Today, you get an abbreviated version. List of things I like that start with the letter B:
- Boobies
- Booty
- Blondes
- Balls (mine)
- Beignets
- Boning
- Babydolls (lingerie)
- Beer
- Beef
- Beans ( I AM Mexican)
- Beauty
I could go on. However, I need to move on.
So, aside from THAT, what is there to talk about?
Sports Update
We are now in the Masters. Anyone want a pimento sandwich? This reminds me that a certain member of the DFO Corporation, all rights reserved, actually attended this event and promised a Boots In The Ground.
Really curious to find out what that was like…
Current Events
***
REPEAT: Easter is coming! The stores are filled with chocolate goodies. I’ve never understood people saying Happy Easter. Happy Torturous Death of the God you worship! Here, have a chocolate egg!
***
Other Updates
I am currently playing in a golf tournament. Not doing well but having a blast with friends. For those of you that read my latest fiction series, Izzy is a real person and I’m playing with him today. The jokes have been flowing all day. Our 79-year old playing partner is being accused of using performance-enhancing Viagra as his drives are straight and long.
Speaking of, my penis was very happy last week. Thank you for asking.
***
In this space, I will tell you what I’m drinking as I type this post. Today’s drink is: Mountain Dew Baja Blast Zero.
***
Your weekly Psych gif:
***
Your weekly hot girl pic:
***
Your weekly music video:
***
One last thing:
Seriously, hat tip to Brocky:
Normally, I really do like this jorb. I think that’s been made relatively apparent. However, I am 23 minutes away from end of shift, and there is half a homemade lasagna, biscuits, fresh salad, and milkshake waiting for me at home.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RP0_8J7uxhs
I was thinking of doing an Ultimate Murderbot Mixtape. This would probably be the intro song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=idkLEDFChfY
A Win for All Bears teams
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-qAQVccQtF0
Well done Balls. Late to the game here, Sunday is a no run rest day in my master plan. And 79 y/o straight and long just happens to be one of my life goals.
Be well everyone.
Found a funny:
NY Times Profile:
‘Why are high fertility people always so weird?’ A weekend with the pronatalists
Apparently Senator Bernie Sanders was on stage at Coachella!
That seems Rockingggg!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HOxSe02ySCU
Yeah, he did a duet with Lady Gaga “Born This Way Like 90 Years Ago”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0_LPTxvLXkE
Someone watch this and let me know how hilarious it is.
Tell me it’s a full moon without telling me it’s a full moon.
Hotchie motchie is it weird tonight already.
https://youtu.be/JlkwLfog13M
It’s not pink.
I spent 7 years in Catholic elementary school. Safe to say I’m no longer religious.
Me too, except 8. Did NAWT continue that into high school.
Altar boy’d for a few years. But I didn’t enjoy priestdick so I bailed.
You’re just upset because they didn’t pick you…
wreaks havoc on the self-esteem
8 for me too. That was more than enough.
Talk about a throwback…
I bet RTD remembers this…
https://youtu.be/bRA1yg63_Ko?si=wDFlqdOabqbqUfai
Aw I used to love playing that. And staring a beach girls. And having beer.
I guess I still love some of that.
Right? !? I remember going down to HB and playing. I think they used to have tournaments too.
11 hours at the little league field today running the snack bar for eight hours and kids’ game for another 2.5 hours after that. I shall enjoy this beer… and the next one and the next one etc. Did you know that so-called volunteers don’t even get paid?
Yeah but you got to stare at kids for 11 hours.
Can’t see the fields from the snack bar. Part of my plea deal
That’s why you steal.
Would love to except Dr Mrs Dr Boganski is the league treasurer and insists on “integrity”. She’s also the PTA treasurer and I just can’t convince her to do a bunch of white collar crime in the neighborhood and run off to Mexico with like, $700
This was just on.
https://youtu.be/y259WQIvBNo?si=w7aDVNA_QlpcIr-0
2nd best tv’s frank, love them both
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hm_3azIn7aU
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/LepFrhiMYao
He’s a regular Friday night guest on a sirius radio show called “Tell me everything”. Last night he was upset because he buys all his jokes from China. Somehow it’s funny when he says it
I probably wouldn’t love him when he’s not being an abused sidekick.
Fair, it’s a very different thing
At least SOMEONE’S doing something
https://x.com/ABC/status/1911164053541511451
I’m glad he was also going to take out the Couchfucker.
“great to see Dave Portnoy in the building”
Now there’s a sentence you won’t hear from too many women.
Or me, for that matter.
If it was a story about Dance Portnoy getting a time machine and going back to 9/11 and I’m watching the old news clips after the second plane hit but now with this interesting new quote.
UFC announcers talking about the absolutely jacked woman handing out a beating and how she lost her first bout in 2019 and had no confidence and “this isn’t the same woman” and it’s not a far stretch from those comments to thinking that the UFC’s PED testing might need some work.
They actually test?!?
I think they at least pretend to.
The NFL hasn’t gotten a hot PED test since Watson got addressed vis his big mouth hookers.
The last weekend edition of RELEASE THE KRAKEN!!!!
[serious look] “Have you ever considered embracing the Kraken? What about his emotional needs? [stares into camera three] WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK.” [audience starts clapping]
-Phil Donahue
That’s for the off season which is starting way too soon.
Does this game have playoff implications?
For St Louis it does. They’re in the last wild card place by one point.
I meant for the Toronto Maple Leafs.
Not really, they’re going to lose in the 1st round as usual.
“I work out 6 days a week. I walk the dog 2-3 miles a day. Why can’t I get in the kind of shape these UFC fighters are in?” I ask myself while washing down my Easter kielbasa and pierogi dinner with a couple of chocolate chip cookies.
/those damned Ukrainian Catholics are doing untold damage to my arteries and I am here for it
Well if there is one country I know to be our sworn enemy since it was the KGB-run Soviet Union — it’s Ukraine.
What exactly did Shepherd do to deserve this?
https://twitter.com/eurofootcom/status/1911144739472130531
That is fucking brutal.
That was quick and brief. A very appropriate way to make fun of his fuckup and then run off to celebrate together.
Oh good it’s snowing now after being sunny and warm yesterday. Stupid mountains.
Such a great tune that no one seems to know about.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ILs3feNmJKc&ab_channel=Dev
nods in Kobe Bryant
Is the song about anally raping someone in Colorado?
/that’s why he’s nodding from hayell
//also because the mountains won…again
This is deliberate Uruguayan Old Christians rugby team erasure and I just won’t have it!
There’s a documentary about a hotshot free-climber who died in an avalanche, (while actually climbing with a partner and roped), and Alex Honold in interviewed on it while wearing a T-shirt with a mountain on it and the sentence “the mountain decides’ below it.
Would think a producer might have stepped in before that interview with maybe a different T-shirt.
You said this was gonna happen.
We just hit the third day of 100-degree record temps (tying records). I said that was gonna happen!
Glad we caught a game with some hitting.
Just got another tattoo. And now we wait for the itch…
Did Lowratio get a matching one?
Hairy Whalers? Don’t remember that team…
Love the dedication, but I don’t think you need to put the team name on once the logo is complete. It’s pretty obvious what you’re going for.
Now, you put “fuck” and “Karmanos” there, we got ourselves a tattoo.
You’re gonna need new bed sheets.
Does the tattoo say “I have crabs”?
/I had a very close friend thru high school that was very adamant about Lent (his parents were super serious Italian Catholics)
John: “I’m giving up chocolate for 40 days.”
Me: “Why?”
John: “It’s important.”
Me: “But why?”
John: “Because you have to sacrifice.”
Me: “But why?”
John: “To prove that..you..love…God.”
Me: “So, if you don’t do it you don’t love God?”
John: “I…no. I still love God of course.”
Me: “So why do it in the first place?”
John: “I…I don’t know.”
/this was not a verbatim conversation of course
//today John is a lapsed Catholic (I believe) that goes thru the motions for his kids because his parents are still alive
Bummer.
Then again, eternal salvation is a nice reward, I imagine.
A way long time ago I made a young God believer cry because I kept on comparing his belief system to the rules of badminton.
God Squad Guy: “The Bible was written by God!”
Me: “That’s not true at all. How could that be done? It was written by men, just like the rules of badminton.”
/later
God Squad Guy: “God laid down the 10 Commandments that we have to follow.”
Me: “And a birdie out of bounds counts as no point. That’s a commandment that we have to follow.”
/I was a huge prick in university, but I think you already figured that out a long time ago
At least you were entertaining about it, no one likes a prick without a sense of humor
I didn’t know you went to college.
There’s some joke floating around here that you’re a serial killer. Fucked up of me, I guess, but I just assumed some creepy fucking hobo-murderer wouldn’t have invested the time to attend university.
How do you think he got the scholarship?
Feels like a Sunday. I will still adhere to my Sunday bed time and hopefully get a good night sleep
I believe it is, no honor amongst fraudsters.
https://ktar.com/arizona-news/arizona-fraternity-fraud-theft/5693132/
I was never into the whole religion thing, but even I know that Easter is the day Jesus rose from the dead, not the day he died. He died on Friday and basically missed the whole weekend which sucks.
Easter is also the end of Lent, and considering that Mardi Gras and other Carnival celebrations are all about doing all the fun shit you aren’t supposed to do during Lent the day it ends should be pretty Boss as well
I’m too Catholic. They spend forty plus days being miserable and then one Sunday it’s, oh everything’s good. He’s fine. Nothing to see here. Have a chocolate egg.
A 40-1 ratio is not my idea of fun.
Probably better than Zeus at least, and I bet you could do shots out of those hollow chocolate eggs
Def better than Zeus
https://www.historicmysteries.com/myths-legends/zeus/30484/
Or just get them pre-filled
I love Germany
MIT IODINE!
The randomness of this joke had me choking with laughter the first time I watched it.
Same.
I like these ones
?c=2?imbypass=on
Those look SO GOOD!
That reminds me that I should go to Cost Plus soon. They have all kinds of great Euro things.
Good Friday sucked when I was a kid, we had to spend three hours on our knees in church when I was in Catholic school. We earned those chocolate bunnies, dammit!
We were brought up pentecostal but that shit didn’t take.
Couldn’t be more anti religion if I tried.
Grandmother MeMe spoke in tongues.
I Did everything but back out into the cornfield after that.
“Jesus gave up his life for your sins”
Jesus was killed Friday and up and around Sunday. He gave up about 48 hours for my sins.
(stolen off the internet somewhere; not my joke)
it wasn’t FITBAW season, though…