I drove to western North Carolina early this morning. Very early. And back. Pain in my ass but it had to be done.
Then I shipped moar hot peppers out to some folks (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!!). But that’s the end of them for this year. The peppers that is, not the people. I hope.
Pro Tip….Don’t ever drive through Greensboro North Carolina during a torrential rain storm. It’ll kill ya.
But when I got home I was amazed to see that Amazon had delivered all the Christmas gifts on the porch which I’ve ordered for the nieces and nephews. So it’s been a good day even though I need a nap.
So let’s talk about the Xmas gifts…
Who is buying what for whom?
This is my list.
A pair of Nike baxsetballing shoes for my nephew which cost $190 (no shit…I don’t think I’ve ever paid that much for shoes for myself) which are white and will either be muddy or he’ll outgrow them within two months. Probably both. And also some other assorted crap.
A Barbie Malibu Dreamhouse for my niece which will likely be broken in two weeks. And other assorted crap. Can’t even remember how much that was but it wasn’t cheap.
An easel and a shitload of art supplies for another niece. Can’t remember the cost there either.
A shitload of stupid looking clothing for another niece. Just above $300 and I’ve had to call and yell at the company a coupla times because I paid for two day shipping and it’s now been two weeks. I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE THOMAS SANDERS!!!!!
And finally, the Harry Potter boxed set of books for the other nephew. Funny thing is, that was the least expensive. Plus I thought he was the dumbass of the family gene pool. WHO KNEW HE EVEN KNOWS HOW TO READ?
Anywhooooo….
Talk about who you’re buying for, how much will you spend, or anything else you feel like talking about.
Wait, what was I talking about?
I need a nap.
I already said that before I think.
(oh and there’s still the Hanukkah flowers I’ve ordered for the former tWLS’ mother…I still can’t wait until that shit hits the fan)
((sarcasm))
WE HAVE NO EXTENSION CORDS????????
WHY THE HELL ARE THEY BLINKING??????
–
One son who loves his snowmobile (and racing across open stretches of water on partially-frozen lakes) gets a flotation suit. Older son gets new ski boots and a hill pass. He and I are debating whether we should buy his buddy (who has been thrown out of his house) a ski pass as well. I don’t want to ruffle his parent’s feathers because they are giving him small amounts of money here and there and he otherwise lives off his lifeguard wage so things are dicey with him. Mother Bear gets a robotic vacuum because she sneers at impractical gifts.
/we’re hosting on Xmas day for 20+ people and several drop-ins. Like ArmedandHammered, the food/booze bill will be outrageous
“the Hanukkah flowers I’ve ordered for the former tWLS’ mother”
You’re a good man, Charlie Brown.
We don’t send flowers for Hannukah. We send the pelts of Selucid Babylonians.
OS1 (the wife) is getting all the books she can handle and some lego dinosaur skeletons. NSZ is getting fed to the wood chipper if I can get past his booby traps and through all his hoarding piles. BOLTMAN will be given an appropriate sacrifice–Marlon McCree’s hands or Mike McCoy’s synthetic skin suit if I can get them, fish tacos if not. I’m hopefully getting one goddamn day of rest and some Lagavulin 16 to savor for many hours of woodsy saline goodness.
Back up, there are Lego dinosaur skeletons ??? How is this the first I’m hearing of this?
CREATOR Lego Ideas – 21320 Dinosaur Fossils Limited https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07ZD6TZKH/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_kNu-DbAN8QC1W
Holy shit is that expensive for legos
You have not bought legos in awhile have you?
https://www.amazon.com/Lego-Betrayal-Cloud-City-75222/dp/B07GYTVQCF/ref=sr_1_13?keywords=star+wars+lego+death+star&qid=1576619363&sr=8-13
They now have used Lego stores where they sell you kits and instructions for WAAAAY cheaper. They. Are. Awesome.
You, sir, have this Figured Out
Pretty sure Boltman is swimming in Rivers of tears right now.
I’m not buying anyone anything. But I did secure my ice HOX! season tickets today.
I discovered a rat in the compost pile today, so I guess alerting my cat to it is her Christmas present. Not sure what to get for the dog. Being allowed to lick a plate is probably as much of a gift as she’ll ever need.
I still have all the shopping to do. The Batman TAS box set for Senorita Weaselo, something different for Hermana Weaselo because she said to wait on the mutual Hamilton tix, and, no fucking idea for the parentals.
I need to poll the masses on a fantasy football question–
I made the championship game. I’m projected to lose. I don’t like my starting defense (LA Rams) at San Francisco. Are any of these better?
Potato Skins vs the Giants
Clots vs Panthers
Flacons vs Jaguras
Maybe the Flacons?
‘Dacteds could be sneaky good against the dumpster fire that is the Juice Box Gang
That’s what I’m trying to figure out. Bah!
Strangely, I’d put more confidence in the ‘Dacteds D v. either Eli or Danny Dimes than the Flacons D being cromulent in the face of Minshewmania.
I would say all of those are better. As for my pick, the Jaguars offense put up HORRIBLE numbers against the Raiders. Imagine how they’ll play against a real defense!
I’m going Clots
I honestly have no clue what Lime, Orange and Tangerine Jellos are getting; I leave that to Lady LemonJello. They’re all late teens/twenties anyway so there’s no fun stuff to put together.
The Lady and I just do stocking stuff (PHRASING!), but the animal menagerie got her some KitchenAid accessories for her stand mixer that she wanted.
There will be food. There will be booze. That’s enough for me.
The gift is that I am feeding my family really good food while they are here and the fact that I do not run my nice filet knife through their eye sockets when they piss me off while I am cooking and watching football. So basically I am giving them the greatest gift of all, life. I will probably spend almost $750 on food while everyone is here, plus my time cooking.
The son does get a wooden wind up coaster kit that moves ball bearing around, plus some stocking stuffer shit because he still owes me over $2k. The wife gets a few small gifts as we decided to spend money on traveling instead of items. The daughter has received her Christmas/graduation gift already which was a $1k pink sapphire necklace as she graduated with a degree in Criminology while maintaining a B+/A- average from Connecticut.
The Brother gets money to take the nephew and nieces out to a nice dinner, because I don’t talk to them nor them to me, and I likes it that way.
The BIL gets a lecture about bringing his handle of liquor to bed with him because I had to clean up that shit where he spilled it all over the bedside table. And the SIL who makes incredible baked goods gets money towards a divorce lawyer if she ever wises up.
Scrooge was my hero before he went all soft.
And I bought myself a Nintendo Switch lite plus some games so I don’t have to interact with anyone.
Killer list. Congratulations to your daughter!
Got my nephew a razor scooter with led lights. Was going to get my niece a Unicorn scooter, but my Dad got her one without checking with my sister first. Fucking asshole Grandpas stealing the thunder. She is getting some really cute unicorn stuff and slimy gross things. Probably wind up being $125 all in. The kids have all Grandparents living and my parents are long divorced, so multiple present sources.
Girls toys really suck. Everything is Princess and Suzy homemaker type stuff.
Other than that, a few silly/funny things for close friends.
Got my shopping done really early this year.
Thanksgiving is my big family production. Christmas is a little less formal and more relaxing. I’m making lasagne – from scratch of course – and we may break out a game of poker. Since my kids have kids the whole Christmas day thing is all theirs.
**YEAH RIGHT SIGNAL**
Last night, I mentioned doing up Prime Rib for House LemonJello this year – I need your advice on best seasoning/prep so it doesn’t end up as low-grade dog food.
I used the Yeah Right signal, so don’t ghost me.
I like salt, pepper and a little essence. Actually a lot of essence. Make sure the prime rib is at room temperature prior to cooking. I like embedding cloves of garlic between the ribs also. Make a slit with a knife and stuff the peeled cloves into the meat. Get your oven up to about 450 and cook the rib uncovered for 15 minutes, then decrease the temp to 300. Cook the roast until the internal temp reaches 120 for medium rare or 140 for medium. This should be about 90 minutes to two hours. Serve with garlic mashed potatoes and the jus from the cooking pan. Open a nice cabernet sauvignon or a pinot noir and get all festive and shit.
Happy holidays.
Please note: cooking time may vary based on weight. Figure about 12 to 15 minutes per pound once you reduce the oven temp to 300.
We found one around 8.5 lb – that should feed ten, I hope?
You should be good. After seeing this today I really want to do a prime rib now but nobody but me in the household knows how to enjoy it properly. It’s GOT to be medium rare and I’m the only one who can handle that, so I get everybody fighting for the end piece. Fuck it, I’ll probably just do a pork roast.
I think it should be rare, but I will allow medium rare. But, if you have them fighting for the end pieces, that means more beefy goodness for you.
Side Note: if you don’t use the drippings to make Yorkshire Pudding, you make Baby Jesus cry
If you had gone with Baby Yoda, it’d been a lock.
Baby Yoda woulda made his own Yorkshire Pudding. Baby Yoda is a Doer.
I have some gently used Fleshlights to purchase for some contest winners.
I always said that you are a considerate lover.