Time To Get Away – 6 November 2021 Lesser Goodness

Look, I have given up on human society.  It just gets worse by the day.  Retreat into the only consistently (well, mostly consistent) good thing in life, sportsball!  I also heard the best cover ever on the radio this week, just edging out my previous shempion (“Mrs. Robinson” by The Lemonheads):

Who’s ready for some Premiership?  Another fucking international break next week UGH.

I mean, the Manchester Derby is worth waking up fer.  But good news!  Our daylight saving time still legs England’s, so ain’t super early (8:30, NBCSN).  Ole hasn’t often had to trade his cheshire cat grin for his Very Disappointed Dad face in this matchup…but that might change this season.  Then again, Pep’s crew ain’t exactly in peak form, neither.  Everybody say Wakey’s name thrice so he shows up!

The 10:00 window is likewise at 11:00 for us.  Only Palace/Wolves are being broadcast (NBCSN), but one can stream Chelsea/Burnley or Bees/Trashbirds, depending on your personal masochism level.

Spotlight dance?  Brighton and House of Saud FC (1:30, NBC)?  Meh.

Three games at 9:00 on Sunday, led by New Manager Bump Spurs kicking the tar shit out of my Toffees (NBCSN).  Leeds and Leicester (Peacock) looks better for the neutral.  Will Fronk’s boys be a legitimate contender this season, in a fairly open Prem?  Beating the Vile Redshite this Sunday would be quite the marker laid down (11:30, NBCSN).

JV pickins be slim as fuck.  Feel free to nap.

Wake Forest (+2.5) at U*NC (Noon, ABC)

I hate previewing these monkeyfuckers, but Hippo needs a Deacs win badly.  State goes to Winston-Salem next week, and they need them at full Billy Big Bollocks for my Shitty Wolves to have any shot whatsoever.  This is a non-conference game, because 2020s.

Ohio State (-14.5) at Nebraska (Noon, Fox)

Yes, the options were shite, but even so…the dross that Fox national picked.  I guess this could be a banana skin?  Scott Frost is 100% a ded man walking, even if he pulls a shocker here.  MOAR LIEK all in teh stink imo.

Kansas State (-24.5) at Kansas (Noon, FS1)

Yes, that’s really the spread.  Failure Pile in a Sadness Bowl, chuh chuh.

Michigan State (-3) at Purdue (3:30, ABC)

Now this?  THIS is a legitimate banana skin fixture.  Sparty is high as high can be, and they do NOT have the overwhelming personnel advantages of a tOSU or Okiehoma.  Buyer beware.

Auburn (+4.5) at Texas A&M (3:30, CBS)

Second position in the SEC West?  It just means MOAR obvs.  But shit, at least we get a match between two half-decent squadrons.

Mississippi State (+4.5) at Arkansas (4:00, SECN)

Look, if you can’t get interested in Dread Pirate Mike Leach’s Cowbells against Jerral’s Pig Sooey bunch?  Just go down the tracks already, quit playing for attention.

I’d like to say it gets better tonight, but…no.  Sorry for lying earlier, this is the most consistent goodness:

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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NotShogunButShogun

Imma bout to adopt this dog. S/he will be pampered forever. Such a voice. Mike Patton weeps.

NotShogunButShogun

That means imma steal. We can sing forever!

Fronkenshteen

Love knowing that Greene will only advance so far up the right wing ladder due to her butterface. Boebert, on the other hand, will thrive because people want to cum between her (fake) tits. Politics is so sophisticated.

Redshirt

Personal Foul, hurt feels, defense!

Doktor Zymm

Hong Kong milk tea ice cream is yummy

herodotus450

purdue actually the best team in the big ten?

Redshirt

“What is the College Football’s excuse for putting MSU at #5 and keeping UC at #6 (assuming they win), and for the love of God, Aaron, either wear a mask or keep your distance!?”

NotShogunButShogun

Pretty sure even when he’s cleared, distance from him won’t be an issue. Folks will get closer to Superfund sites willingly.

NotShogunButShogun

It’s like 3 stooges at this point.

WCS

3rd and 33? JV NFL BLITZ!

herodotus450

Two ACC teams, Wake and UNC, played, but it doesnt count as an ACC game? WEIRD.

Senor Weaselo

How the shit does that make sense?

2Pack

Well that does it for Wake Forest

Don T

It begins
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NotShogunButShogun

That was a no-brainer. Much like him.

Horatio Cornblower

Sounds like Rodgers might actually need some discounts soon, since his double-checks are gonna be halved.
/Yes, I do hate myself for this pun. Thank you for asking.

WCS

Can we just get this shitshow going? I’m already wound up; just cut to the part where they break my soul again so I can throw up and be done with it.

Senor Weaselo

Illinois: 2-0 vs. Top 25 teams, 2-6 against everyone else. Well done.

WCS

BERT gonna BERT

herodotus450

Ohio State receiver: has 15 catches for hundreds of yards.
Nebraska defense: Maybe he’s tired, let’s not cover him.

Fronkenshteen

Pretty sure I just saw a Bonesaws supporter wearing a Saudi Arabian flag like a cape.

Horatio Cornblower

You sure it wasn’t someone’s skin?

NotShogunButShogun

Blake Bortles is still a thing‽ oh the timeline darkens!

NotShogunButShogun

He’s J Love’s backup. I must to cry.

scotchnaut

The NFL’S commitment to recycling is worthy of admiration.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Just another example of the NFL caving to the liberal woke mob.” – Aaron Rodgers

scotchnaut

Woke Forest teaching Upper Calalacky a few things.

Gumbygirl

Gumby and I are in the very early stages of house hunting. It’s going to have to be a condo, because poor+ California. We’re going to go take a ride today and scope out a few likely spots. I won’t be home until much later, enjoy the jayvee’s!

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Given the good sir Gumby’s health status, a condo is probably a better option anyways. Having to deal with external house stuff is a pain in the ass.

yeah right

Been doing this 23 and Me DNA thing for awhile and I got a message yesterday from someone who said she might be a cousin. Turns out her grandmother and my great grandmother were sisters. Both named Kennedy and both from Ireland. I finally found someone who might give me more intel on my Irish roots.

Pretty cool.

scotchnaut

Can’t wait to see your boiled seaweed recipe in a future Sunday Gravy post.

Gumbygirl

Needs more potatoes, 8/10.

2Pack

Everybody has Sunday Gravey on their mind. Serious nod to you sir. On that note, I got an idea too. As admin I think you have access to my email. Drop me a note and I’ll run it by you.

yeah right

Found you! Message sent.

scotchnaut

WCS gonna watch the West Virginia game on one of those projector tv’s. The screen will be the bare backs of Norwegian supermodels flown in specifically for this purpose. Minke whale sushi will be consumed afterwards, as per his new demands.

Last edited 3 years ago by scotchnaut
Don T

Wonderful to see a fellow Hello! fan. Look how well they captured Dakota Jeebuscomment image

litre_cola

Vancouver, end of January Canada v USA in futbol. Any one want to meet me there? (I will be there)

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I kinda do.

scotchnaut

Pitt/Duke is entertaining-two long bombs, a kickoff return and a long-ish qb scramble for scores.

Anthony In TX

I just burped and farted at the same time.

My stupid ex-girlfriend always said I’d never amount to anything. Well who’s laughing now, Georgina? Huh? WHO’S LAUGHING NOW?

Mr. Ayo

Everyone in the [DFO] clubhouse who just witnessed that.

Last edited 3 years ago by Mr. Ayo
Don T

You dated a 65+ aunt? ‘Cause that’s all the Georgiona’s I’ve met.
Not kink shaming at all. I myself have a thing for Shalimar with Purina overtones.

yeah right

You ain’t lying. Had an aunt Georgiana.

Been stone dead going on 20 some years now. She had a thing for a cold Olympia in the ring top cans.

Gumbygirl

My mom loved Shalimar! I thought it was gross, but perfume is a very subjective thing.

Anthony In TX

Her name was Georgina Ruth. Her sisters were Serena Sylvia and Diana Louisa. Her parents were AWFUL at naming children.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

He was only 48. He had a court date in a week, but claimed he was too sick for the trial to start. Turns out he was telling the truth!

Horatio Cornblower

First (and last) time for eveything.

scotchnaut

There be a kid on UNC that goes by the name of Storm Duck.

scotchnaut

Sorry, Storm *uck.

Senor Weaselo

“That’s 7torm.” -Young Kaepernick

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So…<i>next</i> week is infrastructure week, right? Cause I don’t think I could handle another week like this last one we just had.

litre_cola

Our Serbian talisman again!!!!!

Redshirt

Okay, Cincinnati showed up for Gameday and was pretty good.

Here’s hoping the team doesn’t lay an egg.

WCS
Senor Weaselo

More importantly: You guys need a string quartet?

scotchnaut

WCS will be be too busy sailing to The Maldives in his pangolin-skin yacht, sipping The Macallan Select Reserve 1946 smoothies the entire way.

litre_cola

This is superb work scotchy

Gumbygirl

Fancy schmancy!

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Gumbygirl

Zymm and I can be Dames. Calling us Ladies might be a bridge too far!

litre_cola

Sweden?

Redshirt

Rodgers: “I’m allergic to two of the vaccines. But I follow all the protocols except for press conferences.”

I’m calling bullshit. If he would’ve said that from the start and say that’s why he hesitant to take the 3rd vaccine, but he’s still following the non-vaccinated protocols, this would be perfectly fine. Even his getting COVID-positive would be nothing.

But he lied! He didn’t wear a mask in the press conference, endangering everyone there. I don’t recall ever seeing him wear one on the sidelines when he wasn’t playing, eating or getting medical treatment, so he lied again. The NFL won’t suspend him for the year, but they have to sit him for four games.

Kaepernick got banned for taking a knee during the National Anthem. Reckless endangerment should be worth a couple of games.

NARRATOR: “Aaron Rodgers only got fined $12K and was back on the sidelines bare-assed face as soon as he tested negative.”

Senor Weaselo

Joe Kelly, meanwhile, got eight games.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Remember how I said the Raiders PR team must have been drinking champagne over Aaron Rodgers stealing the spotlight?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly right now (artist’s conception):

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WCS

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NotShogunButShogun

Who said moving to Vegas was a bad idea?
…oh. everyone? Huh.

WCS

Can’t wait for Cousinfuckers to completely shit themselves against the T. Boones, while I desperately try to explain to Princess Fiancee why I still bother wasting my time, energy, and emotions on these guys.

ballsofsteelandfury

That is actually a very good question.

litre_cola

Escapism from life gents. More emotion than the droning on at our employs, the occasional trip to see said team for even more escapism, that and our dick joke website would be nothing without sports.

ballsofsteelandfury

Oh, I get that, but college football???

There are way better sports to watch.

litre_cola

“AND TO GAMBLE ON” – K. Hippo

Horatio Cornblower

Way to bury the lede, you sly dog.

Congratulations, I guess.

ballsofsteelandfury

Oh, he’s burying SOMETHING!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[looks up from the 3’x6′ hole he is digging] – scotchnaut

litre_cola

Oh I found a good stream for Mighty Whitey!

Horatio Cornblower

The David Duke Channel?

litre_cola

Weird that OANN is broadcasting Fulham.

WCS

That’s the Tighty Whitey Network.

Cecil Rhodes

There were lots of great Mighty Whitey streams available in the Cape Colony prior to 1994! Oh, those were the days…

litre_cola

Sir, we have 80 percent possession of their territory yet we can’t get over the top.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Apparently there is some debate over whether State Farm should cut ties with Aaron Rodgers. Given that they provide life insurance, and he is encouraging behavior that will cause a lot of these policies to get paid out before term, which will literally COST THEM LOTS OF MONEY, it seems like a no-brainer to me.

Last edited 3 years ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Gumbygirl

If they fire him, I will switch to their insurance/ scam. Geico is skating on very thin ice with me right now.

Fronkenshteen

Just bet on a clean sheet for Chelsea, so enjoy the hat trick by Tarkowski or some fuckawful thing.

litre_cola

NEVER BET ON ANY LONDON TEAMS BUT OUR WEE ONES.

Fuck the Tenants, Spurs, whatever the hell Cecil calls the Gunners. (The Beez, and QPR can get fucked too)

Cecil Rhodes

That disappointing squadron is presently known as the King’s African Water Pistols! However, if the conquest against those troublesome moose-hornets is successful tomorrow, then their original name may need to come into use once again!

Horatio Cornblower

They continue to win as I continue to bet against them each week in the DFO pool. I shall continue to wager several quid against them until the end of the season. True, this strategem may force me to marry some American lass, eager to enhance her nouveau rich families reputation by sharing my sordid title, in order to save the ancestral estate, but should it return my favoured club to it’s rightful place amongst the champions of Europe, it shall have been worth it.

litre_cola

Godspeed as they are my least hated of the squadrons of largesse in Old Blighty.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Everyone should read this, and then never go anywhere near a crowd ever again:

https://www.reddit.com/r/worldnews/comments/3pcvfb/comment/cw5vxtm/

litre_cola

I have 2 futbol matches this week, one tomorrow which will have 2k, and then one on Friday which will have 40k and you choose to share this. Been a good run folks, if I go, I want to be in a futbol riot.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I wonder if they make rigid vest type things that would help avoid asphyxiation. I’m thinking basically just a box-type exoskeleton that fits around your ribcage.

litre_cola

Built in Camelback for smuggled booze. I think we are on to something here chief.

Senor Weaselo

“I got one of those.” -Tornado, Robot Wars Series 6 Champion

Fronkenshteen

Just looking at photos of the Hajj. Terrifying.

Fronkenshteen

Watched “For Madmen Only” on the Hulu last night. It’s about Del Close from the Second City Theater. Fascinating.

litre_cola

I watched my YamFC beat Balls’ Toluca who at one point had their own website as a shirt sponsor.

Fronkenshteen

That’s meta as shit.

ballsofsteelandfury

– M. Zuckerberg

litre_cola

Looks like a lovely day in Manchester.

Fronkenshteen

Everyone in the banner photo is doing tremendous work, but holy shit. Look at the elevation on the blonde at the far left!

scotchnaut

Kevin the Broom sighting!

litre_cola

The time changes need to happen globally at the same time. This 6:30 am shit is too late for the appetizer.

Cecil Rhodes

Oh dear…it looks like the Red Mercenaries are already on the back foot, thanks to the work of a French African. You can always rely on the French to defeat themselves!

Cecil Rhodes

Greetings, colleagues! I’m extremely excited for this contest between the Red and Blue Mercenaries of Manchester today. I am particularly interested in seeing what will happen to these managers should their team lose. If OGS is sacked, will he finally be able to pursue his lifelong dream of playing Smeagol in the next LOTR movie? If Pep is (inexplicably) sacked, will he take up his natural position as a cue ball on a snooker table? Time will tell, dear fellows!

litre_cola

Good day sir, any word on the spices my fiefdom had ordered? The Mighty Whites will need them today against Peter’s borough.

Cecil Rhodes

Good day, fellow White supporter! We razed the Zanzibar capital to the ground just over a fortnight ago. Expect a double order of cinnamon, nutmeg, and ginger to arrive at your estate the day after tomorrow.

litre_cola

Fantastic our Slavic leader will be very pleased. It is never a good thing to get on the bad side of Serb barbarian.

Don T

Hipster chicks with good shoulders, eh?
https://youtube.com/watch?v=fvKa-Ll9Ers