Before I begin, I remind you, ladies, to check your breasts every three months daily to make sure there is nothing unusual. If you don’t, I’m sure we will be happy to volunteer…
Remember, prevention and early detection is key!
Speaking of, how is football in LA going, you may ask? Let’s follow up:
WEEK FIVE
My team: The Steelers won.
Local Team?
The Rams lost at home as the power of the flip flops boosted the Bills to victory.
WEEK SIX
My team: The Steelers lost embarrasingly to the Dolphins and Big Ben got hurt. He would be out for a while.
Local Team?
The Rams lost on the road to the Lions.
WEEK SEVEN
My team: The Steelers lost, expectedly since Big Ben was out, to the Pats at home.
Local team?
The Rams lost in London to Eli and the ODBs.
WEEK EIGHT
My team: The Steelers lost the bye.
Local team?
The Rams lost the bye.
WEEK NINE
My Team: The Steelers lost to the Ravens, pitifully, as Big Ben came back WAY too early and was ineffective most of the game. As Fozz, who attended the game, can attest, this game was a full-on late term abortion performed with a wire hanger.
Local Team?
The Rams lost at home to the shell-of-their-former-selves Panthers.
OVERALL IMPRESSION
My decision to cut Sunday Ticket has continued to be validated. There is only one game, the Jets game, that was not shown on local TV that I wished I saw. I really did not want to see the Dolphins game and I’m glad I missed most of it. I spent the bye week watching games at a bar with Rikki Tikki Deadly which was MUCH better than sitting at home getting frustrated.
The Rams are a not surprising 3-5 after starting out a surprisingly 3-1. The power of 7-9 compels Jeff Fisher to lead his team to the promised land. Meanwhile, after a 3-1 start and a Big Ben injury, my Steelers have plunged back down to earth and are still (and if that doesn’t tell you how shitty the AFC North is, nothing will) tied with the Ravens for first place at 4-4. The toughest stretch of the season continues as the red-hot Cowboys go into Pittsburgh and will likely shred the “defense” to pieces.
Let’s take a look at the standings, shall we?
NFC East | W | L | T |
DAL | 7 | 1 | 0 |
NYG | 5 | 3 | 0 |
WAS | 4 | 3 | 1 |
PHI | 4 | 4 | 0 |
NFC West | W | L | T |
---|---|---|---|
SEA | 5 | 2 | 1 |
ARI | 3 | 4 | 1 |
LA | 3 | 5 | 0 |
SF | 1 | 7 | 0 |
NFC North | W | L | T |
MIN | 5 | 3 | 0 |
DET | 5 | 4 | 0 |
GB | 4 | 4 | 0 |
CHI | 2 | 6 | 0 |
NFC South | W | L | T |
ATL | 6 | 3 | 0 |
NO | 4 | 4 | 0 |
TB | 3 | 5 | 0 |
CAR | 3 | 5 | 0 |
AFC East | W | L | T |
NE | 7 | 1 | 0 |
MIA | 4 | 4 | 0 |
BUF | 4 | 5 | 0 |
NYJ | 3 | 6 | 0 |
AFC West | W | L | T |
OAK | 7 | 2 | 0 |
KC | 6 | 2 | 0 |
DEN | 6 | 3 | 0 |
SD | 4 | 5 | 0 |
AFC North | W | L | T |
BAL | 4 | 4 | 0 |
PIT | 4 | 4 | 0 |
CIN | 3 | 4 | 1 |
CLE | 0 | 9 | 0 |
AFC South | W | L | T |
HOU | 5 | 3 | 0 |
IND | 4 | 5 | 0 |
TEN | 4 | 5 | 0 |
JAX | 2 | 6 | 0 |
As noted above, you can add the Norths to the list of dog shit divisions. You’ve got company, Souths!
Oakland have confirmed that they are a legitimate team even if their owner is Mark Davis.
The Cowboys have also fueled Texas-sized boners all over the Metroplex and beyond with DAK playing well above anything that Jerrah deserves. The Pats are the Pats. KC and Seattle are the most questionable teams with a winning record in a long long time. I’m serious. How the F was Buffalo even close on Monday Night? I guess when you have the 13th Man going for you, things will work out.
The rest of the league is a study in mediocrity and the effect of injuries on the standard of play.
Here are my playoff team predictions at the quarter pole:
AFC: Denver, Oakland, Pittsburgh, New England, Houston, Baltimore.
NFC: Philadelphia, Atlanta, Minnesota, Green Bay, Seattle, Dallas
And here are my updated playoff team predictions at the halfway point:
AFC: Denver, Oakland, Kansas City, New England, Houston, Pathetic Winner of AFC North.
NFC: Philadelphia, Atlanta, Minnesota, Green Bay, Seattle, Dallas
Not much has changed except I now recognize that the 3rd best team in the AFC West is better than anything the AFC North can offer.
As we head into the shorter days (F YOU, Seasonal Adjustment Disorder), I remind you that SonofSpam, Yeah Right, RTD, Brick Meathook, Low Commander, Sunrisesunrise, and I live in Southern California where the temperature this week is in the 80s and the winter surf is up.
I await your hate-fueled diatribes in the comments.
I love that Romo is healthy as we reach peak DAK
I reached peak Dak and now my keyboard needs replaced.
Complaining that you’re dissatisfied with the government so you voted for Trump is like saying your water heater isn’t working right so you blew it up with dynamite.
….and then put a squirrel in charge of the rebuild.
I’m a well-fed middle-aged straight white guy with a decent job and a loving (when I’m sober) family. I live in a blue state that gets bluer all the time, and as Balls said, our weather is just the best. In other words, the election results last night, while disastrous for our nation, will affect me less than just about anyone else. And yet…I am so incredibly depressed. How did this happen and how can we fix this? Other than booze, I got nothing. Ok, sorry for the whining. WOO 90 DEGREE NOVEMBER DAYS.
My 2017 resolution is to spend more time in San Diego.
Right there with you, buddy, just switch out weather for beautiful mountains. And I am a “small business owner” who works in the energy sector and will probably get a financial windfall from any new Republican tax plan shoved through Congress. But this sucks ass.
Is “small business owner” in quotes because you’re a drug dealer?
He said “small business owner” in the “energy sector” so…meth I guess?
Meth America Great Again!
I couldn’t have said it better myself*. For me, my biggest concern is that it affects a lot of people I care about.
*because I am not write good.
Ooh, him card read good!
Also, you write goodly. Bigly goodly.
You actually seem to have empathy….. an uncommon trait these days.
Hey it’s not 80 degrees in San Diego. It’s actually in the 90s. I won’t get down to the 80s until the weekend.
Hate fueled diatribe? Nah, not worth it. I need to save my energy for more important things. Like….VEGAS BABY!!!! THREE FRICKING WEEKS!!!!
Hell, I might drink myself to death, get beaten up by a pit boss or get shanked by a pimp that weekend. Possibly all three. So why worry about an administration I’m likely to never see take office?
Really wish I could go to the DFO-con.
And here I had my #Trumpexit hashtag ready and raring to go.
Mr Balls is correct about the weather. As of right now is 76 degrees and sunny.
I’m going to stretch, put on my walking shoes and walk down to the beach.
If you don’t hear back from me just assume I hit the water and kept walking west.
No I’ll be back. I have a post I want to share.
Is it food related????
Not yet but it was still necessary.
If this feeling we all have for Trump winning is how the rest of you feel after the Patriots win the super bowl, then I am so, so, sorry for making you feel this way. Nobody deserves this.
I think it will be the afternoon before MSNBC gets around to scapegoating the NFL for this.
Janay Rice would like to apologize for her role in getting Trump elected.
I haven’t felt this shitty since this happened. FUCKING WISCONSIN RUINS EVERYTHING, YOU GUYS!
So I thought that in lieu of using the toilet today I would just shit in my hand and smear it all over my face cause apparently that is what we do in America now.
Carl is the voice of reason this morning.
Reading the McCrory is about to lose to Cooper.
How does Trump win NC and Pat M looses his seat? I’d swap those results in a heartbeat!
http://www.newsobserver.com/sports/nfl/carolina-panthers/tfihka-govkey/alternates/LANDSCAPE_640/govkey
Also a reminder: First weekend in December it’s Vegas time!
South end of the Strip by MGM, Monte Carlo and Mandalay.
Let’s get Crunk before the baton gets passed and we all go directly to Hell.
I see multiple mentions of a team “HOU” and “Houston” in this post – I’m sure it’s just a placeholder for a real team name and that with all the “excitement” from last night, it was missed in editing, but could you put a real team in that spot?
KTHANKSBYE
Hey, the Sun came up!?! CNN lied to me….again.
With the way the election results were going before I called it a night, I was almost expecting CNN and MSNBC to have studio shots of their pundits legs swaying above their desks as they all hung themselves from the lighting grid.
I truly hope no one here has similar thoughts. I need you miscreants in my internet life.
I don’t think anyone cared enough FOR Hillary to want to off themselves.
I mean, can you imagine doing yourself dirty over the loss of a candidate that you didn’t even care for?
It’s raining here, so I just assumed it was Mother Nature weeping for the future.
Diatribes,eh?
/deep breath
As a second-class citizen of the USA [for Puerto Rico-based reasons], take heart. The fight for equality as to national origin, gender, race, religion, etc. is not fought in elections. Social justice is a daily fight. The trenches are our acts and attitudes towards our peers, the less advantaged, and those whose principles do not jibe with ours.
Don’t let an election defeat convictions about the innate dignity of all persons. That fight is now even more necessary than yesterday.
Also prudent: voting in midterms.
Also, I always thought being from a protectorate gave you the best of both worlds. I kind of thought of it as Citizenship Prime; not being a 2nd class citizen.
Can’t vote in “national” elections. Only commercial ships under US flags can enter our ports. No chance at economic growth without amending federal laws. No voting representative in Congress [though PR has more inhabitants than 20 states]. Poverty levels that make Mississippi look like Monaco. A colonial status validated by SCOTUS earlier this year. A congressional Financial Oversight Board was appointed to rule over all aspects of domestic policy. And a consistent policy, since 1898, to the 80s, of erradicating LEGAL pro-independence movements by military force, prosecution, and covert surveillance and blacklisting. Plus Who-The-Fuck-Cares-About-Ricans Ahent Orange and mass sterilization of women experiments.
I say this as a friend: “protectorate” is insulting.
re: terminology – sorry.
re: the rest of that – it doesn’t sound as opportunistic as I had envisioned in my head.
No problem, man. I do not blame my state-dwelling cocitizens to know about stuff over which they have no personal stake. Family and life are already dicey propositions almost anywhere.
I thought you were Progress Island-USA??
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZlyaVk8PKwQ
no comment
Well said.
Yeah – being in southern California makes me hate you guys.
But at least you’re letting porn stay in the state. The last thing I want to heard after watching some white dude go to town on a couple tiny black chicks (I’m assuming there is a YUGE spike in old gross white guy/hot young black chick searches on Porn.Bing.Com) is that deep ‘Made in Georgia’ voice.
Plus legal recreational weed!
Folks, I know some of you are upset by last night’s election results. As Aaron Rodgers and Frankie Goes To Hollywood say, R-E-L-A-X.
I made it through a slew of corrupt Mexican presidents. You will too.
BTW, that comment would have been posted if Hillary won too.
Although it would have infinitesimal meaning to what it does now.
You’re not worried about one of us reporting you to the DEPORTATION FORCE in order to accumulate some Trump Points?
That is absurd, RTD, and I feel like it may be a waste of time but I’m going to correct you.
It’s TrumpBux. TrumpBux: America’s Greatest Currency.
I thought you could earn Trump Points like BitCoin and then cash those in for Trump Bux: America’s Greatest Currency, accepted anywhere?
They were going to go with PencePence but it sounded way too British.
As you know, I look white. Now, what’s a good white-sounding last name?
Trump.
Slim
White?
Lois Sanborn for girls, Steve Bennett for boys.
Bucky.