Your “IT’S HERE IT’S HERE!!!” Training Camp Monday Open Thread

Depending on the team, today marks the opening of training camps for the 2016 season. Here are all teams’ official dates. that’s not dew on your windshield in the morning, that’s tears of joy from the football gods. But before we can benefit from their mercy at the end of this seemingly-forever off-season, we must see what wrath their return hath brought.

NFL News:

[In respect of a comment in Friday’s Open Thread, I will try to remember to underline the embedded links for colour-blind Commentists.]

• Against all odds, Josh Gordon has been reinstated and will just sit a 4-game suspension. He’ll probably be suspended again soon enough, as watching RGIII throw passes might force him back onto the weed for a coping mechanism.
• On the topic of the demon weed, there’s a video going around purportedly showing Aldon Smith rolling and smoking a blunt. Just a blunt? I expect more from a team that once employed JaMarcus Russell and Todd Christensen.
• Anthony Davis has applied for reinstatement from the retirement list, and looks forward to rejoining the 49ers. That statement alone should be enough to force him back into the concussion protocol.
• Junior Galette has apparently blown out his other Achilles tendon. All that remains now is the euthanization.

  

• The Seahawks have extended GM John Schneider through 2021. Michael Bennett and Kam Chancellor have a few words about that.
• Teams are afraid of signing Antonio Cromartie because of his hip issues, and that he may have to retire. He says he’s not going anywhere, and has a battery of child support lawyers put out feelers to teams he thinks might need his help.
• The League says they have no credible proof that Peyton Manning took HGH. Papa John thanks them for their support.

Finally, Big Daddy Drew has started his annual “Why Your Team Sucks” previews. Tennessee gets theirs first. They all promise to be delightful.

I do intend to go back to reviewing Peter King’s MMQB columns in my occasionally titled piece called the “Acela Excreta“, but just couldn’t get to it today. There’s just so much I can stomach. This week involved his training camp previews, and what he thinks each team’s big issue is. Surprisingly, it wasn’t “less fruit at the reporter’s buffet”. It’s here if you want it.

Tonight’s main sport is the start of the Democratic Convention. After the hellfire & brimstone apocalyptic rhetoric of last week, this week promises to be the moment where the rest of America looks at the Democrats and goes, “Hmm…maybe Trump isn’t so bad.”

[FYI – I first typed the word “apocalyptica”, before remembering they are a Finnish cello group that plays Metallica covers. Turning lemons into lemonade, here’s their version of “Enter Sandman”.]

Think I’m wrong? Bernie Sanders got booed by his own supporters when he said – to them, in person – that they should line up behind Hillary because Trump is, like, a million times worse. They told their pope to go stuff himself!

Stuff like that makes foreigners – even this knowledgeable Canadian – shake their head. Trump got all the Republicans to line up behind him like the Book of Revelations said they were supposed to. The Democrats, when they get together, seem intent on trying to prove to others why they actually are a bad choice, despite whatever demagogue is up against them.

I do enjoy how the Democrats turned the email release over the weekend into a delicious Cold War conspiracy of the Russians and Trump working together. This is stuff straight out of a third-world election from the 1980s, expect Ronald Reagan isn’t around anymore to send troops to invade Vermont. If anything else goes wrong, I look forward to the return of Our Man Flint.

Tonight’s actual sports:

• MLB: Tigers @ Red Sox – 7:00 – ESPN (National game)
• CFL: Montreal @ Toronto – 7:30 – ESPN2
• American Ninja Warrior – Indianapolis finals – 8:00 – NBC

I expect spirited debate in the comments. IS RATM PLAYING TONIGHT?