The Legend of (Pretend) Bernard Gilkey – Day and Night Open Thread

No doubt you remember the original.  #BFIB regular, excellent defender in LF (before such was really appreciated, sadly), well-rounded offensive profile.  A few Hollywood cameos, even!

Well, he’s been re-born as a Salford-native midfielder-turned-manager, thanks to Football Manager 2020.  He would have stayed at Everton forever, but the Board pissed him off.  Their Pretend loss is Pretend Man City’s gain.  We are winding down the 2153-54 season (fuck you, YOU have a problem), and there is a magnificent White Whale on the horizon.

I have never before made it to the last few weeks of a season with a triple digit goal differenrtial even a faint possibility.  Made it into the high 80s a few times.  Just enough to WANT it, but not actually TASTE it.

But here we are, muthafuckas (Bernard likes to say that).  36 Prem fixtures played, 2 remain.  Both at home, to bottom-half opposition.  Sitting on 94 points, so a nice, even 100 surely beckons?

Much more importantly, our Pretend Goal Differential sits at +99.

First up, home to 13th-position QPR.  We have most everyone healthy, save for our star right winger (out with a broken leg since February, we rallied around our talisman).  Start aggressively, hopefully break their will.

But things start nervy, and mostly stay that way.  We out-shoot the fuck out of them (duh), but few clear-cut chances.  Our reserve striker (Yodel-Ass Muthafucka) nets a clinical finish in the 30th minute, a nice breakthrough.  And that’s all she wrote.  1-nil to the good, 97 points and +100 GD.

Lastly, we have 12th-position West Ham.  Fronk’s great-great-grandson is no doubt watching on.  These have been a bogey side in the past, and their manager is fighting to keep his job.  I expect itchiness.

Not so fast!  We tally twice in the first half, control the ball and pass them to death.  2-nil to the good, Hammers don’t so much as register a shot on target.  100 points (still waiting to hit 105+ there), +102 GD.  Fucking fantastic.

We still have the FA Cup final (Plymouth Argyle, them old-man-socks muthafuckas) and Shempions (Cluj) to round out the fun.  What a season, what a team.

We really need some real life sportsball back, and right soon.