[BOOK FLIES OPEN]: Andrew Luck Knows How to Read

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BrettFavresColonoscopy - April 26, 2016April 26, 2016

It's been a busy past few days in NFL News: Josh Norman signed with the [REDACTED]s and shortly thereafter admitted that he tried and failed to go crawling back to the Panthers; Sam Bradford demanded a trade and said he wouldn't show up to OTAs in protest of the Eagles'

MLB Opening Day Reflections on NFL Team Names

Offseason stories

BrettFavresColonoscopy - April 4, 2016January 3, 2017

First of all, why the hell is there interleague play on the first day of the season? That's the kind of dumb move I would expect from the Ginger Hammer (needed an excuse to work in the National Disgrace tag). Anyway, in honor of Opening Day for this season's Vegas-favorite Chicago

Commentist Beer Barrel: Nobody Likes a Dry Barrel

BrettFavresColonoscopy - March 14, 2016March 14, 2016

Coming on the heels of SonOfSpam doing a great job filling in for our resident Cicerone, make it snow, you were probably all looking forward to getting back to your regularly scheduled programming. Unfortunately, make it snow is locked in the trunk of my car unavailable to share another review

Mock YEAH!

BrettFavresColonoscopy - February 18, 2016February 18, 2016

It has been less than two weeks since Super Bowl Sunday, which means you may be Jones-ing for some serious NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE action. With the NFL draft not until the end of April and training camps still 6 months away, it's seriously worth taking a look at alternate entertainment

NFL Heroes

BrettFavresColonoscopy - February 9, 2016June 30, 2017

As we all know, getting old sucks. You have to pay bills, everything randomly hurts, it takes longer both to get drunk and to recover from the previous night's (or weekend's) drunkenness, and you no longer have that wonderful naiveté that comes with youth. That sense of bright eyed wonder

NFL Fan Drunkenness News OR How Do We Stop Worrying and Get Sponsored By a Breathalyzer?

NFL News

BrettFavresColonoscopy - November 5, 2015February 18, 2016

Apparently BACtrack (sidenote: AWESOME name for a company) has been collecting blood alcohol content data on NFL gamedays and analyzing which fans are drunkest. Since I presume very few of you own their breathalyzer smartphone integration tools, I think they overlooked our skewed drinking numbers and settled on...the fucking Bills?

Bears Bye Week Update: In the Deep Deep Woods

Bye Week Updates

BrettFavresColonoscopy - October 22, 2015October 22, 2015

Hey, gang, lots has changed since the experts here at Ye Olde Flying Doore made a bunch of predictions about our favorite teams before the season started. One head coach has already been fired, Cuntler has gone missing, and RGIII is doing worse than Jared. But as my favorite team

Fans in the Woods: 2015 Chicago Bears Preview

A perfect encapsulation of how this franchise fucks itself

Team Previews

BrettFavresColonoscopy - August 10, 2015August 9, 2015

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2015 DFO Chicago Bears Preview A Conversation Between Cuntler and BrettFavresColonoscopy, moderated by Jeff Joniak Jeff Joniak: Hey there, sports fans, welcome to the first ever Chicago Bears preview on Door Flies Open! I’m Jeff Joniak, voice of the Chicago Bears while you’re tailgating or at home and need to listen to