As Barry Manilow famously said, “Looks like we made it!” As with every season, t’was a tortuous route for all of us-we lost some some folks/fans but we gained some as well and learned something along the way. (I learned that I didn’t learn anything, which is a kind of learning)
Some Superb Owl Facts You May Not Know-
-The game was named by famous ornithologist John James Audubon who also named The Great Horned Owl on the very same day, the only man to name two species in a 24 hour period. The Germans were so impressed with this feat they named their highway system after him!
-Wacko Super Bowl truthers insist that Lamar Hunt named it after a kid’s toy. (thank heavens the Hunt kids weren’t playing with a Slinky) Actually, sports writers were calling it the Super Bowl back in 1966-Arthur Dailey, a columnist in New York called it ‘the superduper bowl’. It caught on quite easily, given that some of the competition out there at the time was The Bluebonnet Bowl, The Tangerine Bowl, The Sun Bowl and The Pasadena Bowl.
-The game has only been played in Canada-adjacent states three times-each time Michigan and Minnesota’s Labatt’s and Molson reservoirs came dangerously close to drying up. Lesson learned, America!
To The Game!
Chiefs/Eagles:
-Is there a betting line on Kadarius Toney getting hurt? Because he is going to get hurt. As far as other props go, I’d take a Justin Watson anytime TD at +700. You can take the Gatoraid prop and give yourself an enema with it.
-The only teams to record more than the Eagles 70 sacks are the ’89 Vikes (71) and the ’84 Bears (72).
-To offset that pressure look for K.C. to employ wr screens, jet sweeps and delayed screens to the running backs.
-Shoulder Responsibilities?: Hurts was an effective deep passer in the regular season but he is only 2 of 7 on passes of 20+ yards in the playoffs. (none of them for scores)
-Much like all at their position, Philly’s lb’s are overmatched vs Kelce. For that reason the team may turn to man fathered by a 19th century English manservant and birthed by an accountancy firm, one Chauncey Gardner-Johnson.
-The Chiefs run game on 1st down in the playoffs is a crapshoot. They’ve averaged 2.8 yards per carry so far.
-Hassan Reddick Feast Day: He’ll be lined up against Chiefs guard Andrew Wylie who has, bless his heart, very generously given up (9!) sacks so far this year.
-Philly nay-sayers have pointed out that the quality of teams they’ve played against isn’t exactly top-notch. Football Outsiders has their sked ranked as the easiest in the league by a good margin. And really, they’ve battled against the likes of Josh Johnson, One-Armed Purdy, Webb, Rush, Pickett, Mills, Heinicke and Dalton. Do those guys even qualify as ‘C’ level talent?
-“Tyreek, Who’s He?”: The Chiefs as a team had more yards after the catch than any squadoo in the last 15 years. Using the Expected Points Added metric, the offense became more efficient than it was last year.
-Mahomes’ EPA per pass play ranking vs zone? #1. Vs man? #1. Vs the blitz? #1. Vs no blitz? #1. Vs split safeties? #1. Vs single-high safeties? #2, like a sucker.
-No team has beaten the Chiefs by more than 4 points this year.
-K.C. likes to play press coverage and wr Brown ranks #1 there but he’s been quiet in the playoffs with 7 grabs (on 14 targets) for a mere 54 yards. He’s been open but Hurts has missed him.
-All things considered, I’m leaning towards them Chiefs. They appear to have huge advantages at qb and coach and Philly’s gaudy stats have come against questionable teams in questionable circumstances. But what do I know? Nothing.
Enjoy. Drop in and say hello if you haven’t recently, we’d love to hear from you.
Would we get a 30 for 30: Race to 30 some time later? 30 weeks later, perhaps?
The OT is extremely fucking nigh
Well, well, well. Eric Adams promised to rein in New York City’s bloated budget, and yet here we are, in the Big Avocado.
And put it all in his family’s and friend’s coffers!
It’s hard to make people want deBlasio back, but he’s trying his best.
Wow that first commercial break was cancer
Sharky, who’s got 7-0? Better not be Grandma.
“Grandma Sucks!”
-Ashley Reagan
I was expecting a giant smoking crater from a meteor strike and instead theres going to be a fitbawl game?
Well, shit.
There’s still time! You can even predict the blast radius using the following tool: https://neal.fun/asteroid-launcher/
I kinda thought Gainwell was undervalued on the first touchdown prop. Glad I didn’t bet it!
That sky judge overrule ruined some poor bastard’s life, fo sho
Love you all, but it’s time for me to tune out. I’ll check back in about five hours to see how everything shook out.
Probably for the best
Hippo is a lot of caffeine
/runs to get MOAR
Ref did some Vogue-ing there!
Imma drink at every “scrum” said during the game.
As long as they show videos of all of them in a row. A scrum shot compilation, as it could be called.
Going up the gut to score? Philly desperately wants to win the Andy Reid Bowl with style
I’m watching Derry Girls with the Owl in the second TV.
I regret nothing.
Is that the new show about the girls that dress like cows to attract farmers to marry
Good name for a RB
Boston Scott trying to score against a team not named the Giants. smgdh…
Rush with your eyes? Sounds painful
You should listen to them with your ears. Even worse.
Refs already giving it to eagles.
Reid with the Madden hit stick there
Here’s a question to pose to the clientele of this fine website (it may also be an ancient proverb) — if a black fellow makes a gesture that stereotypically portrays Indigenous culture during Black History Month, are we supposed to get upset? Asking for the Twitter mob!
The game’s on
How about, get upset for some, tiny American flags for everyone!
Joe and Troy not calling this? Can it be?
They got signed to espn
I’m still in transit. Praise Jeebus for overproduction and extravagance.
I did place TWO bets on time woo! Where the hell is my to go PAID order?
fuck this didn’t work but if you get html tags you’ll see the humor here
“All this Pomp and Circumcision is completely unnecessary!”
-Emmitt Smith
“I feel like we might as well kick this thing off” is by a wide margin the worst thing I’ve ever heard any commentator say to introduce the Super Bowl kickoff.
Doug Williams: Still a black quarterback
Probably the blackest of the black qb’s since the 80’s.
The most token athlete in the history of sports.
Not even top ten all time among black qbs yet the most well known
Vick was prettay black.
How long has he been one?
Welcome to Super Bowl 57 you say? WHEN, cause it sure hasn’t started yet
Question posed at this soiree–
Has there ever been a non Christian Super Bowl QB?
Satanist Tom Brady
Aaron Rodgers is Baha’i or something now, does that count?
Eli Manning might be Christian, but he also still might think God and Santa Claus are the same entity.
I still think it’s kinda funny that “wild and crazy” ken Stabler beat “son of a methodist minister” Fran tarkenton
That’s why God never let Ali Haji Sheikh kick past the first round. The only barefoot hero God loves is His only Son.
Tua at least made a superbowl appearance
Gentlemen.
Where?
WHERE?
Sorry no one here like that
I WILL find out where you’re hiding the gentlemen!
Don’t look in the basement or in Northern Ontario
My word, this pre-match segment has more pomp and circumstance than when Her Majesty Queen Victoria ascended to the throne! I could have captured another vital mineral deposit on a Zulu encampment between when I turned on my moving picture box and the inevitable start of the contest!
God DAMN, they’re still leaning into the Pat Tillman stuff.
And gloss over how he was killed
Ah yes pat tillman.
I go through this weird thing where I want to be cynical about him, but I have a hard time justifying it
He was dumb enough to believe the bullshit that got him killed. Like everyone else that volunteered to kill Iraqis and Afghans because Saudis we once funded attacked us.
Oh, dear God in Heaven, if they don’t get this game over with, I’m going back to the Reds.
Christ it’s already past 6:30. Booooooo
3:45 on the Best Coast.
Nope. Not watching this bullshit.
Friendly fire hero
Friendly fire isn’t.
Oh Fuck me gently with a Jingoistic chainsaw
LET’S GO YOU FUCKING COCKNUCKLES WOOOOOOOOOOO
That’s Sonic & Cocknuckles! Or Sonic 3 & Cocknuckles if you lock the two on.
Don’t they make a chunky cocknuckles shake at Sonic?
The secret ingredient is cock.
I dug this out of the moth balls.
I made it for that glorious night five years ago.
This isn’t an endorsement, just a happy memory
That’s what happened the last time I refused to watch a Super Bowl. I’m hoping I can repeat that magic.
Ha, I was a refusenik that year too
I turned that game on when it went to OT. Best Owl Ever.
/urge to kill is rising with each and every GOTDAMN GRONK COMMERCIAL
I see you out there RTD
Oh man I’m riding the motorcycle right now. Just listen to this engine: rum rum rum RUM, RUMRUM
surprised they didnt shootdown the goodyear blimp over the stadium
Sleepy Joe smgdh
They’re making a reboot of Black Sunday?
That’s a good old fashioned ‘MURICAN spy balloon!
I guess the Duck Dynasty fellas were too busy to do the Anthem.
(more confused Braves fans)
First tears, was there a prop for that?
(rips up four parlay betting slips)
I think Nick Sirianni has to take a shit
No, he’s just a crying shithead
That’s JUST EYE SWEAT bruh
Not that anyone cares, but Babyface absolutely did not need the added accompaniment.
The Eagles mascot in the background wandering around reminded me of the time I did ‘security’ when the Carleton football team made it to the playoffs. Drunk as fuck, yelling to a buddy, I walked between a TSN announcer doing a live preview of the game and the camera he was talking to. So yeah, I’ve been on Canuck nation-wide TV.
So all 55 watchers saw you?
I did
Just the once? I thought they aired police sketches of you pretty much weekly during “hunting” season.
Canadia has like 4 colleges. How hard could playoff qualifying be?
Evening. Scotch for the scotch gods
PEAT FOR THE PEAT THRONE!
Babyface’s tribute to Roy Orbison
I thought the Roy Orbison tribute was scheduled to be performed by the officiating crew late in the fourth quarter when a Chiefs lineman gets away with a blatant holding penalty that springs Mahomes to scramble for a critical first down.