[DOOR FLIES OPEN]

"I wish this Turkish team was around over 100 years ago. With all the missed shots maybe more of my great-grandmother’s family would have survived." – Senor Weaselo

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World Cup Saturday Night #2!

ballsofsteelandfury

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We are now in the midst of the second round of group games. What do we think of the hosts’ performances so far?

MÉXICO

The Mexicans got lucky when the Korean goalie and his defender crashed into each other and gave Romo a gimme even his American cousin couldn’t fuck up.

Again, it was a good result but not great. However, considering that they are now locked in as the #1 team out of the group, it’s not bad at all. Grade: A-

CANADÁ

Holy shit was that a display! ¡SEIS A CERO! That was much better from Les Canadiens and qualification is near. As long as they dont fuck up their last game, they should advance as first or second. Even if they lose, they are pretty much guaranteed a third place spot.

The last game is against Switzerland. A convenient tie will see them both through. We will see if that’s what happens. Grade: B

US of A

The Yanks the Aussies 2-0 to temporarily get control of the group. Following Paraguay’s 1-0 defeat of Turkey, the Americans clinched the top spot in the group.

What can you say? This is definitely unexpected, but I get the feeling that once they meet tough opposition, the dream will die. But it’s still nice to dream. Grade: A

OTHERS

South Korea deserved a tie against México. They should finish in second place and we will see who they draw in the Round of 16. Depending on their draw, they could go far.

Germany looked unstoppable against Curaçao. Today, they take on Côte D’ivoire at 1 PM Pacific. I expect another thrashing. They’re good.

England also looked really good and they played better competition. Croatia is no slouch. Netherlands finally woke up. Lastly, that kid Messi is kinda good, isn’t he?

Tonight’s games:

ECUADOR V CURAÇAO at the Chiefs’ Stadium

I’m assuming Ecuador will not score 7 on Curaçao. Five is definitely in play, though. I wonder if Mahomes will attend with his crazy wife. Those two are probably invited to Kelce’s wedding to Swift, aren’t they?

Taylor is probably a little miffed that she had no choice but to invite her, right? Teen dollars says she picks her nose during the vows. Another fifty says she eats it.

TUNISIA V JAPAN at the Rayados’ stadium in Monterrey

This one has tie written all over it. However, it may be a highly entertaining 2-2 tie and not an autoerotic asphyxiation tie. Someone cue Brick’s cat!

On the bright side, the stadium will be the cleanest it’s ever been after the Japanese fans get through with it. Does anyone know what cleans up Modelo piss?

The World Cup pool can be found at:

https://www.footytips.com.au/comps/DFO_DOES_FIFA?p=doorfliesopen

The password is: doorfliesopen”

I do not blame you if you choose to do something else tonight. It’s not exactly a. Spectacular Saturday Night of Soccer!

Just don’t jack off with a tie, okay? There’s a No Dying rule around here.

Also, no more crashing cars while we’re at it. Looking in the Pedro direction here…

COMMENT AWAY!

 

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78 Comments
WCS

Notification for a walk-in at a local police department for a “self-inflicted gunshot wound to the groin.”

I didn’t know Plaxico moved back to the area..

2
Senor Weaselo

“Barney’s movie had heart, but Bullet to the Groin had a bullet to the groin.”

0
BC Dick

Goodness there was a lot of fake tits and lips and ass at the pool party I went to today. I felt like the guy in I’m Gonna Git You Sucka. Except none of them came home with me to remove their fake legs

6
2Pack

We had the power go out yesterday evening for two hours. It effected the whole block. So everyone moved out on to lawn chairs to catch the evening breeze. I wondered if our soon to be installed solar panels would make us immune to that in the future. Pretty blond across the street has them but since she too was out on the lawn, I suspected the worst. But I chatted her up on it anyways. The game on TV wasn’t an option plus did I mention she’s pretty?

Turns out you have to wire it up thru the utility company. So since it’s on the grid like every other home with or without panels you all get cut off.

Bummer. Next question will be, if I buy the battery (most people surveyed do not, expensive with only a 10 year lifespan) will that make me immune?

Last edited 14 hours ago by 2Pack
1
Mr. Ayo

Mate, nothing will make you immune to the lures of the blonde neighbor.

2
2Pack

She seems to always come out when I’m working outside, and usually she’s the one who comes over. She was in shorts yesterday but usually she’s in brezzy sun dresses. I think she’s into the big Merican dude thing. Which is fine with me. I’m just a hopeless flirt with the ladies.

2
ballsofsteelandfury

If you buy the battery, yes you will be immune. The run time will vary depending on the size of the battery.

Also, what Ayo said about blondes…

2
ballsofsteelandfury

You’ll need to install a cutover, but it’s doable.

1
2Pack

Got it, thanks.

1
2Pack

Thank you Sir. I suspected that with the limited knowledge I currently have. After last night I think Wifey is going to want one. When I talked about setting her up on my sleeping mat in the taverna downstairs she did look very uncomfortable.

1
Bogdanski

We don’t have a battery but from what I understand those are your electrons. Our local and state regulators/companies keep finding new ways to nickel and dime us on the power bill but everyone I know with a battery is very much happy to have it

1
2Pack

Thanks Sir.

1
2Pack

The weather over here plus all of my recent outdoor chores have combined to give me the best mid June tan… eva! I usually don’t look like this until late July or August.

I feel ready to now share my tanning advice with poor folks struggling with that.

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1
yeah right

I’ve probably posted this before but it’s the B-52s in their prime produced by David Byrne.

They only stuck around long enough for an EP but it’s all magical.

If you have your best listening device I request you plug it in for this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XlI7FzN8Pcw&list=RDXlI7FzN8Pcw&start_radio=1

2
Senor Weaselo

For anyone who’s seen it:

HOLY SHIT, PINKIES!

/Good holy shit? Bad holy shit? Find out potentially in a Marble League Rolldown version of Wumbo Wednesday if I start it early enough that I’m not quarter-assing it in the car en route to gig?

3
Doktor Zymm

I fucking love this movie

1
Doktor Zymm

“No one ever remembers wht Canadians look like”

1
WCS

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How can you forget?!

2
jjfozz

Being in t roube is so great. ifi i wasn’t i trouble, id’d br in trouble if i wasn good, i’m in strouble. soooo i’ll drink beers an d be fine, adn THEN drink vodka whihc puts me in the toubel zone. so, youre’ mad? oh no! fucking fuck tthat shit.

at this point i’m immune, i’m dead inside and you being mad is . . . eh.

gotta be at mass at 9 am tomrrow, long fucking story.

fuck this shit, as an ahsshole, i am going to drink more, and barf on the priest.

fucking fuck, i love bineg an asshole.

3
Doktor Zymm

Eat something with fun colored chunks in it before barfing on the priest, make it worth it

3
Senor Weaselo

Plus he’s going to church, so he’s gotta switch to wine!

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Skittles!

JJFozz and the Technicolor Yawn!

3
Mr. Ayo

I fucking love Vodka. It’ll all work out by tomorrow’s dinner when you can responsibly start drinking again. Wait, you don’t have a job anymore, drink as soon as you wake up to kill that hangover.

1
WCS

Sasassafrasketichwan prevails in overtime, 40-37. Baunaunaucaukes?

0
herodotus450

do people in Europe call it “Getting my red card” when they’re on their period?

5
Gumbygirl

Ahhh, Shark Week. Don’t miss it.

1000011052
2
yeah right

I’ve decided the best way to avoid car accidents is to not drive.

I’m walking up my street tomorrow.

I think I’m fine?

4
Mr. Ayo

Just be awre that car vs car accidents are traumatic. But human vs car accidents are usually fatal.

4
Mr. Ayo

Also, we have a rule here about being involved in fatal incidents. Also, we have an amendment about Sunday Gravy’s provenence.

6
Doktor Zymm

It’s much easier to get by without a car in Portugal, all the more reason to retire there asap!

4
yeah right

I’m working overtime on that very goal.

2
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Don’t jack off with a tie, or just don’t have the tie around our neck?

1
Mr. Ayo

Meh, I’ve done both and still alive and thriving.

1
Doktor Zymm

Maybe he meant zip ties?

1
WCS

Roughriders and Stamps tied at 34 in overtime…

0
Don T

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4
Horatio Cornblower

One of the more poorly officiated games of this WC.

So far.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That’s got to be one of the most exciting 0-0 games ever played in the history of soccer.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Seriously, look at this:

1000002078
1
Horatio Cornblower

If one team accumulates more than 7 yellow cards in a game the other team should be able to shoot a random member of that team.

5
Mr. Ayo

A very special TWBS final.

4
Horatio Cornblower

Oh man, if only that crossing pass hadn’t hit the crossbar it only would have missed his teammates by 8 yards instead of 15.

2
Doktor Zymm

I’m watching a fairly odd Swedish movie called ‘The Square’

0
Doktor Zymm

Nevermind, gonna try ‘The Spy who Dumped me’ instead. It starts with a really unrealistic portrayal of Vilnius and now I want Lithuanian fried bread

1
WCS

I’m sure Balls is familiar with the movie, “The Spy Who Dumped On Me,” a German film.

3
Doktor Zymm

Ok, this movie is super fun

1
Doktor Zymm

Very silly, and very fun

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I have a theory that this referee misplaced his whistle at the last hydration break and now refuses to admit it to anyone.

Last edited 17 hours ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
3
Horatio Cornblower

Where did they get this referee? The UFC?

3
Horatio Cornblower

#3 on Curacao just hit his opponent harder than Deion Sanders ever hit one of his opponents.

2
Senor Weaselo

That’s a low bar to clear though.

1
Horatio Cornblower

Curcao’s keeper is about the get paid.

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I know it’s 0-0 but this game is in serious contention for membership in the Order of Bananacakes.

2
Don T

Ecuador couldn’t even score on fast Ms. Pac Man.

2
litre_cola

This American announcer and British broad on the coloUr commentary has to be the absolute worst team to announce games in the tourney. Neither of them will shut the fuck up.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

These uniform colors make this game feel like we’rewatching Ikea’s morning shift play against Ikea’s afternoon shift.

2
Horatio Cornblower

Would certainly explain why no one can find anything, like for example a teammate on the end of one of these passes.

5
WCS

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I mean, look at their play sheet…

https://www.ehmac.ca/attachments/ikea001-jpg.
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Last edited 17 hours ago by WCS
2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Teen dollars says she picks her nose during the vows.

Am I safe in assuming that “teen dollars” are basically Itchy and Scratchy money but for Epstein Island?

4
Don T

Loving Curaçao. They face the goal and shoot, no matter how many Middlemen are in front.

Last edited 18 hours ago by Don T
3
herodotus450

Also a good description of John Hinckley

5
Don T

Ball hog at the sanitarium’s lawn hockey league, I read.

4
Horatio Cornblower

Ready, Fire, Aim.

Fuck it, we ball.

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Blasting it at the goal and hoping for a rebound seems to have paid off dividends in this tournament so far. I think “Own Goal” is actually the leading goal scorer right now.

2
Horatio Cornblower

We just had dinner at our favorite local Mexican joint, (no, not tacos at Applebees), and it turns out the family raft runs it is Ecuadorean. The matriarch stood on a chair and sang along with the national anthem, cheerfully admitting she didn’t know all of it, the waitresses were all wearing Ecuador team shirts, and no one is getting their food orders in after 8:00 pm.

When the game kicked off I asked if we could switch the TV back to golf, just to see how much of a riot I would start. The bartender confirmed that the kitchen staff would likely knife me.

9
Senor Weaselo

But you know it would be a perfect cut along the midsection!

4
Horatio Cornblower

I’d never even feel it.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“…and they wouldn’t even use a clean one.”

1
blaxabbath

I’ve got to be at a wedding in an hour. We flew to Idaho on Thursday, I don’t recall whatever yesterday and an evening pre-wedding lake cruise. Today, my wife has been helping the set up as I’ve generally watched the kid/slept. I’m so fucking beat, I can barely keep my eyes open. I want smelling salts or something. Maybe I can sneak back to the car once the reception hits speed and nap for a while. No one here really knows me and, those that do, wouldn’t miss me.

6
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

John Waite would. He’d deny it though. He’s a fuckin’ liar, through and through.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k9e157Ner90

2
WCS

Sasasasaschetiwan currently Riding Rough over Cal’s Gary Stampeders, 23-7. This could easily be 31-0.

Wyndham Clark is also running roughshod over the rest of the field at the US Open. He just completed his third round, and is -8. There’s a five-way tie for second at -1. That’s a healthy lead for the 2023 US Open champion, and who’s more a trivia question. Clark’s already a past US Open winner, but, probably known more for having a meltdown in Oakmont Country Club’s locker room during the 2025 US Open. I guess it’s a love/hate relationship with the major championship for him.
“Who’s the guy that broke his locker at the US Open? Wait, he already on it before? Who?!”

Your lesser-interested sports update brought to you by WCS.

1
Mr. Ayo

Clark bogeyed 18. He’s only 6 up now. Full choke job upcoming tomorrow.

3
WCS

Cal’s Gary just finished the first half by returning a missed field goal 100 yards, though. Holy crap. 23-14 at the half.

0
Senor Weaselo

They’re at Shinnecock!

Heh.

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“How on earth would it get shiny? Did someone pour glitter down the guy’s pants or something?” – Ben Shapiro

1
litre_cola

Blue Curacao is doing some good work here. Way better than in the 00’s when it just removed G strings.

3
Gatoraids

too much for 2 few screens tonight between AEW, warhammer, WCup and 80s nostalgia twitch and gaming. need a third monitor

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