Hmmmm, youtube clips don’t count toward the word count? I call shenanigans!
As has been previously noted (by me), we don’t have a regular Thursday evening offseason writer. No, I’m not answering the call, I’m not even looking for squatter’s rights. But the content must be mined, so I picked up my, well, pickaxe I guess and volunteered to cobble some thoughts together.
- Took my first Acela ride since the pandemic this week. Honestly, it was lovely, especially now that there are assigned seats.
- Work has been super stressful lately, and while my immediate team (thankfully) has been pretty stable/consistent amidst the “great resignation“, I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. I’m fortunate in that I genuinely like (most but not all of) my colleagues, and like so many other places, there are a handful of folks in sometimes unexpected places where if they leave it would make a MASSIVE impact.
- Going to a wedding this weekend (hence the Amtrak love) and am placing odds on getting COVID at 3:1. Neither Lady BFC or I have been hit with the ‘rona yet, which has got to be a diminishing likelihood event approaching impossible over the long haul
- Speaking of, is it Lady BFC or Mrs. BFC if she kept her last name?
- I didn’t watch last night’s Celtics-Warriors game, but kept seeing the score go back and forth when I checked while working. As a result, I have nothing of substance to add nor any idea if the Celtics should close it out or the Warriors have the upper hand when the series goes back to California. This is what happens when we don’t have a regular open thread writer and I’m trying to hit a word count threshold!
- Balls pointed out today’s date, and I’m embarrassed I hadn’t noticed. That is not nice. May you all get to celebrate with a mutually satisfying evening.
What’s on Tonight–
NBA:
College Softball:
Sooners v Longhorns, Game 2 of the College World Series, 6:30PM on ESPN2
NHL:
Lightning v Rangers, Eastern Conference Finals Game 5, 7PM DFO time on ESPN
MLB:
Lots of games, allegedly the only ones on “TV” are:
Rays v Twins, 7:10PM on AppleTV+
Mets v Angels, 8:38PM on AppleTV+
Dodgers v Giants, 9:15PM on ESPN+
(Yes you can get other games on MASN, YES, whatever, but that’s on you, bub)
AFL:
Essendon v Carlton, 4:40AM on WatchAFL app
FUTBOL:
A bunch of CONCACAF action on Paramount+, but I’m beyond out of my depth even making fun of either Paramount+ or CONCACAF.
TO THE KEYBOARDS (and possibly liquor cabinet) YOU GO!
Wife is flying out this morning. Gone til Mon night. She’s done the 12-hr nurse thing the last two nights and is back on Tues & Thurs next week. The boy’s school is 8 to 3 so these are crushingly short days for me…. before the fact that he isn’t really going to be thrilled to realize I’m mostly single dadding for 8 of 9 days. So I’m trying to think up some to-dos with him since he’s pretty much only manageable for me when he’s; a) running around like a madman; b) in the pool, or; c) in a parking lot on 130 degree asphalt with full sun beating on him (think of King Kong, so long as the chains are on him…).
Thinking of taking him to Pride Night at the Mercury game tonight. Assume tickets will be available via scalp (fuck ticket fees/P2P Transaction taxes) and he can learn that not EVERY woman thinks he’s just the cutest thing in the world deserving of no boundaries. Plus I’ve never been to a WNBA game and it’ll be easy to leave early, if needed.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WsucdeL9-Vs
Angels stop the 14 game losing streak.
Ohtani wins the game with 7 strong innings and a 2 run homer.
Yes, I am now relaxed.
That was a pretty fun game and slightly cathartic.
My computer has been updating for like ten minutes. That does not bode well for the rest of this work I’m not doing.
At least you have an excuse! My 4th grade teacher, Sister Esther, called me Judy Excuse. She also called me Bold as Brass, and the Sweetheart of the Corncob.
But not cuter than a kitten’s mittens? You must be slipping Doll.
That was obvious, duh! I’m going to hurl myself in the tub, here’s one that made me look twice
“Sweetheart of the Corncob”
Nobody knew, but it was definitely a good thing. Bold as brass was bad.
23 and Me is running ads encouraging people to get Dad a genetic test for Father’s Day, because hey, he may learn important health information!
Uh, that might not be all you learn….
“wait…I’m HOW black???”
“Wow! My mom’s an actual Duchess! Dad is… what the hell?”
— Lil’est WCS in about 20 years
“Why have I never met her???”
You’ll learn why daddy’s life insurance premium just doubled.
“So you are my uncle AND my dad?!” -All of Alabama
If y’all are curious about the Republican Rebuttal, just imagine something like this, but about 70% less eloquent.
My Cousin Vinny – Opening Statement – YouTube
I want to be clear that I am very much rooting for SoS’s Angels to beat the Red Sox.
And that Ohtani is ridiculous.
The enemy of my enemy etc.
And welcome to the Ohtani cult. Drinking is required.
There is no more bullshit depiction of anything more than Hollywood’s version of stand-up comedy. From “Punchline “ to the “Marvelous Mrs. Maisel”, truly funny standup comedy cannot be created to fit a shitty script. Sorry to piss off any..,morons.
I think I speak for all morons when I say you’re fine, none of us understand what you’re talking about, and may we please have some more paste?
BAZINGA LAFFF TRAK
THAT IS SO FUNNY
Agreed. At best, its an outline, but in some cases you go where the crowd takes you.
Yanks come back from 7-3 down to win 10-7, and Carlos Correa strikes out looking to end it.
Today was a good day.
Other than that documentary about the initial death throes of America democracy, of course.
I give umpires a ton of shit, oftentimes even deserved, so let me just say that the guy behind the plate has done an outstanding job tonight. I think he’s called maybe one strike a ball.
Way to go, masked hero
Let’s all patent the phrase “Lightning strikes thrice!” now so when Tampa Bay wins the cup again this year we can sue each and every pathetic sports writer who only pays attention to hockey once a year.
https://twitter.com/nastyaovechkin/status/1534593032917499910?s=21&t=tS2J_uEfwyHhVKZrsTkS5Q
I have big hopes on Colorado regardless. They look as unstoppable as an avalan…ah, fuck
Tomorrow on, on First TAEK:
“LEMME TELL YOU SUMMIN! No team has EVAH won THREE Stanley CUPS in a row!! EVAH! IT’S NEVAH BEEN DONE before!”
“Uh, Stephen A., it’s happened several times. The New Islanders won four straight in the early 1980s.”
“Everybody KNOWS that I respect the Islanders. Ok, that’s just understood. The Islanders were great. HOWEVER…..”
I believe Sharky is with me when I say “FUCK.”
That is all. (But hey, the Yanks have come back and lead now.)
Just put the Angels game on (the computer…TV still on politix)
Ohtani just struck out Devers on a 101 mph fastball.
And he’ll be hitting this inning.
AND THEY’VE LOST 14 IN A FUCKING ROW.
Well, the thing you have to remember is that they’re not very good.
SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP
Like a certain vice presidential candidate from Alaska said once, who cares about this domestic terrorism talk when our greatest enemy, the Russians, are once again marching unabated towards our Nation’s greatest treasure, the Stanley Cup, open your eyes, people!
She was in a good movie, I think it was called Nailin Palin.
That was the best documentary I ever saw.
I for one can’t believe you guys aren’t watching Canada v Blue Curacao.
Look, I’m just going to say what we’re all thinking.
Officer Edwards is rather attractive.
I’d lead an insurrection for her if you know what I m…
Hang on, FBI’s here.
inserection amirite
Fox News is covering the important stuff, you guys
https://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/britney-spears-ex-husband-arrested-wedding-sam-asghari?intcmp=tw_fnc
Although to be fair, that’s pretty insane
Not giving them a click but KFed?
No, the one she married for a few hours in Vegas.
Jason Alexander.
Not that one.
yada yada yada
Clearly not the master of his domain.
Was going to make a joke below about Fox covering something stupid, but never would have come up with this
First impressions: Democrats in my lifetime cannot message for shit (Bill Clinton and Obama excepted). However, tonight’s presentation was really well done. And it’s leading to an indictment of Trump for seditious conspiracy.
Seriously hoping the next two weeks are more of the same.
I was impressed. Whether or not it leads to anything significant remains to be seen, but at least it’s grownups telling the fucking truth.
I was under the impression that they were going to go for several nights in a row. This is actually smart, though — now the news cycle has a week to chew on this, run reaction pieces, speculate about next week. Get people talking about this and build an audience.
Exactly…this is meant to be consumed, and that the season finale will get the highest ratings. Which is very smrt and very unlike the party’s usual derpage.
I’ve seen some people snarking on them for hiring a television producer to help with this. Yeah, wouldn’t want to get a professional to help…
Keep in mind, people snark on Democrats for merely existing, especially other Democrats.
“Democrats in my lifetime cannot message for shit (Bill Clinton and Obama excepted)”
That’s exactly how I ended up a Republican. I even enjoy Clinton and Obama as candidates, but not as presidents.
So much for holding Oklahoma to single digits…
https://twitter.com/MikeBalsamo1/status/1535067957206056960
Just the most useless fucking people. Is there a Matlock marathon on? Admittedly, I’m watching a Yankee game, but I’m also not the fucking current Attorney General of the United States!!!
Fuck, this is going to be the 14-12 game again.
It’s insane.
Bad night for Cole to forget how to pitch.
Am I watching the hearings? No. Instead, I am hoping for the rule of law to prevail in one hand and shitting in the other, while waiting to see which one fills up first.
Also I am going to drink.
You should watch.
And drink.
I’m watching the same way I watched on Jan 6th, by reading live updates from the NY Times and checking social media. Although I don’t have the excuse of being on a plane this time.
The GOP leadership gambled by not putting any Trump loyalists on the Committee. Normally in a Congressional hearing you’d have almost half the members presenting an opposing view.
They did it so they could rant that the Committee isn’t legitimate (which is nonsense, it was their choice not to participate). But now they can only fume on Fox News while the Committee does its thing.
They tried to put Gym Jordan and a couple other clowns on, Pelosi said no way to two of the guys, so McCarthy pulled his whole list (took his ball and went home). Really played some 3-D chess he did.
True, I’d forgotten that.
NUH-UH THAT’S NONSENSE
–Jack Del Rio (and also Trent Green’s home care worker)
Impressed that the Capitol Police managed to deal with the insurrectionists while only shooting 1 person, while police forces around the country apparently can’t deal with a single unarmed black kid without a hail of bullets
I couldn’t help but think that a couple of AR-15s would have come in real handy that day.
If only we could figure out the difference. If only.
It’s not just the usual “can’t qWhite tell why” with this one, it’s also the difference in training and even mission. Local law enforcement has gone way round the bend.
No argument bout that.
It just would have resulted in hundreds of MAGA martyrs and in the long run it would not have been good.
But goddamn I wish they’d just rolled a Gatling gun out to the front of the steps and just tore shit up for 10 minutes.
Like the opening of saving private Ryan but with older and dumber people. And the Nazis on the other side of the equation.
You gotta have Liz Cheney and Adam Kinzinger take point for these proceedings to convince Republicans to turn against MAGA.
If it’s a Democrat, they can be tuned out,
If it’s someone they can relate with, they can get in.
And then it’s the responsibility of every Republican to remind their friends Democrats aren’t the fucking enemy
My voice shouldn’t be tuned out because I’m not a Reagan acolyte
If Trump goes down, Cheney is setting herself up as leader of the Restored Republican Party.
All 3 of them?
The only consequences Trump will ever face are going to come from his arteries. His kids might face some, but he never will.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HIEWgwRrY9s
This is so bloody true.
Been there, still goddamned broke af
This is why we have two kids.
And, um, no money.
Masterful performance by Cheney. She divided people into the good guys, the bad guys, and the cowards. Kept it simple enough for the rubes to understand.
That’s the plan. No grandstanding. No accusations. Just the cold, hard facts.
Liz explaining things to the rubes
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b3yED7w1uu8
Hopefully she saves the puppets for the finale.
Trump, Jeffrey Clark, John Eastman. These seem to be the three main villains, and I’m here for it.
In a much better mood today for no apparent reason, hooray for random brain chemicals I guess?
The existence of a large pile of laundry that I have no idea when I’ll have time to get done is still a downer though. I need to build the prototype of my evaporative fabric chador and try it out. That should be able to be washed by a simple sink rinse, or by showering with it on, and it’ll be super cool for summer since there’s no need to wear anything underneath.
Have you considered the cleansing power of fire, followed by maxing out a stolen credit card?
Nice job pinning it on the guys who refused to talk – and pointing out the ones who tried to obtain pardons.
It’s important that they’re exonerating some people (Pence, primarily) who don’t necessarily deserve it, instead of just saying “Trumpworld bad”.
Having Liz Cheney do the bulk of the talking right now is the right thing to do.
Her announcing his plan to “corruptly” replace the Attorney General and others makes for a great soundbyte.
She is really righting soooooo many of her family’s wrongs. As lefty as I am, we need conservatives WITH ACTUAL PRINCIPLES in government. It’s essesntial to democracy’s survival.
/Redshirt’s boner grows five sizes
For the life of me, I don’t know how you got a live feed to our crotches or your need to be the DFO Crotchy Town Crier.
I know people…
The Cheneys are/were evil but they were Lawful Evil. Compared to the latest batch of Republicans, they almost angels.
Or Lawful Loophole Evil
Yeah, I’m happy to band together with her against the common enemy. Once they’re vanquished we can go back to fighting.
But back to punch-clock villains. In the Capital your enemies. After hours in the bar, drinking buddies.
I appreciate the solemnity of Thompson’s presentation, but I feel like the only way to get it to speak to the people who need to hear it is for it to include more people having glasses of wine thrown in their faces.
When told that the insurrectionists were chanting “hang Mike Pence”, Trump responded “maybe they have the right idea. Maybe he deserves it.”
Liz Cheney, bringing the drama these hearings need.
Yep, gotta have “holy shit” moments. Lots of them.
Having video from the testimony from Trumpies is effective.
Just watched the Ivanka clip; good God she’s got nothing between the ears.
Her pic is under the word “vacuous” in the dictionary.
“I’d like to stick something in between that.”
— Donald T., FL
BREAKING FOX NEWS ALERT:
JOE BIDEN USES TOILET; HAS AUDICITY TO USE TAXPAYER DOLLARS TO FLUSH
YoU’RE A PROSTITUTION WHORE!!!
I don’t plan my vacations over the course of the year at the start of the year-I just work until I feel like telling difficult clients to “Fuck Off!”*
*I’m taking next week off
https://www.cbssports.com/mlb/news/angel-hernandez-alleges-mlb-manipulated-umpire-reviews-to-hurt-minorities-in-legal-filing-per-report/
We may get a Judgement that Angel Hernandez is a terrible umpire.
Hernandez is clearly just filing lawsuits to keep MLB from firing him.
Atlas Obscura had a story about Gay Bob, a doll that was made and sold in the late 70’s that apparently caused a major ruckus. I don’t remember it at all, but it caused poor Anita Bryant ( of orange juice/ ram it up your cunt fame) to have a pearl clutching meltdown. Atlas Obscura sez Bob was anatomically correct, but provided no evidence. I fired up the Google Machine, because you are my favorites and I love you. You are welcome!
If his boyfriend wasn’t named Neal then what were they even doing?
WAIT
Balls: We need a 25 Questions About Gay Bob STAT.
YAAAAAAAAAS QUEEN!!!
I think the equivalent today would be Trans-formers that go from pre-transition to post-transition
Watching softball again. Maybe Texas can hold Oklahoma to single digits?
https://www.cnn.com/2022/06/09/us/chocolate-tank-rescue-pennsylvania/index.html
Another remake of “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory”?
Also, the fact this didn’t happen in Hershey is a crime.
Maybe it was on the Hershey Highway?
That will always get a +1 from me.
It’s right up your alley!
Speaking of, is it Lady BFC or Mrs. BFC if she kept her last name?
She didn’t wanna be Mrs. Jackdogzov McQueefsnatch? Her loss.
mAkeS u Mr. BetAcUCk if u noe wut I meen smgdh
ppl forget that bfc stands for butt felching cuck
I’m going with Lady BFC as the proper way to refer to her.
I’d go with The Lady BFC but I’m old fashioned.
Now I could really go for some KFC
Let’s all take a deep breath and enjoy the marvelous grace of Mr. Kent Tekulve
Loved that guy when I was a kid…
“I loved him when he was a kid.”
-J. Sandusky
He had a style all his own, didn’t he?
Good Lord, that makes my shoulder hurt.
He looks like he was assembled incorrectly.
I don’t know. With everything happening in the world, the date 6/9 doesn’t feel like it should. What date feels like the Human Centipede?
“What date feels like the Human Centipede?”
January 6th.