Your AFC Semi-Final Open Thread

The very last multiple days doubleheader weekend is upon us but we should be grateful because all the matchups look really good or at least interesting. Will I avoid day-drinking so that I can watch the night game? YOU BET!

To The Game!

Jags/Chiefs:

-Much like the Giants the Jags are playing with the proverbial house money, far exceeding their own and everyone else’s expectations. Though they can improve, this season has been a raging success by any metric one can imagine.

-Much is being made of Chris Jones being sackless in all the playoff games he’s played in. (kinda hard to imagine, tbh) But the edge fella that might end up being the most disruptive is rook George Karlaftis. He was very slow off the mark at the beginning of the season but has 5.5 sackaroos in the last 7 games.

-Bad News Aplenty: Speaking of defensive players struggling, let’s shine a light on Jags rook lb Devin Lloyd, who was playing so badly in the week 10 game vs these Chiefs that he was pulled in the 2nd half. Jacksonville is dead last in the league in DVOA vs tight ends and throws to the short middle of the field. Looks to me like Kelce should have one of those 12 catch, 130 yard, 2 TD games.

-I Did Not Know This: Reid was the qb coach when Pederson was the 3rd string ball tosser for the Packers in the ’97 and ’98 seasons.

Time For Another: Four of the Jags last eight wins have required a 4th quarter comeback.

-The Guy Sees The Field Well: According to Next Gen Stats, Mahomes has successfully scrambled 119 times in a row without getting sacked. In that game back in week 10 he scrambled 5 times for 40 yards.

-Along with Karlaftis, the Chiefs will be relying on rooks in key positions that obviously have no playoff experience. Slot corner Trent McDuffie, Isiah Pacheco and 7th round cb Jaylen Watson are breaking their playoff cherry. The same is also true of Kadarius Toney who will be replacing the injured Mecole Hardman.

Have at it.

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Redshirt

Tuck rule!

Redshirt

Skip To My Lou lyric video for kids – YouTube

I’m going to Hell for this one.

Last edited 1 year ago by Redshirt
Gatoraids

Production screaming in ear to Collinsworth to not to make a Battle of Wounded Knee reference.

fleshwound_NPG
Redshirt

For the love of Griffin, put in Henne!

Gumbygirl

This seems foolish. Get him out of there, they didn’t even look at it.

Doktor Zymm

Looked like someone fell on his ankle and twisted it a bit. As someone who has destroyed both my ankles in vastly different ways, he’s putting weight on it, nawt all that bad.

Doktor Zymm

Twisting your ankle always gives an adrenaline jolt, to the point you can feel it running through your system. Neither adrenaline nor large amounts of alcohol takes away that collapsing feeling of a joint that can’t hold your weight.

Redshirt

That wasn’t ankle. As someone who watched replays of Palmer and Burrow, that really looked frighteningly familiar.

Redshirt

Eh, what do I know.

ThePirateSloth

Sit the fuck down Mahomes.

litre_cola

Oh hell yes, my Duval bet likes this.

Gatoraids

Jags gave Mahomes knees gonorrhea

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Mahomes genuinely lucky he didn’t get Theismann’d right there.

fleshwound_NPG

lol no way

Mr. Ayo

Ded Frog!

King Hippo

gonna need to rub SO MUCH sum dirt on it smh

Petronel

RUH ROH

Redshirt

Oh, shit.

Redshirt

(trance-like monotone) “The Narrative. All hail, The Narrative.”

ThePirateSloth

Can we not do this NBC? JUST STOP

Redshirt

Live Shot at the Kansas City sideline:

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Last edited 1 year ago by Redshirt
Doktor Zymm

Christian Kirk should do endorsements for the Church of Scotland

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I wish the Manningcast were going on so Eli could explain to us the difference between the good touch shown by Prison Girlfriend on that pass and a bad touch.

Redshirt

Eli: “A good touch is when the quarterback throws a pass into a tight window. A bad touch is when my uncle took me into his garage and he…”

(feed cuts to static)

litre_cola

Will there be dolls?

Doktor Zymm

Not a blowout yet!

ThePirateSloth

Damn, what a throw

jjfozz

It’s going to be a very cold day when I kill and gut Cris Collinsworth, so I can warm my hands on the steam that rises from his rotten guts.

He is the worst fucking thing in the world.

He is the corn in the diarrhea of life.

King Hippo

that last line is pure poetry

Gumbygirl

I made Gumby take off his headphones so I could read it to him. He also read Fozzie’s post earlier. The Gumby’s are Team Fozz!

Petronel

I miss Tiny Darren

Doktor Zymm

So much better than Spiro!

Gumbygirl

I have a Spiro Agnew trash can in my bedroom. It always makes me laugh!

Doktor Zymm

That is fantastic! I always kind of half-wanted-but-not-really-cause-it-would-be-creepy Nixon wallpaper, but I think a Spiro trashcan is the perfect balance!

Doktor Zymm

Maryland has some of the shittiest drivers in the country (second only to Northern Virginia) so he may have single handedly created road rage

Redshirt

I’m starting to feel like April 27, 2018, as I’m watching a screen and have a feeling I’m going to be watching all my bets involving the Jaguars covering the spread crumbling into dust.

TheRevanchist

How did Jacksonville get into the playoffs? Geez. It’s like watching toddlers trying to chase the family dog.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

God I hate the fucking Chiefs.

fleshwound_NPG

still, at least theyre a little less annoying than the greatriots

and, even with the chop, waaaay less racist

TheRevanchist

But I still love you, my little Rikki.

Doktor Zymm

If you can hold out for another decade, I can see Mahomes and I AM THE WALRUS retiring in the same year, leaving the franchise flailing

litre_cola

– Canada’s founding fathers

fleshwound_NPG

me: this is a flat out lie

kyrie: you know what else is flat

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[looks around nervously] – Dorito Dink

King Hippo

ANOTHER would be banner!

King Hippo

As a DC, I’d be saying “they run that veer again, let ’em have 10 yards, just beat the monkeyshit out of Mahomes”

Redshirt

This is why every DL Depth Chart needs an enforcer like the NHL, who gets a Roughing the Passer when its 1st and Goal, just to let the QB to feel a bit of pain.

Gumbygirl

A Vontaze Burfict?

Redshirt

Well, yeah, except picking up penalties at times that the team can benefit from and not at times that makes their fans rue the day their franchise was founded.

Last edited 1 year ago by Redshirt
fleshwound_NPG
Redshirt

Since we’re talking about “frenemies”, I can imagine the bars in Buffalo are full of Bills and Bengals fans all cheering for Jacksonville. Man, tomorrow is gonna feel weird.

fleshwound_NPG

either this is gonna be a quick blowout (without a charger-ing happening) or this is gonna be like a combo of ’95 colts/chiefs and ’96 jags/donks levels of awesome hilariousness

Mr. Ayo

Ok, let’s see a piece on each coaches’ kids. I bet they’re frenemies today too.

King Hippo

Mrs. Reid is teeny, no idea how they ever procreated without smothering,

Doktor Zymm

Well, that just led my brain down a very unpleasant path of imagination

litre_cola

She is handy with crampons and an ice axe for mounting on big Andy.

King Hippo

perhaps he has a special blubber harness, that allows her to somehow be on top? YOU’RE WELCOME

Redshirt

Time for my annual “How in hell is Eric Bieniemy still a coordinator?!” comment.

litre_cola

Well, uh, ask Ron Desantis.

Redshirt

Shh! People in Florida aren’t allowed to say that word anymore! It makes Warrior Jesus cry!

Dunstan

Look, he’s just a little too… uh… well, you see, he just doesn’t look the part. Not a leader of men like, say, Josh McDaniels.

King Hippo

Wow, Reid barely had C-cups back in the 90s

Redshirt

For those of you who doubt the Jaguars will be able to surprise the #1 seed, just remember the Bengals did it last year. A team playing with House Money is a dangerous thing.

litre_cola

Gave away my shift tonight. Beer in hand, ribs and chicken in the smoker, kinda stoned. Rage will happen in the late window.

Right now?

DDDDUUUUUVVVAAAAALLLLLLLLL

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0HVQ160TF5U

Doktor Zymm

Jags winning this would be a really FUN upset, although it seems unlikely.

Wanna feel super old? No? Well too bad. Mahomes is the second oldest QB remaining in the playoffs. Dak is the oldest.

King Hippo

holy fuckballs, that IS insane

Mr. Ayo

Yep, confirmed. I feel super old now.

King Hippo

I feel that every time I climb stairs. Or take a shit. Hopefully, not at the same time.

King Hippo

I think Prison Girlfriend used extra conditioner this morning. RAWR!

Doktor Zymm

If Prison Girlfriend and Mahomes had a baby it would be Troy Polamalu

King Hippo

DAMN, too bad we just put up a new banner

blaxabbath

UCLA can go to hell.

Horatio Cornblower

Tony Dungy keeps getting skinnier, and I sincerely hope it’s because he’s dying.

Gumbygirl

Gumby said he put out on social media the nonsense about kids demanding litter boxes in school because they identify as cats. Moron. I loved him when he was a Steeler player, but he is a complete whackjob douchecanoe. I do a dickbong rip in his general direction!

facebook_1673807768474_7020458618544837576_162297849392254.jpg
Horatio Cornblower

He did. He’s since deleted it and cut-and-pasted an apology, likely written by his agent, in an attempt at damage control.

I hope NBC gets rids of him after the season. In addition to just being a loathsome piece of shit, and possible half-goblin, he adds nothing to the broadcasts.

ThePirateSloth

I mean…

comment image

King Hippo

That was an NBC show, no idea why he hasn’t been worked into the pre-game, at least.

King Hippo

Jaguras, let’s see what y’all got!

Gatoraids
BrettFavresColonoscopy

THIS GUY CHRIS JONES, SCOTCHNAUT IS IMPLYING HE’S A EUNUCH BECAUSE HE’S SACKLESS

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