Half-Schedule Weekend – Lesser Footy Open Thread

This is the part of the Lesser schedule when the cup ties start flying fast and furious, and with MOAR at stake.  You saw a truly heroic effort by rockingdog’s Chelski squadron mid-week, but the Real Cuntfaces got off the mat and advanced.  Kings of Shithousery Atleti (meant mostly as a compliment) gave us a fun mini-riot.  Barca got smacked around – at home – by Eintracht Frankfurt to fall out of “Beneath Our Dignity” Europa play, and then had the stones to bitch about how many Krauts were able to get tickets.

Spain could use a course in self-awareness.  Coming from an American, that’s really saying something.

Leicester and West Ham each survived to their semi-final rounds, with the outside chance (the rules get SUPER complex, I read the article in The Athletic and still no get it) that England could end up with as many as NINE sides in European competition next season.  I really like outliers.

That also means we get FA Cup raging semis on Saturday/Sunday, which fucks up the Prem schedule quite a bit.  I guess we are lucky to get in as many fixtures as we get, starting with a pretty solid Early Bird Special (Spurs/Brighton, 7:30, USA).  Mad Italian Antonio Conte finally has the Yid Army untracked, which is quite on brand for Jeebus Killin’ season.  Trashbirds have been…well, TRASH of late – but might just be the inevitable reversion to the mean.  Still safe from relegation, which this Bitter Blue can attest is no small beer (speaking of, we no play until Wednesday, if you want a chance to laugh along with my agony LIVE).

You get three in the 10:00 window, with Men Untied/Ded Norwich on USA, and Ded Moose Hornets/Praise Beesus on CNBC. YMMV, but laughing at Petulant Ronaldo (something so obvious that even HIPPO saw it coming) is always fun.

Streaming only for Saints/King’s Afrikan Water Pistols, which is possibly unfortunate.  Arsenal getting pipped by Spurs for 4th position won’t sit very well in whatever corner of London they’s in (is it North London?  I wanna say North, Damn Yankees.)

Mancs and the Shite Redux invades Wembley come tea time (10:30, ESPN+) in a matchup that will sell some premium subscriptions, no doubt.  One of the permeations that can cause Europa/Europa NIT chaos would be Palace winning the FA Cup.  They get emotionally drained Chelsea on Sunday (11:00, ESPN+).  Pretty fun stuff.

Pour one out for Walking Penis Sean Dyche (above, no doubt catching wind of his own flatulence), surprisingly sacked ahead of this weekend’s crucial fixture.  Must have insulted someone’s wife or some shit like that.  Odd timing is odd, especially after extending his contract earlier in the season.  White Lives Matter, with centre-half Ben Mee assisting their U-23 guy, take on Fronk’s Hammers on Sunday (9:15, Peacock).  USA gets Bonesaws and Foxes instead (also 9:15, because the TV gods hate us).

USFL is also kicking off this weekend, but Ryan (“Big Fin”) Finley isn’t part of things, so I lack a reason to care.  See y’all in the comments, and again tonight (lucky you).