“Browns! Eagles!” And A Thursday Night NFL Exhibition Game Open Thread

We may see some shenanigans early in this tilt because these guys did not play nice together earlier in the week. So there’s that. What else is going on?

-Joe Mixon is not guilty of waving a gun in front of a woman after driving ‘erratically’, cutting her off and jumping out of his car to confront her. (he seems well-balanced) The key to his innocence? His counsel was able to convince the judge that the woman was ‘angry’ rather than ‘afraid’ when Mixon yelled at her and that’s part of the criteria used in “Aggravated Menacing” trials. What. The. Fuck? Oh yeah, Ohio.

-Jonathan Taylor has left camp with the full blessing of the Colts in order to attend to a personal matter. Married couples call this a ‘cooling-off period’ but whatever. He’s still not ready to practice with the team but methinks that if his trade request was granted (not bloody likely) he’d be ready and raring to go. It’s all performative silliness on both sides.

-That Bucs/Jets joint practice is a bit of a carnival. Russell Gage’s knee went kablooie and he’s gone for the year. Jets cb coach Tony Oden collapsed on the field and was sent to the hospital. Reading between the lines it appears he was hit by a wandering haymaker while trying to break up a skirmish.

To The Game!

Browns/Eagles:

-Darian Thompson-Robinson, a fifth-round pick, likely gets the start tonight being as he has jumped the queue and Kellen Mond in the qb pecking order. He’s one guy that I’d have loved seeing the Giants grab in this year’s draft but it didn’t work out. Was he a position of need? Nope. Do I prefer the rb that was drafted in the fifth? Yup. The irrational heart wants what it wants!

-DTR starting is probably for the best for Deshaun given that he tossed two INT’s and was stripped of the ball (a no-no because qb’s are not to be touched) during a joint practice yesterday.

-Some in the Philly org have a boner for one Tanner McKee, a no-name qb that played well last week. The scuttlebutt goes that if he keeps making progress the team could dump Mariota (as teams are wont to do) and have a super cheap backup for 5 years.

Do your thing.

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TheRevanchist

The hospital has very few channels. I need football in my life.

WCS

Glad to see you’re healthy enough to be bored.

TheRevanchist

Bored, but not enough privacy to watch GILF porn.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Plus Woodhouse is dead

Gumbygirl

How are you?

TheRevanchist

Doing okay. Got some blood veins growing where they aren’t supposed to. Could be fatal if one bursts. So, gotta work all that out with specialists.

Gumbygirl

Yikes, feel better soon! I’m sending all the positive thoughts your way.

2Pack

Yeah get well soon Buddy. Positive waves until then.

Gumbygirl

Woohoo Elks! Did anyone else pick them? Hope not!

Mr. Ayo

I certainly didn’t, and certainly will not for the rest of the season. They stink!

Gumbygirl

I have to take some chances if I ever want to climb out of the cellar.

Mr. Ayo

Just remember, this was Lowratio’s ambition in life not too long ago.

Gumbygirl

It gets the hose if it doesn’t put on the lotion!

Horatio Cornblower

My sister was bitten by a moose. Does that count?

Gumbygirl

Is she out of the cellar?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I would imagine everyone involved has been sacked

Horatio Cornblower

Oh, if anyone wants an invite to Blue Sky I have 4 invites backed up and literally nothing to do with them. Not sure it’s a huge deal, but it’s there if you want ’em.

Mr. Ayo

Sure, why not.

Gumbygirl

It’s free, right? I’ll take one if it is. Thanks!

Horatio Cornblower

Are you on the Slack channel? Just tried to DM you one and nothing came up. But I might have been spelling it ‘Cult’ instead of ‘Cure’

Gumbygirl

I am not, but one of the admin types should have my email. Litre sent me something recently.

ballsofsteelandfury

I’ll arrange this

Gumbygirl

That’s why you’re my favorite. But you knew that!

Horatio Cornblower

Done and done.

Redshirt

This is preseason. Instead of a draw, everyone runs up and down the field. Last man standing gets the W for his team.

Senor Weaselo

Oddly enough, it will, like the MLB All-Star Game, be decided via Home Run Derby.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Read that as “Roller Derby” and I was instantly All In

Horatio Cornblower

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Gumbygirl

Throw da bomb, Brownies!

Mr. Ayo

Nailed It!

— B. Walsh

Horatio Cornblower

Went to a bar tonight because a friend whose cancer is in remission was playing drums for his band, and he hit it like it stole something, and because another friend was raising money for a relative battling ALS.

I am significantly, but happily, much poorer and much drunker than when I left the house. We closed the night at a different bar where the (female) bartender, who very clearly has a crush on Mrs. Horatio, straight up started “joking” about threesomes.

Me: Allow me to tell you about a little fella named Lowratio.

Sexy bartender: Get the fuck out.

Last edited 1 year ago by Horatio Cornblower
BrettFavresColonoscopy

She prefers LoWario

Gumbygirl

Lowuigi!

2Pack

Last day of work before a week of vacation. Can’t beat the feeling.

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Game Time Decision

The preseason game is so bad that I’m going to go back to the CFL game under a rain delay in the Hammer

Gumbygirl

Is that still delayed? Shit, this is going to screw me fer sure. I was really hoping to pick up a point.

Game Time Decision

Should be back on now

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Raise your hand if you hate Dyson ships. I’d much rather a sci-fi author hand-wave away the issue with an unexplained “fusion drive” rather than muck around with one of those stupid bomb-farting monstrosities.

Game Time Decision

Didn’t think you’d be able to talk about any Dyson like that
/can feel the glare from Mrs RTD

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Fun fact: we got a new vacuum today!

Horatio Cornblower

I hope it bonds quickly with the other ones.

Because I know good and goddamn well none of the other ones are getting thrown out.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

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Col. Duke LaCross

Grand Central is incredible.

ballsofsteelandfury

It is definitely one of my favourite places.

Senor Weaselo

DFOCon NY (if/whenever) may include a stop at the Campbell. I have no idea if it’s any good.

Senor Weaselo

It’s one of my home screens. Never mind I was facing the wrong fucking way.

BugEyedBoo

The Making of the Atomic Bomb – Richard Rhodes. Biography + science + WWII.

Doktor Zymm

Fiction or Non? For fiction, if you haven’t read it, Boneshaker would be a good follow-on to Thunderstruck

Gumbygirl

I think I told you this before, but Gumby used to be a Beta reader for Cherie Priest, years ago. He got super busy at work and couldn’t find the time to do it any more, but I think they still keep in touch occasionally.

Doktor Zymm

That’s pretty awesome, I love her stuff

Gumbygirl

Me too!

Brick Meathook

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Roald Dahl short stories are always a fine palate-cleanser.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Operation Mincemeat. War and deception and corpse defilement and Nazis!

Horatio Cornblower

Didn’t read the book, but the movie is definitely worth watching.

Horatio Cornblower

Any of Larson’s books are worth a read. ‘Devil In The White City’ is really good.

I just finished McCarthy’s ‘The Passenger’ and it was good, but an effort. Currently reading Barbara Kingsolver’s ‘Demon Copperfield’ and it’s a very entertaining read.

Gumbygirl

I loved The Devil in the White City. I seldom reread a book (so many books! So little time) but I read that one several times.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I think one of you fuckers recommended it to me, but City of Thieves really was tremendous.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I also loved Leaving the Atocha Station and will again recommend Underground Airlines if you want something engrossing and fucked up.

Gumbygirl

If you like a British mystery, Margery Allingham’s Campion books are good. There’s a guy named Mike Ripley who got permission from her estate to continue the series. I’m reading one of his now, Mr. Campion’s War, and I’m enjoying it.

fleshwound_NPG

that X twitter logo is still fucking stupid

WCS

“that x twitter is fucking stupid”

fify

Redshirt

3-2? Did they finally do away with preseason and are playing baseball until we get to the Regular Season?

Mr. Ayo

3 run homer! It’s now 5-3. Guardians over Phillies.

fleshwound_NPG

8-3. phillies gotta go to the bullpen. philly phanatic has since assaulted 4 men

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

And here I was thinking you guys were kidding.

fleshwound_NPG

watching the LLWS on espn now and its far, far more interesting, and a couple of more points have been scored (3-4)

fleshwound_NPG

aw dammit rain delay

litre_cola

Watching the CFL willingly. The Elks could burst their goose egg.

Gumbygirl

I picked them, so they’re probably jinxed.

Mr. Ayo

We feel for this last week. Not this time, hat!

litre_cola

They are on the road. We need the losses to continue up in Edmonton

Redshirt

Me leaving COVID quarantine and 10-day Mask Recommendation (Artistic Interpretation)

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=neO5fnwQjqg&pp=ygUfc2hhd3NoYW5rIHJlZGVtcHRpb24gcGlwZSBzY2VuZQ%3D%3D

King Hippo

One thinks the practice FITBAW is bad, then the jagoff sideline interviews start and that’s Hippo’s teevee going back to sleepytown.

litre_cola

Just tuning in. Apparently everyone is getting hurt and Mariota sucks.

I for one forgot he came to Philly. I miss Minshew mania.

herodotus450
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

As opposed to a Mississippi Shake, which consists of a blender filled to a depth of 4″ with Percocet and paid for by stolen welfare funds.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

As opposed to an Alabama Satellite, which is just a dead possum with a string tied to it that you swing around in a big circle.

King Hippo

Everybody had to read The Picture of Dorian Grey in high school, right? And the obligatory snickering at the homoerotic stylings, because one was a jackass teenager, right??

WCS

#FIFTHpill has taken over

King Hippo

is my Jeebus Take teh Wheel

Gumbygirl

Are you trying to tell us you no longer snicker at homoerotic stylings? It’s ok, this is a safe space!

King Hippo

ah add no ofence now

BugEyedBoo

In high school, to catch us up on Greek culture while I was taking Ancient Greek*, we were assigned Mary Renault’s The Last of the Wine. This was 1979 in West Virginia, and if some of the parents had found out what was in that book they’d have seriously lost their minds. We must’ve took “Snitches get stitches,” to heart.

*We had a British guy who taught Classics at Marshall U. that taught the class. Straight out of Central Casting.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

There’s an old joke about a teacher telling her class they’re skipping the Nun’s Priest’s tale of the Canterbury Tales because it’s too inappropriate, then the next day holding a discussion of it because she knows all the kids will have read it by then.

Doktor Zymm

I don’t think I ever read it for school

BugEyedBoo

Moby Dick. Despite the title, very little sex.

WCS

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Horatio Cornblower

Moby Dick, imo, is one of the finest examples of Western literature ever. My brother, who (for reasons I’ll never pretend to understand), has an MFA with focus on Western Lt, considers it one of the worst waste of pen and ink ever committed.

Horatio Cornblower

Pretty sure all the eroticism obligations were fulfilled with ‘A Separate Peace’

Aw gee, they were blowing each other in the sand dunes? Didn’t see that happening, nor did I give a shit.

King Hippo

but lookit my wacky Hawaiian shirt and mah fat belly!!

fleshwound_NPG

first preseason footbaw ive seen and of course its a 3-2 thursday night ass bowl

Doktor Zymm

However the court DID find Mixon guilty of Pretty Pathetic Menacing

King Hippo

Also misdemeanor wankery

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

As well as Olivia Manning finding her son guilty of Dennis the Menacing and sentencing him to two weeks without his Sega Genesis.

fleshwound_NPG

legacy tweetdeck finally shat the bed a few minutes ago. i lurked as long as i could. no way in hell i use that bloated, alt-right advertisement filled, piece of shit main app. “for you”? no, fuck you.

just in time for proper commenting season on dfo

Gumbygirl

Glad you’re here! Nice to see ya again! Get yourself a drink, some snacks, and a comfy chair, we’re gonna be here until February!

Horatio Cornblower

Well look who comes crawling back.

Mr. Ayo

What the hell was that?

Gumbygirl

Is that guy’s name Chlamydia Zucchini? I should put on my glasses.

King Hippo

a reminder to us all – wash them fresh fruits and veg before consuming smgdh

King Hippo

hell of a thing to learn by trial and error!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Eh, a tiny little bit of bleach won’t hurt you. It’s basically same amount of chlorine you’d get as swallowing a mouthful of pool wat…ELISHA NELSON MANNING I DON’T CARE IF PEYTON DOUBLE DOG DARED YOU TO DO IT YOU SPIT THAT OUT RIGHT NOW!”

WCS

/Key and Peele take furious notes for next East-West Shrine Game skit

King Hippo

These Iggles practice announcers are meatheads to an extent it is hard to ignore. The worst one just made a Kenny G “joke”

King Hippo

Guys, I’m not sure Mariota is really that good.

King Hippo

Plus, I reckon them checks keep on a cashin’

herodotus450

America will NEVER switch to the Demetric system!

WCS

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EDIT: I didn’t think that would work. Sad!

Last edited 1 year ago by WCS
Gumbygirl

DTR marched them right down the field, and then the Brownsing happened. You love to see it!

Gumbygirl

Brahns! Iggles! Fixed that for yinz.

WCS

Torn Achilles on third drop-back.

Mr. Ayo

Way under.

— M. Gaetz

King Hippo

the general fantasy hype on him…is hard to swallow. I get that Strawberry Fields was “good in fantasy despite horrid in reals” last season, but quite a bit of that was garbage time (all counts, but hard to rely on)

BeefReeferLives

Arizona Corrections Officer Who Posted Image Suggesting Death as ‘Cure for Pedophilia’ Arrested for Molesting Child
https://www.ibtimes.sg/arizona-corrections-officer-who-posted-image-suggesting-death-cure-pedophilia-arrested-71329
Y’know folks, between articles like this, and the ongoing molestathon that are the Catholic and Baptist churches, I’m kinda beginning to maybe sort get the vague inkling that perhaps drag queens reading to kids isn’t really the problem….

BeefReeferLives

“His counsel was able to convince the judge that the woman was ‘angry’ rather than ‘afraid’ when Mixon yelled at her and that’s part of the criteria used in “Aggravated Menacing” trials.

I wonder if the “convincing” had anything to do with Haslam taking the judge on a little vacation, aka “The Clarence Thomas Persuasion Method”