Weekend Two in the EPL – Contain Thine Excitement

I didn’t have this up in time for the Friday night game (1-nil Manure win over Villa), but Manure wins are boring so who cares, amirite?

Additionally, I have to take one of my kids to a cross country meet Saturday morning (I am writing this post ahead of time), so my DVR will get a Saturday workout – late Friday night NFL with my PeyPey-less Donks heading to Seattle, super-early Saturday Everton visit to Sill’s Southampton Saints.

Everton desperately need three points on the road against a solid, progressive side…and that very rarely works out well for the Toffees. We shall see if the universe decides if it would rather piss on Sill’s leg instead.

Elswhere in the League, top of the table titans Leicester and West Ham clash, and Arsenal look to climb out of the relegation zone, but face a tough task in high flying Crystal Palace. Relying on the standings after 1 week is shit tons of fun. City and Chelski will be more traditionally interesting, come Sunday.

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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Haha, City is pouring it on.

The Chelsea equipment staff better watch out, Jose going to fire someone.

Horatio Cornblower

I want one of those chairs the bench players and coaches, (sorry, “managers”), use during the games, (sorry, “matches”); they look super-comfortable, (super-“effervescent”).

/One of the announcers actually used “effervescent” when describing a play during the Arsenal-CP match earlier.

Chelsea players are taking a beating.

Fox Sports has Bundesliga games.

Palace equalizes. Good pqce to this ome.

Ha Arsenal’s blown two chances to score.

Omnimorph

Mourinho is such a bitch. You have the one hot female staff member in the entire league and you throw her under the bus when your team is shit?

What a prick!

Palace vs. gunners followed be a good one Man City-Chelsea.

What will cause Mourinho throw a shit fit at today?

Old School Zero

LIFE HAXXOR: Do you like those pre-bottled frappicino things? Just combine homemade cold press coffee with chocolate milk. BREAKFAST OF CHAMPIONS!

SonOfSpam

I like Aston Villa because their jersey colo(u)r is “claret” which seems classy as fuck. Also, I like Swansea because Welsh spelling is fun (or as the Welsh would spell it “fyylyymhhulhnun”).

Also, to my LA brethren, my deepest apologies, but I cannot attend today’s heatstroke watch. I PROMISE that next time I won’t be such a pussy. Godspeed, and go get a goddamn pastrami sandwich.

Brick Meathook
blaxabbath

comment image

scotchnaut

Damn. It’s going to run up to 95 degrees today. That’s a bit too high for this neck of the woods.

laserguru

We’re supposed to get to low 80’s. On the beach! I hear it’s in the low 100’s downtown. Should be a scorcher for the LA get together.
That’s alright. There is air conditioning and beer.
C’mon everybody. Let’s get some pastrami!

SonOfSpam

Good news though…it’s only supposed to be 100 today, whereas it’s supposed to be 101 tomorrow. Today will be a breeze comparatively!

Covalent Blonde

If nothing make me want pastrami, it’s this sweet heat wave! Hear! Hear! For pastrami!

blaxabbath

Went hiking at 6am. Today’s low is 89 — so it was probably 95 when we started.

I’m now hanging out inside because, embrace the heat or not, it’s still fucking draining at hell.

http://www.google.org/publicalerts/alert?aid=c4bc57f1ac38e41a&hl=en&gl=US&source=web

West Ham goalkeeper was red carded after getting a point in a karate spar with a LC player.

Spanky Datass

Question of the Day: Is Sakho elite?

laserguru

God damn. I’ll stop complaining now.

Damn, stoke came back from down 2.

Horatio Cornblower

The fuck? It was 2-0 when I left the house ten minutes ago to drop my daughter at her friend’s house.

blordinaryfagicmox

I just love Lestershire Sauce

scotchnaut

Looks like Montero has a bright future.

Did something jizz on that guy’s head?

Spanky Datass

“He tried one of them dirty Jap plays and got what he deserved.” –B. Parcells

scotchnaut

An angry Swan?

West Ham not out of it.

scotchnaut

Another goal for the Swansea.

Did a bird take a dump on that Asian Leicester City player’s head?

scotchnaut

Not nearly as much diving as I expected…

https://youtu.be/PbVb6y4HHT8

Cocks…uh I mean Spurs.

montythisseemsstrangetome

HOTSPUR ACTION

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“I wouldn’t call it ‘hot’ exactly…”

– Amy Duncan

Swan on motherfuckers
http://i.imgur.com/aXVt3yt.gif

...

Holy hell. I thought geese were evil.

Horatio Cornblower

I like to think the Newcastle team is drinking Newcastle Brown Ale instead of sports drinks.

“Sports drinks are for tossers!”

/not sure what a ‘tosser’ is

ballsofsteelandfury

That’s the exact reason why I’ve always liked them.

...

You can more freely use the word “cunt” as well, so go crazy, cunt.

scotchnaut

More soccer magic coming at the top of the hour-Swansea City vs. Newcastle United.

Spanky Datass

SWANSEA!!!!11!

But they are not appearing on my TeeVee box. Sad.

montythisseemsstrangetome

Wait, is that coach’s name really Dick Advocate?

Horatio Cornblower

Probably big in the MRA movement.

montythisseemsstrangetome

I’m a dick joke advocate.

scotchnaut

So is the Barkley guy nicknamed “Barky” or “Barker”? Is every league as lazy with their nicknaming as the NHL?

/Patrick Kane’s nickname is “Kaner” when in fact it should be “Sociopath”.

Horatio Cornblower

“Alleged Rapist Patrick Kane”, forcing his way into an arena near you this season!

montythisseemsstrangetome

Is Barkley that dog on the sidelines?

scotchnaut

Well, he can do what he wants, it IS his league after all.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Enforcer? Well, I hardly know her, but sure!”
– Patrick Kane

...

This joke would not play very well in Chicago right now, but I LOL’d.

Horatio Cornblower

Got here late but it looks like the universe has decided to piss all over Sill’s leg.

Sorry Sill.

Hippo should be happy or at least slightly less angry today.
http://media.giphy.com/media/1ykZE1mlGZCCs/giphy.gif

montythisseemsstrangetome

I legitimately thought there was a dog running along the sidelines.

/am S-M-R-T

Horatio Cornblower

That fooled me last week the first time it showed up.

scotchnaut

Hmmm…thought Pelle was a lot older. And darker.

Wrong Pele.

scotchnaut

Are you telling me that the guy who debuted for Brazil in 1958 isn’t still playing? Sounds like a slacker to me.

/I watch every World and Euro Cup but don’t watch any leagues at all

Don T

Copa América. The class of Europe, playing gor country, and the contempt runs deep. And they just murder each other.

scotchnaut

What I don’t know about the EPL could fit inside the Carrier Dome but I’ll give this Everton/Southhampton tilt a whirl.

/what’s for brekkie?

Southhampton’s sinking faster than the Titanic.

Everton countered the fuck out of Southhampton.

Everton is wearing drab green uniforms for some reason.

WCS

It’s 06:04 (EST) and I’ve been drinking since 22:30? What’s this about “football”?

http://ih1.redbubble.net/image.13635881.0848/fc,550×550,cranberry.u2.jpg