[climbs out of shamehole, brushes dirt from pants]
Last night, that didn’t go well! What a travesty-the talent gap has not been sufficiently closed, folks. At least I’m up in my fantasy leagues.
Fallout:
-We Have Ownage Transference? Julian Love’s longish stay in the qb waiting room seems to have paid off for him. Congrats to him for helping to beat the Bears.
-A Little of This, (Yay!) A Little of That.(Oh No) Jacobi Meyers justified his signing right out of the gate by scoring double 6’s yesterday but then the hammer came right down on his head and it’s off to Concussion Town.
-It’s Never Good News: Alas, whenever Pacman Jones shows up as an item, it tends to involve the authorities. Getting escorted off a plane while being intoxicated for a 6am flight-why not get smashed at home like a (relatively) responsible old guy like me?
-Speaking of the above item… Antonio Brown reportedly blew 125K on the Vikes yesterday. At the age of 35 I’d expect the ‘He’s Penniless’ stories to hit within the next five years.
To The Game!
Bills/Jets:
-These guys split last year with New York winning by 3 and Buffalo winning by 8.
-The Redemption Tour of Gabe Davis: The world was his oyster last year with many predicting he’d go to the next level as a wr. I think if you wanted him you’d have to grab him in the 3rd or 4th round. It didn’t happen. A toxic mix of nagging injuries and dropped balls sent his season sideways.
-Hey, who is Sauce taking on tonight? Some say he’s shadowing Diggs but others say he’ll stick to the outside. Perhaps the guessing is a reflection of the fact that he can play anywhere on the field.
-James Cook is the latest rb to be offered up as a difference-maker on the Bills O. Though to me the run game seems to be an afterthought after Allen came on board. Singletary and Moss had their chances but failed miserably. Or is it that GM Beane just can’t identify rb talent?
-Nuff said about Rodgers everywhere else so not here.
-Will Dalvin or Breece dominate carries or will it be evenly split? I’d guess they’re within 5 carries of each other, further muddying the waters of those folks that drafted them.
Do your thing.
Did Fitzy just refer to this as a “Peyton Suckfest?”
I heard that too.
Former UConn
greatplayer Tim Boyle!McEnroe was awesome. Fitzpatrick is deflating the room.
The man has 900 kids. The Donger is tired!
That’s him in a nutshell. Good in theory but not in execution.
Breece Hall looks like maybe someone Hippo should have started.
looks like you might get your chance every week from here on out
Going to be an absolute tragedy in Las Vegas this year when Mark Davis uses an IED on a player instead of the AED Damar Hamlin told him to get.
Even better if he uses an IUD on one.
HI! I’M MARK DAVIS AND I FIXED HIM!
— M. Davis (This is redundant but you really can’t trust that guy)
“I get another IUD and I could lose my job!”
-Britt Reid, talking to a bus stop ad after rear-ending a school bus full of kids while intoxicated
Damar Hamlin: Comeback Inactive Player of the Year!
Damar Hamlin: Out (ABC/Disney wanting a complete game)
THIS JETS DEFENSIVE LINE I CALL THEM THE VISIGOTHS, BECAUSE THEY HAVE THE BEST SACK RATE IN THE LEAGUE!!!
Say what you will about Zach Wilson, (he doesn’t seem very well-prepared, his decision-making could charitably be described as ‘awful,’ he doesn’t seem to command any respect from his teammates, he really just not good), but his offensive line certainly doesn’t help any of the rest of his many, many limitations.
the quarterback is the main issue of the jets right now and the offensive line is doing their best to eliminate the problem
Ah, 4-D chess!
I mean, that’s the reason he’s playing.
Micah Parsons has to be absolutely turgid watching this game.
He may need to speak to physician if his condition lasts more than four hours…
Fitzmagic’s cell blowing up off screen with the Jets’ management’s increasingly frantic offers.
/ring, ring
//phone picks up
You got Romo!
Gunslinger mention! Everyone drink!
THIS JOSH ALLEN I CALL HIM RICHARD REID BECAUSE HE LIKES TO ACTIVATE HIS BOMBS ON JETS
http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/79085/rexsexcannon_medium.jpg
DAMN YOU EDIT BUTTON
How is this game not a blow out?
Oh right. Brokeback thinks he’s a gunslinger now.
Another Sexy Joshie Unleashed Dragon Arm Punt!
Josh Allen has more than a touch of the ol’gunsliger in him, huh?
“I’ll be the judge of that! I mean, how much worse could it be?”
-D. Favre
Yes, this man has a small dick.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b6dySBLSx8Y
Glad all this Rodger ball sucking is over for a few weeks. He’s going to be in and out all year injured. Am heading out have an early flight in the morning. Later Folks.
If it’s his Achilles there’s no “in” left this season.
There isn’t a chance in hell Zach Wilson has looked at his playbook before tonight.
He had one of the equipment staff delete the browser history on his tablet.
Maybe the “Hot MILFs in the Tri-State Area” playbook
THIS GAME I CALL IT AN FAA GROUND STOP BECAUSE THESE JETS ARE NOT MOVING THROUGH THE AIR FOR THE REST OF TONIGHT
https://twitter.com/thesarahyork/status/1701412536392839505
If someone hits Mahomes in the head like that the defender will be executed at midfield and his team will forfeit the game.
Rodgers is down on the first series?
Oh boy, is this great!
MILF Hunter Z is a little pissed he has to actually play instead of trolling Tinder looking for hook ups for the post game on his Microsoft Surface PRO tablet, the official tablet of the National Football League.
at least he’ll have no problem of running the Wildcat offense with all his cougar experience
“I hate liars”, oh don’t we all, Andrea420
[Swipes right]
Gumby just read some internet conspiracy theory that Qaron is still in his darkness cave gacked to the gills, and the imposter ran it a couple of times, but was told to flop before he had to pass because the jig would be up.
That would be interesting, if Gumby wasn’t reading a conspiracy theory about how The Cult never achieved headliner status in Europe.
The Dr. Mrs. just proposed buying a “bag sealer”. Not a vacuum sealer; we don’t need one of those but I can at least see the point. But no, this thing doesn’t even do this, it’s for re-sealing things like bags of chips and such. Who the fuck would ever pay money such a useless device? Have they never heard of a goddamned binder clip?
Roll the bag up and toss it in the refrigerator. Done.
I will say the vacuum sealer has saved us a shit tonne of money on buying meat in bulk, but a resealer seems kind of dumb, unless you are storing your chips for another month.
“I thought all chip bags were single serving size.”
-A. Reid
That’s what they use after a vasectomy.
Wrong.
Well in your case, it was one of the joke ones.
A binder clip?
Or hair tie, whatever’s available
I just realized the Cowboys are playing the Jets next week.
That is going to be a snuff film.
YEEEeeeeeeeeehHHHHAAAAAWWwwwwwwwww! TWO & OH AND HEADED TO THE SUPER BOWL LIKE THE GOTTDAMMED STARS MY BOYS ARE! GET THE WHORES AND COKE ORDERS IN NOW!
Cardinals Week 3, Patriots Week 4. They’ll be 4-0 going into the 49ers game and Ol’ Double J is going to insufferable.
Well, more so than usual anyway.
NY Post Op Ed., 9/18/23: “If back in July you asked around the most important sports city in the world how they would feel about twin 0-2 stsrts by the Giants AND the Aaron Rodgers Jets…”
I don’t see what Hartford has to do with this, Don.
espn deserves this shitty game kicking the matron saint to the curb like that a few months ago
she has also cursed Jets QBs
approaching the 20th anniversary of that fateful night!
“The X-Rays on my ankle were negative, just like The Ancient Ones foretold!”
-Rodgers, in front of a stunned press gallery
It was like the sounds of millions of Jets Super Bowl bet tickets tearing at once
“It sounded like a building imploding. Maybe two of them. Really big ones. Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about, Scott.”
Has there ever been a more apt remembrance of 9/11 than the twin towers of the Giants and Jets falling like this?
You could maybe shut your dirty mouth and move on to other topics!
Dammit, I’ve been workshopping this joke and waiting for one more Bills TD.
Banner
This just in, Dr. David Chao has diagnosed Aaron Rodgers with a broken thumb on his non-throwing hand.
Miami medical staff getting on a plane to help…
The most interesting part of that was seeing people that had no idea of what a disgrace he was as the Chargers doctor. And then seeing people say “wasn’t he one who punctured Tyrod Taylor’s lung?” and it’s like, no, that was the other Chargers quack doctor.
halftime
.
Hey Zach…chicks dig the long ball. FUCK EVERYTHING, you’re going DEEP
just for the love of allah complete a couple passes to your brother garrett
What exactly was Josh’s plan when he launched himself into the air on that play?
he bet the under?
I regret that Kyrie Irving isn’t still on the Nets. We could have had the Kyrie and QAaron podcast to rival the Jalen Ramsey Show!
This explains why I haven’t seen Litre around tonight.
https://twitter.com/Rainmaker1973/status/1701242036563718588
Britt Reid still allowed to drive a canoe
Red red wine
Goes to my head
Drowns lots of kids and mice
It’s tearing aoart
Some Portugal town
Sweet jesus I would swim in that.
All the Xitter doctors are saying torn achilles.
Which…yeah, still funny.
Can you fix that with toothpaste you made yourself out of clay and yak butter?
You need ivermectin too.
Fantasy football draft night.
Me and my god father are on the same team.
Doing draft via online.
I get pulled away by the herd of clowns that is my family.
Get back an hour later.
He has drafted 4 Ravens players.
Including JK Dobbins.
I fucking hate fantasy football.
That’s the worst Godfather since Godfather III.
Drafting during the Monday Nighter on the first week of the season and you’re shitting on everyone else? Fuck sakes, JJ….
At least he knew enough not to draft Aaron Rodgers.
Damn, Joe Buck rubbed that shit the Jets fans faces
MILF Hunter Z is gunna pull so much ass tonight.
He’ll make a pass at one and hit a different one right in the tits.
That’s the money shot.
I see Qaron’s older brother still hasn’t warmed up to him being back.
kicking myself not having the manningcast at that moment
We will also accept Russell Crowe
Anytime a New Yorker is unhappy, my penis twitches
You must have had to call your doctor so many times this baseball season.
This would make a lovely Christmas card.
J-E-S-T
Looks kind of like Rodgers
Nah, thats wish.com Paul Giamatti
That’s his brother.
Estranged brother
Doesn’t seem happy enough about Rodgers’s crippling injury.
Default JESTS image going forward.
MIDDLE FINGER ON NATIONAL TV!! I REPEAT, WE HAVE A MIDDLE FINGER ON NATIONAL TV!!!
Was it Brett Favre’s di-
Oh wait, you didn’t say pinky
I’ll bet Lowratio is packing more heat than Favre
Middle finger on ESPN!
That voodoo doll someone’s Mom gave Zach Wilson really paid off!
Grumble grumble that’s not all I gave her grumble grumble
anyone here do door dash as a delivery driver? i’m being serious
My son was one for awhile, if you have a question I might have an answer, he yapped about it enough.
Just want to know how many trips you have to make for it to be worth while
It’s not the trips, it is about the tips. I always give 5 for a tip at the very least, more if they had to drive a long way. My son always set up where the chain restaurants were as those had the pricier menus, and tips were based check total, you could end up easily with one trip for multiple orders, just stopping along the way to deliver each order.
https://www.reddit.com/r/doordash_drivers/
Thanks, never thought to go to reddit
Captain Sullenberger wants nothing to do with this jet crashing into the Hudson tonight.
So I got here late. Can I assume the “this is the worst thing to happen to jets on this day ever” jokes have been made, or should I go ahead?
LemonJello has you covered already
https://doorfliesopen.com/2023/09/11/your-monday-night-nfl-football-open-thread-15/comment-page-2/#comment-1080442
Good man.
Yes, but there is no end to them in sight, so fire away
Just got here as well. Please proceed.
who loves yourself baby
TD Buffalo
