Wumbo Wednesday With Weaselo: Romania Euro ’24 Edition

Reminders of stuff from 2020:

Country: Romania
Footy team colloquials: Tricolorii (The Tricolors)
DFO (probable) colloquials: Draculs, Impalers, please not the Ceausescus because fuck that guy, and the Securitate, and Gheorgiu-Dej.
Kits: Home and away
FIFA Ranking: 46 (23rd in UEFA)
Best World Cup result: Quarterfinals (1994) (including a win in the Round of 16 over a Maradona-less Argentina… who was kicked out for drug use)
Best Euro result: Quarterfinals (2000)
Home stadium: Arena Națională, Bucharest
How did they do in qualifiers? Topped Group I without a loss (6-4-0), notably over Switzerland, keyed by a 1-0 win over the Neutrals in Bucharest.

Anyone I know if I casually-at-best follow footy? Probably not. Horațiu Moldovan is the backup keeper at Atlético Madrid, and Radu Drăgușin has gotten some work in the sub rotation at Tottenham, but… casually, no. No one you’d know, unless you follow Turkish, Romanian, or Saudi leagues.

Who’s in their group? (FIFA ranking/UEFA ranking) The Fightin’ For Their Literal Countries Survival (Slava Ukraini, 22/12), The Evil Wafels (Belgium, 3/2), and “I Open My Own Hotel” (Slovakia, 48/25).

So, a very obvious not-top 2.… Is there a chance in hell to not get sent out in the group stages? Yes, because 4 of the 6 third-place finishers make the round of 16. They’d likely need to steal a point, if not all three, in the opener against Ukraine to keep it interesting for the match against Slovakia, but a close loss to the Belgians would still be a surprise result. This would put them checking on likely teams such as Scotland/Switzerland, the Group B Group of Death turnout, Denmark, Poland, and the Genocide Deniers.

Best-case scenario: Third-place in Group E, draw up against England, which proceeds to England, and somehow make the quarters?

Worst-case scenario: 0-0-3, no points, 23rd in the field above Albania, which unfortunately is the already dead team in the aforementioned Group B of Death (Spain, Croatia, and Italy? Have fun Adil and Friends! Yes, that was the exchange kid’s name in “The Crepes of Wrath.”)

Realistic-case scenario: Third place, somewhere between 2-4 points. Coin flip of whether they make it into the knockouts or not, so let’s say… no.

Okay, onto America!

News:

-QAARON’S QAMPAIGN WATQH? Aaron Rodgers, to the surprise of someone, probably in Florham Park, is doing Aaron Rodgers things, and is an unexcused absence from OTAs. Is he doing RFK, Jr. campaigning? MAYBE! Did I laugh at a dude’s face when he handed me a petition to put RFK, Jr. on the ballot? You bet I did! Have I seen Kennedy ’24 banners in Senorita Weaselo’s wing of south Brooklyn? Yes I have, as she’s right on the border with the district that used to be Nadler’s and the one that also encompasses Staten Island. (I think the border is the southern edge of the park that is across the street from her.) Regardless, Robert Salah said he is on the “exact same page” with Rodgers.

-I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA: (checks notes) 16-time Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest champion and competitive eating GOAT Joey Chestnut has been banned from this year’s competition on July 4th due to his sponsorship with Impossible Foods, which, on account of having a hot dog brand, counts as a rival hot dog company. Chestnut, who according to Wikipedia is in the process of changing to a vegan diet, which I have to imagine is otherwise difficult in competitive eating, had been on his second straight 8-peat.

With Chestnut barred, and with Takeru Kobayashi retired due to health reasons, the field for the mustard belt seems as wide open as it’s been in a long time. How many could I eat in 12 minutes? I don’t know, if I pushed myself for the love of sport… 4? 5? Probably not 6, that seems pushing it. Definitely nowhere close to Chestnut’s record, 76. Fuck, you’d need to probably give me a week of nothing but hot dogs, and that sounds abysmal.

-RIP to The Logo, Jerry West.

Okay, what’s on tonight?

Not watching from a lounge in the Prudential Center
NBA Finals Game 3: The Departed Tingis Pingis vs. Uncle Drew’s Flat-Earth Society (BOS vs. DAL, Celtics lead 2-0, 8:30, ABC)

PRIIIIIIIIIME! (and I guess other baseball)
Aaron Judge’s Roaring Destruction Tour, Redux vs. Pine Tar Rage (NYY vs. KC, 8:00, Amazon Prime)
Pray for Spam vs. Sneks (LAA vs. AZ, 9:40, MLBN)
The Slog to 120 vs. Deep Thoughts with The Deep (CWS vs. SEA, 9:40, MLBN)

Watching Americans get their lesser shit kicked in
United States vs. Brazil (7:00, Telemundo/Peacock/TNT)

LAST SECOND THING I LEARNED GOING ON
Congressional Baseball Game (FS1)

Page editing sucks, and why did I think a string quartet arrangement of Rhapsody in Blue was a good idea?