TGIF! What a weekend we have ahead! Week 2 of the NFL preseason is underway, now featuring some starters. Although last night’s “game” was not a harbinger of great things to come. EPL week 2 is here, and the WWC final as well.
Survival – Personal Edition
Let’s do some ice fishing. Now remember, this is a survival version, not a weekend warrior thing. No powered drills, tents, or heaters will be considered here. Might as well just go to the local fish store for all the challenge that provides.
- First we need bait. Ideally we want some live bait. Try to locate ice in a shallow area with small fish underneath. Then drop a rock through that ice and grab a bunch of those tiny fish while they’re stunned. Those will make for some great bait. If you can’t find live bait, then make some lures. These can be fashioned from bird feathers or the down from a sleeping bag. Slap some foil on there if you have some to make it noticeable. Use a safety pin to secure this lure to your hook.
- Next scout out an area where the big fish are most likely. This will be deep pools, so you’ll need to determine where the deep water is likely to be, such as the outer banks of a bay. Like any fishing, there will be good spots and bad spots for fishing, so don’t be afraid to relocate if you picked the wrong spot initially.
- Our aim here is to fish the fishes, not sleep with them. As such, you’ll need to avoid thin ice so you don’t fall through. Some things to avoid are dirty ice as the impurities make it weaker; rocks or other protrusions through the ice; eddies and currents underneath that warm up and weaken the ice; on the river avoid the outsides of bends as the faster moving water weakens the ice.
- Almost time to fish. But first we need to cut a hole in the ice. Here you’re going to use a large knife and/or a saw if available. You don’t need a perfect circle here or a big hole. It only needs to be large enough to pull out the expected size of fish you want. If you can’t cut a hole with your tools, you can also make a fire directly on the ice to melt the ice instead.
- Bait your hook with your live bait or use your lure. With the live bait, push the hook through below the bait’s dorsal fin.
- Now lower your line as deep as possible. Once as deep as you can let it, start slowly pulling it back up to the surface. Make sure to jiggle it up and down as you do so to draw attention to your bait or lure.
- If everything works and you’re in the right spot, you’ll be catching fish at this point. If you’re successful with that hole, you can preserve the hole from freezing back over by covering it with branches and snow. Also place an identifier on top so you can locate the hole later.
- If you’re going to continue fishing, make sure to check the stomach of the fish you caught. If they have freshly swallowed fish, reserve those for live bait. If there’s partially digested food, save that to use as chum before your next session.
Way to go ice fisherman! Go enjoy that fresh fish next to a warm fire back at camp.
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Survival – Species Edition
Time to put the sexy in Friday!
Enjoy the weekend, folks! Alright, now let’s get to the comments!
Next week’s “Sexy Friday Survival Guide”: Preventing Lube Oil Starvation in Your Porsche Engine in One Easy Step
Brain bleach? Yes, please.
Looks like they got the micropeen right, at least!
Hurricane?
Is that all you got?
I was in a hurricane. Gloria, back in 1985.
Lost power and shit for days.
Grilled in a hurricane.
The water is still too cold to do much damage.
I’m oddly excited for this.
I think I read a book about this once, an old man vs. a large mass of water,
Stupid fucking fish.
Never even got a bite of it.
Hurricane Ike did some crazy meteorological shit and gave us hurricane-force winds in Columbus. All the power company linemen had all hopped in their trucks to help out, so nobody was left to fix our power when the trees knocked down all the power lines. We lost power for five or six days, but the weather was gorgeous.
My lead in my 2nd department is from Ohio and he said the same thing this morning when we were making contingency plans for Monday.
That storm left an impression.
My First World problems were that I had to run an extension cord from my generator to the bedroom so I could make my World of Warcraft raid times. That, and I had to fill the toilet with water from my pond.
You…
Have a pond?
I’m not even sure what that is?
.
Gumby did storm recovery for Ike, they had a bunch of rv’s and camped out at the University of Akron. His team went into New Orleans under police escort while Katrina was still going, they were setting up mobile cell towers and refueling the generators that power them. That camp was in a Target parking lot. He loved running storm recovery projects.
I THINK I GOT YOUR ALIAS
THAT YOU’VE BEEN LIVING UNDER
Don’t make me play the song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nNEb2k_EmMg&ab_channel=RHINO
Dammit
This will help
https://youtu.be/bpZvg_FjL3Q
Gosh, I remember when I was young man, handsome and well hung. I didn’t have a dime to my name, but the gals were just all over me, loving me and pleasing me and doing whatever I wanted.
Now I’m old and the youthful looks are gone, well not really. But I have a lot of money so the gals are still all over me, doing whatever I want, etc etc, but it just doesn’t seem the same. I think I’m going to get a dog. And a motorcycle. And maybe a big quadrophonic sound system to play my 8-track tapes . . . ooh yeah ooh yeah oh god ooh yeah . . .
/starts fucking the sound system/motorcycle/dog
This was you back in the day, huh?
.
This reads like another terrible, I mean totally funny, Achewood comic strip.
Sorry I forgot you were here! You’ll get a chuckle out of this one:
Angels just made a triple play (in the field not batting!) and Ohtani has hit a grand slam, in short, I shoulda been there but whatevs.
And they’re not even winning. I am shocked. Shocked I say!
Well, they don’t have the storied history of the Mariners.
Damn right.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TIgK56cAjfY&pp=ygUNbWFyaW5lcnMgYm9pcw%3D%3D
You could have watched some free baseball! But whatevs.
No we lost, so I drink. It’s a thing we have.
The Atlantis resort in the Bahamas flooded a while back. But what do you expect when you name something after a place that SUNK INTO THE SEA?
Played poker tonight like I have never played it before and was not familiar with the concept at all.
Came home and though, “at least I can get the laundry folded and not have to do that tomorrow.”
That’s when I found out that, while the dryer had been running, it had not been spinning, and a full load of wet laundry had been sitting for two days.
That laundry is now all hung up outside, the basement smells like wet socks, the dryer is in several pieces, (issue was a broken belt, can’t get a new one until tomorrow), and I do believe it’s Lagunitas time.
I did laundry yesterday and I had to run one of the dryers thrice, as it turned out the heat was broken on that particular dryer. That’s $2.50 I’ll never get back. This shit is why I take my clothes to Chicago to do laundry when I can. Also why laundry is the worst chore ever and I would make billions if I ever invented my clothes cleaning nanobots.
When laundry appliances break, it’s right back to the fucking Stone Age and everything is hell.
Have an urge to play O/8, but play money PLO will have to do. I made $60k fake dollars in about 15 minutes!
FIX. THAT. BELT!
I am going ice fishing after party with lady number 3. She said I can have cookies.
Has anyone seen my keys?
Never mind here they are.
Which is the better name, popcorn or puffed endosperm?
Cum shot
They are interviewing Jeff Garcia on the CFL broadcast. He looks olllllllllllld
I bought some California Peach ice cream the other day and it was disappointing. Now I want Cherry Garcia
I just had a Fudgsicle, for medicinal purposes. All the fleurs around here are making my allergies act up. I have itchy eyes, a runny nose and a cough. The cough could be from something else, not gonna lie! And there’s been a burnt rubber kind of smell outside today. Zhut alors, maybe it is a tumoUr!
Might want to invest in some sandbags. Y’all are kind of targeted in for this storm.
I was thinking of going to the Home Depot for this gizmo I saw, like one of those things that block out a draft, but for water. I’m only worried about the back door, it’s on a slight downslope. If we get water in the front, it’s a biblical situation and we’re fucked no matter what we do.
I suggest sandbags and plenty of them. The good part is that you only need bags. You have plenty of sand in the desert!
I still have to get out there, let’s not count our chickens before they cross the road!
So, I fell. Mrs. Zilla said that my knee and shin looked green for a minute. It now looks like I have a second knee below my first one. I can sort of walk, so I don’t think anything is broken. When I bend my knee, it feels like my MCL is pulling.
Anyone have this before? I’m thinking bad bruise
I hyperextended my knee once. Couldn’t even bend it for a few days after. Pretty sure I sprained my MCL
If you start to feel or hear (yes, hear) things pop or grind, get it looked at.
Sounds like full blown AIDS. My condolences.
It’s nawt a tumoUr
Knees (and hamstrings for that matter) are whiny bastards. I’m pretty sure I eventually figured out what was going on with mine, and I think it was just kneeling too hard all at once that fucked up the patellar tendon. Just ice it and see if it’s still bad in a week, then worry
Buddy, if it looks like you have two knees on the same leg I doubt it’s a bruise. Go get it looked at.
In late June I came back east for a 10 day trip. I’ve been here 2 months and just extended 2 more weeks. I’m going to miss the hurricane and I’m kind of disappointed.
It’s fun back east, but weird weather is definitely worth being around for. I’ll be in LA next Friday, but it’ll all be over by then. Hope we at least get some heavy showers in the Bay
If your FFL won’t let you be actually dirty, Milking Arthur Smith would be viable
JROD! You can’t stop him, and you can’t contain him. 12 for his last 15 AB, 2 HRs, 8 RBI, 3 R, and he just stole a base.
JROD, Is 8 more than AROD!
To be technically correct, it’s nine more.
The best kind of correct.
/beginovershare
The guy I’ve been fucking for the past 15 years or so is a Futurama fan, and knows that ‘How Hermes Requisitioned his Groove Back’ is my favorite episode, but has never quite grasped how incredibly sexy this line can be when delivered properly
/endovershare
In his defense, he is a guy. We’re all incredibly stupid.
Bengals are in full “Fuck it, we’ll take the tie” mode.
Didn’t y’all MOST GLORIOUS DRAW with these very Falcons recently? Or am I just doing too many drugs?
Eagles twice and Panthers.
maybe was confusing birdie types. Ain’t no orthologist or some shit
Still can’t believe I got to see a most glorious tie in person.
Ha! TV Broadcast didn’t even air the final play.
TOUCHDOWN, Elizabeth Barrett Browning WKRP in teh clutch
Good: Bengals 3rd String QB is outplaying the backup.
Bad: Oh, great. We’re gonna go into the Regular Season starting our 3rd String QB.
What happened to Burrow?
Redshirt’s Existential Calf Crisis.
Went to shit and the hogs ate him.
I’ll be prepping the house tomorrow for the arrival of the first Tropical Storm in LA since 1939. I’ve actually been in one when it made landfall. That shit is no joke.
What y’all gonna pick up on loot?
I am hoping like hell my SIL gets home tomorrow night, and I can leave Riverside and get home before all hell breaks loose. Gumby is HOME ALONE! There’s absolutely going to be flooding out there, I have no idea exactly where. We didn’t need flood insurance, they told us. We shall find out!
Are you in a flood zone? As long as you’re on high ground, you should be alright but be VERY careful around dry creek and river beds. Those are going to flood and bring tons of debris with them.
Not in a flood zone, but right at the base of the mountains , so the runoff from that plus inches of rain in completely baked sand may be a problem. If it rains hard enough, any place can flood.
Stay in, and if you do have to go out don’t do anything you know you shouldn’t like driving through water. Flash floods are probably going to be the biggest thing, and those will not be an issue if you are indoors. Can you call your SIL and make sure she gets back ASAP?
She changed her flight to Saturday instead of Sunday, but she isn’t getting in until late. She’s flying from South Dakota, not a lot of choices! I have to stay with the dog and the cats, her two other friends with keys are out of town, and the dog hates them anyway!
Good luck! I hope it all works out well
I’d be more worried about mud slides in that area.
I sat under one in the Atlantic off Florida once. We were rocking a bit at 150 feet so we dove to 400’ and the rocking was only very slight, so we could watch our movies in peace.
Gumby had to surface transit into Kings Bay during a horrendous storm once. He said it was a barf fest, they were rocking and rolling.
MILK AND COOKIES!!
but enough about Arthur Smith’s bouncy sideline titties!
If you like Ice Football and Sudoku, you should check out Puckdoku. It’s lots of fun. There’s a new game every day.
https://www.puckdoku.com/
I love puckdoku
The thousands of hours I played the NHL series by EA in the 90s has paid off. I scored a 3 in uniqueness today
Holy damn that’s impressive. I got a 0.0 on a player last week
Amazing! I got that once. It was pretty rad
I know I shouldn’t be, but I’m pretty entertained at the whole LA Hurricane thing. Tips for hurricane parties:
1) Expect the power to go out, have lots of candles and coolers full of ice
2) When the power does go out, eat all the popsicles you have. Dip them in vodka for a fun treat!
3) Be careful when going outside, you might see some neat stuff like lightning blowing up the transformer for your neighborhood, but you also might have to dodge some trees that are slowly falling down
4) If a neighbor asks you if you are okay after watching a tree slowly fall down in your vicinity, don’t hesitate to reassure them and offer them a popsicle and some vodka, disasters are great for making new friends!
Kind of hard to get a read on the landfall and timing.
I just hope these inexperienced chuckleheads don’t start that hoarding shit again. Catalina folks are prepping and guess who’s about 26 miles due east of them?
Camp Pendleton?
Oh yes. That’s right there. San Diego and Imperial County are in the mix.
Gin, coconut lime bitters, diet coke. Should be okay, let’s see
Charlotte FC just had an ad at HT, they have the same coloUr scheme and everything. Leaning into the Lesser Black Panthers vibe.
Evening, can’t hang around long, this is this week’s contribution:
It is almost Bears season!
I don’t think the Black Panthers’ 2nd string is gonna FREE HUEY anytime soon.
Hey man, Wakanda Forever wasn’t THAT bad
If you do fall through the ice, you can still be okay. Getting out of ice is actually pretty similar to getting back in a kayak, maybe even a little easier!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QKpAzvXSldA
Well there goes that future edition.
Just kidding, I’ll put it off until later so no one remembers.
At least you’re honest.
Fun fact, I did fall through the ice when I was a kid. I couldn’t get myself out, but fortunately my brother was there and was able to pull me out.
My brother got caught in riptide off Ocean City, MD when he was maybe… 11?; lifeguard got him.
Never forgot to swim parallel to shore if that happens again.
EDIT: He tells me he was actually eight by his memory.
Either way, don’t panic, and swim parallel to the beach, kiddos. You’ll be fine until help arrives.
Did he get some fries from Thrashers to make him feel better?
Knowing our dad, my brother probably got yelled at for being a dumbass instead.
One presumes he never stopped giving you shit about it. AS HE SHOULD.
He had to stop when the next year he threw a shard of wood at me that impaled my eyebrow and nearly made me blind.
ICE FOR AN EYE
Tales From a Montana Childhood
At least you got out of there before the inevitable opiate addiction.
DON’T KINK SHAME BRUH!!!!
I thought dropping books on my brother’s back was mean…
That happened to my brothers too. Older one pulled younger one out of the pond, and then made him run the whole way home because he was afraid he’d freeze to death, and older would be in trouble.
Poor guy goes back in 3 times
I can’t stop laughing at this. What the hell! Take some time in between takes to warm back up.
I love the end
“I hope this was helpful because it was horrible to make”
It’s good to be home.
and hopefully done shitting blood!
If I do, or any of a bunch of symptoms I know too well, straight to the ER, or die.
Other than that, perfectly okay.
that is a good way to accept the need for prompt medical attention!
You’d better do what they tellz ya, don’t forget our No Dying rule!
Still mad at Tabula…
RITE??? Think of all the books he coulda recommeded to us!
I was in a similar spot 11 months ago. I just told myself that it wasn’t going to happen to me. And it didn’t. It’s just that easy!
Glad you’re glad to home.
Great! Hope you’re doing better!