The First Real Open Thread of the Season!

FOOBAW-TIME

Holy crap, it’s here.  We have ACTUAL, COUNTING FOOTBALL for the first time in roughly 10 quatrillion years.  We’ve been subjected to preseason football, Ballghazi, Spygate Redux, The assorted ongoing [*Redacted] s debacle, the goddamned Patriots being your returning champions, the preseason knee apocalypses of Jordy Nelson and Kelvin Benjamin, thousands of terrible think pieces about violence and concussions, the weird muzzling of Junior Seau’s daughter at the Hall of Fame, Geno Smith getting punched in the face by a teammate, and everything else awful pertaining to football being dragged into the light.  Sadly, this is in no way a comprehensive list.

But now, we’re here.  We’ve climbed an Everest of garbage and planted our dick joke flag on top of NFL mountain.  Let’s have a great time tonight, kids.

 

FOO’BAW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gina Carano

Tennant Dr Woh Yes

Loki

Al Bundy2nd Half Post is up HERE

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Darkest Timeline Zack Morris
DTZM escaped his dark timeline through a wormhole created by Lord Screech, after he destroyed Bayside for never allowing him to mate with Lisa Turtle. Zach now lives a quiet life in St. Louis with his wife, Darkest Timeline Kelly Kapowski. They have no children, but do have the world's cutest dogs.
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CBQUE

And Todd had to get cute and fuck it up.

Recovery Whiskey

I will have to say that rooting for injuries and meteors feels weird for opening night.

Sharknado?

Redshirt

(me cheering the Steelers 1st down)

http://i.imgur.com/eK2VWmc.jpg

tundrajim

Can’t believe the Steelers signed that actor from Ballers to be one of their wide receivers.

Mother Puncher

As an Ohioan, I’ve decided to start caring about OSU football because goddammit I deserve something nice for once in my fucking life.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

It means having to wish Urban Meyer success. That is a heavy price Satan demands…

Mr. Robinson's Neighborhood

I’m only half-listening to Tafoya and I was sure I heard her say there would be three Wookies starting for the Stillers. Now THAT would be a game worth watching.

John Difool

Always let the wookies win….

Lothar of the Hill People

Miami of Ohio were the [*Redacted] s until something like 1994 or so. Guy from my high school, a few years behind me, played there.

The school goes back farther than the NFL franchise, and they were able to get rid of the racist mascot. What say you, Dan Snyder?

CBQUE

The Name means so much to so many & besides fuck you

Senor Weaselo

I remember the NCAA basically said to all the schools “If you have a name after Native Americans you won’t play in the postseason.” FSU had to get special permission from the Seminoles IIRC.

CBQUE

DO YA FACKIN JOWBS YAH OVERPAID DAHKIES

Horatio Cornblower

The Steelers are holding!! NAWT FAYUH! NAWT FAYUH!!

makeitsnowondem

We can rebuild DeAngelo Williams. We can make him stronger, faster, less useless.

Stabby Pants

Bill Belichek looking confused. That wasn’t the first play they had on their play script.

Sill Bimmons

YEAH DE

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

HOW THE FUCK YOU BOYS DOIN’?

Duchess

I like how they are talking like deferring the kick off is some kind of master plan that Grumblelord only does.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
King Hippo

SHE SEEMS NICE!!

/smart, too

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Oh it went through that time. Boobs or something. It was wittier before if failed to go through 3 times

scotchnaut

ashleymadison.com-a proud corporate sponsor of the New England Patriots because, well, if you’re not a cheater you wouldn’t understand.

John Difool

Ashley Madison Dot Com “Come Get Your Balls Deflated”

Sill Bimmons

DASH THEIR HEADS UPON THE ROCKS Psalms 137:11

CBQUE

Antonio Brown, you have my permission to roast Malcolm Butler like one of Levon Bell’s fatty’s.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

3 rookies on the OL? Maybe that ACL tear isn’t that much of an impossible dream after all.

Lothar of the Hill People

Fuck. Me. There has not been a moment of this televised crap-a-thon that I have not hated viscerally. And I have the TV muted. And I love football.

How can I love the sport so much and hate hate hate its pro league and its premiere game?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Redshirt

Is it possible to autoload the comments or do I need to F5ing?

Come on Deebo, just one helmet straight to Dreamboat’s balls.

Stabby Pants

Judging by homertastic this shit has been, I assume that if the Chiefs ever win a lombardi, the pregame will be Andy Reid talking about bbq ribs for 30 minutes.

Senor Weaselo

I imagine it would be like Bubba talking about shrimp.

Sill Bimmons

Are You There God?

It’s me, Sill Bimmons.

Please not again.

Where’s my pony asshole?

WCS

How. The. Shit. Has. This. Not. Started. Yet.

The Mighty Feklahr

Ha! I didn’t mute the national anthem. I really am a racist.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

How much money do you think it would take for one of those soldiers with the swords to “trip” while she was walking by Tom Brady?

Recovery Whiskey

Holy shit its FOOTBALL. Let’s hear it, I’m new.

makeitsnowondem

“It’s Harry Potter’s sister!”

— lady snow

Lothar of the Hill People

Ha! I said it first!

makeitsnowondem

Sorry! I’m having all kinds of trouble with the refreshing.

Lothar of the Hill People

Harry Potter’s sister is singing the national anthem.

John Difool

Gentlemen and esteemed colleagues….err, I mean, HOW THE FUCK YOU DOIN’ BOYS

Cuntler

Hey there. So many sad Seahawks fans, you guys.

Recovery Whiskey

I see this game as being like walking on hot coals before the feast.

Senor Weaselo

I was watching Shark Tank. There’s no doubt in my mind that it was a better choice than this pregame.

Sill Bimmons

I can’t stop SMGDMFH

Mother Puncher

All I do is win* win* win* no matter what.

Stabby Pants

I had no more Pats hate left to give. Then I saw that pregame. I now want everyone in that stadium to die. Horribly.

King Hippo

THIS. And I only SAW it. My teevee box is muted. I could still easily kill right now, if I had the opportunity.

tundrajim

When did they add the asterisk to the Patriots’ logo?

Redshirt

Are the Patriots finishing masturbating yet?

Lothar of the Hill People

I can’t believe that I’m rooting for Big Ben the rapist. But I am rooting for him hard tonight. Very hard. You like it hard, don’t you Big Ben?

King Hippo

Yep. Individually and collectively, the Massholes involved in that shitshow are less worthy of their carbon usage than a multiple rapist. WOO THE BEN!!!

Sill Bimmons

I didn’t even watch that shitshow and I feel homicidal.

Duchess

Collinsworth looks like a 50 year old Matthew McConaughey forgot to drink water

Lord Joe Don Looney

Happy New Year? Let’s not sober up till 2016, Al.

Porn Stache

The stadium is one giant vape cloud.

CBQUE

Honestly Fuck Pete Carroll until the end of time. My God, you caused this you asshole. By the way looking at all those “hall of famers” from The Pats made me realize one thing: BELICHICK DRAFTED NONE OF THEM!!!!

Lothar of the Hill People

Oh, but he was smart enough to “acquire” them, right PK?

Brocky

Last time I saw a crowd that insincere they were picketing gay marriage

Sill Bimmons

FUCK

THIS

FRANCHISE

We want the ball and oh shit

Oh Fahk you Tommy Brady

Lothar of the Hill People

OK, Brady trips while running onto the field, tears his ACL, I’m no longer an agnetheist.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I think I sprained a finger flipping off the TV too hard.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

It was at Kraft, right? I have mine on mute and still wanted to flip him off

blackroseMD1

I had mine muted as well, and looked over just in time to say “fuck you Bob Kraft”.

MikeWallaceAndGromit

Holy fuck this is awful. Fuck the Patriots.