Your “OY! WHO’S UP FOR A HATE-WATCH, THEN?” AFC Championship Open Thread

Why must I be a football fan? It’s not a particularly pleasant hobby to have during this run of Pats dominance. I think this is their fifth straight appearance in this game. OOF! That’s tough to swallow. It’s not hard to envision myself in a simpler time. I can see it now. [screen goes all wavy wavy] Me and my buddies are just back from the hunt, having brought down a noble stag. There’s plenty of mead to be quaffed as we warm our balls by the large fire. It’s damn cold but there are smiles all round.

Soon talk centers on the threat from the East. The land- and power-hungry Quinnzealots have won a number of skirmishes with our neighbouring tribes and will be soon threatening our (The Allthatisgoodnauts) borders. Word has reached us that they are led by a charismatic warrior, Large Teeth. Some say that his successes are due to a shadowy black-robed druid that possesses uncanny powers that cloud the minds of those who oppose him. During battle one does not know where the Quinnzealots will attack from-when they come for you it could be from the left, perhaps the right, sometimes from the trees above, all without warning. Their small yet rabid foot soldiers buzz around one’s ankles so quickly that it is difficult to hit them with your sword. T’will be a difficult task to defeat them-that much is certain.

Well that’s just great. THE PATS DOMINATE MY ALTERNATE HISTORIES AS WELL. On to the game, I guess. The venerable Hippo could break this game down much better than I could so I’ll just toss some nougats (not nuggets!) out there. The Gronk has 6 TD’s in as many games against Denver but it’s something of a boom/bust thing. Three TD’s came in one tilt and he’s been held to as little as 35 yards in another. Brady is 2-6 in Denver over his career which bodes well for the Orange Horsies. Denver led the league with 52 sacks but in order to be successful they must get pressure from the middle of the line and not the edge because Brady lets go of the ball in just over two seconds on those quick hitters to the Amendolas and Edelmans of the receiving corps. Hochuli is the ref and we are blessed with Jim “Prominent Masters apologist and serial philanderer” Nance and Phil “safe to say Morehouse State didn’t have an Elocution elective” Seems. THERE IS GLORY IN TYPING…SO TYPE!!!

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fleshwound_NPG

MORE ANTI-BAILOUT FRAGS AGAINST NEW ENGLAND WHAT IS THIS BASED GOODELL

American Pie Story

Unnecessary roughness too? Oh god this can’t get any better

jjfozz

OWAH PLAYAHS DO NAWT FIGHT! THEY AH JUST SHOWING EXTRAH GRIT!

Smithchez

HAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Spur

I forgot Steven Jackson is a Patriot

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Come on Tommy Turnover!

Spur

Surprised Amendola didn’t injure himself on that return.

Doktor Zymm
The Maestro

GREAT runback there. Hopefully this sets this next drive up to be better for NE.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

I-N-T
I-N-T
It’s always fun
For you & me!

WCS

These Settler commercials fill me burning rage.

jjfozz

Looking for a lot out of Stefen Djordjevic today, standout at Ampipe High.

Smithchez

How the fuck do both gunners completely whiff?

King Hippo

Regular #1 gunner tore his MCL last week.

Wakezilla

Lucky for them, I think Leicester will start to come back to earth.

Col. Duke LaCross

Britton, of the Punting Colquitts.

Spanky Datass

Huggers of Tiny, Gritty Men.

litre_cola

This Patriots offense I call em the Oscars because they are all white privileged actors.

ballsofsteelandfury

That was banner quote material right there.

King Hippo

damn it, that was a good play

BrettFavresColonoscopy

There are far too many Pats fans at this bar.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Also in this world.

Wakezilla

Once Brady retires, they’ll go away and the Patriots will go back to shit. I hope.

Redshirt

We’ll bail you out.

Q:Who guards Gronk?
A: Penicillin

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

(Mr Burns voice): Run out the clock, boys!

Redshirt

In Bizzaro World, the refs screw the Pats.

Spur

And the Browns are competitive every year with their rock solid coaching staff that has been in place for a decade.

Wakezilla

And the Browns have a franchise Quarterback that the media likes, but not enough for everyone to hate him unless you’re a Browns fan.

Dunstan

And Jay Cutler cares

jjfozz

The Patriots starting team has more actresses than an Improv 101 class at a liberal arts college.

ballsofsteelandfury

More than a Starbucks in North Hollywood.

Doktor Zymm

There’s a game of charades included in every practice.

American Pie Story

Hahahahahaha

fleshwound_NPG

I can watch Patriots receivers crying for flags all day…

(will have to no matter what)

King Hippo

Home field advantage. Learn it, live it, LOVE IT. Fucksticks.

WCS

IN-COM-PLETE is worse than HuntaAIDS.

King Hippo

this is true

Smithchez

The Patriots logo should just be a player standing in front of a ref with his arms raised.

The Maestro

GOD FUCKING DAMMIT GET YOUR FUCKING SHIT TOGETHER YOU FUCKING DROOLING MORONS

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Hey, we’re trying! It’s only the first game, y’know…

Doktor Zymm

I’m a big fan of the Patriot’s punter. It’s nice to see him getting so much play time.

Dunstan

Yesssss, give me more angry pouty Bradyface….

Shogun Marcus

Bleergh writes in his notebook, “no.”

Old School Zero

“And the players would look up to the sky, crying out my name in all its various misspellings, pleading the mighty Bleergh to save them, and I would look down upon them and say ‘no.'”

blackroseMD1

Gronk mad! GRONK MAD!!!

Sill Bimmons

OH SO FUCK YOU TAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWMMMMMYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

ballsofsteelandfury

No Frag, Porn Boy!

Smithchez

You’d think that after the first time the Preisdent gets taken hostage (at the White House no less), they’d beef up security to make sure that sort of shit doesn’t happen again.

Wakezilla

Nah. They’ll just violate more of the civilians’ freedoms instead.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Unless those civilians are white, stupid, and call themselves a “militia.”

Spur

Morgan Freeman should just run for president. it will just seem so natural to us

Old School Zero

LET’S GO DONKEY PUNCHERS!

King Hippo

Keep the foot on the coratid, Wade.

jjfozz

Wife makes me a sandwich, brings it to me.
I say, “Thanks, that’s nice of you.”
Wife: “Every once in a while I can be nice.”

Cabin fever in full fucking effect at the Fozz lair.

WCS

ALL BOURBLE AND NO PLAY MAKES FOZZ A DULL BOY
ALL BOURBLE AND NO PLAY MAKES FOZZ A DULL BOY
ALL BOURBLE AND NO PLAY MAKES FOZZ A DULL BOY

theeWeeBabySeamus

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

nationwide
Tommy throws a pick six now…
/nationwide

Kungjitsu

Tommy tears his ACL

Spur

Guys that might be Manning’s last opening touchdown, let’s reflect endlessly on that – Jim Nantz

Brick Meathook

THAT’S 100 PERCENT REAL CHEESE

ThePirateSloth

HOW THE FUCK YOU DOIN BOYS… AND THOSE OF THE FEMALE PERSUASION!?!

ballsofsteelandfury

WOOOOO

The Maestro

BOOOOOOOO

American Pie Story

FOOOOOOOOOD

ThePirateSloth

MOOOOOOOOOO

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Also:

WOOOOOOO

Sill Bimmons

BOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRNNNSSSSSSSSS

blackroseMD1

I haven’t seen a movie in theaters since The Dark Knight Rises. Deadpool is going to change that.

Wakezilla

I’m going to see it with my wife on Valentine’s Day. I was like “Mrs. Wakezilla, Ryan Reynolds has a new fil–”

Mrs. Wakezilla: “Lets go watch it on Valentine’s Day!”

Me: Woo hoo!

Beastmode Ate My Baby

YES, PEY-PEY, SAVE US ALL FROM THE HORROR THAT WOULD BE YET ANOTHER PATS SUPERBOWL APPEARANCE.

YOU ARE OUR ONLY HOPE.

King Hippo

A Super Bowl where I could be happy for the winner! No matter what!

Kungjitsu

THIS IS THA WAY TAWMMY FACKIN’ WANTS IT!!!

Sill Bimmons
Doktor Zymm

May the Greatriots D continue to stink aloud.

Wakezilla

Real Estate agent down! Look at Tom not even paying attention. I blame Gisele.

King Hippo

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Snake DICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

could see it in PeyPey’s eyes, I yelled and scared the cats even before he threw.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

NOT NEW ENGLAND DOWN!!!!!