Ain’t it grand? International bullshit is over (but NOT MANDATORY London NFL WOO!!!!), and there is no reason to leave your couch/recliner except to piss and/or re-caffeinate. Let us begin.
Are you waking/baking early to watch the goddamned fuckass Redshite beat up on our poor Moose Hornets (7:30, Peacock)? Don’t be that guy, especially if you’re a woman!
Foxes/Red Devils is a tastier treat (10:00, USA), with Villa/Wolves not a bad flipping option (10:00, NBCSN). Other 10a fixtures are streaming, but all are too fuckety/non-competitive to mention.
Spotlight Dance is Praise Beesus! time, as Brentford welcome Chelski (12:30, NBC). An intense tactical battle, between two striver managers. I am expecting the most titillating Draw of ALL TIME!
I don’t even have to watch most of my Toffees lose to Fronk/Moyes’ Hammers on Sunday (9:00, NBCSN). MANDATORY London duty takes precedence inshallah. Arsenal and Palace have early Monday Night Footy (3p, NBCSN) covered.
Fair do, Hippo usually forgets to so much mention the rest of the Lesser-verse. But the European struggles of Barca and Real Cuntfaces of Madrid? el perfecto! I am enjoying the more socialistic La Liga, too. Real lead a 3-way tie on goal differential at the top – and Barca are way down in 9th position. The only undefeated side? Villareal, naturally. They’re in 11th (2 wins, 5 draws).
Wakezilla: While we were on the international footy break– which by the way, if you haven’t seen this incredible and sexy goal by Alphonso Davies, click on that hyperlink, followed by the equally funny Panamanian reaction to the goal– a super computer predicted how the EPL table would end. The results are. . . interesting:
A few eyebrow raising notes from this:
– Look at Chelski’s goals against. According to this Super Computer, Chelsea will only concede one more goal over the next 31 games.
– Blood Oil City is going to concede 11 goals all season and they’re going to lose 6 games and draw TEN.
-7 teams are going to concede fewer than 20 goals the entire season. Four of those teams will match or break Chelski’s fewest goals conceded in a single season record.
– Wolves are going to score 12 more goals in the next 31 games and somehow finish 10th with 52 points, while going undefeated on the road. That’s a lot of 0-0 draws ahead.
-Southhampton is going to draw 17 times at home and Brentford is going to make the top 4.
I think this Supercomputer has a super virus. . , . . .
Of course, JV NFL remains in full force…
UPDATE – Here is me bets, all moneyline: Boston College ($50 at +130); Virginia Tech ($60 at +175); Missouri ($50 at +320); Kansas State ($50 at +210).
Central Florida (+21.5) at Cincinnati (Noon, ABC)
Team JV WKRP, meet Trap Game. Trap Game (and Hitler Mice), meet Team JV WKRP. I’m not sure these here Mice-sess have a real quartered back, so there might be a limit as to trappiness. Remember Trapper Keepers? Those were dope as fuck.
Auburn (+4.5) at Arkansas (Noon, CBS)
This will likely be a much better matchup than the main event. Winner gets early line on becoming “Best of the Rest” or whatever they call that in the SEC. I just know it MEANS MOAR. I have a bit of a War Damn Eagle feeling here. Can’t shake it, will likely bet. HAIL GAMBLOR!
Oklahoma State (+4) at Texas (Noon, Fox)
I am expecting Steerfuckers South to unload a can of pent-up anger on BDSM State. Fortunately, a little discipline is always welcome in Stillwater. Judges them in WASP.
Texas A&M (+9) at Missouri (Noon, SECN)
I will spare y’all a repeat of the trappist nonsense above. Suffice to say, my spidey senses are tingling. That may or may not just be a stroke. Will page Charmslinger for nanobubbles.
Kenfucky (+21.5) at Georgia (3:30, CBS)
I immensely enjoy the symmetry of this line with Hitler Mice/WKRP. I am not sure either team will manage three touched downs, the grand total last year was 17 – and each defensing unit has gotten quite a bit better.
BYU (+6) at Baylor (3:30, ESPN)
What a delightfully strange matchup! One side has free license to rape (maybe also pillage?), the other ain’t even allowed a cup of coffee. You could also call this the Aggressive Evangelism Derby. If either the Mormons or the Baptists come to your door, just tell them you are Catholic, or LeVey-ian Satanist. Stop that conversation before it starts. And why are you answering the door, anyway? It’s NEVAR anything good, dumbass.
Shout-out to the guy with the “Billy and the Clone-asaurus” shirt.
Florida hit a Hail Mary, looks like, to end the first half.
/surveying my teenager’s absolutely filthy bedroom this morning
Me: “Son, you don’t have to live like this.”
SUDDEN CHANGE FOR THE PICKENSESESES
Lace job by Chilwell
Arby’s rib sandwich looks good, but I’m still trying to pass the grease from their Loaded Curly Fries Sandwich from about five years ago.
Even to this day, when I sweat, you can still smell the curly fries on me.
WE HAVE… THE GREASE,
It’s not even 10 am on a Saturday, and I’ve already completed the enormous task of grocery shopping. I deserve some pancakes and bacon now.
Don’t forget the bourbon.
I did buy eggnog today for the first time this year.
Looking at the EPL table I am 100% on board with the barcodes getting relegated.
*tunes in to see iu has a lead over a top ten team*
*IU promptly throws a pick six*
*tunes out*
<blockquote class=”twitter-tweet”><p lang=”en” dir=”ltr”>Didn't realize "bottomless" mimosas referred to the drink and not the dress code, my apologies to everyone in this airport.</p>— Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) <a href=”https://twitter.com/ConanOBrien/status/1449411314426818566?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw”>October 16, 2021</a></blockquote> <script async src=”https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js” charset=”utf-8″></script>
The fact that this guy doesn’t have a late night talk show is sad.
His original writers room was a fucking POWERHOUSE.
That’s Bob Odenkirk, Dave Reynolds, Robert Smigel, Andy Richter, Marsh McCall, Louis CK, Dino Stamatopolous, and Mike Gordon.
Announcer: “Decent protection for the quarterback.”
Pocket: Destroyed
Free Rushers: 4
Quarterback: Running for Life
I didn’t know Joe Buck called college games.
WVU is a 2.5 underdog to Bye Week State. Place your bets accordingly, Hippo.
Ok St v Horns down or my hate derby on NBC hmmmmm.
Afternoon, lizard people. It’s Hot Sauce Expo day! I am about 10 sauces in and two drinks in. It’s a sparser event this year due to covid but considering I have to leave around 3:45 to pick up Senorita Weaselo that’s fine with me.
Also we didn’t fuck up dumpings last night. Other than we might have made too many, and yet ate them all. Pan-fried>boiled.
My ears might deceive, but it sounds like the team from Cincinnattus has a guy named Sauce Gardner. I like to see him and Taco Charleton on the same team
Having Frostee Rucker anchoring the defensive line would be the proverbial cherry on top.
Sauce Gardner is not at the hot sauce expo.
Okay, now I’m hungry.
Thread idea: Tasty sounding names and/or nicknames.
There’s a guy on Alabama who’s officially listed as “Koolaid” as his (nick)name.
I just noticed the score bar now has the school name completely spelled out as “Cincinnati” instead of “Cincy”. Almost like being #3 and in the playoff conversation as allowed the city to finally earn the honor of being associated with the Society of the Cincinnati.
Now if they lose in the Regular Season, they may get related all the way down to “Losantiville”, or maybe even “Losy”.
The cost of petrol is sky high, thanks to Comrade Abramovich and his friends. If you value saving some money at the pump, support your local bee colony!
Litrepug got a gift basket when we got him. It included a bumblebee outfit.
We need a picture! And one of you wrasslin’ him into the costume.
Wrexham survives the first game of the FA cup with a tie goal in the 95th minute. Man, that was some serious worry upon my face this morning.
Go go Fightin’ Deadpools!
Time to do some chores, then I can watch some JV action.
Poor planning. You had two non-football days of the week to do your chores!
Yeah, but taking care of the boy, housework, cooking, shopping and helping the wife out has severely limited my time to do chores that benefit me. But I got them done (decided they can be done tomorrow) and penciled through them on my list.
But you are right, sorry about the venting.
No problem. That’s what I’m here for. Well that and be able to claim that DFO is bipartisan.
Well, have a 15 minutes, Wolves
My buddy is at that game and said the 1st half was great for insomnia. A couple sudden changes though!
And turn the channel to see the Wolves score!
I just love hearing how Alabama can make it into the Playoffs by winning the SEC and how the Big 10 could have 2 teams in the Playoffs, but #3 Cincinnati still needs help to make a four-team playoff bracket. Now I know I’m suffering from an Ohio Public School education, but I’m pretty certain that 3 is less than or equal to 4.
But JV Bengals vs. JV Breakers is most definitely a trap game. Before UCF’s QB went down, this would’ve been a closely contested game. Now with UCF hurting, there’s always a chance UC could be caught in Cruise Control Mode.
However, since UC is being told they need “statement wins”, that could motivate them to go Old School and start running up the score. However, a team can only do that so much before they get burned out.
Starting to really see Wakey’s point about the lack of a defensive midfielder. They’ve been like wet tissue paper the last 30 minutes.
My word, with a beard like that, David de Gea should be serving me tea in a Cape Town cafe, not attempting to play goalkeeper. These Iberians are becoming more uncivilized every day!
I mean the Moors tried.
The Moops!
Wow, what a flurry of goals.
Seriously! That kind of shit usually only happens in Footy Manager
Nice reaction speed to get the goal.
Not Baylor.
Mrs. In TX went to Baylor, back before the good football and bad raping. She was actually there for a good education, not for the hypocritical “Christian” student groups.
She doesn’t wear Baylor gear very often these days.
That’s a decent first draft, but we really need to think of a better slogan for Post-Me-Too Men.
Ole looks grumpy, liek he’s thinking and I put on a suit for ye cunts today
I can appreciate Ole’s frustration. I put on a suit everyday and I still can’t get any respect from those troublesome Zulus!
James Madison seems like a bigger diva than our 4th President, of the same name, and that’s saying something.
Napoleon Complex before Napoleon. Or after…but he did it in MURRIKA so suck it Frenchie libtard!!!
William Henry Harrison was diva enough to win in ’22…. if America didn’t oppress all white men so much.
And diva enough to give that long of a speech and die a month later!
Great “douchey facial hair” standoff between DeGea and Maddison
http://modernfarmer.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/bee-skep.jpg
https://modernfarmer.com/2013/05/how-to-build-a-bee-skep/
If I am going to be a farmer (I’m not) then I want to bee a modern farmer!
The climate in SF is probably better for your bees than Chicago
Just don’t let that natural Doktor instinct lead you to cross-breeding even murderier murder hornets.
Nah, I’m gonna go for cute, fuzzy murder hornets!
I would be remiss not to point out that UConn plays Yale today at noon. This is probably UConn’s best chance for a win this season.
When I was an undergrad we would rent buses and go down to the Yale bowl and tailgate for the game. We’d bring kegs and grills and never even go to the game.
It wasn’t until I was in law school that I realized where the actual stadium was.
“Oh Muffy, look over there, somewhere a circus must be missing their complement of sad clowns” – Jeffery B. Assholington III.
I thought of previewing it. Had it been in the 3:30 window…
/great thing is, it will STILL be televised nationally
“WHATEVER! WE’RE A WOMEN’S BASKETBALL SCHOOL ANYWAYS!
Now, do you want to hear me talk nonstop about how different it is being a 3L?!!!”
Go bees!
When I was searching for this picture, google helpfully asked if I wanted to shop for bees.
So are you buying some bees?
Don’t get the shiny black ones, their stings really hurt and I have yet to find any honey in their hives. = P. Bear 100 Acre Woods
Didn’t realize Pooh hung out with Gruden.
Where else will he find a place constantly stuck with a 50’s and 60’s mindset?
I should! But they only linked to clothing with pictures of bees, so lame.
Pollinate!
Pollinate!
Dance to the music!
Ric Flair has spent a lifetime cheating on his wives, not paying his taxes, and verging on bankruptcy while pretending to be insanely rich, and people are surprised he supports Trump.
Has anyone ever seen Dog the Bounty Hunter and Ric Flair in the same room?
Dog makes me root for violent criminals.
Brother do you need a smoke? God be with you brah.
That was a beauty as well.
First was remarkable for its skill, equalizer for the degree of difficulty.
I don’t think I could do that with a 7-iron.
I was thinking of Waino’s best 12-to-6 curveball, or maybe that strike 3 on Beltran in the NLCS
Look at Leicester, thinking that they’re people!
Man, we sure picked the right fixture to watch!
For some reason I can only get the spanish broadcast. I’m OK with this.
ManUre with a strike from hell!
that’s what they call a worldy
What a goal.
I just hope Mrs. Wakey is around to take care of that erection (come HT, obvs)
That’s 16 minutes away; I’m sure he’ll come before then. What is this, porn?
If I was in West London today the gap between derbies is longer than the walk from Craven Cottage to the new Lego Brentford stadium. Says it is an hour and a half walk. That’s time for beer pit stops too!
Does this mean you have to support the Bees today?
Nope. Meteor. Or a nil nil draw
Great, looks like NBCSN is celebrating National Stick Your Tongue Up teh Redshite’s Arse day
Boom, a third!!!!
HOW
BOUT
THEM
COTTAGERS
Beating QPR is as sweet as my first kiss at Big Bend State Park when I was 14.
Awwwww, it was special for me, too! – Marc T., Parts Unknown
Look, if your first kiss wasn’t with a drifter in smeared clown makeup who smelled weirdly like cat food, I just feel sorry for you.
If that drifter ever ended up in Northern Ontario they are dead now.
He’ll never die in my heart.
Oh, Scotchy probably still has his heart around somewhere.
Trophies don’t grow on trees.
MITROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Dropped $20 on St. Pauli at +800, 5 minutes into the 2nd half.
Grrrlz scored THREE in the next 10 minutes. This is why we HAIL GAMBLOR
You bought a six-pack of St. Pauli Girls for $20 and drank three in ten minutes?
You’re getting ripped off, have bad taste in beer, and might have a drinking problem.
I told you HIppo.
Damn it, Whitey, you had ONE JERB
Oh we are baaaad at 2nd halves lately. This shit will 100% ruin my day because I have a problem.
We put in an offer on a house yesterday morning. Then our agent let us know, after we spent all of Thursday with her (AND DID AIRLINE TRAVEL), that she swabbed hot for the ‘Rona.
So that was a nice distraction from sitting and and waiting on the response.
It’s very nice oOt this AM. So, of course, it’s administrative work day.
My jam for administrative work days:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=3XGAmPRxV48
Why bother? Is just all gonna get hurricaned again. Go have fun.
“Looks gorgeous, but what’s with all the Puerto Ricans?”
-Gruden, J. Email #347.
Gooooollll Mitroooooo
Looking like #WhiteVictory this morning
Oh my internet friend it could turn Fulhamish any minute
You were 1 for 3 Thursday, but YamsFC got yinz back on track
I will take Cavs, YamsFC, and Mightey Whitey wins that’s for sure.
Newcastle are now richer than the other 19 teams combined. Fuck I hope they get relegated this season.
Now that would be funny.
There is NEVER a good reason to answer the door if you’re not expecting anyone.
Believe me, the police will kick the door down if you don’t open it when they knock.
Well, fuck the barcodes I guess. But bigger, jesus, how can the premier league allow mbs to own one of their teams?
At least maga dickheads have a new team to pull for.
I am waiting for an opposing crowd to start a Where’s my bonesaw? chant
Wait a minute, I am up at 6:30 in the morning and there isn’t even lesser footy to watch? Blargh.