Tom Brady’s PED Scandal Begins

In you case you missed it — and you probably did because the story was published on a Friday before a government holiday three-day weekend and, in the four hours of NFL exposure I had this weekend, it wasn’t even alluded to once — Boston Magazine (which bills themselves as “The Best of Boston Everyday”) published a piece titled Tom Brady’s Personal Guru Is a Glorified Snake-Oil Salesman, which highlights some *ahem* interesting facts about Tom Brady’s business partner and sports therapist/body coach, Alex Guerrero, including a long history with the FTC for false claims including incorrectly referring to himself as Dr. Alex Guerrero and marketing a supplement via informercials which claimed a 95+% success rate in patients with cancer, AIDS, multiple sclerosis, and Parkinson’s disease.

Since it has gone up, Deadspin has piggybacked the story highlighting the way Brady promotes Guerrero as a guru on sustained peak performance. Interestingly enough, the emails from which Deadspin referenced in their article are from the cache of Brady’s private emails released as part of the court case between Dreamboat and the Ginger Hammer.

You can read articles linked above or do your own research to find out more details of what has so far been published (basically just structured storytelling of some publicly available information). I’m just going to cut to the chase: this sure sounds like the same tune as the BALCO and Biogenisis performance enhancing drug scandals.

With BALCO, kookie pseudo-practicioner Victor Conte provided willing professional athletes with untraceable and illegal performance enhancing drugs, guising the remarkable results as the effects of minor tweaks to their health, including cleaning trace metals from their system. Basically, the conversation went:

Reporter: “You work with Victor Conte. He has a pretty shady history. What does his program, which has been outlawed in Europe for being a scam, offer you?”

Barry Bonds: “Oh big medicine doesn’t know the human body. They know serving the status quo. They want to perform operations and give you pills. Victor helps my body maintain top efficiency at all times.”

Reporter: “You’re wealthy and your livelihood is the game, yet you’ve not only given this guy with a checkered past an initial chance, you’ve brought him into your inner circle. Aren’t you concerned about how this looks or the potential risks involved.”

Bonds: “No. Why would I be? I don’t care what you all think. You don’t know me. I’m winning and I’m winning clean. Innocent until proven guilty. You got proof I did something wrong, then show me.”

With Biogenisis, non-doctor Doctor Tony Bosch consulted professional athletes across many sports and, when news that previously-busted steroid user Alex Rodriguez was linked to the firm, the Rodriguez camp narrative basically played out as:

“Bosch what? No. Doesn’t ring a bell…..Oh, the place with all the notes and checks from me. Yeah, I guess I do remember them. Think they carry the cherry flavored completely legal supplements I like….Oh, well, I know everything I was SUPPOSED to get was entirely legal. I mean, I trust that he gave me what I paid for. And what I paid top dollar for was completely legal supplements….Oh, you say his records show I knew I was getting PEDs? Well, this is clearly a case of the MLB and the Yankees trying to assassinate my character. No comment…[OJ Simpson leans over and whispers in ARod’s ear]…Oh! And I will not rest until I find out who really was getting PEDs from that place. I want to see justice be served….No further comment…Well, I guess I used steroids in 2004 and lied about it but THIS TIME, I am not lying about cheating!…No further comment.”

Underscoring the BALCO and Biogenesis scandals is the simple reality that cheating is rampant in professional sports (and, basically, professional anything). Brady’s Patriots, of course, are not ashamed of getting any edge they can, and have now absorbed the two greatest punishments in NFL history for cheating scandals in which the team denies any intent to cheat. Frankly, it’s almost not a shock to see this narrative playing out in the NFL realm and to see that all inquiries lead to Tom Brady.

So now we watch the opening scenes of the Tom Brady PED scandal (Injectiongate? Guerreroghazi?) unfold as phase one, media inquiry about an unflattering story regarding Brady’s association with Guerrero, should be mounting. No doubt, a reporter will ask Brady his thoughts on the article and Brady will say he is unaware of it, focused on football, and is confident that nothing about his association with a guy who markets a drink that claims to prevent concussions should leave anyone feeling disconcerted.

The media — as characters in the drama that is the NFL — will take turns establishing #HOTTAEKS across the guilt spectrum, likely with a 10/20/15 MMQB insisting that Brady is so innocent that maybe he wasn’t even playing in the 2014 AFC Championship on one side and [I dunno — one of those ugos from ESPN] on the other lifting this post as proof that Brady is somewhere between a well-aging Rob Lowe and the next Ray Lewis, laughing off legitimate accusations of cheating to achieve your legacy because, of course, why wouldn’t Tom Brady be above suspicion of cheating when his actions have (and will) only completely align with every other PED scandal in professional sports.

The truly scary truth in all of this, of course, is that Roger Goodell may be a brilliant mind for upholding the four game Ballghazi suspension knowing that Brady’s court challenge would expose elements of his greater secrets and scandals and, by allowing Brady to win the Deflategate battle, the quarterback situated himself in the unfortunate position to lose the Legacy War.

As an editorial note (which, really, this whole post is), I personally just took Brady as a cheater and mega-troll with some of his behaviors over the years. But now I’m pretty sure Brady is a cheater who just really thinks he is as untouchable and godlike as everyone in Boston says. And, as was the case with so many other cheating greats, it looks like his pride will be his downfall.

 


Update (12:00PM – 10/12/15): Brady has gone on Patriots-friendly station WEEI to ‘Open Up’ about Guerrero. In the friendly confines of the station’s morning show, Brady denied significant knowledge of the accusations against Guerrero, praised him directly for Brady’s success, and pointed that “doctors with the highest and best education in our country tell us — tell me — that I’d never be able to play football again” but, without detail, Guerrero has made his successes possible. 

I expect the next step will be the media contacting previous Guerrero clients, one of which will provide damning statement’s that the Brady/Guerrero camp will immediately attempt to squash by assassinating the character of the ex client. 

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I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
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[…] allow me to briefly take off my fourth estate cap and enter, just for this once, the realm of […]

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Cialis and vinegar are a hell of a mix.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Awaiting moderation; should have said “boner pills”……….

http://38.media.tumblr.com/cc95903915361d6002db79f45bdf1388/tumblr_n7umtlPBiI1qzjpcto1_500.gif

Bugg

The Dark Knight just went liquid shit at New Shea.

WCS

Things have gone from “bad” to “liquid shit” for Kansas City. Otto’s brain is hiding and sobbing in Doktor Zimm’s lab.

Sill Bimmons

I dunno.

I was praying for liquid shit earlier.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Did it come out fast enough to backsplash up their back?

nomonkeyfun

I can’t believe no one has made this joke yet.

comment image

Bloody Lethal

But on serious note, this is a good post and a good point.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“But on serious note, this is a good post and a good point.”

– Stockade Builder, Fort Sensible 1789

Sill Bimmons

“This, in whatever language they spoke back then.”

— Palisade Builder, West Kennet Palisaded Enclosure ca. 3500 BCE

SonOfSpam

They should suspend Brady. Right after my FFL team is done. Because he’s totally winning games for me so far, and it’s all about ME!!!!

(holy shit maybe I AM Peter King)

nomonkeyfun

How long until Tawmmy from Quinzee goes all Charlie Hebdo on the Boston Magazine offices?

indieguy

al-loo akbar ya qweears!

Bloody Lethal

The most shocking part of this report is that this rich guy is using a Samsung Galaxy phone. iPhone be damned!

Bloody Lethal

Hold up they are emailing from both now.

Duchess

Let’s be honest here pro athletes are idiots. All of them. Not that much smartter than kids I used to coach (Damn you Skylar how hard is it to remember you have contain?) So what happends when an idiot gets a lot of money?

Sam Hurd buys a shit ton of Coke and tries to sell it
Kevin Houser was used by a movie company to sell fake tax credits to the Saints
Pop stars get offered money to give private shows to killers and dictators all the time
Actors are convinced Scientology is real (it totally is… please don’t sue me)

Right now the only thing I am seeing is that Tom Brady has invested in a snake-oil salesman because the snake-oil salesman is charismatic.

But please everyone lets look into this and see if he is gettign some illegal drugs… please please please . If Tom Brady turned out to be Footballs Barry Bonds that would be delicious.

Duchess

Heres the thing we need more information because there is a big difference between workign with Balco/Biogenesis and working with Dr. Oz.

Now they may be ethically about the same, but there is a difference.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Dr. Fucking OZ; what a god damned quack who is very good at convincing the easily convinced.

SonOfSpam

See, the problem is that you expect a kid named Skylar to remember he has contain when it’s much more likely he’ll remember Lady Gaga’s birthday.

/hopes Duchess’ kid isn’t named Skylar

King Hippo

And that he didn’t fuck Ted.

Sill Bimmons

I wouldn’t have hated her character at all if she hadn’t fucked Ted.

Looking back, it was a completely unnecessary deviation from her general character arc. I guess you could call it a momentary lapse of reason, but I think they were just out of ideas for the character at that point in the story and put in the vengeful affair because it was easy.

If you have to give her something to do, follow up on the failed writer thing introduced in the first episode then never mentioned again. Or she goes back to school. Or takes up a hobby. All of these things and many more besides could have been woven into the fabric of the story much more easily and not felt like a tacked on afterthought that only impacts the plot by providing a place to get rid of the money. Making $650,000 is not that difficult nowadays, this could also have been done a hundred different ways.

Affairs are easy and manipulative copouts for lazy/shitty writers. Boo BB on this one.

Sill Bimmons

/making $650,000 disappear

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Pro athletes and the other entertainment people brought up mirror the general population on intelligence, so yes they are mostly fucking stupid. This also explains why people would think these narcissists have something more to add to the conversation. This one is a good example; he does his job extremely well, but has enough cognitive dissonance and lack of basic intelligence to believe all in on a witch doctor.

scotchnaut

PED accusations? Can’t wait to put an assterisk next to Brady’s name…

scotchnaut

By the way, there are no spelling errors in my comment.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

They should add one asterisk to their name for each time they get caught cheating. I’m guessing that by 2018 we’ll be referring to them as the N*w E***a**d P**r***s.

nomonkeyfun

Are we talking about cheating during the game, or their marquee names cheating, cheating, or combined.

If it’s the last, they’ve almost won asterisk hangman.

Japanimal

“I’d like to solve the puzzle please.”

Lothar of the Hill People

Here’s my fraction of an ounce of sympathy for Brady: you have enough people around you for long enough, all telling you how great you are and how legitimate everything you do is, you start to believe it. And so you get all incensed when someone accuses you of doing something shady, because all the other voices in your ear are affirming your choices and actions.

So it is pretty world-shaking to be accused of wrong doing when everyone’s been telling you you’re doing everything right.

The next thing you know, Gisele will tell him that he’s been doing her at the wrong angle and she’s been faking orgasms for years.

ballsofsteelandfury

He OBVIOUSLY has!

Duchess

I think we are all torn on this the more you look into aanythign the less appealing it is

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[nods solemnly]

– every male gynecologist and female urologist ever

nomonkeyfun

That industrial sausage video is much less disturbing and/or erotic than watching sausage made in small batches.

Seriously, watching someone work with the casings is hilarious in small batch/home production. It looks like they putting a whole bunch of condoms on then twisting off the dick and the base.

Sill Bimmons

/uncomfortably hides grinder and sausage attachments, sheep casing

Horatio Cornblower

I just went to the gym, (discusses workout in excruciating detail; refers to you as ‘bro’ while doing so), and on the way up I had WEEI on and they are in full-on Defcon 5 “Defend Tawmmy” mode. “Sure this guy’s a scumbag and sure this guy claimed he could cure cancer but that was 13 years ago and he doesn’t say this new stuff can cure concussions, only help prevent them. Those are totally different and if you don’t agree you’re just a hater.”

The second gym-related thing I’ll mention, (discusses how technique is more important than weight, stands uncomfortably close to you while doing), is that they have a selection of magazines and I’ll usually grab one to read between sets. For laughs you can’t beat Muscle & Fitness or whatever Joe Weider’s corpse is calling it these days. It’s basically 300 pages of steroid ads and muscle-head philosophizing and they love, LOVE, Victor Conte. His ads are on every third page and he’s always described as a respected nutritionist and/or scientist and never as the felon he is.

montythisseemsstrangetome

(runs on the treadmill saying nothing but secretly feeling superior to steroid-inflated meatheads in the weight room)

Sill Bimmons

HOW COULD ANYONE POSSIBLY TRUST THAT MOUSTACHE

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I have an ex-girlfriend who was huge Tom Brady fan simply based on the fact that she found him attractive. I didn’t make a big deal out of it because sex (actually, SEXXXXX!!!!), but I’ve always held a grudge about it and I’ve really been happy to see her life fall apart subsequent to our breakup. Ha ha, sure hope you’re enjoying your home ownership and motherhood and happy marriage, JENNIFER! [uses forefinger and thumb to make an L shape on forehead]. Sucker.

sunrisesunrise

That’s a great use of the transitive property right there. By that theory then, is Bridget Moynahan equivalent to Olivia Munn?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yes, anytime I see a man have sex with many beautiful models, my first thought is “wow, he’s as queer as a three dollar bill.” It’s how I know that Adam Levine is also gay. Based on this philosophy, I don’t know why the hell my “World’s Most Heterosexual Man” trophy hasn’t shown up in the mail yet.

Horatio Cornblower

George Clooney? Total fag.

nomonkeyfun

Don’t forget about Rock Hudson.

ballsofsteelandfury

That logic holds up.

ThePirateSloth

She called you Tom and Tawmmy in bed many many times, didn’t she? I had an ex of the same character.

Therefore, I am opening up ThePirateSloths Ex-gf Tom Brady Wrongful Love Support Group [working title], where we, as wronged men, can discuss our emasculation at the hands of Tom Brady loving women. It will be a safe place where we can open up to each other, share feelings, lend support.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Well, she never did that, but she did call me “we have to stop, your dad just got home” a few times.

nomonkeyfun

At least she didn’t call Rikk-Tikk-Deadly, now that would have been awkward.

nomonkeyfun

So that’s one of the three you alluded to yesterday, who are the other two?

nomonkeyfun

I thought she might have gotten some info from her friends’ gaydar.

entropy

I’m so glad I joined the Brady Hate Parade immediately following the Tuck Rule Game, when he smugly informed a reporter, “of course it was a forward pass,” with the biggest douche face I had ever seen. I knew then that one day my seething hatred for this fuck would be justified, and he has done so many times over.

Since my body is a poorly tuned machine run on Whiskey, Diet Dr Pepper, and rage, I need this kind of thing.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That’s some good hate.

Bloody Lethal

Must be where Welker got his molly.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

So Gene Hackman is playing Victor Conte in the film of this, right?

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Gene Hackman should play everyone. In every movie. A Fistful of Hackmans would break every box office record.

King Hippo

His very best:

scotchnaut

Personally, the ball-grabbing scene really caught my attention.

Roger Ramjet

I guess then the game is always rigged by everyone?

scotchnaut

Strangely, the only one that has not rigged the game is John Riggins.

Duchess

Those emails were discussed before, but only in context of the Canucks owner offering table-side meet and greet with Elton John as a way to get Tom to talk to his players about winning. Then Tom brings up his business partner named “Alex” and basically told him he would talk if the owner gives a donation to his clinic run by Alex. It was pretty much a non-story until Tommy gave the last name of”Alex the Body Coach”.

But hey pass that nuerosafe!!! I don’t know if they have nano-bubbles, but it will get rid of those toxic heavy metals in your brain that give you brain fog.

Sill Bimmons

Basically, if you see it on TV it doesn’t work and isn’t selling.

If it’s a supplement, it’s garbage making false claims backed by big money.

If it’s OTC, it’s either brand new or doesn’t work because the OTC market is customer-driven and sorts out what works and what doesn’t pretty quickly. You only advertise if you’re introducing a new or heavily revised product or are stuck with one that won’t sell because the competitor product is better.

And if it’s Rx Only, it’s because pharma companies have to make money on new drugs when the old ones go generic. To do this they:

1. Reformulate so they can extend the patent. That’s why there are so many different versions of successful drugs.
q} Invent a new problem and introduce a drug that treats it.
&! Rename an old problem and introduce a drug that treats it. This is particularly common in psychiatry, by far the most profit-driven of all pharma sectors (except boner pills obvs).
~> Subdivide an old problem and introduce drugs to treat one or both new divisions. Also common in psychiatry, which is basically voodoo medicine at this point.
$) Make boner pills.
6. Achieve a genuine breakthrough. This is becoming less and less common as we seem to be running up against the limits of the current thinking in many specialties.

All but the last are cons, which is why they are advertised.

TV advertising is for shitty people to sell you things of questionable worth that you don’t really need, and medicine is a shining example of this.

Sill Bimmons

45 degrees, bro.

jjfozz

I know athletes are full of shit, and that they will bang any angle they can to win, but at what point do they say to themselves, “Wow, there is NO WAY the public is going to accept the stinking load of bullshit that my ‘training adviser’ is spouting.”

The answer: there is no point. When you’re as elite as they fucks, you can do anything and you can get away with it, because we as a society have put them there.

Doesn’t matter what team you root for, the game is rigged before the whistle blows, you can accept that and admit that your source of entertainment is flawed or go and read a book or watch a movie (both of which were created by other groups of psychotics who have their own list of damning actions.)

King Hippo

THIS. The sooner you accept that ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING is completely fucked beyond repair and that there’s really nothing worth believing in, the sooner you will arrive in a state of quasi-zen contentment.

At least you won’t be constantly so disappointed.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It saddens me how often I feel like Stan here.

nomonkeyfun

You also don’t want to go through life always reacting like this kid.

Poor fella, he might even think the factory is shut down for good.

http://www.sportspickle.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/640browns.jpg

King Hippo

Hey, if it’s any consolation, Carlin always said “The REAL cynic is the asshole that tells ya everything’s gonna be ok.”