Why must I be a football fan? It’s not a particularly pleasant hobby to have during this run of Pats dominance. I think this is their fifth straight appearance in this game. OOF! That’s tough to swallow. It’s not hard to envision myself in a simpler time. I can see it now. [screen goes all wavy wavy] Me and my buddies are just back from the hunt, having brought down a noble stag. There’s plenty of mead to be quaffed as we warm our balls by the large fire. It’s damn cold but there are smiles all round.
Soon talk centers on the threat from the East. The land- and power-hungry Quinnzealots have won a number of skirmishes with our neighbouring tribes and will be soon threatening our (The Allthatisgoodnauts) borders. Word has reached us that they are led by a charismatic warrior, Large Teeth. Some say that his successes are due to a shadowy black-robed druid that possesses uncanny powers that cloud the minds of those who oppose him. During battle one does not know where the Quinnzealots will attack from-when they come for you it could be from the left, perhaps the right, sometimes from the trees above, all without warning. Their small yet rabid foot soldiers buzz around one’s ankles so quickly that it is difficult to hit them with your sword. T’will be a difficult task to defeat them-that much is certain.
Well that’s just great. THE PATS DOMINATE MY ALTERNATE HISTORIES AS WELL. On to the game, I guess. The venerable Hippo could break this game down much better than I could so I’ll just toss some nougats (not nuggets!) out there. The Gronk has 6 TD’s in as many games against Denver but it’s something of a boom/bust thing. Three TD’s came in one tilt and he’s been held to as little as 35 yards in another. Brady is 2-6 in Denver over his career which bodes well for the Orange Horsies. Denver led the league with 52 sacks but in order to be successful they must get pressure from the middle of the line and not the edge because Brady lets go of the ball in just over two seconds on those quick hitters to the Amendolas and Edelmans of the receiving corps. Hochuli is the ref and we are blessed with Jim “Prominent Masters apologist and serial philanderer” Nance and Phil “safe to say Morehouse State didn’t have an Elocution elective” Seems. THERE IS GLORY IN TYPING…SO TYPE!!!
MORE ANTI-BAILOUT FRAGS AGAINST NEW ENGLAND WHAT IS THIS BASED GOODELL
Unnecessary roughness too? Oh god this can’t get any better
OWAH PLAYAHS DO NAWT FIGHT! THEY AH JUST SHOWING EXTRAH GRIT!
HAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I forgot Steven Jackson is a Patriot
Come on Tommy Turnover!
Surprised Amendola didn’t injure himself on that return.
http://static.tumblr.com/ergwfn1/oa6li7acv/calculon-scene.png
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, NO FLAG?!
GREAT runback there. Hopefully this sets this next drive up to be better for NE.
I-N-T
I-N-T
It’s always fun
For you & me!
These Settler commercials fill me burning rage.
Looking for a lot out of Stefen Djordjevic today, standout at Ampipe High.
How the fuck do both gunners completely whiff?
Regular #1 gunner tore his MCL last week.
Lucky for them, I think Leicester will start to come back to earth.
http://rlv.zcache.com/this_still_sucks_square_sticker-rdf084b655d4d4c7ab749e23390af01bc_v9wf3_8byvr_324.jpg
Britton, of the Punting Colquitts.
Huggers of Tiny, Gritty Men.
This Patriots offense I call em the Oscars because they are all white privileged actors.
That was banner quote material right there.
damn it, that was a good play
There are far too many Pats fans at this bar.
Also in this world.
Once Brady retires, they’ll go away and the Patriots will go back to shit. I hope.
We’ll bail you out.
Q:Who guards Gronk?
A: Penicillin
(Mr Burns voice): Run out the clock, boys!
In Bizzaro World, the refs screw the Pats.
And the Browns are competitive every year with their rock solid coaching staff that has been in place for a decade.
And the Browns have a franchise Quarterback that the media likes, but not enough for everyone to hate him unless you’re a Browns fan.
And Jay Cutler cares
The Patriots starting team has more actresses than an Improv 101 class at a liberal arts college.
More than a Starbucks in North Hollywood.
There’s a game of charades included in every practice.
Hahahahahaha
I can watch Patriots receivers crying for flags all day…
(will have to no matter what)
Home field advantage. Learn it, live it, LOVE IT. Fucksticks.
IN-COM-PLETE is worse than HuntaAIDS.
this is true
The Patriots logo should just be a player standing in front of a ref with his arms raised.
GOD FUCKING DAMMIT GET YOUR FUCKING SHIT TOGETHER YOU FUCKING DROOLING MORONS
Hey, we’re trying! It’s only the first game, y’know…
I’m a big fan of the Patriot’s punter. It’s nice to see him getting so much play time.
Yesssss, give me more angry pouty Bradyface….
Bleergh writes in his notebook, “no.”
“And the players would look up to the sky, crying out my name in all its various misspellings, pleading the mighty Bleergh to save them, and I would look down upon them and say ‘no.'”
Gronk mad! GRONK MAD!!!
OH SO FUCK YOU TAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWMMMMMYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
No Frag, Porn Boy!
You’d think that after the first time the Preisdent gets taken hostage (at the White House no less), they’d beef up security to make sure that sort of shit doesn’t happen again.
Nah. They’ll just violate more of the civilians’ freedoms instead.
Unless those civilians are white, stupid, and call themselves a “militia.”
Morgan Freeman should just run for president. it will just seem so natural to us
LET’S GO DONKEY PUNCHERS!
Keep the foot on the coratid, Wade.
Wife makes me a sandwich, brings it to me.
I say, “Thanks, that’s nice of you.”
Wife: “Every once in a while I can be nice.”
Cabin fever in full fucking effect at the Fozz lair.
ALL BOURBLE AND NO PLAY MAKES FOZZ A DULL BOY
ALL BOURBLE AND NO PLAY MAKES FOZZ A DULL BOY
ALL BOURBLE AND NO PLAY MAKES FOZZ A DULL BOY
nationwide
Tommy throws a pick six now…
/nationwide
Tommy tears his ACL
Guys that might be Manning’s last opening touchdown, let’s reflect endlessly on that – Jim Nantz
THAT’S 100 PERCENT REAL CHEESE
HOW THE FUCK YOU DOIN BOYS… AND THOSE OF THE FEMALE PERSUASION!?!
WOOOOO
BOOOOOOOO
FOOOOOOOOOD
MOOOOOOOOOO
Also:
WOOOOOOO
BOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRNNNSSSSSSSSS
I haven’t seen a movie in theaters since The Dark Knight Rises. Deadpool is going to change that.
I’m going to see it with my wife on Valentine’s Day. I was like “Mrs. Wakezilla, Ryan Reynolds has a new fil–”
Mrs. Wakezilla: “Lets go watch it on Valentine’s Day!”
Me: Woo hoo!
YES, PEY-PEY, SAVE US ALL FROM THE HORROR THAT WOULD BE YET ANOTHER PATS SUPERBOWL APPEARANCE.
YOU ARE OUR ONLY HOPE.
A Super Bowl where I could be happy for the winner! No matter what!
THIS IS THA WAY TAWMMY FACKIN’ WANTS IT!!!
Have you heard about the Simmons-led Ed Hochuli anti-Patriots pro-Broncos conspircacy?
https://twitter.com/BillSimmons/status/689959145383030784
http://thebiglead.com/2016/01/22/new-england-patriots-fans-latest-obsession-is-a-ed-hochuli-conspiracy-theory/
You have now.
May the Greatriots D continue to stink aloud.
Real Estate agent down! Look at Tom not even paying attention. I blame Gisele.
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Snake DICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
could see it in PeyPey’s eyes, I yelled and scared the cats even before he threw.
NOT NEW ENGLAND DOWN!!!!!
You had me at “Not New England”.
LOOK. AT. YOU. DENVER!