Sexy Sunday is here! No wait, just swapping places with the greatest Yeah Right. He sexyed up Friday, so I’m here to mayo gravy up Sunday!

Since I’m such a great writer I will remind you that from the title we’ll be making a Breakfast Burrito. I would like to remind everyone that I was born and raised in Montana so whatever definition of that meal means to you is probably not at all the same as mine. HOWEVAH, the best part of this recipe, is that you can add anything that will make you happy. Also, as you’ll see, there’s parts you can subtract to stay alive as well. That’s the joy of this, right?

OK, so give me a moment to figure out how to add pictures to this blog. You might think that’s funny, but the photos being added here are embedded instead of linked. And you’re all asking yourself, what’s the difference? And look, it doesn’t matter to you. Just know this is a lot more work than my usual Friday posts. And it’s worth it for you and, probably, me. Just go with it. Holy shit, I’m almost already over my word count and haven’t started for a throw away Open Thread Sunday Morning Post? (No offense yeah right)

Oh right, breakfast burrito when you’re all hungover on a Saturday morning like me. Let’s start with the pictures.

So, um, gather your cooking instruments.

Anyway, here you can see we have two (2) pans, one (1) plate which we’ll be eating off of, one (1) vodka soda drink, one (1) pyrex bowl, three (3) bottles of vodka, one empty though, and then some kitchen implements. Fine, (spoiler) there’s a wooden spoon for the potatoes, a grater for the cheese, a plastic spatula for the eggs, and off screen two (2) forks. One for eating, the other for the egg prep. There’s going to be a another surprise plastic spatula later.

OK, now on to the ingredients. Let’s see if the media upload works better this time. (Narrator: It did not!)

Nonetheless, the pic did show up! Instead of looking through it, here’s the ingredient list typed out:

1. Tito Vodka Bottle (Empty) (Optional)
2. Kirkland Vodka Bottle (Half Used – Optional)
3. Kirkland Vodka Bottle (Unused – Not Optional)
4. Canola Oil (2 oz)
5. Eggs (2 whole)
6. Cheese. (2 oz or however much to cover the bottom of a tortilla shell) This is Cheddar that is super duper aged, use what you like.
7. Tortillas! These are the proper Burrito sized ones. They’ll cover an entire plate and still be way too small for what’s about to happen.
8. Sausage! (2 patties) Like any recipe, you do you here. If you do sausage just know that sausage is sold pre-ground.
9. Taters! (2 handfuls) For some stupid reason I can no longer find actual hashbrowns from OreIda here, only Potatoes O’Brien!! Like, their factory is a 4 hour drive from here and nothing. Whatever, any type of tater will work here. Make your own from an actual tater if you’re so inclined, I’m obviously not.
10. Butter! I’m using this Irish butter block. I’m not measuring any of it in all of its usages, that’s for you and your heart to decide.
11. That’s it!

First warning. This burrito came out extremely wet from all the oil and butter and grease I used. Adjust accordingly and grab a napkin to wipe your fingers and enjoy the flavor.

Step 1: Let’s get those taters going. Add olive oil and and some butter to the large pan and heat at medium high. Reward yourself with starting cooking with a sip of that drink.

Step 2: Start that sausage in the smaller pan at medium heat. These will take about 7 minutes to cook. (Time may vary based on your cooktop)

Step 3: While everything is warming up, prep your eggs. Scramble those two eggs in a bowl with a fork. Reward your effort with a swig of that drink.

Step 4: Once the butter in the big pan starts sizzling, add your taters. You will stir them around every 2 minutes and cook for about 7 minutes. (Time may vary based on your cooktop). Don’t neglect your drink at this point.

Step 5: At this point, you’re just in maintenance mode. One is tossing those taters, the other is breaking up the sausage and then tossing those bits with the surprise plastic spatula not pictured. Also, have a drag off that vodka drink.

Step 6: Prep that tortilla. Grab a paper towel get it wet under a faucet if you can’t otherwise get something wet. Then place the tortilla on your plate, cover it with that damp (moist?) towel, and put in your microwave for 30 seconds to heat it up. Have a sip of that lovely vodka drink there too.

Step 7: Break up that sausage some more and stir it around.

Step 8: Continue to toss those taters around. Remember at this time you have a drink handy and take a sip.

Step 9: When the tortilla is out of the microwave coat it with a generous grating of that cheese. Resist the urge to eat the brick of cheese by having a few sips of your drink.

Step 10: By now the taters should be done, so dump them on that cheesy tortilla. Add Pepper and Salt as needed here to flavor those taters. Season you palate with another sip of your drink.

Step 11: Add that sausage on top. Oh my, I’ve apparently topped up my beverage. You should definitely take a big gulp from it so you don’t spill it.

Step 12: Egg time! First, let’s add some butter to that sausage pan. We’re going to mix that sausage grease with this butter for our eggs to soak up. And look, I’m not your doctor and I will advise you to not share this with your doctor. I will only advise you to do this if you love eggs and grease.

Step 13: Turn off the heat. Your pan, if it’s anywhere near as good as mine, will retain that residual heat. Eggs can be cooked with minimal heat, just trust me here. Then use that spatula to get all those eggs into the pan.

Step 14: Rinse the bowl and the fork used to prep the eggs. During this time the eggs will set in that pan that is over ZERO heat. Then, grab that spatula and fold the eggs in from the outside to the inside. It will only take about 30 seconds for the eggs to cook.

Step 15: Dump those eggs onto your tortilla. Duh?

Step 16: (Not Pictured) Here is where you season this glorious meal to your liking. Salt. Pepper. Salsa. Hot Sauce. Mayo. Whatever you want to make it a burrito.

Step 17: (Life Hack) I have a hood over my stove. When I start cooking I turn on the light on that hood. And then I don’t turn it off until I’ve verified every part of my shitty stove is turned off. Here you can see I am cleared to turn off the light on the hood. Said breakfast burrito is cooling off to the left at this time.

Step 18: This is a very loosely defined burrito mostly because of it’s use of a tortilla. Look, I was born and raised in Montana so my understanding of burritos is probably not accurate. You can adapt and do you. In the meantime, I’m going to add that extra seasoning that I love.

PEACE!