a known drunk, with the gin blossom nose, who carried around a thermos whose contents were more or less an open secret. The rest were mostly lazy, the kind who would look at a student’s grades and say “well, your best grade is in math, you should probably major in math in college.” Ok, thanks for the keen professional insight, pal. They were shameless cheerleaders for the mediocre local university — one of the blissfully few times I had to speak with any of them was when they wanted to know why I hadn’t applied there. (One of the other times was when they hassled me for not wanting to do a particular extracurricular.)
I’ve always thought that’s a premise ripe for a satirical sitcom. I’ve got the title picked out: “Misguided.”
Forgot about these ladies.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qyVSKydUxKk
Best album title of all time.
Should be “Take Some Ivemectin and Blow it etc etc.” to be more contemporary.
For your consideration:
Yo La Tengo’s “I Am Not Afraid Of You, And I Will Beat Your Ass”. Title apparently taken from a conversation on the Knicks bench during a timeout, and overheard on the television broadcast. Tim Thomas told Stephon Marbury, “Everyone in this organization is afraid of you, but I’m not, and I will beat your ass.” No word on Marbury’s retort.
Not necessarily the *best* album title, but I’m partial to Lambchop’s 2004 2-album releases “Aw C’mon” and “No You C’mon.”
That is interesting because the name of the band itself was taken from a (Mets?) centerfielder learning those words so he wouldn’t get run over by a teammate.
Yes!
That song is so fucking good.
My job requires me to work most weekends, but if I get the new job, I’ll have weekends off. Hopefully this is a preview, because my kid starts soccer later this month and I want to go to all of her games!
HT Live Bets!! $20 on Kazahkstan (+875), $40 on Landskrona BoIS (+265). HAIL GAMBLOR!!!
In all seriousness I would like to see a list in the NFL of who is vaxxed and who is nae for FF purposes.
So Question to whoever is in the clubhouse, does D Hop not being vaxxed drop him in your draft queue?
Yes. Yes, it does. Not off the Board, but clearly down arrowed. I was always unlikely to pay his market value, anyway.
We did a haunted ghost tour in Boulder city last night. My wife is into that bullshit and I got to be outdoors but it was their inaugural running and it was not very good. Frankly, I don’t see what’s so hard about just making up stories about a place. We went to Savanah for Halloween one year and all those houses had it down.
I’m thinking of opening a competing for with a better storyline.
Was there booze? Or weed? I agree, you could just make up all sorts of stuff about places and people will buy in
There was no gambling, anyway.
“Boulder City is one of only two places in Nevada that prohibits gambling” sez Wiki.
You should have asked if any of those lil’ fuckers pop out and say, “Fuck, there’s a horse cock in my room!”
https://youtu.be/DAN0OCagHzQ
I just finished watching the Brisbane-Western Semi Final and BOY what a game!!
I did nae get it on TSN. Booooooo