“This Is The Worst Thing To Happen To Dallas Since 1963”-A Post-Suspension Conversation With A Rational Cowboys Fan

DFOing Good

Horatio Cornblower - August 12, 2017August 12, 2017

Typical Cowboys Fan: "What the fucking fuck just happened!?" Rational Cowboys Fan: "Our star running back has just been suspended for the first six games of the season." TCF: "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!??? RCF: The official reason is that he violated the NFL's Personal Conduct Policy. TCF: What the fuck does that even fucking mean!?" RCF: The

YOUR 2017 DALLAS COWBOYS, PENDING INVESTIGATION

Horatio Cornblower - August 8, 2017August 8, 2017

2016 was a fantastic year for Ol' Double J's squad of plucky heroes. After the 2015 4-12 debacle they added a new RB in Ezekiel Elliott, who ran roughshod over the league to the tune of 1,600+ yards, 15 TDs and more reps of that goddamn "feed me" motion

DFO At Work: Your Mock Draft Rounds 2-3 Results

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Horatio Cornblower - April 28, 2017

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I was going to try to put together a mock draft for Rounds 2-3 but then I realized that doing that would be A LOT of work and I didn't want to. So I rang the alarm bell at the DFO clubhouse and called in some reinforcements. The following, pictured

Horatio’s Bigger, Stupider & More Revised 2017 Mock Draft & Open Thread!

Horatio Cornblower - April 27, 2017April 27, 2017

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As you may recall about a month ago I put together a somewhat researched mock draft, doing the best I could with several hours of research and writing and stuff. It was actually a fair amount of work and gave me a new appreciation for all the work that the

Horatio’s Big Stupid Mock Draft

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Horatio Cornblower - March 13, 2017March 13, 2017

Oh, hello. Thanks for stumbling into my basement. There's beer in the fridge and feel free to use the pool table. No, not for that, just pool if you don't mind. No, sorry, you can't use the dart board; I need it for my mock draft. You see I "write"

Requiem For A Cat*

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Horatio Cornblower - March 11, 2017March 11, 2017

The Chicago Bears this week announced that, after 8 years, they were forced to return Jay Cutler, quarterback and werecat, to the shelter where they got him. The move is expected to save $2 million against the cap, although all parties agree that it is far too late to save

Farewell Fragile Prince

Horatio Cornblower - March 9, 2017March 9, 2017

As you may have heard today the Dallas Cowboys are going to release Tony Romo. Doing so will save the Cowboys $14 million against the cap this coming season, although over the next two years Romo will cost them $10.7million and $8.9 million respectively, so don't expect Ol' Double J

Your 2017 Daytona 500 Open Thread

Horatio Cornblower - February 26, 2017February 26, 2017

My father-in-law is a big NASCAR fan. Which is weird since he's in Southern California, (unless he's been washed away over the last week; come to think of it we should probably call), by way of Connecticut, neither of which are areas particularly known for rickets, poor dentistry, shitty beer

Your ‘Break Glass in Case of Emergency’ Because Scotchy Went A-Huntin’ Monday Night Open Thread.

Horatio Cornblower - December 26, 2016December 26, 2016

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Detroit (-7.5) at Dallas Dallas takes on Detroit in the House That Jerry Built With A Big Assist From Public Funds That Could Undoubtedly Have Been Put To Much Better Use But Fuck That Have You Seen How Big Our Video Screens Are? The Cowboys come in at 12-2, having found a

The Man With The Golden Arm* (A [Late] Cowboys At The Bye Week Horror Tale)

Horatio Cornblower - October 31, 2016October 30, 2016

*pictured above is the latest x-ray of Tony Romo's spine. Once upon a time there was a Man who seemed to have it all. He had played football in college and won a national championship. He made a fortune in the oil bidness. He took that money and

Your 2016 Tampa Bay Buccaneers: The Enthusiasm Isn’t The Only Thing That’s Infectious!

Horatio Cornblower - September 2, 2016September 1, 2016

Here's what I, a lifelong Dallas Cowboys fan, know about the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. And that about sums it up. I haven't paid attention to the Bucs since the days Dewey and Lee Roy Selmon ran around creating havoc in those classic creamsicle uniforms. You know that

Dallas Cowboys 2016: A Season Of Redemption & Donuts & Suspensions Oh My!

Horatio Cornblower - August 23, 2016August 21, 2016

You may remember that last year's initial preview was full of hope and optimism that this might be the year that Tony Romo's Dallas Cowboys would finally make some real noise in the play-offs, maybe even win the Super Bowl for the first time since 1995. The Cowboys had