Your Other (Alliterative) AFC Semi Final Open Thread

Perhaps we could have a competitive contest? Perhaps both teams could show up? I’ve no reason to be salty about the Giants given the season they had but I do like embracing my bitter side apparently. They finally have a good front office and coach in place and now they just need to close the talent deficit they have compared to the Cowboys and Philly. And team speed. There was a reason Wink played up to 7 guys in the secondary because he recognized what fans have been screaming about for two decades-the lb’s are too slow, being drafted specifically to stop the run game. I’ll shut up now.

To The Game!

Bengals/Bills:

-With Cincy down two starters on the right side of the o-line (three if you want to count Collins) look for excellent blocking back Perine to have an increased role as well as blocking tight end Mitchell Wilcox-they’ll chip in to help out the noobs.

-One should remember though that during the Bengals march to the Super Bowl Burrow was sacked 15(!) times in three games.

-We Have Snow Game?: Nope. A light dusting is called for early in the afternoon but that’s it.

-You would think that Cincy would want to slow the game down a bit but they are 29th in the league in rushing. Mixon averages a mere 3.9 ypc which is 32nd among 41 qualifying rb’s. To boot, they tend to run behind the right tackle-there’s another problem given their injuries.

-Last week Allen had two INT’s and a fumble but the damage wasn’t as severe as it could have been because Skylark Thompson. Burrow will pounce on any field-shortening errors made by Josh.

-If there is bracket coverage on Diggs, Playoff Gabe Davis will have to make another noteworthy appearance. He has a considerable height advantage on the opposing cb’s.

-On t’udder side-who does Buffalo put Tre’Davious White on? Higgins? Chase? A combo of both? It’s the old ‘pick your poison’ dilemna.

-There’s talk that lb Logan Wilson will be used as a ‘spy’ on Allen which is a wee bit interesting given that they were teammates at Wyoming. They were in fact so close that they had matching Truck Nutz made for their pickups! (this is not even remotely a fact)

Enjoy the tilt.

 

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Wakezilla

Oh my god, I just saw a commercial for a movie called 80 for Brady.

I blame the vaccines

Gumbygirl

Jeem just turned into a Bosa there. “He’s-a gonna turn into a….”

Brick Meathook

Are the two cat guys in the commercial supposed to be gay? Is that why they call it Progressive insurance? Is it gay insurance?

Gumbygirl

If they were gay, they’d already have a cat, duh!

BugEyedBoo

Pretty clean kitchen for two straight roommates.

Recovery Whiskey

They’re an ambiguously gay duo. Or Meteosexuals. Or Millennials.

jjfozz

THis curly haired actor in these Apple TV commercials needs to be eviscerated. Now.

BugEyedBoo

Not a big fan of Paul Muad’Dweeb?

jjfozz

why i want to be a dog

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I thought it was so you could lick your balls

makeitsnowondem

That’s the first time I’ve ever seen the telestrator used to circle a guy offscreen.

WCS

Trent Green’s was never plugged in because he tried to color on Verne Lundquist’s glasses with the pen.

Gumbygirl

Beaty has his snow tires on.

King Hippo

ok, that ad with Elisha hinting that he’d like to see PeyPey decapitated is pretty good

WCS

Sibling decapitation is mandatory Thanksgiving activities at the Jack Harbaugh household every year.

King Hippo

every time I see my little brother, he body slams me into a wall. And we never really had any bad blood (I was a benevolent dictator, one that went to the ABC store for him)

Beerguyrob

CBS using that long-distance shot through the snow of Hamlin in the booth is going to make the girl from “The Ring” appear.

King Hippo

These are probably the two most physical teams (outside of the Surly Duff Division) in the AFC. Buckle up, this is gonna be good.

jjfozz

Wait, you’re supposed to go low at the goal line? In Baltimore we go high. That’s a proven formula for success.

King Hippo

It baffles me beyond all reason. But es verdad.

Cecil Rhodes

Though James Cook is my esteemed colleague, I will try to offer a balanced assessment of the situation. Singletary, while shifty, is not very fast, nor is he great at catching the football out of the backfield. He has also fumbled at key points during the Bills season, and that has really put him in the doghouse with the coaching staff. He will be let go for all of the aforementioned reasons.

Horatio Cornblower

On the other hand Singletary seems much less likely to be beaten to death in Hawaii, so there’s that.

makeitsnowondem

Gentlemen.

King Hippo

the SNOW summoned thee!

makeitsnowondem

My kind of game!

King Hippo

bout time teh weather FITBAW gods listened to ya

BrettFavresColonoscopy

WHERE?!

jjfozz

When you get older and have a child, and take him to a birthday party, you have zero guilt for leaving him there. These younger parents, fucking asshead millenials, stay there and hover. Also, I hate millenials.

jjfozz

Somewhere between the living room and kitchen I lost my vape pen. Maybe the dog ate it.

King Hippo

Vape pen? I didn’t know you were going hipster!

/ducks

jjfozz

It helped me give up those little cigars. Great. Now I’m addicted to that damn thing.

TheRevanchist

Swisher Sweets? The grape flavor?

Dunstan

I wasn’t sure who to cheer for in this game but at this point I think it’s got to be the Bills if only to get this game competitive

ThePirateSloth

*sigh*

I didn’t put pants on for this kind of game!!

/chugs beer
//goes outside to grill

King Hippo

Grilling nekked is a good way to locate swingers in your area!

WCS

A good way for the police to locate you, too!

King Hippo

they DO like playing the dominant role, if your orgy plan has too many subs (ppl forget that)

Horatio Cornblower

Good way to burn your junk, too.

WCS

Shit happens when you party nekked and with dwarves.

Wakezilla

Neither did the Bills defense so far

Recovery Whiskey

Hola

jjfozz

Do the Bills know that there’s a football game going on?

LemonJello

Soon as they finish their wings, they’ll get to playing fitbawl.

Dunstan

I don’t why Mahomes is so defensive about it. A bath bomb jazz bath sounds pretty good to me. Though I’d go with recorded music rather than a mulleted sax player in the room.

jjfozz

His actual bath bombs are made out of ashes from Hiroshima and Nagasaki. HE’S THAT FUCKING WEALTHY.

Brick Meathook

According to the Associated Press, you have to kill 4 or more people, not including yourself, to qualify as a “mass killing.” 3 or less? Amateur.

Last edited 1 year ago by Brick Meathook
Dunstan

Do hobos count? Asking for a friend.

jjfozz

Hobos do not count as they have no souls.

jjfozz

Ladies and whales, I am happy to join you.

Recovery Whiskey

How was mass

jjfozz

Didn’t go, Mrs. Fozz woke up early and went with hte youngest. What a relief.

Gumbygirl

Have you sent MIL to a farm upstate yet?

jjfozz

She never made it home. I’m anxious.

jjfozz

I spend as little time as possible in the room with her. She has called Fox news too liberal

she would have loved Germany in 1938

Last edited 1 year ago by jjfozz
SonOfSpam

“Sure hope it’s solid”

-Davenport’s housekeeper

Don T

Woo hoo! Got a… Alternative to watch the game.
Only a full-blooded Ontarian would call this a lite dusting 😅
I shouldn’t be this sober

Last edited 1 year ago by Don T
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Is Damar actually playing?

Petronel

He’s up in a box with his mom and his little brother.

SonOfSpam

He deserves better.

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Cecil Rhodes

No. He has something more serious than a back injury.

SonOfSpam

Yes, and David Crosby sang the national anthem.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

My joke was intended as a critique of the Bills secondary but that would have been awesome.

Spur

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The Maestro

Nice gesture by the Bills to sign Stevie Wonder to play DB.

Mr. Ayo

Well hopefully this evening’s game is better.

Gumbygirl

Wooooo Bengals!

fleshwound_NPG

um, buffalo

Spur

Bills are aware the started?

LongtimeLionsLoser

Irrelevant game fact: Sam Martin, the Bills’ punter, used to play for the Lions.

Brick Meathook

Happy Tet!

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Sharkbait

Not again!

–R. Mcnamara

SonOfSpam

How did you already get Monterey Park footage?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Just popped into a bar for a quick minute, and there are 8 TVs, all of which have the Juventus game on.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ok that problem has been remedied, took entirely too long but new problem: a guy just walked in clad head to toe in Packers gear, including a Brett Favre jersey.

/Checks games
//Checks year

What in the actual fuck

Beerguyrob

Clearly getting ready to hate watch the late game.

LemonJello

Maybe it’s Britt Farr hisself?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Only if he reverse Sammy Sosad

Gumbygirl

Where are you?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Northern Virginia at the moment but GTFOing

Spur

Still mad a Cincy for not covering last week but whatever. Go Kitties!

TheRevanchist

“Now, this guy, holding the chains at the sideline, let me tell you how good he is and how impressed I am with the way they move the chains.”

WCS

Interesting defense.

King Hippo

Joe Burrow is just so fucking good.

Brocky

He really is and it’s baffling how many people still underrate him

Spur

Do cats like being in the snow?

King Hippo

No. They find it bewildering, and get mad at their human family members

LemonJello

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ThePirateSloth

While some big flurries were coming down yesterday, I took each of my cats outside to see how they responded. It looked like this: https://www.reddit.com/r/cats/comments/10ddydf/kitty_saw_snow_for_the_first_time/

Gumbygirl

I had one who loved it. He was a ruthless killer, and he could hear the little critters moving under the snow. Pounce!

LongtimeLionsLoser

Homer knows all

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ballsofsteelandfury

Gotta love a snow playoff game!

LemonJello

Let’s do this!

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fleshwound_NPG

SNOW FOOTBAW

Cecil Rhodes

You sure that’s snow? I’ve seen similar scenes in my powder room…

-J. Irsay, Indianapolis

Petronel

THE BEST KIND!

King Hippo

Does it ever snow in Santa Clara? Asking for the night game.

Petronel

Not as far as I’m aware, but Zymm would have more up-to-date data on that.

ThePirateSloth

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King Hippo

AAAARRRGGGGHHHHH, homey

Spur

Folks

Redshirt

I hope the Bengals pull this one out. Mostly because if they don’t, the goodwill with Buffalo and Hamlin will flip and Local Sports Radio may go to a very dark place.

I Say Let ’em Crash – YouTube

King Hippo

Am so excite. FITBAW WOO

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