The Sun Sets in the West

BrettFavresColonoscopy - September 16, 2016

It's a majestic day in Los Angeles. The sun glints off the glass of the Beverly Hills Plaza Hotel, renown for its plush terrycloth bathrobes and hospitality for reporters doing profiles of enigmatic pop stars. Gracefully but unobtrusively, a young man walks in with a hat and sunglasses in an

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 48)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - September 16, 2016September 15, 2016

The scene: Future Moose's future palace bedchamber. It's pretty opulent. And by “pretty opulent,” I mean it's yuuuge. Like, seriously big. Think of the house you grew up in, add in your first three apartments, and you're close. I mean, there's a tennis court in here. Full-size, mind you. Hard

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 47)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - September 9, 2016September 8, 2016

The scene: The DFO clubhouse, hours after the NFL Opening Day game. The DFOers are still partying hard, because football is back! And also because most of them haven't been in the same place since last Moosemas. There's drinking, and dancing...well, not so much dancing. Most of the members are

HRTN Opening Day Special

Beastmode Ate My Baby - September 8, 2016September 6, 2016

The scene: Out front of the DFO clubhouse. DFO prospect Cookiethulhu is busy sweeping up the street when Beerguyrob comes out of the clubhouse with a six-pack of beer. Cookiethulhu: I think that's it, sir. The street looks quite orderly now, I must say. Beerguyrob (motioning Cookiethulhu over): Good job, kid. I've

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 46)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - September 2, 2016September 1, 2016

The scene: An empty road somewhere in the Midwest, where Future Moose recently ran someone over. That someone is now biting Moose on the arm. It seems pretty fair, all things considered. Ballsofsteelandfury (approaching): Hey, what the hell...? Future Moose (sighing as the man continues to bite at his outstretched arm): Well... Ballsofsteelandfury

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 45)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - August 26, 2016August 24, 2016

The scene: Somewhere in the Midwest. At night. On a deserted road. It's kind of spooky. It's even spookier because there's a body in the road. I mean, that's never good. Sitting in the car that just ran the poor guy over are Future Moose, Ballsofsteelandfury, Low Commander of the

Balls of Steel’s AFL Beat – Round 22

ballsofsteelandfury - August 23, 2016August 22, 2016

Apologies for the AFL Beat being late, but there was the slight thing about Sunday being my birthday and all so that got in the way. A shocking loss, a flirtation with perfection, and a tightening anal sphincter are all up for your perusal on Welcome to Balls of Steel's AFL Beat! Ok,

A Stupid, Pointless Game Played by Top Shelf Douchebags

jjfozz - August 22, 2016

The last time my father hit me was on a golf course. I was 30 and he was 64. I was on a golf course doing what I do on a golf course – losing my collective shit because golf is the stupidest motherfucking game in the whole goddamn world. This includes

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 44)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - August 19, 2016August 18, 2016

The scene: Somewhere in the Midwest. Future Moose is driving his new car...which isn't really new. In fact, it's kind of old. And a bit leaky. It might creak a little bit when it brakes. And the exhaust fumes when it accelerates might just be a global warming tipping point.

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 43)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - August 12, 2016August 11, 2016

The scene: The John Tyler Junior High Dungeons & Dragons club. A young Percival Po sits behind his Dungeon Master screen, rolling a variety of polyhedral dice. Also playing are young Marc Trestmans Windowless Van, Brocky and Old School Zero. Young Po: You reach the end of the corridor...what do you

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 42)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - August 5, 2016August 4, 2016

The scene: Mrs. Grigsby's third-grade class. Young Percival Po is standing at the front of the classroom, showing off his robot drawing for show & tell. Young Po: This is my robot...he's made of a special titanium alloy that you can only make in space, an' he's got a flame-thrower for

Conflicted Feelings About Confusing Shit

jjfozz - August 1, 2016August 1, 2016

Christmas is almost here. And I don’t mean that fucking bullshit holiday where I spent a million dollars on gifts and hear my kids say, “Is that all?” on a Christmas morning that is witness to a thudding headache and dry mouth – because the holiday season calls for bourble. Nope,