Your “Is The Amazon Curse Real?” Thursday Night NFL Football Open Thread

Will one of these fine teams score more than 12 points in the win? Will there be enormous droughts of scoring? Will single dads plop their screaming kids in front of the tube in order that they are lulled to sleep? Will we give this game a chance? Yes.

Newsy Notes:

-Melvin Gordon and Nat Hackett sorta, kinda hashed it out after sitting down together. Did Coach bring up Gordo’s costly fumbles and his egregious 3.65 ypc average? Likely not.

-Tua says he lost consciousness after getting hit. Apparently well-wishers in his neighborhood brought by treats and artwork to lift his spirits. An NFL official also brought by a gag order that Tua refused to ‘autograph’.

-Hey, did you know there’s a Polynesian Football Hall of Fame? Some of this year’s finalists include Manti Te’o, Rey Mauluga and Tony Banks. Benefits include free tiki drinks for life!

-Travis Kelce re-jiggered his contract so that the Chiefs could free up some money against the cap. Names being bantered about include CMC, D.J. Moore and OBJ. “Something’s in the air”, Travis said during his podcast to which his brother Jason replied, “Yeah, your mom’s legs. Wait…”

To The Game!

Saints/Cards:

-The Red Rocket Rifle is ready to roar! Unless it’s Taysom or Jameis-nobody knows as of this writing.

-Kamara Time? Arizonny is ranked 24th in pass defense DVOA according to Football Outsiders and is dead last defending the pass to rb’s so maybe let him loose. (like you weren’t going to already)

-Rook wr Olave is back from his concussion holiday and should get plenty of work given that 4 Saints wideouts are injured. He hasn’t played the #1 role yet though.

-Will the Weber State speedster Rashid Shaheed vulture another score again? God, I hope so.

-D-Hop is around but was only allowed back in the building after week 4 and was not allowed to practice with the team. So he’s unlikely to have his game legs on but what do I know?

Nothing, I know nothing. If you know something, type it out.

 

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TheRevanchist

They should fake the punt to start the 4th. This is Thursday Night Football, so you know it’s going to be a disaster anyway.

litre_cola

If the Quards score its Traffico time.

Brick Meathook

Here’s a Robert Mapplethorpe photo of me sticking my finger into the hole at the end of my dick.

This somehow was critically acclaimed. I just know it hurt like hell. Hardest ten bucks I ever earned:

h
ttps://i.postimg.cc/cCCHngTY/E5-C8-E722-869-A-452-B-B3-D2-DEDB3-E5-FEF52.jpg

ballsofsteelandfury

That’s impressive!

Horatio Cornblower

https://twitter.com/NonStopPop/status/1583278782441746432

Lara Logan is doing great, you guys.

litre_cola

Looks like she is doing fine.

TheRevanchist

What syphilis does to the brain is a terrible thing.

blaxabbath

Censorship!

Gumbygirl

There is someone in Steelers gear at every sporting event in this country!

Brocky

I saw one at a colts titans game in 2011.

I was wearing a bears jersey so I couldn’t complain

Horatio Cornblower

I got my brother a Franco Harris for his upcoming birthday. Just came in. let’s just say that Fanatics products are some of the cheapest pieces of crap I’ve ever seen.

He runs that shirt through two wash cycles and everything’s coming off.

Sharkbait

I’ve heard that Fanatics is pretty crap for the most part.

Brocky

My mother surprised me a kickass bears Walter Payton 100 year anniversary jersey.

.I’ve hand washed that thing twice and that’s it

Horatio Cornblower

I won’t buy from them again. Replica jerseys are not cheap, but the material they use for them sure as hell is.

Game Time Decision

Watching the game with youngest but only to see Taylor Swift stuff. I’ll,take it

Redshirt

TV: “Billy Price is in the game at Center.”

Me: “Let’s see if he’s improved from his time at Cincinnati.”

Next Two Plays:
False Start on the Center
Murray gets sacked.

Same guy.

WCS

Consistent at least.

Horatio Cornblower

I remember from doing the mock drafts that he was considered a really good prospect but was held back by some late season injury.

Apparently he was not, in fact, a good prospect.

BugEyedBoo

You don’t see a False Start called against the center every day.

Brocky

When that pass got tipped I got excited hoping for another interception then I realized I’m playing the Arizona defense, not the other way around

Mr. Ayo

Holy Web Gem!

Brocky

So with the cardinals using black alternate jerseys, I’m getting flashbacks to my high school, which like the cardinals, used a red and white color scheme, but began using black as an accent

I’m guess what I’m saying is I think my senior picture would be pretty badass if I had a black jersey.

Not sure who I’m complaining too.

TheRevanchist

The new guy is probably listening.

blaxabbath

My school switched from maroon on white to on- black and it’s much cooler.

Brick Meathook

Let me try and tell a DFO joke. Cut me some slack because I’m new here.

Here we go:

”Look at all that food! Oh boy! I am going to eat it all!”

-Andy Reid

(How was that? See, it’s funny because he’s so fucking obese. Get it?)

Mr. Ayo

This Fuckstick is going to fit right in here. Unlike his enormous cock and a standard pair of briefs.

TheRevanchist

Are you sure your name isn’t really Rikki?

Brick Meathook

No, RTD is the one who posts all those stupid engine pictures. It’s an engine, I get it already.

Horatio Cornblower

Needs more dead kids.

Wakezilla

I give this joke a 2; as in type 2 diabetes that Andy Reid has.

buddam tss

Gumbygirl

I was thinking “monkey in a pirate hat drummer” but I was too lazy to find it. I blame marijuana. And Canada.

blaxabbath

Think of these jokes like French food.

Redshirt

Coach Allen: “How is your back, Andy?”
Dalton: “Fine coach. I’m ready for the 2nd Half.”
Coach Allen (reaches for tire iron): “Aw, that’s a shame…”

TheRevanchist

The best part of Thursday nights? Money Lynch!

Brocky

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Last edited 2 years ago by Brocky
Brocky

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I will always give a +1 to a UHF reference

Brick Meathook

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litre_cola

Just got in from a dinner out. Did I miss much?

WCS

Thursday Night Football is still Thursday Night Football, Andy Dalton is still suffers from gingervitus, and… I guess that’s about it.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Did I miss much?

Not nearly as much as the swings of the Yankees batters.

Horatio Cornblower

I’d respond furiously to this if it weren’t 100% true.

Redshirt

Well, losing to the #1 seed in the semis 1-nil isn’t that bad. Nicely done, FC Cincy. Something to build on for next year.

Redshirt

I see Primetime Andy is still alive and well.

WCS

“What about my prime rib?”

— Andy R., MO, mishearing the statement

Gatoraids

Call this QB Andy Dalton the Corvair because he is Unsafe at Any Speed.

ballsofsteelandfury

Holy crap. Halftime can’t come fast enough for the Saints.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I genuinely thought about picking up Arizona’s defense in fantasy just so I’d have some reason to care about this game. Nuts.

Brocky

I did. I was getting pissed in the first quarter. Such a fickle mistess

Mr. Ayo

Never go full Red Rifle.

TheRevanchist

Took, what, a decade? for the Bungles to figure that out.

Redshirt

The problem is when he started his career, he had AJ Green, Marvin Jones, Mohomed Sanu as WRs, a good offensive line and running backs the defense had to respect. This elevated him beyond the area to bench until all of them left and he was exposed.

Brick Meathook

Hi everyone, I’m brand new here. When does the funny part start?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Try not to get off on the wrong foot.

ballsofsteelandfury

Before we get to that, you need to pass the entrance exam question:

How many feet do you have?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“One-third!” – Brett Favre

Brocky

I thought the only entrance requirement was If you’re wearing pants

Game Time Decision

Question 2: What is a sandwich

TheRevanchist

There is no fun during a Thursday night game.

Brick Meathook

You didn’t believe that bullshit foot story, did you? Yeah that same foot gets cut off every five years and he milks it to the hilt. It works, too. I hate Brick but I have to admit that he’s a genius. And extraordinarily handsome too. And rich, with a big cock. Dang, now I really hate him.

Sharkbait

Taysom is asshole. Why Sharkbait hate?

litre_cola

Special pyjamas.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

4th and 1 QB sweep from the shotgun after a fake counter is some galaxy brained shit. Kliff is lucky that worked.

Gumbygirl

Gumby says Sassy Ref reminds him of the substitute teacher in that Key and Peele sketch.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I guess the Saints got their White touchdown either way

BrettFavresColonoscopy

It’s not a surprise that a receiver performs better after getting away from the Bears, they really do just weigh him down.

Gumbygirl

Would you say they DRAIN him? Buddy Cole signal activated!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Well the way I set up my joke, the receiver drains the bears….

Gumbygirl

Of course, it’s only polite!

herodotus450

This Liz Truss tenure I call it the Hyatt Regency pedestrian walkway because it is collapsing.
/Truss is a bridge term, you see

ArmedandHammered

I see Goggles got a new kicking job.

Horatio Cornblower

None of the Yankee hitters have ever seen a curveball.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Jobu needs more rum! Just give it to me and I’ll make sure it gets to him.” – Justin Blackmon

Senor Weaselo

Yankee fans are Strong Bad in “Find the Cheat.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wnPm3h6sl84

BrettFavresColonoscopy

BTW where the fuck is Mr. It’s Mandatory Viewing Hippo?

BugEyedBoo

Went to shit, and the hogs ate him.

(shoutout to my father-in-law)

Horatio Cornblower

30-50 feral hogs strike again.

ArmedandHammered

Pill fatigue.

Gumbygirl

He does tire easily, our poor addled Hippo, but he rallies like a motherfucker!

Brick Meathook

Where’s that other pill popper, Brick Meathook? Dead in a ditch, probably. I always hated that guy, although I admit he made the best posts, by far. Also, he showed me his cock one time, but not in a gay way. Fuckin’ enormous, like a baguette.

Gumbygirl

Ha, on Gumby’s last boat, there was a coonass boy who was always telling everyone his dick was like a beercan, and wanted to show you.

SonOfSpam

Yeah I always thought he was a

Oh.

You wrote “baguette” nvm

litre_cola

I texted him a couple times for updates. Nae response.

SonOfSpam

Andy Dalton doesn’t see color.

(trying to think of an excuse for that pickerception into triple coverage)

Don T

Triple coverage? Sounds like a Jameis / Dalton Freaky Friday scenario.

SonOfSpam

Andy gonna steal some seafood postgame.

Gumbygirl

I just saw something about how expensive crab legs are now. The only way I’m ever having them again is if I deploy the five fingered discount.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

6 if you hang out with Antonio Alfonseca

SonOfSpam

Good pull, easier because you used an extra finger.

ArmedandHammered

They canceled the crab fishing season, apparently over a billion crabs are missing. J. Winston last seen preparing an alibi.

Gumbygirl

Maybe they got Raptured?

SonOfSpam

*Crabtured

BrettFavresColonoscopy

He’s Andy Dalton?

WCS

He doesn’t see color because he doesn’t have a soul.

Gumbygirl

Bitchin’ Kamara revving up!

Gumbygirl

Let us pray.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

BTW do you think the White Slash has to pretend he hates living in New Orleans to keep his cred with the mormons?

ballsofsteelandfury

That Kelce burn was pretty funny.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I don’t get it.

–Eli M.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

This game started already? Did someone tell Arizona?

SonOfSpam

Roof is open. Players are affected by second-hand smoke from State Street.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

My sister-in-law is eager to retire in Scottdale some day. She thinks it’s heaven.

SonOfSpam

In my version of heaven, scorpions are only allowed if they rock with German accents.

Also, extreme heat usually is not associated with heaven.

SonOfSpam

Not a bad call by the froggies. (gun to my head, either “Blackout” or “Loving You Sunday Morning” or maybe one of 5 other songs, damn I love Les Scorps)

SonOfSpam

Will the Weber State speedster Rashid Shaheed vulture another score again? God, I hope so.

Scotchy is prescient or possibly omniscient.

Redshirt

If the Saints aren’t running the ball 60%+ of all plays, they’ve learned nothing from last week’s loss.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

No offence, but residents of the state of Louisiana are not really known for their propensity to “learn” things.

WCS

Like Ricky from TPB without any of the humor or self-awareness.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I don’t know why I prefaced it with “no offence”, it’s not like anyone from Louisiana is ever going to read my comment, or anything else.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

“Hey, is he talking about me?”

–Lea Michele, looking at the Sunday funnies

Horatio Cornblower

“My home has been wiped out 7 times by tidal surges and/or hurricanes, but surely the Good Lord won’t do it an 8th time.”

SonOfSpam

At 9 PM DFO time, we got Galaxy-LAFC in El Trafico Playoff Hot Action AND Lakers-Clippers on TNT (dynomite)

Oh and the Yanks will probably fall victim to cheating because Aaron Boone is a dolt.

litre_cola

I want to get to an El Traffico game so bad and sit in the LAFC supporters end.

Redshirt

It’s Thursday Night Football; of course we’re getting Red Riffle.

Gumbygirl

Woooooooohoooooo, here we go!

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Redshirt

All Saints QBs are active so it’s looks like we’re getting the Dolphins Way: Put them and if they die, sub in their backup on the Deadth Chart.

WCS

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Last edited 2 years ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
BugEyedBoo

My eyes! The goggles do nothing!

Last edited 2 years ago by BugEyedBoo
SonOfSpam

Isn’t Cooley kind of a twat? I guess Snyder’s more twatly.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I just remember him sharing a picture of his dong and playbook

Horatio Cornblower

The Aristocrats!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

How many Call of Duty references do we get tonight?

WCS

If it’s anything more than negative infinity, it’s too much.

Redshirt

Must…resist…Tactical Nuke…joke…