Welcome to Day 4 of [DFO] Hate Week, where it appears we have come across a perennial topic of this-here exercise – Tom Brady, burgeoning oligarch.

Given tonight’s topic, there was only one real choice for tonight’s theme song,

We all saw the NFC Championship game last week, and we all heard Tom Brady on color commentary. (He’s not worthy of the Canadian spelling.) He is a refreshing update on the most recent type of useful commenting idiot,

I read somewhere that Romo’s magic wore off once everyone he’d played with had left the game. It meant the game had passed him by, and a different generation was using a different playbook. He isn’t as able to break things down anymore because outside of the standard packages, it’s just as much of a mystery to him as it is to us. That’s why he always sounds like he’s lost in his own house and Nantz has to try & coax him back to the table. He’ll never be an analytical genius like John Madden, but hopefully he won’t become a drooling idiot like Cris Collinsworth.

I think we can agree that he’s gotten better through practice. Brady’s commentary brought some interesting perspectives to the NFC Championship game, when he wasn’t telling stories about all the rings he’s won. He’s still got that juice in him, as you see him breaking down plays like he’s studying tape as opposed to critically analyzing it for the viewer. Most people value color guys who don’t talk down to them, and appreciate the expert analysis. I will begrudgingly accept that he has improved in his second season, finding his stride by adopting a quarterback’s approach to analysis rather than a traditional broadcaster’s persona. He now treats the broadcast booth like another huddle, and his Dick-and-Jane explanations make sense in this context if you assume he’s dumbing it down for Gronk.

What they don’t appreciate is the disingenuousness of comments like,

“Unless it draws blood, it shouldn’t draw a flag.”

That’s pretty fucking rich coming from this guy:

Dude made it his late-career mission to draw every flag he could. We all remember how bad it got; we’ve just recently transferred those feelings onto Patrick Mahomes so we’ve forgotten how bad it was with him.

But beyond that garbage, let’s look at his recent transformation into a kind of Putin-esque Russian tycoon.

^{He learned from the best.}

Hired by Fox on a 10-year, $375 million deal (more than his entire playing career earnings), Brady’s commentary career has so far been less “seamless transition” and more “awkward first date where one person only talks about their ex(-teams) and Super Bowl rings.” They threw that money at him to keep him away from CBS. It’s the definition of a no-show mob job.

But now you have his partial Raiders ownership to contend with, and all of a sudden he’s becoming the guy Denzel hunts down at the end of the first Equalizer movie.

First off, he got a “sweetheart deal” that, on paper, looks like you’re letting Paulie buy into the Bamboo Lounge just to get Tommy’s debts covered. (Given how much he lost in that crypto scam, it actually boggles how he’s able to buy anything on credit these days.)

He’s got official restrictions on what he can do as a broadcaster because he’s a partial owner. In 2024 he was given a tight series of restrictions on things he could or couldn’t do as an owner/broadcaster. Most of them were prohibitions on what he could do at other teams’ facilities and who he could talk to and where.

In 2025, those were curtailed a bit, but he was still forced to abide certain specific guidelines. According to The Athletic’s Andrew Marchand, the league allowed Brady to partake in production meetings with coaches and teams this season ahead of his Sunday afternoon calls with play-by-play announcer Kevin Burkhardt. But just like last season, he was prohibited from attending team practices and had to abide by the NFL’s constitution and bylaws prohibiting public criticism of officials and other clubs.

If you’ll notice, he wasn’t calling that many AFC games this season. According to his schedule, 

as part of the FOX #1 broadcast team, he only called four games involving AFC teams at all, and of those only two had Raiders divisional rivals the Chiefs (Week 2) or the Chargers (Week 5). Those were apparently purposely early in the season to avoid any allegations of him “spying” for the Raiders. (Also helping alleviate those allegations – the 3-14 record of the Raiders.) What was harder to do was keep him from working games against future Raiders opponents, but as long as he honored the code of not sharing what he learned on the road with the team he owns 5% of, there was no beef.

Much like any overdressed ex-commie warlord, he loves his shiny trinkets. Even though he’s been retired for four years, he’s still raking in the cash via endorsements with companies like Under Armour, TAG Heuer, Sam Adams, Foot Locker, and Aston Martin, and owns a stake in English football club Birmingham City. Despite the crypto losses, he’s still worth around $350 million. So, congratulations asshole – I guess you won.

Actually, Gisele is worth about $400 million, so I guess she won,

Tonight’s sports:

• NHL:
  • Florida at Tampa Bay – 7:00pm | Sportsnet
  • Kings at Vegas – 10:00pm | Sportsnet
• NBA:
  • Wizards at Pistons – 7:00pm | TSN
  • Bulls at Raptors – 7:30pm | Sportsnet1
  • 76ers at Lakers – 10:00pm | Sportsnet1
• NCAA:
  • Men’s:
    • West Virginia at Cincinnati – 7:00pm | ESPN2
    • Memphis at UAB – 9:00pm | ESPN2
  • Women’s:
    • Duke at Louisville – 7:00pm | ESPN / TSN2
    • LSU at Texas – 9:00pm | ESPN / TSN2

Before I go, I’d like once again to thank everyone for putting up with my shit. It feels good to get that bile out of the system. I hope you get to enjoy the game in whatever fashion suits you. I’d be kommenting alongside you, but I’ll be busy that day,

I won the draw & am going with WineWife. If the Seahawks can avoid more injuries due to the Havana Syndrome brought on by the Santa Clara power grid, I anticipate big things.

VERY LATE EDIT: I got a promotional email for ordering a commemorative printed ticket – $70!

See you soon!