NYE 2022 Sportsball Early Thread

Do we gots some Lesser Footy and JV NFL?  By gum we sure does!

Very Disappointing Everton desperately need United to open a can of whoopass on Wolves (7:30, USA), so it won’t happen.  But they are a fun watch (I will reluctantly admit), now that they’ve cast Ronaldo off the island.  ten Hag is a very, very good manager.

Four meh options in the 10:00 window, with NBC choosing to broadcast Ted Lasso against the Bonesaws (USA).  BLECH.  I will stream City of Men hosting/ass-blasting my Toffees (Peacock), but only because I well and truly hate myself.  Mighty Whitey gets Sham Town, and that might be the best watch for the neutral.

Spotlight Dance is a tasty treat indeed, with the resilient Trashbirds hosting the full-steam ahead King’s Afrikan Water Pistols (12:30, NBC).  Hippo is *THIS CLOSE* to predicting that the Gooners actually do win the League.  I don’t think there’s any question that their pole position (heh) is anything but fully deserved.  If they are a fraud?  They’ll stumble here, and badly so.

Since it is NYE, there is also ample JV NFL, starting with…

Alabama (-6.5) v. Kansas State – “Heckuva Job Brownie” Dome (12:00, ESPN)

It would seem that Roll Damn Tide wants to make a point, here.  Nobody opted out, even the #1 and #2 projected overall picks in the NFL Draft.  Odd for a non-playoff tilt, but Saban is mad about tOSU, and nobody wants to cross him when he’s mad.  But the Unded Bill Snyders are ALWAYS pesky, especially as underdogs.  Fascinating matchup.

Iowa (-2) v. Kenfucky – Bachelorette Party Bowl (12:00, ABC)

Nashville really is a pretty cool town, even if you dislike country music (as Hippo does, at least in its modern format).  But you DO get some opting out here, starting with Will Levis – smartly presering his inevitable “1st round bust” status, rather than suit up one last time behind the Mildcats’ paper mache OL.  Team Cornpone, on the other hand, has opted out of 21st century offensing, as a matter of team policy.

TCU (+7.5) v. Michigan – “Take a Siesta” Bowl, National Semifinal #1 (4:00, ESPN)

As is tradition, the first matchup promises to be a wet bag of shit.  Bloodeyes are a well-coached, spunky outfit – but their overall team talent is mid-30s, otherwise known as “similar to the Shitty Wolves.”  Lesser Harbs should dominate both lines of scrimmage, and win by three scores.  Meh, wake me up for the big one later.

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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herodotus450

I’ve never been more serious about anything in my life: I will hunt down, torture, and murder any and all people involved in these disgusting food commercials where every shot is a closeup of someone licking their filthy fingers. What is this, a north Indian restaraunt?

The Maestro

Yeesh, hail BLEERGH.

The Maestro

Also, that was CLEARLY a TD. What a dogshit call.

LemonJello

Should someone tell Michigan that this isn’t a best of three series?

scotchnaut

Wow, TCU is getting some wonderful breaks.

scotchnaut

Everyone needs more Horned Frogs in their life.

The Maestro

Oh man, this game is already way too Michigan for my liking.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“System needs an update? Ah, what the hell, the game hasn’t started yet and even if this thing takes forever I’ll only miss a few plays…”

[forty-three minutes later]

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scotchnaut

Me: “God, Joe Girard is so obviously slow and chunky-I hope he gets his shit together in the off-season, hits the gym and works on his cardio.”

Me: [every year] “Maybe next year.”

yeah right

I remembered why I don’t watch much college football.

I don’t need to hear another shitty marching band butcher 7 Nation Army.

Jesus Christ these fucking band directors.

ballsofsteelandfury

Again, why do you people watch sports with the volume on?

yeah right

Because most of the time I’m in the kitchen.

Redshirt

If a Marching Band can only play seven notes, that’s not a pep rally song; that’s a warmup routine.

Horatio Cornblower

Me, flipping through the channels: “Oh, the Bruins are playing the Sabres. Sabres have a kid that played college ice footy for UConn. I’ll watch some of this.”

/Jack Edwards speaks

Me: “Or maybe I’ll just kill myself.”

*If you’re having thoughts of suicide, please seek professional help, and under no circumstance listen to Jack Edwards, because he is not going to make anything better.

Horatio Cornblower

And so the dream of an undefeated season for the Fightin’ Horatios, Men’s Netball Division, dies in Ohio, as so many dreams do.

Arsenal, however, despite some definite second-half-of-the-second-half sloppiness and with a big assist from Not Really All That Disappointing Everton, is now 7 points clear of Man City and I am beginning to dip a toe in the Waters of Unreasonable Expectations.

Horatio Cornblower

Oh right, I have to bring it in out of the rain now. Can’t have whatever magic powers it has, (and it do seem to have them), washing off now.

Horatio Cornblower

“Remember to always support each other in your endeavors, even when there’s a lot of alcohol and witnesses involved, and when it’s technically a crime. Especially then. L’Chaim!”

Beerguyrob

My plans call for helping to clean the house before WineWife’s best friend & her husband come over for Greek takeout. There is perfectly good football & junior hockey on TV.

I don’t know what I’ve done wrong, but I know I’m paying for it.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

How many TV’s do you have? Can you just have them all running and then carry a tablet/phone/laptop around for all other rooms?

Horatio Cornblower

Beerguyrob, when the guests overstay their welcome:

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Redshirt

NFL-NFLPA conclude Tua Tagovailoa’s concussion suffered on Christmas was handled properly – CBSSports.com

“When reached for comment, Tua expressed relief that he can’t remember anything that happened in 2004 as it was an uneventful year for him and not worth remembering.”

Cecil Rhodes

“All I remember is that some doctor told me that I fell down a set of stairs and hurt my back real bad!”

-T. Tagovailoa, Miami Beach, FL

Cecil Rhodes

Our lord in heaven resides in the VAR booth today!

Horatio Cornblower

He was clearly offsides per the rule, but I wonder if lesser footy would consider a change where, like hockey, offsides is waved off if the guy with the ball brings it back onsides before taking a shot at goal.

Sounds too chaotic to work, but they make it work in hockey and it’s not like hockey isn’t the fastest sport in the world not involving horses or combustion engines.

Senor Weaselo

Ah yes, it’s the end of December, time for St. John’s to completely negate their out of conference schedule by shitting the bed in Big East play.

WCS
Redshirt

We all knew the outcome. It just depends on if Alabama was going to make it look competitive for the viewing audience or if they wanted K-State to cry on the field.

Senor Weaselo

How am I spending my New Year’s? Continuing Gigsmas of course! Concert tonight in the city (and avoiding the embodiment of Hell on Earth thanks to the N train being below it all), then gig tomorrow.

WCS

Art museums can be pretty crazy on New Year’s in New York.

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Redshirt

How’d you get a live feed to the Buckeyes’ coach’s room?

Redshirt

I guess it’s like the Civil War, because despite their expressed wishes, Kentucky’s territory is being violated in perpetuity.

Senor Weaselo

Like Cincinnati airport! (And that’s how I spent a night in Kentucky.)

Redshirt

That was built before the interstates, so Cincinnati’s airport was built with no direct route to the city!

The Maestro

I have a mini-keg for myself, some edibles, a Costco bag of those Kirkland pink Himalayan salt chips and dip, two pounds of wings to cook later, and a bunch of homemade pizza already cooked and in the freezer. Time to strap the fuck in.

Senor Weaselo

Fuck, party at Maestro’s.

Horatio Cornblower

I’ll bring the sandwiches!

/shows up with a bucket of tar

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Game Time Decision

On
My
Way

Cecil Rhodes

As is their divine right!

Gumbygirl

Jesus Christ guys, the Gumby’s are ending this year with bang. FIL died while we were eating our Christmas dinner, yesterday my nephew ended up in the emergency room with bloody diarrhea, turns out it’s E. Coli, for fucks sake, a d they found poor old cancer cat Edward dead this morning. Right after the kids went back to college after Thanksgiving, I had to take cancer cat’s brother Crookie to be put down. Somebody is mad at us. My cat is a year older than they were, I’m worried about him!

Last edited 1 year ago by Gumbygirl
Senor Weaselo

Jesus, that is a lot. I’m sorry to hear all that.

The Maestro

Sending out the best vibes to you right now. So sorry for your family’s losses.

WCS

Ugh. Sincerely sorry for all of this all at once, GG. Wish I could do more. Hang in there; Clubhouse is here for yinz.

Beerguyrob

Good lord. Hopefully, Pope Benedict’s death will satiate an angry God for the rest of the day.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I realize that I missed an opportunity on last week’s episode of That’s My Raiders! to have Richie Incognito turn up at the funeral home with his trusty bonesaw in hand.

Last edited 1 year ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Deuce Vaughn is my third-favorite Vaughn behind Vince and Valentina.

Gumbygirl

My favorite U.N.C.L.E

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WCS

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Sugar Bowl is reaching Cornholio excitement levels.

scotchnaut

Speedy McSpeederson with the K State TD!

scotchnaut

Holy Crap, he’s got 105 yards in the 1st quarter.

herodotus450

K State still losing though, for now

The Maestro

Well howdy, folks. Hope you’ve all had a good week. I am burnt the fuck out on family time over these last few days. Lady Maestro was called in to do a series of emergencies two hours away and is gone all weekend, unfortunately, so out of sheer exhaustion I will be on here, watching the bowl games and ice footy and getting extremely, extremely fucking intoxicated for New Year’s Eve tonight.

And honestly, I’m actually kinda relieved about it.

Don T

Getting impaired while alone at home is the working class meditation retreat. I fully endorse it; DM for tips on how to hide your cellphone to prevent texting / venting / stalking.

Horatio Cornblower

I want to be clear I’m very much rooting for Everton to at least hold on for the draw here, but if a bus were to somehow get onto the pitch and flatten Maupay I wouldn’t be too upset with that.

Last edited 1 year ago by Horatio Cornblower
Horatio Cornblower

LESSER FOOTY FIGHT!!!

And it’s over. Not quite hockey players, are they?

Dunstan

Interestingly, I think the NBA has had more bench-clearing brawls in the last week than the NHL in the last couple of decades.

Game Time Decision

Do we will have a tipping thing for EPL?

Horatio Cornblower

I think so. I get reminders every week. I never do anything about them, but I get them.

Game Time Decision

Okay so not just me

Horatio Cornblower

Man City against Everton: “How much extra time can we have?”

Premier League: “How much do you need?”

Game Time Decision

We’d like Qatar extra time

Horatio Cornblower

Here’s 11venty minutes.

Game Time Decision

Watching the Man C and Everton game and the 80s called and want their neon coloUrs back

Horatio Cornblower

Looks like a sherbet factory exploded.

Horatio Cornblower

Fulham appears to have perked up late.

Game Time Decision

Litre will be by to tell us about it when he catches his breath and can get his arms down

litre_cola

Scared the shit out of my family screaming GET INNN.

Horatio Cornblower

Brett Favre: “Boy iff’n I had a dime for every time I heard that I wouldn’t have to steal money from the poor to fund my daughter’s college volleyball program, I tell you what!”

Horatio Cornblower

Newcastle has a player named Longstaff?

Guess we know who Deanna Favre’s favorite team will be if we ever get her to DFO.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“I’ve already written him up as a wizard character in G&G.” – Hunter Renfrow

Dunstan

He really ought to be transferred to Nottingham so he can be one of the merry men.

Horatio Cornblower

Crazy save from the Leeds keeper.

Leeds need to be careful; Newcastle is cutting through their defense like Leeds were the remains of a strangled dissident journalist.

litre_cola

Ahhh, here is the Fulham I remember.

Horatio Cornblower

Spot of weather here in Newcastle, inn’it?

Horatio Cornblower

What I like about Will Levis is that he came up to CT for some reason and tweeted out a the question why in a 2-3 mile stretch of the Boston Post Road he could find 8-9 “Mom & Pop” pizza places that were better than anything in the entire state of Kentucky. And then some KY goobers got mad and started listing all the KY pizza places that were better and it’s like “motherfucker, the man is in New Haven! Just stop; you have no idea what you’re even doing.”

Senor Weaselo

The 1 in US-1 stands for #1 pizza, ppl forget that.

BeefReeferLives

“Meh, wake me up for the big one later.”

TWOOBCMMMCRVS*!!!!!!

*”That’s What One Of Bill Cosby’s Many, Many, Many Chemical Rape Victims Said”

BeefReeferLives

Ah yes… there’s that “wet bag of shit” hippo rating i wuz loooking for. Time to start pillllz nibblin’

BeefReeferLives

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litre_cola

Preach!

BeefReeferLives

‘cept sub out the cigs fer some fruity indo…

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Maybe in beer form:
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This looks like it should be the cover of a ska album.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So Barbara Walters went last night, Pope Benedict just kicked it; do you think 2022 is going to go on one last killing spree before the clock runs out?

litre_cola

Putin heart attack?

BeefReeferLives

Ha!! Fate is not so kind…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ERWREcPIoPA

WCS

Putin “falling” out of 45th floor window

ArmedandHammered

Drinks the wrong cup of tea after doing the Scilian Gambit.

WCS

Don’t forget Pele.

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Horatio Cornblower

Baba Wawa was 93, and Benedict had been undead for many years: I’m not sure 2022 taking them out constitutes a “spree” so much as “Officer I was just standing here and they fell over.”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I do quite like that expression.

ArmedandHammered

Always made me wonder what the fuck Brits fed their dogs for breakfast that was worse than what they were eating.

scotchnaut

The Sens play the dirty, godless* Red Wings tonight and will crush them under their collective jackboots.

*I mean, they can’t even be bothered to embrace lesser gods like Shango or Hecate. How lazy is that?

herodotus450

Classic Canadian arrogance, forgetting that today is the American holiday “New Years Eve” and the Wings will be charged up

litre_cola

This is where old Mighty Whitey would lose 1 nil at the death.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s funny how it already feels like the new year.

scotchnaut

“Whew! That was a close one!”

-Canada

WCS

Merry Birthday Earth’s Concept of Time Eve

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