Do we gots some Lesser Footy and JV NFL? By gum we sure does!
Very Disappointing Everton desperately need United to open a can of whoopass on Wolves (7:30, USA), so it won’t happen. But they are a fun watch (I will reluctantly admit), now that they’ve cast Ronaldo off the island. ten Hag is a very, very good manager.
Four meh options in the 10:00 window, with NBC choosing to broadcast Ted Lasso against the Bonesaws (USA). BLECH. I will stream City of Men hosting/ass-blasting my Toffees (Peacock), but only because I well and truly hate myself. Mighty Whitey gets Sham Town, and that might be the best watch for the neutral.
Spotlight Dance is a tasty treat indeed, with the resilient Trashbirds hosting the full-steam ahead King’s Afrikan Water Pistols (12:30, NBC). Hippo is *THIS CLOSE* to predicting that the Gooners actually do win the League. I don’t think there’s any question that their pole position (heh) is anything but fully deserved. If they are a fraud? They’ll stumble here, and badly so.
Since it is NYE, there is also ample JV NFL, starting with…
Alabama (-6.5) v. Kansas State – “Heckuva Job Brownie” Dome (12:00, ESPN)
It would seem that Roll Damn Tide wants to make a point, here. Nobody opted out, even the #1 and #2 projected overall picks in the NFL Draft. Odd for a non-playoff tilt, but Saban is mad about tOSU, and nobody wants to cross him when he’s mad. But the Unded Bill Snyders are ALWAYS pesky, especially as underdogs. Fascinating matchup.
Iowa (-2) v. Kenfucky – Bachelorette Party Bowl (12:00, ABC)
Nashville really is a pretty cool town, even if you dislike country music (as Hippo does, at least in its modern format). But you DO get some opting out here, starting with Will Levis – smartly presering his inevitable “1st round bust” status, rather than suit up one last time behind the Mildcats’ paper mache OL. Team Cornpone, on the other hand, has opted out of 21st century offensing, as a matter of team policy.
TCU (+7.5) v. Michigan – “Take a Siesta” Bowl, National Semifinal #1 (4:00, ESPN)
As is tradition, the first matchup promises to be a wet bag of shit. Bloodeyes are a well-coached, spunky outfit – but their overall team talent is mid-30s, otherwise known as “similar to the Shitty Wolves.” Lesser Harbs should dominate both lines of scrimmage, and win by three scores. Meh, wake me up for the big one later.
I’ve never been more serious about anything in my life: I will hunt down, torture, and murder any and all people involved in these disgusting food commercials where every shot is a closeup of someone licking their filthy fingers. What is this, a north Indian restaraunt?
also, STOP PUTTING ALL THESE UBER-FAT FUCKS in your ads
Yeesh, hail BLEERGH.
Also, that was CLEARLY a TD. What a dogshit call.
Should someone tell Michigan that this isn’t a best of three series?
Wow, TCU is getting some wonderful breaks.
Everyone needs more Horned Frogs in their life.
Oh man, this game is already way too Michigan for my liking.
Sometimes, a Sudden Change is Sudden.
“System needs an update? Ah, what the hell, the game hasn’t started yet and even if this thing takes forever I’ll only miss a few plays…”
[forty-three minutes later]
Apologies to the BLOOD GODS, as the Bloodeyes don’t seem in a squirtin’ mood.
Late thread goes sentient at 7p EST, but will keep it here as long as Non-Raging Semi #1 stays competitive. Which won’t be long, mind.
Me: “God, Joe Girard is so obviously slow and chunky-I hope he gets his shit together in the off-season, hits the gym and works on his cardio.”
Me: [every year] “Maybe next year.”
I am all for fat-shaming the Dirt Gigantes’ manager. But why is he on teevee??
I remembered why I don’t watch much college football.
I don’t need to hear another shitty marching band butcher 7 Nation Army.
Jesus Christ these fucking band directors.
Again, why do you people watch sports with the volume on?
Because most of the time I’m in the kitchen.
If a Marching Band can only play seven notes, that’s not a pep rally song; that’s a warmup routine.
Me, flipping through the channels: “Oh, the Bruins are playing the Sabres. Sabres have a kid that played college ice footy for UConn. I’ll watch some of this.”
/Jack Edwards speaks
Me: “Or maybe I’ll just kill myself.”
*If you’re having thoughts of suicide, please seek professional help, and under no circumstance listen to Jack Edwards, because he is not going to make anything better.
And so the dream of an undefeated season for the Fightin’ Horatios, Men’s Netball Division, dies in Ohio, as so many dreams do.
Arsenal, however, despite some definite second-half-of-the-second-half sloppiness and with a big assist from Not Really All That Disappointing Everton, is now 7 points clear of Man City and I am beginning to dip a toe in the Waters of Unreasonable Expectations.
The Cornblower Family’s suborned Gooner flag, 1-0 in Premier League titles. I HAS CALLED IT.
Oh right, I have to bring it in out of the rain now. Can’t have whatever magic powers it has, (and it do seem to have them), washing off now.
You’ll hand it down to a grandchild on their wedding day.
“Remember to always support each other in your endeavors, even when there’s a lot of alcohol and witnesses involved, and when it’s technically a crime. Especially then. L’Chaim!”
My plans call for helping to clean the house before WineWife’s best friend & her husband come over for Greek takeout. There is perfectly good football & junior hockey on TV.
I don’t know what I’ve done wrong, but I know I’m paying for it.
How many TV’s do you have? Can you just have them all running and then carry a tablet/phone/laptop around for all other rooms?
Beerguyrob, when the guests overstay their welcome:
NFL-NFLPA conclude Tua Tagovailoa’s concussion suffered on Christmas was handled properly – CBSSports.com
“When reached for comment, Tua expressed relief that he can’t remember anything that happened in 2004 as it was an uneventful year for him and not worth remembering.”
“All I remember is that some doctor told me that I fell down a set of stairs and hurt my back real bad!”
-T. Tagovailoa, Miami Beach, FL
Who went and ordered Lesser Bananacakes?
Nvm sayeth the VAR
Our lord in heaven resides in the VAR booth today!
He was clearly offsides per the rule, but I wonder if lesser footy would consider a change where, like hockey, offsides is waved off if the guy with the ball brings it back onsides before taking a shot at goal.
Sounds too chaotic to work, but they make it work in hockey and it’s not like hockey isn’t the fastest sport in the world not involving horses or combustion engines.
Ah yes, it’s the end of December, time for St. John’s to completely negate their out of conference schedule by shitting the bed in Big East play.
https://twitter.com/BlueDemonDegen/status/1609274670054014976
Oh, Kansas State.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=srpwbQbHpJM&ab_channel=R3-D2
We all knew the outcome. It just depends on if Alabama was going to make it look competitive for the viewing audience or if they wanted K-State to cry on the field.
How am I spending my New Year’s? Continuing Gigsmas of course! Concert tonight in the city (and avoiding the embodiment of Hell on Earth thanks to the N train being below it all), then gig tomorrow.
Art museums can be pretty crazy on New Year’s in New York.
How’d you get a live feed to the Buckeyes’ coach’s room?
I guess it’s like the Civil War, because despite their expressed wishes, Kentucky’s territory is being violated in perpetuity.
Like Cincinnati airport! (And that’s how I spent a night in Kentucky.)
That was built before the interstates, so Cincinnati’s airport was built with no direct route to the city!
I have a mini-keg for myself, some edibles, a Costco bag of those Kirkland pink Himalayan salt chips and dip, two pounds of wings to cook later, and a bunch of homemade pizza already cooked and in the freezer. Time to strap the fuck in.
Fuck, party at Maestro’s.
I’ll bring the sandwiches!
/shows up with a bucket of tar
On
My
Way
Hippo has SEEN ENOUGH. King’s Afrikan Water Pistols will be 2022-23 Premier League shempions!
As is their divine right!
Jesus Christ guys, the Gumby’s are ending this year with bang. FIL died while we were eating our Christmas dinner, yesterday my nephew ended up in the emergency room with bloody diarrhea, turns out it’s E. Coli, for fucks sake, a d they found poor old cancer cat Edward dead this morning. Right after the kids went back to college after Thanksgiving, I had to take cancer cat’s brother Crookie to be put down. Somebody is mad at us. My cat is a year older than they were, I’m worried about him!
Good Lord. You have our permission to punch the next “Happy Holidays” wisher right in the dick. Or lady dick, as the case may be.
Jesus, that is a lot. I’m sorry to hear all that.
Sending out the best vibes to you right now. So sorry for your family’s losses.
Ugh. Sincerely sorry for all of this all at once, GG. Wish I could do more. Hang in there; Clubhouse is here for yinz.
Good lord. Hopefully, Pope Benedict’s death will satiate an angry God for the rest of the day.
I realize that I missed an opportunity on last week’s episode of That’s My Raiders! to have Richie Incognito turn up at the funeral home with his trusty bonesaw in hand.
Deuce Vaughn is my third-favorite Vaughn behind Vince and Valentina.
My favorite U.N.C.L.E
Sugar Bowl is reaching Cornholio excitement levels.
Speedy McSpeederson with the K State TD!
Holy Crap, he’s got 105 yards in the 1st quarter.
K State still losing though, for now
Flipped over in 2nd minute, Gooners already in front!
Well howdy, folks. Hope you’ve all had a good week. I am burnt the fuck out on family time over these last few days. Lady Maestro was called in to do a series of emergencies two hours away and is gone all weekend, unfortunately, so out of sheer exhaustion I will be on here, watching the bowl games and ice footy and getting extremely, extremely fucking intoxicated for New Year’s Eve tonight.
And honestly, I’m actually kinda relieved about it.
Getting impaired while alone at home is the working class meditation retreat. I fully endorse it; DM for tips on how to hide your cellphone to prevent texting / venting / stalking.
I want to be clear I’m very much rooting for Everton to at least hold on for the draw here, but if a bus were to somehow get onto the pitch and flatten Maupay I wouldn’t be too upset with that.
LESSER FOOTY FIGHT!!!
And it’s over. Not quite hockey players, are they?
Interestingly, I think the NBA has had more bench-clearing brawls in the last week than the NHL in the last couple of decades.
Do we will have a tipping thing for EPL?
I think so. I get reminders every week. I never do anything about them, but I get them.
Okay so not just me
Man City against Everton: “How much extra time can we have?”
Premier League: “How much do you need?”
We’d like Qatar extra time
Here’s 11venty minutes.
Watching the Man C and Everton game and the 80s called and want their neon coloUrs back
Looks like a sherbet factory exploded.
Spirit of the Salmon
clap clap CLAP
Fulham appears to have perked up late.
Litre will be by to tell us about it when he catches his breath and can get his arms down
Scared the shit out of my family screaming GET INNN.
Brett Favre: “Boy iff’n I had a dime for every time I heard that I wouldn’t have to steal money from the poor to fund my daughter’s college volleyball program, I tell you what!”
this inevitable winner is gonna leave a mark
Newcastle has a player named Longstaff?
Guess we know who Deanna Favre’s favorite team will be if we ever get her to DFO.
“I’ve already written him up as a wizard character in G&G.” – Hunter Renfrow
He really ought to be transferred to Nottingham so he can be one of the merry men.
Crazy save from the Leeds keeper.
Leeds need to be careful; Newcastle is cutting through their defense like Leeds were the remains of a strangled dissident journalist.
Ahhh, here is the Fulham I remember.
Spot of weather here in Newcastle, inn’it?
What I like about Will Levis is that he came up to CT for some reason and tweeted out a the question why in a 2-3 mile stretch of the Boston Post Road he could find 8-9 “Mom & Pop” pizza places that were better than anything in the entire state of Kentucky. And then some KY goobers got mad and started listing all the KY pizza places that were better and it’s like “motherfucker, the man is in New Haven! Just stop; you have no idea what you’re even doing.”
The 1 in US-1 stands for #1 pizza, ppl forget that.
“Meh, wake me up for the big one later.”
TWOOBCMMMCRVS*!!!!!!
*”That’s What One Of Bill Cosby’s Many, Many, Many Chemical Rape Victims Said”
Ah yes… there’s that “wet bag of shit” hippo rating i wuz loooking for. Time to start pillllz nibblin’
Preach!
‘cept sub out the cigs fer some fruity indo…
Maybe in beer form:
This looks like it should be the cover of a ska album.
So Barbara Walters went last night, Pope Benedict just kicked it; do you think 2022 is going to go on one last killing spree before the clock runs out?
Putin heart attack?
Ha!! Fate is not so kind…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ERWREcPIoPA
Putin “falling” out of 45th floor window
Drinks the wrong cup of tea after doing the Scilian Gambit.
Don’t forget Pele.
Baba Wawa was 93, and Benedict had been undead for many years: I’m not sure 2022 taking them out constitutes a “spree” so much as “Officer I was just standing here and they fell over.”
Leeds deserve relegation just for that dog’s breakfast of a kit
I do quite like that expression.
Always made me wonder what the fuck Brits fed their dogs for breakfast that was worse than what they were eating.
The Sens play the dirty, godless* Red Wings tonight and will crush them under their collective jackboots.
*I mean, they can’t even be bothered to embrace lesser gods like Shango or Hecate. How lazy is that?
Classic Canadian arrogance, forgetting that today is the American holiday “New Years Eve” and the Wings will be charged up
This is where old Mighty Whitey would lose 1 nil at the death.
It’s funny how it already feels like the new year.
I blame last week’s NFL schedule Sat/Sun inversion
“Whew! That was a close one!”
-Canada
Merry Birthday Earth’s Concept of Time Eve