October 17, 2016 – INTERIOR MEDICAL OFFICE SOMEWHERE IN PENNSYLVANIA
Dr. Jim Bradley: Well Ben, I think the surgery went about as well as it could have. We may even have you back on the field after the Patriots game!
Ben: Please address me as Herr Benjamin Todd Röthlisberger, mein lieber doktor.
Dr. Jim: WHAT? Are you ok, Ben?
BTR: Quite well, thank you very much. Now, if you don’t mind, I need to attend to pressing business. Will that be all?
Dr. Jim: Oh GODDAMIT! Hobson, get your ass in here!
Hobson: Yes, sir.
Dr. Jim: Did you fuck up the anesthesia AGAIN?
Hobson looks away, embarrassed.
Dr. Jim: EVERY FUCKING TIME HOBSON! Every single time! What have we talked about?
Hobson: But sir, if I use any more I may kill him! He’s had so many surgeries that he’s developed a tolerance for… pretty much anything.
Dr. Jim: Well, I guess if you want things done right, you’ve got to do them yourself. Get out of here.
Hobson leaves meekly, pauses at the door, waits until Dr. Jim turns his back, and then flips him the bird.
Dr. Jim: Now Ben, can yo-
BRT: HERR Röthlisberger!
Dr. Jim: Sorry, yes. Herr Röthlisberger, could you please indulge me and tell me who you are?
BRT, sounding irritated: If I must. As you surely know, my family has the top interior design firm in Switzerland and, amongst our other holdings, the top interior manufacturing firm. Regardez nos produits!
Dr. Jim (under his breath): Oh fuck, this again!
BRT: Oui! Tout qu’on peut désirer pour la salle de bain!
Dr. Jim: I understand, but don’t you remember anything about playing quarterback for the Pittsburgh Steelers?
BRT: One must pass the time. All work and no play and all that. N’est pas?
Dr. Jim: Yeah, um, I get that. Ok, I think we’re all ready here. I just have one more thing, if you don’t mind.
BRT: Not at all good chap! It gives me a chance to take a look at my latest design!
Ich wette, Sie könnten einige verrückte Sex in diesem!
Dr. Jim: Ok, we’re almost ready. Can you place this sheet over your head?
BRT: If I must…
Ben: BIG BEN NO TOUCH NURSE, GET CHOCO TACO WHEN FINISHED! YUM YUM!!
Dr. Jim: Ok, Ben, I think we’re done. See you next time!
Ben: BYE DOC!
Ben: Scheisse! Nicht noch einmal… Oh, that reminds me!
https://twitter.com/Steel_Curtain4/status/801240787090427904?lang=en
Hmm, should I do the duck breasts now and finish them in the oven later so I can do potatoes roasted in duck fat, or should I stick with the original plan and do mashed potatoes?
Roasted.
Just my opinion. Mashed is too cliche. But also not wrong.
“You should DEFINITELY do the duck breasts now!”
— Chip Kelly
THAT, my frens is a damn COMMENT!
1 HOUR UNTIL FOOTBALL PEOPLE, THIS IS NOT A DRILL. I’m gonna go chop some apples.
By virtue of a tiebreaker, the Raiders are the #1 in the AFC.
Football is much better when the Raiders are good.
It is very possible, perhaps likely, that they visit the Donks in Week 17 with the AFC West on the line.
It is also possible, though less likely, that the two blood foes meet again for the AFC championship. Fucking LOVE it.
Nice to see my passing understanding of German is still enough to grasp basic sentences but just lacking enough that I’m pretty wrong about complex ones.
On the plus side, my only jerbs were to bring a bottle of red wine and of vodka (neither of which will I partake, just pills since my oldest don’t drive plus UNMEDICATED ADHD), but on the minus side that means the turkey will be shiiiiiitttt.
But back on the plus side, I won’t have to go all Karen Carpenter the next week to counterbalance the binge eating!
Well we watched March of the Wooden Soldiers so we can call it a day, right?
How did I end up on the Harper’s Bazaar mailing list!? I’m gonna go peel some hard boiled eggs.
I guess you could call that situation… bizarre? Ow, those eggs hurt!
This…this is going to be a day isn’t it.
http://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s–pNdcq0sN–/ghx790kfy0idxnzwipfh.jpg
Fuck, gotta go clear folks outta my kitchen.
Have fun peeps.
I’m seriously considering the Wade Boggs challenge next week between here and Vegas.
?w=650
Goddammit….the redneck extended family has begun to show up, hours early. Not unexpected, but still a pain in the ass.. AND they want to help cook. GET OUT OF MY FUCKING KITCHEN!!!!!!!
http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/iwsyih.gif
Take no prisoners WBS.
Kill them all. Seriously, guests showing up way early is a capital fucking offense.
My wife, just now: “Do you see how relaxed I am?”
Me: “You’re high aren’t you?”
Wife: ‘Well, there’s that…”
My wife’s been up since 7:00 cooking the turkey. I rolled out of bed at 9:30, watched the Manchester Road Race on TV and am still in my pajamas.
But I peeled the potatoes so I think we know who the real hero is here.
Also the TV is just showing the scene from the road race involving three white guys painted like Indians. Red Face? Is that a thing?
I feel your wife’s pain. I was butter massaging two turkeys this morning as the sun came up.
Also, may I just feel your wife?
😉
I’m quite amused by TEH BEN’s new alternate personality. That’s a fancy sink!
Btw, Dok, that’s a tub. Yeah.
Happy Thanksgiving you reprobates.
Randolph County not only triggers really painful memories, but also smells like rotting zombie carcasses. Or at least what I imagine they will smell like as I watch TWD.
Randolph still dry? i know they used to be. Used to piss me off in fact, lol.
You guys are making me happy that I just do Thanksgiving with my parents and not my extended family.
Tell them you’ve made tons of imaginary friends who are single, lecherous men. I’m sure that will help assuade them, yeah?
Hehehehehe
It’s the way to go! I don’t even know most of my extended family and I’m totally cool with that.
Tell them you’ve found a couple of dozen nice young (at heart), men, then show them DFO.
We could use the clicks!
“The brain is nothing to mess with the brain when it isn’t fine.”
-Ben Roethlisberger, confirming that he has consent in this bathroom stall
I’m not starting Eli Rogers this week (after he fucked me last week), so I decided to DVR the Team Bonfire Cult/Bayou chucklefucks fixture for my post-drive home entertainment instead.
I should have had you come here. All my rednecks will be here in mere hours. I plan to be shitfaced by then.
In fact, if all goes to plan, I might be shitfaced for the next two weeks solid.
Fuck the world.
This is the proper Shitsgiving/pre-apocalypse frame of mind. The end is nigh, do not forget.
The end is likely to spare us from seeing a Pats/Pokes Superb Owl, so it’s merciful in many ways. Hail BLEERGH.
I’ll give you one guess as to who’s cared enough to keep the shotgun out of my mouth recently.
Hint: She’s French.
HAI, Hodor!!!
HODOR??
HODOR!
Happy Thanksgiving!
Steelers have two too many people on their team named Todd.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PxqCGTkV5wg
God, I miss George. I think he would agree it is Shitsgiving this year. Told my kids we should have made a paper mache poo to take to my sister’s dumbass mountain house. They agreed.
Oh, and I have to stay for dinner (had hoped to drop all 3 demon spawn off), and drive back with the oldest because she left her ADHD meds at university. My blessed 3 days of solitude get to instead be spent with unmedicated ADHD spiral. God help her, I know it won’t be her fault but FUCK MY LIFE.
And totes my fault for not checking Tuesday night when I still could have done something about it.
I had an interesting ADHD night meself last night. Almost had to drive to Walmart at 1am to buy a new lava lite bulb because kid went apeshit, knocked it off table, broke bulb. Then went off about not being able to sleep without pink lava lite (birthday gift from your’s truly, btw….no good deed).
Holy jeebus, I told her there was no way on earth I was going to go buy a new lava lite bulb at 1am, go the fuck to sleep (not in those words….but she did get the msg)
Nickie, Vinnie and Tony owe me money.