Your Sunday Morning NFL Slate Week 16 Open Thread

Somewhere in Northern Ontario….

The old man grumbled. He said to himself, “What am I doing out here? This is why you have underlings!”

He muttered to himself but he knew deep down he had no choice. Some work you just had to do yourself. If you didn’t, that would mean double work and, quite frankly, this was already cutting into the Christmas celebrations. He couldn’t afford to waste more time

He parked and unloaded. It was about a 100 yards, but he was in decent shape and the load wasn’t too heavy. That’s what happens when the economy goes in the shitter. Everything becomes “lean”.

Why did he have to go into the office today of all days? I mean, there’s NFL football on the TV! And there are several games with playoff implications!

“Oh well. Might as well get on with it. The faster I do this, the faster I can get home and watch the games. Stupid work.”

TO THE GAMES!!

Bills at Browns

Much like our intro, this game is going to be a slaughter. The early line was Buffalo -10 but I think that’s generous. I say Buffalo by 21 with a guaranteed Cleveland injury. Maybe Shadeur, maybe someone in the defense. Just book the parlay.

Bengals at Dolphins

This is the “I’ve got no fucks left to give” Bowl. Both teams had their seasons ended in embarrassing fashion last week. What are they playing for? Pride? Nah. It’s all about incentive bonuses from now on. That’s why the Bengals will probably bench their starters at halftime…

Chiefs at Titans

Don T’s Glorious Tits get a golden opportunity to claim a victory over the “dynasty of the 2020s”. Yes, I know the dynasty is over, but it’s still something nice to put in the resume like the management certificate you got for attending a webinar and watching movies at the same time.

Jets at Saints

The Saints were pretty frisky last week in beating the Panthers. They should beat the Jets and give themselves a little ego boost. This will, of course, drop them in the draft order, so they clearly can’t have nice things because they touch themselves. And, honestly, who can blame them? Have you been to New Orleans strip clubs?

Chargers at Cowboys

Until last night, this was a game with playoff implications. The Chargers could have put Cowboys fans out of their misery once and for all this football season by beating the Boys in the Jerry Dome. As it is, the Eagles had that pleasure. As incentive for the Chargers, they must continue winning in order to have any chance at catching Denver for the division and the top seed in the AFC.

Vikings at Giants

The Vikes went through a rough patch but now they have McCarthy back and it looks like they are playing better. They are still eliminated from the playoffs. The Giants are actually in the same boat. They are eliminated but playing better. No one will watch this game. Not even Scotchy.

Bucs at Panthers

Here is the one game with major playoff implications. Both teams are tied atop the NFC South. Today’s outcome doesn’t provide final decisions, but it will give the winner a huge advantage. Remember these two teams play again in the last week of the season.

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ballsofsteelandfury
Balls somehow lost his bio and didn't realize it. He's now scrambling to write something clever and failing. He likes butts, boobs, most things that start with the letter B, and writing in the Second Person. Geelong, Toluca, Barcelona, and Steelers, in that order.
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jjfozz

Watching football with my mom, couldn’t be happier

Redshirt

Joe Calm in for mop up duty.

scotchnaut

Herbert with the late MVP push?

Redshirt

I’m not calling Haliee Steinfeld a succubus, but it seems once she’s sired his child, Josh Allen has gone to shit.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

dolphins are the deshaun watsons of the sea ppl forget that

Gatoraids

dont think we can, saw some AI slop article with title trade Tua for Watson and wouldnt put it past us

Don T

TEN surpasses 20 points in the 4th QRT. So this is how all ya’ll feel on Sundays. Nice!

Redshirt

Okay, warm up the backups. This one’s over.

Horatio Cornblower

“Uh no, we won’t be turning on the heat. Tell the backups to put on a sweater.”

-Mike Brown

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I feel like watching other people perform “stunts” that aren’t even dangerous is just going to drive Johnny Knoxville back to his one true love: hurting himself.

Redshirt

Huh, so this is how the Bengals would be with a great defense. TAKE NOTES, TOBIN!

Don T

TEN gets bailout flagS against KC.
Reality > LSD

Redshirt

If you started Chase Brown in Fantasy Football, congratulations on your victory.

King Hippo

Border Patrol hitting them quotas this week!

jjfozz

That makes two nights in a row where I overserved myself. Bonus: Mrs. Fozz heard me mutter something about her that wasn’t kind.

Why am I so stupid?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

And today is the winter solstice, so if you want to make it three in a row you’ve got a reason!

Don T

“I recently saw a TikTok about honing apologizing skills”
/disrobes, “Alexa, play ‘Fear of a Black Planet’”

Unsurprised

I did the same but I just talked mad shit to people over text. Booze + Flu medicine = GRRR

It’s past noon, so time for round two.

Last edited 2 months ago by Unsurprised
scotchnaut

Giants tight end Theo Johnson has only two dropped passes today! That’s the same amount of targets he has.

/rolls up sleeve
//looks for dullest butter knife in drawer
///begins cutting

“Ah, that’s the good stuff!”

Redshirt

I have been this excited to see a virtual measurement of something 10″ long since…I’ll save that for Sexy Friday.

King Hippo

Border Patrrrroooollllll!!

Redshirt

Chase Brown just scored again.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

THE HUNT IS ON!

Spur

Dallas forces a punt?!?

scotchnaut

They learned it by watching video of Jerry forcing himself on escorts.

Spur

they paid off Herbert?

Redshirt

Back-to-back Turnovers?! Am I watching Alternate Earth’s broadcast again?

Redshirt

Hide your mothers. MILF Hunter Z may be warming up if Ewers keeps overthrowing receivers left and right.

Redshirt

Other 31 Teams’ fans: “Oh, good. Our team has a two-score lead. We can relax a bit”
Bengals Fans: “Oh, God. Our team has a two-score lead. No lead is safe!”

Unsurprised

Maybe one day they’ll field a defense and stop having to worry about that.

Redshirt

My mother lost her husband to a year-long disease and is still mourning.

This woman lost her husband to a horrific, graphic assassination and hasn’t shed one tear to my knowledge.

Unsurprised

I assume her shitty plastic surgery included removing her tear ducts.

It’s unreal how much she looks like what Tammy Faye Baker probably looked like at 30.

Last edited 2 months ago by Unsurprised
Redshirt

Mom’s support system was based on being there for her, letting her feel her emotions and getting her used to the new normal.

Kirk’s support system was based on taking advantage of her and her late husband.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Pretty sure that *I* shed more tears than she did.

(no, I’m not going to specify what type of tears they were; tears are tears)

scotchnaut

I’d like to do her doggy-style just to see how badly the tattooist mis-spelled her “Career Opportunist” tramp stamp.

Doktor Zymm

Ah, Richard Hanania, one of the many people who have espoused literal Nazi ideology but the Anti-Defamation League is totally cool with because he has never said anything nice about Palestine (because it is full of brown people you see)

Dunstan

Yeah, the efforts by some people to rehab Hanania are annoying. Not to mention that, even if I were to overlook the racism, he’s not a deep or interesting thinker.

Last edited 2 months ago by Dunstan
Unsurprised

McCarthy flopped at a simple arm twist like an aikido student flopping at Steven Segal just brushing against him.

Don T

Ayomanor makes difficult catch!
/looks put balcony
IN MG, a dog and cat making out!

Redshirt

Bengals defense do a good?

Don T

Halftime activity: courting the daughter 😉
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Unsurprised

Wait until the priest zips up.

Redshirt

Minshew out.
McCarthy just got knocked to Tuesday.
Allen is walking to the sideline without a shoe.

QBs are falling left and right.

BeefReeferLives

QAaaaaron thinking about Aiden this afternoon

comment image

Unsurprised

Kroll sucks so much.

King Hippo

Dios de los muertos WOO!!!!!!!!

Unsurprised

‘Tis the season

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Pfft. Jim Tomsula spent half his time on the 49ers sideline wearing only one shoe and it wasn’t indicative of any physical ailment.

Redshirt

THE CLEVELAND BROWNS!

Don T

KC 6
TEN 9
Shit. It’s like Royals losing to Padres, Tony Gwynn had a double. (Fave old joke)

rockingdog

Omg 2 games are at the half with a 6-9 score line

lol NICE.

rockingdog

Vikings & Giants both tripping over themselves lmao

Seems like a “swagged-out” white guy qb can only do so much lol

Spur

Where’s this game taking place? – Andy Reid

Doktor Zymm

There ya go Gigantes

Cecil Rhodes

Antonio Ramiro Romo loved the hold by Bojorquez there.

Spur

anyone got some podcast recommendations? Need something to listen to while i drift off to sleep.

Don T

Grandes Infelices. GeniaL

Unsurprised

I’m bingeing the back catalog of the Pure Cinema Podcast simply because they are long, fairly ad-free (the reads blend into the show well since they’re for DVD retailers, etc.), and they discuss movies I would never have even heard about otherwise.

Unsurprised

It turns out most of the Filmdrunk Frotcast is still available on blubrry, and listening to some of those old episodes is like watching the massive pileup shitshow we’re living in happen in slow motion.

WCS

Watch this get blocked and returned. It’s that kind of game.

Don T

Just arrived home for TEN TD WOOOO!
Madre sends her regards.*
/takes off pants
* “¿Quién es esa gente? Nmah.”

WCS

3rd and 23? NFL BLITZ!

Doktor Zymm

Garrett helping Josh Allen up, I like it!

WCS

This game is drunk and smoked meth.

scotchnaut

You’ll need to be more specific.

Cecil Rhodes

Drinking and smoking meth are common problems in Rust Belt cities!

King Hippo

And we’ve yet to have Duuuuuvvvvvaaaalllll’s fixture, Gov!

Redshirt

Drew Sample’s Annual Amazing and Only Play of the Year!

WCS

Bananacakes was mixed, baked, and served in one play just now in Western New York.

Redshirt

2nd & 6 BUF 34
2:00

12-S.Sanders pass short right to 10-Q.Judkins to CLE 38 for -6 yards (58-M.Milano). FUMBLES (58-M.Milano) RECOVERED by BUF-8-T.Bernard at CLE 34. 8-T.Bernard for 34 yards TOUCHDOWN. The Replay Official reviewed the runner was not down by contact ruling and the play was REVERSED. (Shotgun) 12-S.Sanders pass short right to 10-Q.Judkins to CLE 38 for -6 yards (58-M.Milano). CLE-10-Q.Judkins was injured during the play.

Redshirt

Rookie Quarterbacks making their first start, the Bengals only weakness. …except for the other dozens.

Unsurprised

I’ve known 3, maybe 4, Jim Cooks in my life. That’s a ridiculously common name.

rockingdog

What time is it?

3rd string KC QB TIME!!!

Lmao seems Rockingggg!!!

Redshirt

What happened to Minshew? Dead or Bad?

Doktor Zymm

Walking, but could use a cane

Spur

I wonder if Eberflus is capable of feeling shame.

Unsurprised

No coach is.

Unsurprised

Fucking lawyerball. I actually feel bad for the VEPs

scotchnaut

[wipes tear from eye] “I don’t want your pity!”

rockingdog

Woof big Hail Bergggg by Giants

Negate the pick 6

Hahahaha

Cecil Rhodes

My word! The quartered-back on Cleveland’s Undesirable Browns has a bloodied digit that resembles a delicious Boerewors sausage! I must tell my Imperial colleagues to raid the local Boer settlement at once so that I may enjoy some light fare as I throw my support behind the explorer James Cook from my parloUr here today!

Cecil Rhodes

Speaking of Cook, he just discovered another end zone! Glory to the Empire!

Doktor Zymm

Ouch, no pick 6

Justin Jefferson got some bling too!

WCS

Sure, Dallas winning games hurts their draft positioning, but, it’s lets not kid ourselves and pretend that the Jerrah would do anything good with it, anyway.

Spur

Double J: “Bring me the list of guys named Tyler”

King Hippo

NEVAR CHANGE, VEP