As your newly-crowned King of the DFO Fantasy Football leagues, champion of the Freezer Vodka League, and Benevolent Monarch of the DFO Peoples, WE pledge to you, OUR loyal subjects, to share our knowledge and update you on the goings-on in the Realm every Saturday Night in the off-season. We start the off-season tonight as there are no more Saturday NFL games and your Benevolent Monarch’s favourite team, the Steelers, have been eliminated and have apparently decided to hire Mike McCarthy. WE need a drink….
Tonight, WE present to you a list of things that Amuse US that start with the letter A (We shall go in alphabetical order going forward) and that OUR subjects should develop an interest in:
- Apples
- Arizona skies (per The Orb)
- Alabama (the band)
- Arrows (the ones with feathers)
- Animal Style Double Doubles
- Art chicks
- AFL
- Anchovies (the food)
- Anaheim
- Affogatos
- Anal (of course)
And now for something completely different…
WE so proclaim:
General Sports Update
College basketball is in full swing with conference play. Place your bets on which teams are shaving points. Pro basketball also exists, but WE feel it’s an inferior sport, so WE shall not mention it.
The best sport, however, is in full swing and that is the NHL. Tonight’s most interesting games are:
- Canadiens at BAHSTAN
- Vichy Hartford at Ottawa
- Stupid Sexy Lightning at Columbus
- Period Sex at Winnipeg
- OUR TEAM at St. Louis
- Florida at Minnesota Should Be North Stars
- Washington at McJesus and Pals
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World Sport Update
The NFL post-season rolls on tomorrow with the Conference Championships. It will be Seattle hosting the Rams in a divisional matchup at 3:30 Pacific. The early game has Denver hosting the Pats at noon Pacific.
In Spain, Barcelona will host Real Oviedo and Atlético will host Mallorca tomorrow. Btw, has anyone seen Mallorca Files? WE dig that show. Good chemistry between the two leads, some beautiful scenery, and pretty fun stories. Seasons 1 and 2 are on BritBox. Season 3 is exclusive to Amazon Prime.
Registration is open for the opportunity to buy tickets for the LA Olympics. Events will also take place in Oklahoma City, so OUR subjects in the middle of the country can enjoy the Olympics without getting bent over. Ticket purchase windows start in March with several rolling windows anticipated.
WE shall definitely attend at least one or two events, possibly more. There is a limit of 12 tickets per person unless you buy Group tickets. The minimum Group size is 50 people.
***
Other Updates
WE finished in third place in OUR first golf tournament of the year. That added some funds to the Royal Treasury. Last week, WE entered a team competition and added additional funds through a couple of team skins on Hole 7 in which your Benevolent Monarch got a Par and Net Birdie to secure the skins.
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In this space, WE shall share OUR Thing Of The Week. Today’s Thing:
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OUR weekly funny:
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OUR weekly hot girl pic:
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OUR weekly music video:
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One last thing:
Have at it!
I am in complete shock and absolutely stunned by what just happened.
We may have a new leader for worst scenario I’ve been involved with here.
I can’t really get into it now; maybe later.
I hope you get free counseling as a benefit, you’re doing good work but seeing the worst stuff has to wear you down some. Hugs.
McJesus delivers! Crazy game
I’m tired of everything being an app. I want a phone of moderate intelligence. The Guenther of phones!
You ain’t the only champ around here, I got some things to add to your A list:
-Alligatore Gun
-Afghan Whigs
-Allman Brothers Band
-Asparagus
-Aardvark
Recognize
Also, I’m a bit miffed the list didn’t include Ayo
Or Armed and Hammered.
Indeed, as also champion I add:
-Ayo
-Armed and Hammered
-Anyone else!
Everybody get in here with that last one!
Alligator tails are mighty tasty with a nice Creole remoulade.
I had some amazing food when I was in NOLA but didn’t come across any alligator legs. Sounds amazing and if you cook’em up in San Pedro I’ll be there (barring work and the constant weekend obligations of 9 and 11 year old sportos. I kinda would prefer if they go in either of these other directions though: motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wastoids, dweebies, dickheads…
I’m keep a plate waiting just in case.
Bogdanski, you’re a righteous dude.
I went to an unusual food festival once and had both alligator and crocodile. They both tasted kinda like rattlesnake
I always thought snake tastes a bit like human…
Wait, what was the question?
“A” things that amuse me, Autostrada / Autobahn… gets me to six different countries in under four hours.
Location, Location, Location
Also see – Series A media figures
Every time I cross the boarder and get on the Autobahn, Kraftwek plays in my head.
It’s a good thing she’s got big tits because that face ain’t gettin’ her nowhere.
She’s starting to show her years.
If I had a big enough space I would cook for and drink with all of you.
It’s not so bad here.
11 degress outside, the moron Lab is cavorting through the backyard lieks it’s June.
Here’s a “smash burger” that the kids are all raving about.
The trick is to smash the burger patties flat while cooking them. This is the etymology of the name “smash burger,” literally to “smash” a “burger.” Science people theorize that the smash burger originated in the fast food caravans of the Pashtun tribe of Afghanistan,
This is actually a double smash burger, which has two smashed burger patties. The word “double” is a direct reference to “two” patties (two = double).
So, is a hamburger who base is a dry and tasteless slab of protein?
Nah man. That’s carbs as the base.
Then you’ve got the smashed thing inside.
This doesn’t appear to be “Animal Style” as directed by our King.
Is there any difference between a smashburger and just using a thinner regular patty?
Hot hot burner and the Maillard reaction
This is the right answer.
That’s nothing to do with the smashing though, seems like they should be called crispburgers or Maillardburgers or something
You’re absoloutely right, the “smashing” of a ball of meat isn’t necessary, just a downward force on the patty at the right time and temp. No real “smashing” involved, probably just a marketing thing. But when I did two thin patties side by side, the “pressing” of the one made the difference. I know that’s just anecdata but that’s all I got
Sometimes AI can be used for good.
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DT6I42MkQC2/?igsh=em8yNG01eGFxdnJi
TV: “If the Bengals season was as good as we all hoped, the AFC Championship game would be played in a foot of snow and under heavy snow.”
Me: “Et tu, Channel 5?”
A father’s journey:
“Hey, this kid knows what he wants, that’s a good thing. Must have learned it from me.”
“Hey, this kid doesn’t take any shit. He speaks up. Must have learned it from me.”
“Hey this kid stands up for others. He hates bullies. Must have leanred it from me.”
“Hey this kid is an asshole. No idea where he learned that from.”
My daughter just sent me this:
Her Neutral Milk Hotel vinyl: “When yoooouuuuu were young you were the King of carrot flooooowers” (2 minutes of fucked up accordion and flute sounds)
Me: (sitting on her mattress on the floor, the most desperate for pussy I have ever been) “No, yeah, that sounds pretty good”
That’s so funny, I actually did once tell a girl that I really enjoyed Neutral Milk Hotel’s In the Aeroplane Over the Sea in an effort to get into her pants.
I wasn’t lying though. I genuinely do like that album.
I like that song as well, but I can absolutely see lying about it to get laid.
Good album but still fuck those douchebags. I can only imagne their insipid fuckface converstainos.
1945 kicks a lot of ass but the name Mangum has always felt wrong to me
How much bourbon can one man drink before he passes out and gets a raft of shit from his wife?
Tune in tonight to find out!
If you get a raft of shit but you’re too unconscious to hear it did it ever really happen?
The Australian Open is delayed while they deal with a fan who has apparently had a medical event due to sitting outside when it’s 183 F.
Reminds of the time my son’s LL team was playing for the District Championship. We played double-elimination, and we went to the title game able to lose one game. Other team had to beat us twice. They got the first game, (there was some strategy involved that is incredibly boring and has no relevance to the story, so we’ll skip it), but that game went so long we had to finish it the next day, then go right into the second game.
It was a brutally hot day, and for the end of the first game we had the dugout with the Sun right on us. Game ends, other teams wins the coin flip and decides they want to bat first, (which is not a good decision, but whatever), so we got our choice of dugout. I, as the manager, said “I want the one with the shade” so we switched.
As we’re walking over one of the younger brothers of the kids on the other team says, with a lisp “Pussys. Can’t take the heat?”
I laughed my ass off. It was perfectly timed and so fucking funny.
Then we beat their bitch asses and won the whole thing.
DFO: Come for the dick jokes, stay for the tangential suffering of juveniles.
It’s only 75° there. I’m not sure what kind of emergency it is but it doesn’t seem like it would be heat-related. Maybe a heart attack or stroke or something.
I just assumed heat related since they kept cutting to the players hiding in the shade. Since it’s Australia any one of a number of things could have bitten her, too.
Yesterday it would have made sense – they hit a high of 102°. But today is much cooler.
It’s 7 degrees here. 102 sounds pretty good
(six months from now)
Damn, it’s 102 outside. 7 degrees sounds pretty good.
Random kid: /passes out from heat stroke
Stupid Earth acting like a Peltier device
Just wartched some crazy ass motherfucker clim the biggest building in Taiepie. it’s great to see someone channel pure fuckign craziness.
Tonight:
bourbon, beer, wine, bolognese pasta, more beer, eeying up bourbon.
HOW THE FUCK YOU DOING BOYS?
SNOWBOURBLECAPYLSE ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED
i’m seriosuly maintaining a coooool drunk all day tomorrow, don’t care if i get a heart attack shoveling snow
thi sis theway
Alex Honnold. Watched that as well.
Watch him climb El Cap with no safety gear in ‘Free Solo’; that building was nothing to him. Nothing other than the several million I’m sure Netflix gave him to do it.
Just okay. Still upset about the murder of Alex Pretti, and I need to avoid a hangover tomorrow so I can’t join you in bourblonia.
I get it. straight up execution. those fucks. may they burn in hell.
Just about to head to the airport to fly to Chicago, downloading eps of Ted Lasso to maybe watch on the flight. Only supposed to get 1-3 inches of snow there and temps are back above 0F!
Hope you’re not flying west from anywhere past Columbus, OH.
Luckily no, flying east and stopping before Ohio
Now entered Round 2.
Let’s get it.
Somewhere in Fairfax County VA
Guess what – alcohol is tasty.
Are you sure? More research might be necessary.
i will apply every possible resource in my capacity to support this claim
The beers are especially cold and delightful.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N8i9oBPaXlI
Yep. Pretty much.
Steelers reddit is certainly not taking it well.
If anyone in this thread needs help cutting through steel or concrete, please let me know because my boner is available. What a fuckign joke.
Freezer clean out for dinner meant wings and egg rolls.
So, y’know, awesome!
My crockpot came through and my Christmas roast got nice and shreddy. Had it on mashed potatoes with carrots. Yum!
One of the advantages of not watching much tv, when I do start watching something it’s not till it’s been running for a while so I have a bunch of seasons to watch!
All the warnings about staying home for the snowstorm just makes me want to go out in it even more.
Here’s an Eggs Benedict I had the other day.
We’re as set for the storm as we’re going to be at Chez Cornblower. 2 full gallons of milk. Cocoa powder. A large amount of firewood in the house, including kindling. The battery jump pack fully charged up. 40 lbs of deer corn and 40 lbs of bird seed scattered for tonight, more bags set aside for after the snow stops. Leftover pizza secured in the fridge. Four bottles of bourbon in various stages of consumption. Several beers in the fridge. New pack of chips. Cat is confirmed inside. Bruins and Canadiens on TV. A couple of beers less in the fridge. All systems go!
Forgive the warm weather question: what’s the bird seed and deer corn for?
During extreme weather on the East Coast winged creatures and cloved animals can knock down small structures if they aren’t offered a hearty meal. You weren’t taught this in grade school? I’m dumbfounded.
This. A) I’m a very sensitive soul and don’t want the birds and deer to starve to death in subfreezing weather and B) Mrs. Horatio is a very violent soul and really does not want the deer getting into our arbor vitae again.
So I throw a bunch of corn in the neighbors field when the winter gets too rough and the deer eat there instead of coming into my yard and taking out the landscaping.
Then, in the fall, the neighbor shoots the deer and we all get venison.
For the birds and the deer. You’re one of those speshul monarchs, aren’t you?
I call bullshit. He has enough problems feeding a sex dwarf. No way he takes care of birds and deer.
I’m guessing it’s an alternative to salting the driveway.
I realize he has Applebee’s money, but wouldn’t it be cheaper to just use…salt?
Currently supporting an estimated 4 deer, one of them what looked to be a 6-point buck earlier.
The birds I just started feeding because I noticed them trying to eat the deer corn today and it’s too cold for the cat to go out and stalk the birds. If it were warmer I’d just be baiting the poor bastards for the cat.
Damn, you really do make Applebee’s money….
I’ve been an attorney for 30+ years. I assure you, I ain’t doing that for the work/life balance.
“Can you be more Northern Ontario?”
-that guy that had SO MANY drugs in his system
Lady BFC popped Netflix over to this crazy Skyscraper thing and apparently “is he dead yet” was the wrong question for me to ask from the other room.
Ok, but is he dead yet?
I assume he’ll be just fine due to his talent and diligence on these climbs.
20:16 EST and we’re back….
I think.
Ok, neighbors have asked me to batch a cocktail for a little get together tomorrow. Brainstorm?
Jungle juice in the bathtub
Maybe we hear from others with more discerning tastes
Purple Jesus. Or Purple Drank, if you”re feeling rapey.
I was a FIJI in university, so that doesn’t scare me.
Malort
I asked for that
That’s your answer to everything!
Usually people apologize after they sneeze.
Do you know the type of flavors they like?
They drink fuck tons of wine
Sangria of some sort?
Red or white?
If red do something dark liquor based, if white, light liquor based
Mix these two, equal parts. Durian garnish.
What’s the word?
vomit?
Bird is the word
What’s the price?
Thirty twice!
Juice, juice, juice, really makes you loose, loose,loose
Sabalenka is just stunning. Great shoulders.
I thought it was up, but ok
Saw her play live at Wimbledon a couple of years ago. Quite magnificent.
Went to the Central American grocery store today, got tamales, empanadas. deci _litre and I are very excited for dinner.
Lazy day here, hashtagblessed to have the weather we have. Hope everyone stays safe and hydrated. And stay non-violent in your protests; the guillotine will do its work in due time.
If there is a just superior being.
Cheers to that.
Here’s Mr. & Mrs. Mussolini visiting an Esso station in the Piazzale Loreto in Milan, 1945. The site is now a McDonalds. Order a Happy Meal.
Here
I’d rather make them all dig a big trench, then machine gun them into it.
Snowmageddon ’26 has finally reached me. If I don’t make it…tell Zac Taylor…he sucks.
I’ll trade you a pre-owned Mike McCarthy!
Do we have to use him, or can we let him go as soon as the trade is finalized?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lx8bjK75yNo
Tree’s handling the McCarthy news about as expected.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8jGZxqIpS5g
Ladies and gentlemen, keeping with the soon approaching offseason.
The Sunday Gravy test kitchen is in full swing and I’ve got a spicy little beauty damn near ready to serve.
Season 12 is on deck!
Sweet!! I think I prefer the off-season around here. Sunday Gravy is a huge reason for that.
Thank you!
Honestly? I dig it too.
Keeps me motivated and young.
Holy shit, dude. This will be the season opener and it’s got your name all over it.
Fucking delicious!
Slobbering already! I stuck my leftover roast in the crockpot this morning to try to get some Italian beef up in heah, but I think it might be a touch too lean . I put extra fat in to compensate, but I have my doubts. I’m going to l
WTF? I’m going to leave it in for 4 more hours, maybe it will loosen up.
I gots to know.
Success!
One of the very few good things about Sundays in the off-season.
Preparing to get snowed in tomorrow, Sharkette and I made meat sauce earlier. That’s going to go into home made lasagna for tomorrow’s dinner. She’s really looking forward to making the noodles ourselves.
*We bought store lasagna noodles as a backup just in case.
I have 20+ mock draft topics lined up and ready to go.
/forgets it’s Monday 17 straight weeks