Your “The Suspect Was Hatless” Cards/Rams Open Thread

Here at DFO there were derby’s aplenty and over at the NFL, they were busy extricating the “Super” from the Wild Card Weekend. As I’ve said many times before, we always make the best of it though.

Fallout:

-Though tis early, it looks like Tristan Wirfs will be a game-time decision next week. I wouldn’t mind seeing Brady run around behind his backup.

-Jerome Boger and The Gang That Couldn’t Whistle Straight won’t be sullying the playoffs any longer according to Shefter and others. We’ll no doubt see them all year long in the next regular season, so there’s that.

-Costly W? Bosa has been concussed but my suspicion is that it’s one of those “Playoff Concussions” that fade in no time at all. Unfortunately for Fred Warner, there is no such thing as a “Playoff Sprained Ankle”.

-Philly Fans Moving On: Probably from Hurts and definitely on to the draft where they have picks 15, 16 and 19.

To The Game!

Cards/Rams:

-Eric Weddle To The Rescue! He’s a mere 37 years old and has been out of football for two years and this is the best the Rams could do? They are tremendously compromised at safety going forward.

-Bad Monkey! One of these qb’s will exit the game having won their very first playoff tilt. Stafford is a bit more overdue than Kyler and he’s gone for 280+ yards and multiple TD’s in both games this season.

-And you’d think the odds would lie with him even more because McVay has a shiny 8-1 record vs Arizonny.

-Tired of yakkers slathering about Ben? Well hold on-JJ Watt is expected to play after having shoulder surgery in early November. I swear that before he goes under the knife he has his people exaggerate the recovery time by at least two months so that he can continue to promulgate that “Superheroes Take No Days Off” bullshit.

Wander into the comments fearlessly.

 

5 4 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
259 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Mr. Ayo

SUDDEN QANON CHANGE!

King Hippo

awww man, you NEVAR wanna go Full Dakota Jeebus

Redshirt

Def. Coordinator John Kreese: “If you knock a receiver out, he can’t complete the catch!”

Gumbygirl

Woooooooooooo!

ballsofsteelandfury

The Manning Cast is making this tolerable.

Brocky

Thanks for reminding me. I had completely forgotten this was on espn. I was watching on abc

litre_cola

What is a catch?

Fronkenshteen

Oh this refereeing. Jesus palomino.

Gumbygirl

What the hell? He never had possession of that ball, Helen Keller could have made that call!

King Hippo

/but would have been harder to decipher than even Sassy Ref

King Hippo

I think it’s safe to assume (i) Dr. King liked to RRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! and/or (ii) he still holds a grudge against the state of Arizona.

Don T

Uh oh. I think Stafford’s gout is acting up. Hope they got chicken breast and ranch in the blue tent

Sharkbait

** Nerd Joke Alert!***

comment image

Spur

Run Kyler! Aaron Donald is coming!
comment image

Don T

comment image

WCS

comment image

“We need a new PR firm.”

Fronkenshteen

Michel, Beckham, and Higbee look ready to cover their Overs. Murray (rush yds) and Kirk? Ehhh… not so much. Quards need a spark, and soon. Every time they show Koach Kliff, my only thought is, “How did that pencilneck get to fuck Holly Sonders? The good one! Before she turned herself all plastic and whatnot!”

Stafford got in.

It is more than a little creepy that Julian Edelman has chosen, as his advertising persona, a brain-damaged ex-player.

King Hippo

24 March – Atlanta returns WOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sharkbait

comment image

WCS

comment image

“We’ll see.”

Redshirt

HBOMax: “WE’RE LIKE DISNEY+ EXCEPT OUR SUPERHEROS SWEAR AND SHOW NUDITY!”

rockingdog

Odell Beckhams first playoff TD catch
Took him long enough
That’s Rocking!!!!

Gumbygirl

Rammmmmitttt!

King Hippo

My bet looks…unwise? THAT NEVAR HAPPENS

Mr. Ayo

The Gospel of Fatthew is not complete.

Redshirt

…and my Amazon Fire Stick just died on me. When they do a fair catch kick and one-point safety, remember to thank me!

Last edited 2 years ago by Redshirt
Spur

Don’t worry Alexa noticed the missing IP and ordered a new Fire Stick. It’ll be delivery by halftime.

Redshirt

Redshirt’s Imaginary Wife: “I never loved you! Good bye, forever!”
(door slams)
Alexa: “You seem to need Female Companionship. I have ordered one and should arrive later tonight.”

Spur

Alexa: You’re also low on detergent. Should I add to your shopping cart?

Brocky

comment image

Found this gem today

herodotus450

I think you made an error, there’s no way there’s more than one picture on there.

Spur

Think OBJ took the Rams receiver group on a boat ride to Catalina island?

Doktor Zymm

Today I watched a documentary about the world of breeding show chickens. I would rather that Team changed its name to the Fancy-ass Chickens than the Admirals, which apparently leaked as the choice

Spur

someone add “Designer Cock” to porn searches of the week.

Gumbygirl

My son had to do 4H when he was in 5th grade, in Bumfuck Georgia. His thing was poultry judging. There are some cool looking chickens, and some weird as fuck crazy chicken people, we learned to our astonishment!

litre_cola

Does Fitz have some crazy stat where he has more tackles than drops or something like that?

rockingdog

Found a funny;

Plain old auto insurance doesn’t do it for me anymore, think I’m gonna give autoerotic insurance a try.

WCS

“…….”

— David C., CA

Brocky

Evening. I was having Italian for dinner, and I remembered this meme

comment image

Last edited 2 years ago by Brocky
Brick Meathook

comment image

King Hippo

No surprise, Hippo prefers it plain.

ballsofsteelandfury

🤦‍♂️

Spur

Kinda indifferent on who wins here. But I know like the idea of Fatty Matty winning after all those years in Detroit.

Brick Meathook

How could Matthew Stafford have a playoff record? He was a Detroit Lion.

WEIRD

WCS

That was faster than my prom night.

Brocky

At least you had a prom night?

Spur

Evening Folks

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

You know what this game needs? Some sex toys thrown on the field

litre_cola

What game doesn’t?

WCS

comment image

The Maestro

Just got hired back by my same school until the end of the school year, and even got a promotion to full-time! Celebrated by cross-country skiing through the fresh eighteen inches of snow outside my house to the local pharmacy/grocer for some frozen wings to eat during tonight’s game. Huzzah!

Horatio Cornblower

I love cross-country skiing.

Sort of hard to do in the frozen mud currently surrounding my house, but the theory of it is nice.

King Hippo

Being reminded of the Eric Weddle thing pushed me over the line to bet Qards.

Brick Meathook

Wait . . . Jeopardy! is not on?

comment image

Last edited 2 years ago by Brick Meathook
SonOfSpam

Will be on at 9:30 Rams Standard Time.

Brick Meathook

comment image
comment image

Redshirt

GAMBLOR Update: Bengals D-Line got decimated last Saturday. DT Larry Ogunjobi is on IR and is done and DT Mike Daniels was also knocked out of the game. Also, DE Trey Hendrickson is in concussion protocol so he’s also up in the air. Its so bad, Jesse Bates said he texted free agent and former Bengals DT Geno Atkins to ask about his status. No word on if Tim Krumrie and Dan Wilkinson was also contact, but it sounds like we’re in “when in doubt, wheel them out” territory.

If Derrick Henry does come back and he’s healthy, that’s not good for the Bengals Front 7.

Last edited 2 years ago by Redshirt
BrettFavresColonoscopy

So Chase will have a big game since you’ll be playing from behind?

Redshirt

So long as the Bengals OL can keep Burrow alive, at least.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Well, at least you broke the drought. When the Bengals were up by two scores I was actually wishing for them to emerge from the game relatively unscathed.

To be clear, I was never wishing for them to be scathed, just that once the game got close I wasn’t thinking along those lines anymore.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

More people deserve to be scathed, ppl forget that

Redshirt

Yeah, they’re playing with house money. There is no greater feeling than that.

Redshirt

We also have the four most space in the Salary Cap. So long as Mike Brown doesn’t realize his kids replaced his wallet with Uno cards, we may be able to continue to build through Free Agency.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

That jar of spaghetti sauce could hold a hobo liver instead.

BugEyedBoo

Doesn’t count unless you’re using Country Crock margarine tubs as tupperware.

King Hippo

oh man, that was sooooooo my mom growing up!

LemonJello

comment image

LemonJello

Also, I had no idea you were related to the Tomsulas by marriage.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

There’s a place around the corner I love, great outdoor setup, cool vibe, but I generally have only gone on weekends. Today being MLK Day (fuck you, people that quote him and embarrass him), I went and learned happy hour is 3-5 and includes $6 old fashioneds that are excellent. I had 3. Let’s see some football!

King Hippo

put a bill on Qards ML. +155 is excellent value.

SonOfSpam

Just signed up on P—Hub where they will find bitches for you. Mostly picked up by strangers or at shelters, where bitches will do whatever you want for a meal or some security.

To clarify, this is PetHub.

Redshirt

Hey, whatever hits your button. We’re not here to judge.

ballsofsteelandfury

I hope we are all still alive and DFO is still going for Super Bowl LXIX just so Scotchy can get all pissed off.

King Hippo

Pour one out for Lispy McGee? And have a chuckle imagining him trying to say/spray absinthe.

litre_cola

Pleathhh have empathhhy for Mayock.

JimU

The Raiders shit can Gruden buddy Mike Mayock. I’m sure he’ll find a cushy tv job somewhere. Sounds like they’re going to hire a GM with full football power.

Mr. Ayo

They need to go the full JJ route. New GM:

HI! I’M MARK DAVIS!

JimU

With their first pick of the NFL draft, the Raiders select Marcy Andrews, server Las Vegas P.F. Chang’s.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

comment image

JimU

Sexy Friday just came early…and so did I.

WCS

comment image

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Honestly he deserves a cushy TV job – he was good at it!

Brick Meathook

Ex St. Louis vs Ex St. Louis

WCS

comment image

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

The locals are calling it the Ex Wives Bowl

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I honestly don’t know who I want to win this. I guess go buzzsaw?

King Hippo

I prefer RRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! (plus is fun mocking Fatthew), but I think Chandler Jones might eat MRSA Dreamboat and shit him out live.

So…GO QARDS.

Don T
Horatio Cornblower

Wow, I’m exactly the opposite!

ballsofsteelandfury

Oh that’s tremendous!

Horatio Cornblower

There’s Peter King oblivous, and then there’s the king:

https://twitter.com/actioncookbook/status/1483216858127998978/photo/1

SonOfSpam

Incredible.

Gumbygirl

He is a moran.

Horatio Cornblower

Some hero has already updated his Wiki page to cover this.

Horatio Cornblower

I’m convinced that Rovell is way over on the spectrum, at whatever point “I have absolutely no social awareness” and “I am interested in business and can discuss it” intersect.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
King Hippo

Fatthew could be too fat FOAR hats. Is that good or bad juju?

TheRevanchist

Juju was never bad. Injured, yes. Dumb, yes. But not bad, per se.

Horatio Cornblower

comment image

ballsofsteelandfury

I believe this could have been the Spam/Blax Derby, but I think Blax left the Cards for the Raiders when he moved.

I could be wrong.

Horatio Cornblower

Is Sos a Rams fan? I know Internet Dad was, but (rightly) ditched them when they screwed over St. Louis.

SonOfSpam

RAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMIT

SonOfSpam

Please rise for our national anthem:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZO8Zeye5K0&t=33s

1 2 3