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DFO mock draft. writers we would like to see contributing to DFO

laserguru

/

, ,

Now that I have no reason to return to KSK I thought we should take over one of my favorite ideas from their site. The Mock Draft. We can do the group live draft thing, Rikki Tikki Deadly is really good about setting these things up but because I am only two steps into my dealing with grief I thought I would toss this out there.

Select any writer alive or dead who would be a great contributor to this site. I’ll take three to get the party started.

Kurt Vonnegut.

Christmas Ape.

Charles Bukowski.

 

Yours in the comments. I think we can drop the “K”‘s as in “Komments” now.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Incredibly late to the party (just figuring out the category/tags for our upcoming draft) but I’ll go with William Faulkner. The man could write a dick joke that could really make you think.

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Don T

Joseph Heller. His take on Deflategate would’ve been scathing.

Of the currently active because of “The Circumstances”, Mike Tanier. He’s totes wonderful IMHO

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laserguru

That’s a great pick. I’ve read everything he’s written.

Damn glad to see you here, old friend.

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Don T

It’s the weirdest thing; heard aboit Sill’s Uproxx ban on Wednesday, heard about DOF and coupla days later–well, you may have heard about it.
This here is just goddam wonderful, and thanks for your DM.
Something Happened still gets to me; I barely remember Closing Time, and Catch-22 is one of humanity’s top achievements.

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scotchnaut

Douglas Adams.

/it’s not often that I laugh out loud while reading but he got me.

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Sep

Henry David Thoreau
John Kennedy Toole

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The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Lewis Black. His version of Fun With Peter King would melt the interwebz.

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King Hippo

If it wasn’t for my horse, I wouldn’t have spent that year in college.

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packman_jon

Josh Kurp

/drives away as fast as possible

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Horatio Cornblower

You die. You die and go straight to hell.

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Sep

Have fun proof reading.

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Martin

George Plimpton.

If he was the same age he was when he played backup QB for the Lions for one game, he would probably embarrass the fuck out of at least half the league’s starters.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ralph Wiley, if we could get him to make dick jokes. And bring him back from the dead, not sure which would be harder.

#seewhatididthere

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King Hippo

George Carlin
Michael Chabon
J.B. Smoove (as his real self or his Curb Your Enthusiasm character)

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drquuxum

Say what you will about Drew Carey, but the man had an entire *CHAPTER* of dick jokes. I’ll take him.

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Duchess

From Uproxx

Vince
Burnsey
Danger

and darkhorse…

I actually enjoy Dan Seitz… but he’s not a dick joke writer.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Oscar Wilde. That man knew his way around a dick joke

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Johnny Sug–

/Slits own throat

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trollsoharduniversity

Jon Stewart’s will have some time on his hands pretty soon. I’ll take him.

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Cuntler

John Stewart’s what? I NEED TO KNOW!

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montythisseemsstrangetome

Alright, who posted something on the What Now? post that has it blocked by my work’s web blocker now?

/DFO turned into a hard-core porn site so gradually I hardly noticed.

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indieguy

I vote for walt Whitman his homoeroticism would provide for many a hot taek

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makeitsnowondem

I’ll make some calls.

http://vineland.pynchonwiki.com/wiki/images/6/61/Pynchon-simpsons.jpg

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WhyEaglesWhy

Seth Myers. He’d get us, even if he is a damn dirty Patriots fan.

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Duchess

So we can bring back Sexy Friday or Corgi Wednesday right?.. and maybe also Matt too.

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Martin

Reload the front page.

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Duchess

Well I will favorite this site now.. Can’t actually go back to work today I feel like a heard of puppies just got steamrolled..

Also I would pick James Joyce because fuck commas

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Warthog

Punte? That’s just wrong.

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Cuntler

I’ll take Magary. He is the reason this site is called what it’s called.

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Door_Matt

This pick is a steal this late in the draft. I still read Drew’s hot taeks on parenting.

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Horatio Cornblower

Short story Stephen King. He is the best at those. But my god is longer stories just don’t seem to end anymore.

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Duchess

I think he is still writing the Dark Towers

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Horatio Cornblower

I loathed the last three books of the Dark Tower series. Loathed them. Finished them out of anger. Those books ruined King for me.

And now I hear he wrote an 8th one? Fuck off Steve, I’m never going to read it and I sold the first 7 for $5 at a tag sale and am convinced I got the better end of the deal.

/”It” was genius. Can’t emphasize that enough.

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Door_Matt

I think that’s why the Green Mile was so good since he wrote it as serials.

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Horatio Cornblower

No Fruit Loops?

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laserguru

I would eat the fuck out of a bowl of “freakies!”

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...

Hemingway if only to ensure we have at least one certified, drunken, self-aggrandizing asshole in our ranks.

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Cuntler

Wait, isn’t that all of us?

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...

Don’t tell me I’m the only one not certified…

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Old School Zero

For non-ksk writers, I’ll take Dr. Z.

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Cuntler

“Hdhehhhsjshhehehwhhshdhdu…”

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ballsofsteelandfury

Damn you! I’m lucky I wasn’t drinking when I read that.

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scotchnaut

In his prime there was no one close as far as I’m concerned.

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Don T

Steal of the draft.

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scotchnaut

William S. Burroughs-I miss his paranoid yet dense ranting so much.

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Warthog

Shakespeare. Nothing like a dick joke I can read aloud in a classroom.

/Portal flyeth o’en

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Warthog

And sounds like a bible verse.

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montythisseemsstrangetome

Is he available? Can you get him? He hasn’t written much lately.

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Warthog

Some question whether he wrote at all.

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Horatio Cornblower

Eh, I’ll take Sir Francis Bacon.

hmmmmmm, Bacon.

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Old School Zero

I like RFD and may actively recruit him.

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The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Please do.

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sunrisesunrise

Hunter S Thompson

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Steal of the draft.

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King Hippo

YOU TOOK MINE

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sunrisesunrise

Seemed a perfect fit for this group.

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The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Wrap it up- we’re done here. SRSR wins.

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laserguru

This is not a good town for psychedelic drugs.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mGC2pOpohUE

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ballsofsteelandfury

I say we leave the K’s on as a tribute.

I vote Punte. His Mike Mayock draft post with porn stars is still one of the dirtiest funniest things I have ever read.

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Cuntler

His Dick Clark New Year’s Eve countdown is the best worst thing ever.

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Covalent Blonde

*Klark

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