Your Very Last NFL Monday Night Football Thread

Just a reminder that there’s a double-header on Saturday and then an avalanche of tilts next Sunday.

Fallout:

-I keep coming back to this but here we go again. The Vikes, in the first three quarters of all games this year have a point differential of -97. If I had my druthers I’d prefer the Giants play these guys rather than the Niners, even though Jefferson will tear us apart.

-That Pickett’s Charge Joke has Legs: The rook qb now has two game winning drives in consecutive weeks right there in his back pocket. The once 6-8 Steelers are still only mostly dead.

-Speaking of surprises, Dobbs gets the start next week vs the Jags. Will he get a Game Sock if he plays well?

-I Sense a Theme: Maybe perhaps Brock Purdy should have been drafted earlier than the 7th round. I do snort at internet fellas that are adamant about this player or that need to be drafted to my team when front offices with much more resources at hand can’t get it right.

-The Not-Goth QB was the Right Call: Stidham’s TD 60 yard pass to Davante was the first toss on a scramble play that the Raiders have had all year.

To The Game!

Bills/Bengals:

-Gamblor Alert-Cincy is 12-3 against the spread this year.

-A Little More Knox Perhaps: Allen has a fancy-schmancy 102.9 passer rating when throwing the ball Dawson’s Way.

-Someone that Allen isn’t meshing with is Gabe Davis-he was expected to take a big step forward this year but is being held back by a rancid 55% catch rate.

-Though Cook and Singletary have been unreliable (for those folks that play fantasy, that is) the Bills are the only team to run for 100+ yards in each game this year.

-Despite not having many known guys (outside of Ohio, I guess) the Cincy D is 9th in points allowed (20.4) and 7th in rushing yards allowed. (106.4)

-Keep your eye on Trenton Irwin-he could easily have had the TD hat-trick last week. Boyd’s finger is almost a non-issue.

It’s all yours.

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Redshirt

Hearing Stephen A. Smith talk about the tragedy is making me root against his survival and regret that they didn’t continue as soon as the ambulance hit the white paint on the sideline. I swear, this guy is so grating, if he talks in defense gravity, I may try to float away from the ground just to spite him.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Not that I spend any time on that dying platform anymore anyways, but I’m making a particular point of avoiding Clay Travis’ twitter feed for the same reasons.

blaxabbath

“See? That’s the kind of damage you need to inflict on the other guys!”

– High School Offensive Coordinators In Weight Rooms Across America This Morning

blaxabbath

“…at the end of the day, it’s just a business.”

-Damar Hamlin, making small talk while signing in at the Pearly Gates

Redshirt

“Wait a minute! They can cancel an event that in progress?!”

-Owen Hart, distracting Hamlin while Eddie Guerrero and Miss Elizabeth convince St. Peter to pull a gag on Hamlin and say he has to sit in the corner of Purgatory for 40 days and 40 nights

blaxabbath

Seeing Damar Hamlin trying to play through a heart attack sure makes you wonder what the hell is keeping Tua from guilt committing to the sport.

clint greasewood

If you wondering why Dana White was trending.
https://twitter.com/214poundsVolk/status/1610136349008625665

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Well they certainly seem to have a healthy relationship.

blaxabbath

People are actually surprised?

If you’re an over 25 male, you know who hits women. Dana White hits women. Now he doesn’t spear them in the chest and damn near kill them on the field but every dude in that box hits women.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So my mother-in-law and I made dueling pork dishes tonight. They both came out great and all the pork got eaten.

Beerguyrob

So, she ate your pork?

TheRevanchist

Just keeping it in the family.

Petronel
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Don’t even think about it, Eli.” – Olivia Manning, reading his mind

TheRevanchist

Now over 2 mil.

WCS

Holy shit, this guy grew up ten minutes from my parents’ home.

Gumbygirl

McKees Rocks/Stowe Township.

Brocky

So espn2 is showing an axe throwing competition

WCS

Content mines never stop.

Don T

Folks on Facebook are losing their shit because the Bills kicked a FG to make it 7-3 in the 1st QRT.

Col. Duke LaCross

It’s all speculation, but this dude’s opinion is a little more informed than most.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H-G9mziXL9w

Doktor Zymm

That seems like a very reasonable explanation. Basically the heart’s version of the vent in the Death Star

ballsofsteelandfury

I’ve seen other doctors say commotio cortis as well. I read that survival rate is 58%, which is a lot higher than it used to be. Quick application of CPR and AED is critical to increasing the survival rate, so that’s all a positive.

Last edited 1 year ago by ballsofsteelandfury
Doktor Zymm

Wikipedia says 2-3 deaths per year in youth baseball which I did not think of as a particularly dangerous sport. They probably aren’t super likely to have a defib available at little league games.

Petronel

Getting hit in the chest with a hard ball traveling at pitching speeds is apparently enough to do the job. (And, for righty batters, the left side of the chest is closer to the incoming ball, which probably doesn’t help.) Seems there are chest protector pads just for this situation.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I thought I remember they were trying to study it by shooting baseballs at pigs.

Senor Weaselo

I had a Heart-Guard, so it’s more for corner infielders/pitchers with balls hit back at them.

I think it’s more common as a lacrosse occurrence, actually.

Redshirt

I’m surprised it hasn’t happened before in the NFL. That wasn’t a runningback or a lineman; that was a wide receiver. If a wide receiver can produce enough force for that to happen, several other positions can easily top that force.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I wonder if the fact that there are pads there make it less likely to happen.

WCS

*walks in to Clubhouse*

Sorry I’m late. Slow down, 2023, it’s only January 2nd.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m not saying I’m a hero, but Lady BFC is watching Emily in Paris right now, so I also know what it’s like to nearly die on the field.

Doktor Zymm

I heard she’s still in Paris

Don T

As usual, 37 is right
comment image

Horatio Cornblower

https://twitter.com/PagnattiJrESPN/status/1610120646092292098

Somebody took his account and is using it to urge Sirius to fire him.

Which they should do, immediately if not sooner.

JustStopDude

The guy trying to get the XM radio guy fired is also the one who made the offensive tweets.

Horatio Cornblower

I think it’s someone who swooped in and grabbed his @ after the first guy deleted his account. But I could be wrong. Twitter is a hell site.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That was idiotic. Now Pagnatti can say he was “hacked”.

Don T

Hamlin’s agent (via @ezlazar)
comment image

ballsofsteelandfury

This is really good news

Doktor Zymm

Steps in the right direction! Kudos to the medical teams that have gotten him this far

blaxabbath

Think his agent gets a cut of the life insurance pay out if he goes down for good on the gridiron?

Redshirt

Fans are starting to show up at the hospital. This is getting surreal.

Horatio Cornblower

https://twitter.com/bearsaremean/status/1610111889949839363/photo/1

The entire account has since been deleted. As I imagine his employment with ESPN will be tomorrow, if not before.

Sharkbait

How to lose a job in two tweets.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

And how to be a viable republican candidate for Congress after he complains about the liberal media being too sensitive and silencing him.

Col. Duke LaCross

He’s gonna get three votes for Speaker of the House tomorrow.

SonOfSpam

Man, that is REALLY insensitive. Typical Italian.

Doktor Zymm

It’s really amazing that these shitbags manage to walk around looking like normal humans most of the time

JustStopDude

That’s a troll account. The real guy is in XM Radio and not ESPN radio.

I actually feel bad for the radio guy. His life is going to get tough.

Doktor Zymm

If only Twitter had some sort of way to tell if accounts are authentically who they claim to be, like some sort of ‘verified’ checkmark or something

blaxabbath

Thats a funny joke if you’re not supposed to play a character on tv who is credible and sincere.

RIP Barbara Walters

Last edited 1 year ago by blaxabbath
SonOfSpam

So I ran a simulation for the rest of the game (I have that software, whatever it is).

Bills won on a last minute TD pass to Diggs, and Cole Beasley blew Josh Allen in the locker room with Troy Aikman looking on.

It’s a very thorough software doohickey.