Tag: DON’T DO YOUR JOB

I Am Irsay: Indianapolis Colts 2015 Preview

Sep -
16

[DFO Claimer: this preview was handled mainly by Covalent Blonde with me peppering in some insanity. Giddy up.] /lights Marlboro Red Ya'll wanna hear 'Freebird'? I am Irsay. Out of the last 15 years, my Colts have made playoff appearances in all but two seasons.  In fact, since 2012, Indianapolis has been steered by

HR DUURRRRBY!

Sep -
17

The HR Derby is being simulcast on TWWL this evening. Due to technical difficulties, though, it is just a black abyss on the screen. My guess is this guy: And this guy: Combined to create a milquetoast singularity of suck that transported the Great American Ball Park and all it's inhabitants to

Meanwhile, at BroBible HQ

Old School Zero -
9

Head Bro Seth: Dudebro, this whole Uproxx thing is, like, sweet. We even got, like, KSK now and that place is TEH SHIT, right? Head Dude Evan: Brodude, that place is totally EPIC for pageviews, bro, and we're totally gonna make some sweet football money, bro! HBS: Totes, brobrah, let's find some

In Which We Address Mad Men…

Sep -
13

Look, I'm going to throw out a few disclaimers: 1. I hate hippies 2. I hate baby boomers 3. I hate baby boomers disguised at hippies. Now that we've found love, what are we gonna do. With it? Well, let me tell you. This motherfuckin' show Mad Men, in case you

How to Improve our Country – Part 1

ballsofsteelandfury -
18

I was reading Old School Zero's komment on the AFL Beat post about sports holidays and that gave me an idea.  Consider this the first of an occasional series on how we can improve our country.  Today, I present to you two revolutionary concepts:  Concept the First: Stop naming schools after

But I’m A Placekicker!

Sep -
4

Hey Journal. I know I've been distant, but between my janitor job at The Dairy Queen and my promotion to Lead Tire Shiner at the Super Suds I haven't had time to sit and think. Except on Friday nights while I wait for my true passion: to kick the pigskin through

Jonny J and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Old School Zero -
7

(Scene: Albuquerque, NM. Late in the night, or perhaps early in the morning. A nondescript apartment, dimly lit. Sounds of pleasure from multiple individuals can be heard from a different room. Suddenly things go very quiet.) (DOOR FLIES OPEN) HOT WOMAN: (storming out of the room) Goddamnit, that'll fucking teach me to

Boring Friday Post

Old School Zero -
5

Hello. My name is OldSchoolZero and I'd like to talk at you for a while. Please feel free to fall asleep, or masturbate and then fall asleep, or fall asleep and masturbate, or just masturbate, while I blah blah blah blah blah blah. I had a whole post in my head

Thank You For Calling Illegal Aid

makeitsnowondem -
4

Interviewer: Hello, thank you for calling Illegal Aid, how can I help you? Caller: Hi! I'm so glad I got through, I was on the line forever. Interviewer: Oh, well I'm sorry to hear that. We do have a lot of people looking for help, and sometimes it can take a while

OSZ WINS! FLAWLESS VICTORY!

Old School Zero -
10

Remember that in-person interview I was so excited about? Well, I just got the call that they're hiring me! I'M A WINNER TODAY! Not only does it seem like a really good fit for a new job, but I also get to leave this shitty job in the dust. I'M