Your Monday Night NFL Football Open Thread

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Last game on the docket. Let’s comment hard!

Fallout:

-Folks are thinking that Detroit is one of those pretend teams because of that blowout yesterday. Hey, they happened to not show up on a day when the Ravens had the throttle wide open. Take a look at the remainder of the Lions sked-Raiders, Chargers, Bears X2, Vikes X2, Packers, Broncos, Saints and Cowboys are left. That looks like 13-4 or 12-5 to me.

-I don’t really know who Kareem Jackson is, only that whenever I hear his name he’s being fined. Welp, $89,000 so far this year hasn’t done the trick so he’s been suspended for four games. Maybe drive into a tree with your seatbelt off during your break, ok buddy?

-Who among us hasn’t thrown 230 million bones down the terlet? The Browns got the win (barely) but got 1-5 from Deshaun and 15-32 from Walker. Be a shame to waste that world-class D.

-You thought it was easy to pass on the Titans before? Safety Kevin Byard, team captain and All Pro, is getting shipped off to the Eagles because of course he is.

To The Game!

Niners/Vikes:

-McCafferty is in! The Beaver Brown Band has yet to confirm.

-Vikes DC is blitzing at a 60% rate and shows no sign of slowing down. The next blitziest (?) is the Cards at 51%.

-How is Minny coping without JJ? Last week 6 of 11 drives failed to gain 10 yards. Somebody misses Old Safety Valve.

-Your sneaky DFS play, what with Deebo out, is Jauan Jennings. The Vikes are the very worst at defending the opposing teams #2 wr. As far as the slot catcher is concerned they’re only 5th-worst.

-Look out for Kittle and Hocky! It’s still sorta Tight End Week or some silliness like that and funny thing, Kelce, Andrews, Taysom, Waller, Gesicki and Kincaid all put up season-best fantasy numbers. T’is a most curious simulation we’re living in.

-UnPrime Time Cousins interception prop is .5. You’d be a fool not to scratch that itch.

Get out there and have some fun!

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Well that should be good for Dok

litre_cola

Boooooo

Petronel

Well shit.

Horatio Cornblower

The score is 4-2 Rangers. John Smoltz: “The Astros have answered each time the Rangers have scored.”

Me: That’s not how math works, John Smoltz.

Last edited 1 year ago by Horatio Cornblower
ArmedandHammered

Well they did answer at least once with that fast ball into the hitters arm last night.

Petronel

That’s better

Horatio Cornblower

There is a lot more to Jordan Montgomery than there ever was in New York.

By that I mean he’s fat. And it seems to be working for him.

jjfozz

I know everyone is aware that Taylor Swift is dating Travis Kelce, but did you know she used to be a basketball player?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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litre_cola

Wait, she is dating Kelce? This is the first I have heard about it – J. Bettis Detroit, MI

Horatio Cornblower

She’s a tall drink of water.

Horatio Cornblower

I think I’ve reached the point where I want more bad things for the Astros than I want good things for the Yankees.

Likely because it’s the play-offs, and things aren’t an option for the Yankees.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You can tell it’s the playoffs because the Asterisks are cheating even harder than usual.

ThePirateSloth

WHOOO dog walked, 100mg edible kickin in, bowl packed.

Let’s watch some fuckin foosball.

fleshwound_NPG

whether texas somehow moves on or not, that better be the last time we see scherzer

Horatio Cornblower

He’s toast.

Gumbygirl

Yay, Rodgers is gone. I think the audio guy fucked with his mike on purpose, to shut his boring ass up.

Gumbygirl

Spoke too soon!

LemonJello

Not so fast, my friend!

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Gatoraids

5g infecting Qarons audio feed

LemonJello

This audio confirms it: AA Ron is a robot!

jjfozz

“Going straight Bob Ross” sounds like an entry on Urban Dictionary

jjfozz

As in, “She didn’t get a bikini wax, instead she’s going straight Bob Ross.”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

TJ Hockensofttissueinjury

Horatio Cornblower

“this time!?”

-D. Favre

fleshwound_NPG

illegal trickery!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Now that I’m off of Twitter, where do I complain about Aaron Rodgers being forced into my life?

LemonJello

The Rodgers family Thanksgiving dinner?

Horatio Cornblower

Bluesky

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

bluesky twitch is an anagram for mitch trubisky ppl forget that

jjfozz

Dressing a toddler in Browns gear is child abuse

blaxabbath

Embrace the Chaos

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It is rather astonishing to me that Louisville, who has only one loss, is ranked four spots lower than Notre Dame, who has two losses. Also, one of Notre Dame’s losses is TO FUCKING LOUISVILLE!

Horatio Cornblower

Really? You’re astonished?

I’m not even remotely surprised.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I didn’t say I was astonished.

EDIT: Oh, wait, I did say that.

Last edited 1 year ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
LemonJello

Here, have another pudding cup, Mr. Green.

ArmedandHammered

“No thanks Mr. Cosby, they make me sleepy.”

jjfozz

If this drives you crazy, I approve.

Petronel

*sits down to watch FITBAW*

…this shit again?

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Every week is the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

EXACTLY!

-Elmers

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[can expect nightmares tonight] – John Elway

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

(and I’m not talking about the sexy mares that sneak into your hotel room after dark, either)

LemonJello

SHAN’KHLOR FROM WHOM ALL BLESSINGS FLOW

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Is this a body switch movie? Why is Purdy killing receivers while Cousins is cromulenting?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Cromulenting” is an excellent verb.

Col. Duke LaCross

Kittle takes a shot right in the cock.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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SonOfSpam

That Russian guy told us Jauan Jennings might be good tonight. Sneaky vodka buttchugging commie.

Don T

Which one? Tolstoy?

Mr. Ayo

Pull Max now idiots.

Mr. Ayo

Belay that order!

SonOfSpam

YEAH CREED OUTRO what the fuck is even happening

WCS

Dingleberry’s going to throw four touchdowns.

Last edited 1 year ago by WCS
King Hippo

And somehow still be responsible for losing the game. He defies all laws of rationality and physics. FOAR JEEBUS.

LemonJello

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LemonJello

How many will be to his own team?

fleshwound_NPG

come on ncaa. finally do something. throw the book at michigan.

life is better anyways when somebody insane is coaching the bears

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Ah, I’m just reading about this now. The selection committee is probably salivating at the prospect of eliminating them from postseason contention and replacing them with Notre Dame.

SonOfSpam

Tough but fair.

SonOfSpam

“Oh that sounds terrible!”

-L. Michele

SonOfSpam

Yikes, well you lost your high-priced QB (Richardson) so that’s the breaks.

King Hippo

I am..not paying attention si goodly. Had to use my goddamned brain for much work type shite. It’s doesn’t react well to exercise no MOAR.

I do know I need AiyukPOINTZ, and Founding Fathers because my squadron is indeed that horrifying.

SonOfSpam

You also need Jeffrey Osborn to not do great, and now I have “Stay With Me Tonight” playing in my head and that’s fine.

Gumbygirl

Smoove!

King Hippo

WHEW, thought it was Hockenson or Addison Hippo were fading.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5xQF0gerTtM

Redshirt

Just read the Michigan allegations in detail. My completely unbiased opinion.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jgflCE7zRpc&pp=ygUSc2lkZXNob3cgYm9iIGxhdWdo

King Hippo

A word of warning – remember how U*NC got NO PUNISHMENT for having a fake class scheme to keep their idjits eligible. It was all detailed painfully by the local paper, picked up nationally.

Michigan is using the identical “so what if we did ur just all jelly” playbook.

clint greasewood

Monday Night Kirk

SonOfSpam

Jordan Addison showing that USC effort. “Eh, go ahead and take the ball. I got my money.”

jjfozz

So let’s get the redneck to sing the most overplayed song in existence, and then Snoop Dogg can come in and rap.

jjfozz

When the apocalypse comes, I’m heading to Vikings stadium so that I can use that drum to turn my minions into berserkers before they ride forth to rule the wastelands.

You’re all invited!

Redshirt

Better than my Plan A

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[wipes away a tear of pride] – BOLTMAN

Col. Duke LaCross

Christ, Rodgers on the Manningcast tonight. Why god, why?

litre_cola

Behind a paywall in Canadia.

Gumbygirl

Lucky you.

litre_cola

Niners -6.5, Kittle TD, Kittle over 45.5 yards. 30 gets you 180. I guess I am an Iowa fan now.

In truth, it was Slipknot’s best album.

jjfozz

If short and spicy Danny Devito ate a short and spicy Jersey Mike’s sub, would he cease to exist?

Don T

Every time I see Danny DeVito hawking Jersey Mikes I think “Cholesterol gotta be a myth”.

litre_cola

Keith RIchards doing anything.

fleshwound_NPG

it iscomment image

King Hippo

goddamnit, now I wants a bucket of KFC grease

fleshwound_NPG

got some kfc the weekend before. got a dinner box for the wife. the last time i saw a box that wet my credit card got a 29.99 recurring charge from ccbill

what trump is doing there isnt TOTALLY wrong. eating kfc nowadays requires a spoon more than a fork

BugEyedBoo

Popeye’s is way better these days anyway.

Mr. Ayo

Let’s go Vikings. One more weird game to cap this weird weekend of games.

Redshirt

Come on 6-4 F/OT!

Redshirt

Every good team gets a “…the f—- was that?!” game. Yesterday was Detroit’s turn.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

How many do the Raid…oh, good teams. Yeah, that tracks.

jjfozz

My wife was speaking to her mother using speakerphone.

After the usual banal chitchat, I overheard “the banks are going to fail” and “they’re doing that so they can switch over to a new currency.”

Right after that bon mot, my wife turned the speaker off.

litre_cola

Time to move you, and your money to Monserrat! Let’s open a bar!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Mmm…Montserrat…

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

At Thankgiving you should challenge her to write down five Deep State plots that she expects to come to fruition within the next six months and see how many actually do.

BugEyedBoo

That ‘new currency’ thing is where people are ripping off MAGAts by letting them get in on the ground floor of the new currency. Send them $500 and they’ll send you a certificate that can be turned into 1000 TrumpBucks or whatever it’s gonna be called when the dollar collapses.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That’s awesome I should do that.

King Hippo

so….Axe body spray makes you smell like goat. Great fookin’ ad agency ye got there.

fleshwound_NPG

tag used to make you smell like a milf magnet

we used to be a society

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XTEuw9oen2M

litre_cola

Ask Fozz about how super awesome young ad agency marketing types are….

jjfozz

Well, the ones in Paris seem to fall ass over feet into one success after another, all while sleeping around, taking photos of every second of their day, and working with the biggest bunch of cocksuckers in existence.

BugEyedBoo

Exactly how many episodes of that show did you watch before you found out it sucked?

litre_cola

Oh you wait, he got a post brewin.

Gumbygirl

It will be epic!

King Hippo

If Meeechigan gets bitch-slapped (and they absolutely SHOULD), then tOSU is already B1G champions! Congrats, Redshirt!!

Redshirt

Yes! Never a doubt!

(put entire life savings on their opponent in the playoffs)

Col. Duke LaCross

Please let the Bears hire Harbs. Less rules in the pros, and our training department is so terrible, I bet there’s no chicken at Halas Hall. Probably nothing that doesn’t come in a box on that training table if we’re being honest.

yeah right

Spent my birthday this morning getting my COVID booster and when checking in they said, “You’re due for some blood work.” Fucking great. Thirty minute wait in a packed waiting room for a blood draw.

I’m home and will be watching the game after watching Phillies vs Snakes.

Plus had some spectacular Thai food which was lovely.

SKOL!

Last edited 1 year ago by yeah right
jjfozz

Rigatoni with vodka sauce and sausage. Salad.

Where’s the ricotta?

In the fridge, it might be outdated.

Like I care. Damn I love ricotta.

Doktor Zymm

It is an excellent cheese

yeah right

Truth!

BugEyedBoo

These players on Jeopardy today are pretty terrible.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

They’re making themselves look like jerks in front of millions of people, and they’re bringing shame and disgrace on their family names for generations to come.

Last edited 1 year ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
jjfozz

Like everyone associated with Emily in Paris?

litre_cola

Go the fightin Blax’s! Blaxie wants to pay for a new Chase Field and will only do so if they win the World Series.

Last edited 1 year ago by litre_cola
BrettFavresColonoscopy

So going into tonight up <.5 with Aiyuk and Purdy with my opponent starting McCaffrey and Kittles and Bits. comment image

Doktor Zymm

I need Addison to get about 7 to beat Litre in vodka league. Am feeling similar potential for boneage

SonOfSpam

I need about 55 out of Cousins to beat Balls. I don’t think I’m going to beat Balls tonight.

litre_cola

Just cup them gently, they will like the attention.

ballsofsteelandfury

If you do, that would be HILARIOUS!

litre_cola

The Princesses this year are a big bag of suck.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“That’s funny, because I need about 7 Adderall and a liter of vodka to basically get through my day.” – Britt Reid