This week, I discuss the annual influx of pumpkin beers, and when is early too early? Away we go to the land of STRONG BEER TAEKS.
#upforwhatever, except decent beer, I guess
The summer is ending, kids across the nation are returning to school, football is returning (Woo hoo!), and, of course, pumpkin-flavored bullshit is appearing everywhere. Thanks in part to our friends at Budweiser and their troll-y Super Bowl add, more brewers than usual are trying their hands at making pumpkin beers. There are IPAs, stouts, sours, ciders and more. A pretty exhaustive list can be found here. While I am not one to quaff a pumpkin latte, I actually don’t mind the return of pumpkin beers.
BUT CUNTLER, you probably aren’t saying to yourself, IT’S TOO HOT FOR PUMPKIN BEERS!
It makes more financial sense for brewers to release these beers early so they exhaust their stock by the end of November. Sales of pumpkin beer are great early in September and throughout October, as evidenced by this economic report. Sales drop drastically after October 31, and then even more so after Thanksgiving. So breweries want to get what they’re getting while the getting’s good. In addition, what does it hurt to have more beer options at any given time, besides your liver?
You may also not say to yourself, CUNTLER, ECONOMICALLY, THAT MAKES SINCE, BUT PUMPKINS KIND OF TASTE LIKE ASS. WHY WOULD I WANT ASS BEER?
Let me think about that for minute . . .
Oh yeah, that’s right! Some of them actually taste good! As you can tell from the article linked above, there are many varieties of pumpkin beers, and some of them are subtle and excellent, and some of them taste like you dropped a piece of jack-o-lantern in a Bud Light. Basically, you’ll have to try a variety to see what is good for you, and not marry the first one that comes along. Here are a few that I have had in order of preference:
- Elysian The Great Pumpkin: I like this one because it isn’t as sweet as most pumpkin beers. It also has a kick at 8.1% ABV, and has a hoppy and dry finish. It tastes like an IPA with a hint of pumpkin. I don’t think I will get it much more, though, because they were purchased by InBev, who owns Budweiser, so it could go to shit quickly.
- Uinta Punk’N: This one is good. The pumpkin is not overpowering, and it has a unique spice combination that reminds me a little of Anchor Steam’s Christmas Ale. It has a pretty low ABV (4%), so you can get after it during a game. They also make the Crooked Line Oak Jacked Imperial Pumpkin which is an imperial stout that barely tastes like pumpkin and tastes a lot like alcohol (10.3%).
- Samuel Adams Harvest Pumpkin Ale: This tastes like their Boston Ale with a pumpkin aftertaste. It isn’t bad, and if you like Sam Adams, you’ll probably like it. Pretty average.
- Southern Tier Imperial Pumking: This one is really sweet and tastes like candy corn and pumpkin pie. Most people I know that like this one tend to shy away from IPAs, but it is tolerable.
- Shock Top Pumpkin Wheat: This tastes like a pumpkin with AIDS. Avoid.
Anyway, let’s hear your strong takes about pumpkin beers below. Also, this is your open thread, so discuss whatever.
Had we known in 2008.
http://41.media.tumblr.com/2e178fa9d2b2c0da5b8e4675bf7aec10/tumblr_mz21hsLp9i1rn6i5go1_1280.jpg
http://cdn.sptdigital.com/sites/asia.axn/files/ct_character_f_primary_image/Leverage-SophieDeveraux.jpg Hey, RJ introduced you. Hotter version of forgot who I am on board with\
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NSZ?
http://41.media.tumblr.com/8e267695f72b58dcc9e3606dae9a6879/tumblr_myj4ojhTHB1rn6i5go1_1280.png
Unrelated…
Is it me or does George Clooney’s wife look like Andy Pettite?
http://i2.mirror.co.uk/incoming/article4442771.ece/ALTERNATES/900x/Amal-Alamuddin-Clooney.jpg
http://sportsofboston.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/2.3.11_andy.jpg
Well, now I do see they look kinda Game of Thronezie.
http://33.media.tumblr.com/5d58df21abcaf32fdbc695676f200dc8/tumblr_npn1dvr6Fj1s9nttjo2_400.gif
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http://sandandglass.tumblr.com/post/127149923612/at-midnight-august-19-2015
Goddamnit. You people are awesome. Makes me wanna dance.
http://www.i-mockery.com/minimocks/hausu/hausu41.gif
http://38.media.tumblr.com/36e8ff1e7e1867a56fbc86be54e8710d/tumblr_nidg915kad1s63c00o2_r1_400.gif
WE MADE OLD SCHOOL ZERO SHOW UP IN HIS OWN FORM!!!
I was gonna make a dick remark, but you are too old for me to know the reference. Also I <3 you
I found a tumblr site is my links clearing things out earlier that I think I only used once, saved and lost in a list (I was really lazy, second pic down). Enjoy a really bad attempt at a twin pic.
http://40.media.tumblr.com/07f41196fbd8ad46a2ab661880cb5306/tumblr_ntot59Uv311tbs59no1_1280.png
I should clarify the site itself is perfect for here, all SFW, which is why I think I never used it back at KSK
http://33.media.tumblr.com/fa8dfe6a2ffc5d2084675021893573fd/tumblr_mxz39rXova1rbrhnko1_500.gif
Crown Valley Imperial Pumpkin Smash is the best pumpkin beer you can drink more than one of in a night, and also a great imperial stout. I wanted to buy some tonight just to taunt OSZ during Fourth and Goal with the fact that I was drinking both a pumpkin ale and a stout before September, but alas, my beloved Whole Foods was already out of it.
The best pumpkin beer of all is Avery Rumpkin. Avery’s aging a preposterously strong pumpkin ale in rum barrels will be looked back upon by future generations as a rare example of American civilization realizing its best self.
This might well be the most UMC white comment ever posted.
Yeah, I should have mentioned that last prediction’s only valid if Donald Trump makes America great again.
Not just great, but CLASSY. And there is no “if,” only “when.”
http://38.media.tumblr.com/df435673eae8e7f347e86f8af6f0aba3/tumblr_mkbazapnDY1rojq3jo1_500.gif
I’m fine with stouts any time. For the record.
http://cdn.themetapicture.com/media/funny-shirt-beer-girl-milk-stout.jpg
http://38.media.tumblr.com/591745575b0bc7e793b1364e04ba64b2/tumblr_msspg108Ve1sfzt0vo1_400.gif
You vicious bastard, that is not something you tease with.
All this time, I never knew Phoebe Cates was a predator.
Ravens sign Will Hill. “What a thrill” say Bill, Jill, Phil, and Gill.
http://40.media.tumblr.com/02d38492f08ad1dbab993d5caf0dffcc/tumblr_n1njzwL8zj1r1zfq0o1_500.png
Good night. I have to go to the gym in 6 hours because past me hates future me. Now I will go sleep like these bunnies.
http://www.tehcute.com/pics/201109/upside-down-bunnies.jpg
http://41.media.tumblr.com/56733d00f8df75d6a62ad61feedc7309/tumblr_mxzqkrUjti1rn6i5go1_500.jpg
http://40.media.tumblr.com/d3d8c632b42b10bfea82b355ae90f814/tumblr_mxzqnbG1Ah1rn6i5go1_1280.jpg
LOOK AT THAT RACK
OF DONUTS!
I seriously don’t know what I’d stick my face in first.
But I’d definitely make time for both racks.
http://33.media.tumblr.com/28bb3a9d095218a033597cdd59677bd5/tumblr_lddljoJiS51qbipv3o1_r1_500.gif
L men!
How many of them did she murder?
50. Can’t you read?
I want more beer but I’m probably just going to bed.
Goodnight
If Most Glorious Baseball Cardinals would just score a few more times, I could sleep.
Brandon Moss did a not-terrible thing!
That’s unique.
/fantasy owner.
I forget every time you are a Cardinals fan. That is like the midwest Yankees or Red Sox. Then I remember I don’t care about baseball until the next time you mention it.
http://33.media.tumblr.com/d04c0e86b16e1a99b379b0455c444988/tumblr_mpiob5kpuU1rby04wo1_500.gif
Pussy.
http://33.media.tumblr.com/51b17fe5d6a9d0c908a504884f5ccd69/tumblr_miky6qaB9f1rn6i5go1_400.gif
http://33.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m8og3rBagJ1rxpi1io1_500.gif
Zymm, no rational human would be turned on by that. But this
http://i.ytimg.com/vi/Qy5NHYMW-JQ/hqdefault.jpg
::Door flies open::
HOW THE FUCK YOU DOIN’, BOYS?
http://www.reformation21.org/Someone_Is_Wrong_On_The_Internet1.gif
I have a huge anti-feet thing. An ass, any ass, is better than feet.
It is Rex Ryan’s wife and Rex Ryan is into feet. To explain my joke and make it no longer funny in any way.
Nah, it’s cool, I got your Rex Ryan angle. Just. Ught.
Ok, I am back to being the asshole. I am cool with that. Should I paint a tongue on me or not? We never got a final verdict
Forget paint. It’s all about the Vagazzle. I sort of want it to be a fantasy bet. Last place has to get Swarovski crystals somewhere adjacent to their naughty bits and put up a safish for work pic.
Even this ass?
http://helpmejoseph.typepad.com/.a/6a00d8341c8ed053ef010536483835970c-800wi
Especially that ass
DAT ASS!!!!!
Alright. This is officially a thing. Two of my last three girlfriends also had a foot “thing”. There must be something deeper rooted. It’s a foot.
A sexy, sexy foot!
Why do you shun away from the foot?
Did it kick you?
Did it disgust you?
Oh Sweet Jesus, what happened with the foot?
It’s like a hand.
That wears shoes.
You weren’t footed were you?
http://36.media.tumblr.com/40c1e03bbc725d363a87ea9b1d2436d9/tumblr_n32ek7SMm21rn6i5go1_1280.jpg
I would have to think for a while to decide if I found this attractive, but it seems like a fun idea to make y’all look.
http://www.atheistmessiah.com/Asshole_cropped.jpg
Uummmm….
http://31.media.tumblr.com/d9e283bd41b48891f20b64d22c4f7598/tumblr_ni4o5uLJfI1s63c00o1_400.gif
Yeah, I was gonna put up this backflipping dog for easy mind bleach.
http://gifrific.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/Dog-Flips-During-Halftime-Show.gif
Idea for next Slutty Saturday:
http://40.media.tumblr.com/38ff11fa2ea2542c28ad499b90865006/tumblr_npmbsjGaae1sjz7a3o1_1280.jpg
http://38.media.tumblr.com/c8fdd0359b314052a0aecdaeedb54b09/tumblr_nhzaf6U1Pv1s63c00o2_400.gif
Two questions. How? Also Why?
I have no idea, just the messenger of terrible news.
The bra equivalent is sticky gel type stuff that you sort of wrap around your boobs to keep them in place. That looks like similar, but that back shot makes me wonder if there’s wire involved. As to the why, what only covers a small amount of one side?
/Do not want wire near balls; fears random electrocution.
Yeah, fair enough. Though in all my underwire bra wearing years, none of my electrocutions have involved my boobs.
http://38.media.tumblr.com/2a27dcd3cb1b1e6ec5e4b9dc79cfa1d7/tumblr_n2oeucaXBi1skn1oxo1_500.gif
I’m more worried I run into some asshole I knew in my childhood that would think it would be funny to give a wedgie and then slice.
What the wha?!?
BoS: [rewrites all his previous underwear posts]
Go forth Nope-a-pus and conquer.
http://33.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mdinf8SpzB1qksov3.gif
http://38.media.tumblr.com/8940b5d588852c695ee8d113ed64cf69/tumblr_nhyualXebN1s63c00o1_400.gif
Nope-a-pus has a different meaning for me.
So. Many. Questionable. Life. Choices.
http://38.media.tumblr.com/d9afcd1c75a0d8365a71d17472eeb12a/tumblr_n2wp2kk8KR1rby04wo1_1280.gif
Thursday Debbie.
http://38.media.tumblr.com/e688c79c730cc55ba4c713ae3c73549e/tumblr_nrzufooekw1rfvkblo1_r1_400.gif
Holy fuck these kids from the California LL are possibly the dirtiest team since the early 70’s edition of the Flyers. Their 1B elbowed a runner as he went past and one of their runners just kicked the other teams 1B as he went by. He was out too.
Man I hope these assholes lose. If I were the coach and it weren’t extra innings and be telling my pitcher to head hunt. I’m honestly shocked; I’ve never seen anything like this.
Large Latinos?
They appear to be a very diverse group, but that’s about all the good I can find there. They lost and the kid that threw the elbow blew the game so it turns out karma IS a bitch.
Huh, assholes from San Diego. Who woulda thunk?!?
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHH, Little League, thought you were watching something else.
Everything will catch up with me one of these days. Not today.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eeea43Q2Wss
I just mentioned this on the Pick ’em post but the winner of the Suicide league will now have a 200 cash option. Cash or donation to Wounded Warriors. Sign the fuck up, yo!
http://games.espn.go.com/nfl-eliminator-challenge/2015/en/group?groupID=15907
Have a brother who matched me dollar for dollar.
If I win, (HA!), I will donate to WWP.
Yes, fall is in the air
http://36.media.tumblr.com/ff1613b45c6435246779a7231f76dfef/tumblr_ni2tr9TGAV1s63c00o1_1280.jpg
You know nothing Moose
Pretty sure I’ve already made that quite obvious.
http://33.media.tumblr.com/e6633047549aefb1584990a96d45114d/tumblr_mpxvobLBUv1rojq3jo1_500.gif
#1 on the list of things I don’t miss about drinking: Pumpkin beer.
Baseball starts with the September playoff run
http://mlb.mlb.com/images/9/5/4/70078954/randy_johnson_bird_oxq2bxr8.gif
http://41.media.tumblr.com/f78ea63436c4997c34ad4039df097900/tumblr_mlqqmfhhca1s8yp42o1_1280.png
I dunno, once there are better sports alternatives, I mostly quit paying attention. Baseball’s best selling point is that it’s really all that’s on.
Soccer started up recently.
http://gifrific.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/Luis-Suarez-Bites-Ivanovic.gif
Please see word definition below. Thank you.
Can one derive sexual stimulation from head butts?
I do not understand how no one has broken Suarez’s jaw yet.
Pumpkin beer is like a disco version of the Sex Pistols. I’ll let you decide why.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BLMeQ2O4Zds
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College football starts in a week.
http://33.media.tumblr.com/2c2669913d98fbee56c6cae2e731b51e/tumblr_ni4x66sBuc1s63c00o1_400.gif
What is going on with NASCAR?
Never forget.
Pumpkins suck. “Pumpkin Spice” sucks. It’s always too hot for pumpkin “beer” because it will be a cold day in Hell before one is worth drinking instead of pouring into a municipal drainage ditch.
I’m not sure, you are being vague; so you DON’T like pumpkin beers?
http://33.media.tumblr.com/eab6bb3e60a77c54a1f0c3954b1b018d/tumblr_noj97rJY421sjz7a3o1_400.gif
My wife had a Southern Tier somewhere and came home raving about it. I was dubious–I’m not a big pumpkin guy (scones, bread, and some cookies are good, but keep the pie and the latte far away from me). So when our local grocery store had it on tap (they fill growlers), she wanted to get a growler. I warned her that she would probably end up drinking it all.
She did.
By the end, even she was sick of pumpkin beer.
A little goes a long way.
http://33.media.tumblr.com/e1bbbeca08ea41f130936246522d5539/tumblr_ni4prwDA2K1s63c00o1_250.gif
No work tomorrow and I believe…………..
THIS THREAD SHOULD BE OPEN!
WHAT SAY YOU?!?
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Number one indicator the roads need fixed.
http://41.media.tumblr.com/292e96dd324867c56c4797c1edfe6746/tumblr_ntm3nzOnoA1tr51nfo1_1280.jpg
Either that or the driver needs to stop driving down the rumble strip.
BTW, not only is this a great post, but the Simpsons people-who-look-like-things photo made me laugh at work.
http://38.media.tumblr.com/e2779f68ec7ca152ec2604c163e30855/tumblr_mxhj49Ud4h1rojq3jo2_500.gif
I really like Christmasy-spicy beers, but I also really dislike pumpkin. It’s a conundrum. I also love banana but hate walnuts. My life is difficult.
One of the side benefits of the house we bought is that I’m within walking distance of the best craft beer pub in the state. I’ll be trying these tonight for a much-deserved Friday treat:
http://craftypint.com/beer/2868/cavalier-imperial-stout
http://craftypint.com/beer/3268/bridge-road-brewers-1000
Avoiding that banana/walnut combo must take up the majority of your life.
Better you than me, bro.
It’s about 70 here and I am sitting on the front porch with a Ballast Point Dead Ringer Oktoberfest. Not bad. Odell Oktoberfest is better. Also, sorry everyone hates pumpkin beers. Punk’N is really good, though.
I don’t care for them, but more power to you, I don’t really like sweet beers anyway. They sell pretty well, so the demand is there. Nice review.
http://33.media.tumblr.com/c294c7603a9471f3e77fb5aa5a70a80e/tumblr_nie55qW6tr1s63c00o1_400.gif
Christ, I haven’t seen 70 in about four months. I’ll be glad when summer finally breaks. Not a pumpkin-anything fan. However, after one of you guys (Cuntler, OSZ, MIS ?) turned me on to Ballast’s Victory at Sea the other day, I happened to find a bomber of Sea Monster a couple nights ago. It was pretty tasty but nowhere near as good as the porter.
Never had Odell, but I have to say, Sierra Nevada has a good Oktoberfest out. I’m not that crazy about Sierra usually, but this is a pretty solid offering and it doesn’t break the bank like most of the shit I drink. http://www.beeradvocate.com/beer/profile/140/183580/
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/russell-wilson-recovery-water_55de2b5be4b0e7117ba8bc7e
Why doesn’t this have its own article by now?
http://40.media.tumblr.com/6fb50304b8fc62925ead0f7526ed311c/tumblr_mwm9olDvmV1sg8j76o2_500.jpg
Try a Moosetini; your butthole will hurt a little in the morning, plus you’ll smell a bit like burnt butter and mothballs.
*The actual gonads of moths.
http://33.media.tumblr.com/8af9c738fcad018e05f70c72d461f656/tumblr_nl42neGPns1qe6mn3o1_400.gif
Really enjoyed that butt-chugging fad, did we?
Yeah, sure…… at least I don’t have to make yours as strong.
I’m not much on seasonal drinks (not a beer or wine person), hell I’ll make mojitos and mint juleps in the dead of winter.
I also just realized most of the cocktails I make start with an “M”.
Mint is a fantastic window plant. Year round muddling for all!
If my StL native roomie brings home any pumpkin flavored Bud family beer, I might seriously have to boot her ass back to StL.
Because god damn, is that shit terrible. All of it. There are currently 11 Bud Light Limes sitting in my fridge because her son thought it would be great to “have a taste of home” here at the house. Obviously, StL leaves a horrible taste in your mouth akin to, and I quote our beloved Pastor and CEO of Our Lady of Perpetual Exemption, John Oliver: Jolly Green Giants ejaculate.
Isn’t Jolly Green Giant ejaculate what they pack the green beans in?
Wut?
http://guestofaguest.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/c4.jpg
It was 98 degrees here today (hurry the fuck up El Nino), so I am having a Modern Times Fortunate Islands Grapefruit right now, and lemme tell you: Fuck. Yes.
When it gets below 80 here I’ll consider pumpkin. So…never? (j/k I’ll even drink Zima if it’s free WOOO ALCOHOL)
I bet it is 98 degrees most days where you live.
http://assets.nydailynews.com/polopoly_fs/1.1099388!/img/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/article_970/98degrees21f-1-web.jpg
I tend to stick to whiskey, red wine and prosecco. However, I do make the best pumpkin pie in the known universe. Last year I made mini pumpkin pies in cupcake tins and my neighborhood literally exploded with awesome, which is why I had to move.
Marry me.
Did anyone else think there were going to be preseason games tonight? I thought there were going to be preseason games tonight, and now I am disappoint.
Yeah, and then I got all indignant because “There are Thursday games during the season even!”
Totally ignoring the fact that there are Friday and Saturday games this week, which there are not during the season. Also, Thursday games blow.
I had a bad case of that tonight. I was sure the Bears were playing tonight and I would get to finally watch a preseason game. I mean, without their top 4 receivers or only veteren d-lineman. Then I looked for a gametime at like 4 and was depressed… well disappointed… my plans to waste the night changed.
I am half-tempted to get some tickets for Saturday’s game. It’s only 2 hours away.
But I hate Cincinnati, and everyone from there. That stadium would probably be insufferable, even if I wore a bunch of OSU crap and pretended I was a native Ohioan (no, I will not say “buckeye,” even if I got my degrees from OSU).
The silver lining is that I’ll actually get to watch the next 2 Bears preseason games on regular TV. The tarnish on the silver lining: they’re preseason games and this team is starting to get banged up. The worse tarnish? Bernie Kosar does the color commentary on local Browns telecasts. He’s stupid and usually at least a little drunk in the booth… actually, rather like Joe Namath that wonderful night. But less charismatic.
FUCK and YES.
Dogfish makes a very good one, Punk’d, that I’m looking forward to. Otherwise I’m not a big fan of the genre.
“Complaining about seasonal items hitting stores too early? Quit stealing my bit!”
-Greggggggg Easterbrook
Are you geared up for the War On Christmas? Gonna be bloody this year, what with almost no one being allowed to celebrate Christmas except everyone.
When I wish someone “Happy Holidays” it’s an act of WAR.
I just don’t like pumpkin. And there’s apparently going to be Pumpkin Spice Latte M&M’s. It’s a dark time for society.
Any middle-of-the-road pumpkin beer can be improved by dropping a shot of bourbon in it for a seasonal boilermaker.
I am known to prefer many of the artsy craft beers and the like. That said, I’ll just leave my thoughts on pumpkin ales here.
http://i.imgur.com/vJ0QH7m.jpg
Pumpkin beer is good to have sometimes. Like when you are watching football with 20 people and 15 bottles of those are still at the bottom of the cooler when everything else is gone even though no one admits to bringing them.
Also, to be fair, Budweiser didn’t go to shit because they were bought by InBev. They were shit well before that.
http://budweiser.sydthek1d.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/Wassup.gif
I read a really good history of the Budweiser company and the Busch family. They’re like the Kennedys of shitty beer, with their own Chappaquiddick and everything.
It’s funny though. InBev managed to somehow make shitty beers like Bud and Becks even worse. Impressive.
I like the Sam Adams pumpkin, but then again I am pretty average.