Your “Finally!” And “It’s All Over After This?!” Super Bowl Open Thread

Well, somehow we made it. I’m so glad that we didn’t have to turn the car around due to bad behavior. Does everyone know which teams are playing? That’s what I thought. Between that and Hippo’s excellent breakdown of the game I’ve nothing to say about that end of things but I would like to share with you some “behind the scenes” tidbits about this very site that I think you might be interested in. I’m not going to name names…just yet.

Way back in 2007 the founder of this site, a grizzled, PTSD-wracked veteran of 3 tours of the second invasion of Iraq (anyone that has a beef with this version of events can take it up with me in the boardroom tomorrow morning) decided that there should be a new-ish football site. With a ton of moxy and just one good arm he created “Abandon Hope All Ye Football Fans That Enter”. That site was a disaster. I mean, it was right there in the title. Who the hell would want to join? Years later, after his extended recuperation at the St. Tunison Sanitarium For The Hopeless he decided to give it one more go.

It was a super-tough haul, putting this site together with nothing more than used scotch tape and pigeon feathers but he got the damn thing to work. But would Door Flies Open fly? A number of lawyers flocked to the site but it was immediately apparent that as a result, the site lacked “any sense of a moral compass”, according to internet pundits. At that point the site was opened up to almost everyone. Normal people came to the site in the dozens-including yours truly.

What followed was a ton of hard work. Night after night, huddled together in a dumpster underneath a single street lamp, we batted around the questions. “How can we take this site to the next level?” and “Is no one going to throw some pizza crusts in here?-I’m hungry!” and “Could you please not urinate on my pizza crust?”. We learned a lot about each other. Who knew that someone could be triggered by two exclamation marks but not one or three? And the hygiene, OH, THE PERSONAL HYGIENE!

So here we are now. We’ve morphed into a mid-major behemoth of a football-specific website that is bound to knock off a #2 or #3 ranked site as soon as we’re allowed back into the tourney. “Ongoing Pattern of Irregular Prescriptions”, my ass. The Internet is clearly out to get “The Little Site That Could”. We’ll survive and thrive…and maybe, just maybe, I can finally get that $12 Toys R Us coupon I was promised at the outset…

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Senor Weaselo

I approve of our wings.

Doktor Zymm

HAHAHAHAHA
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blaxabbath

XXXXXXXXXXL

ballsofsteelandfury

Awesome!

Romonobyl

Fine but….Steelers???

ThePirateSloth

It took me a little to realize there are two panties there

Sill Bimmons

🙂

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Not Tron? Not Tron. Fuck that

MikeWallaceAndGromit

Whoever took the Over in Vegas on “Commercials centered around shitting” is looking good.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Baby Boomers are the worst

blaxabbath

“If you’re like most Americans, you haven’t saved enough for retirement….”

Boomers are Aesop’s grasshopper.

blaxabbath

Special effects are amazing. I think we’ve reached the points where actors are simply no longer needed.

Romonobyl

Millions of dollars to shill anti-shit pills???

blaxabbath

Bernie should have scored a three-second spot.

Spur

That’s a goddamn intestine

Recovery Whiskey

You could have to poop at any time. Why leave the house

ThePirateSloth

Anyone with a med to large sized dog knows how real the struggle is to share couch space with them.

Don T

That duodenum has more range than Kuechly.

Bortleback

The BBC have now trotted out Lewis Hamilton for his opinion on american football

Brick Meathook

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ballsofsteelandfury

Noice…

Spur

What is that 4 redzone trips and 0 tds?!?!

Sill Bimmons

SHHHHHHH ALL-TIME HISTRICAL OFFENSIVE GENIUS AT WORK

ballsofsteelandfury

Yup. Wasted opportunities.

ballsofsteelandfury

Carolina is going to pull this off at the end with some fluke TD. I can feel it.

Denver would have 21 points with Brocky.

Brocky

Really, that means a lot balls.

blaxabbath

Hey all. Wasn’t planning on watching more than the first ten mins of this one but, like every single other NFL game this season, here I am watching every single ad.

Doktor Zymm

Hippo’s FG prediction proving good.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yup. He do know his shit.

WCS

Post-half time food gorging stupor setting in…

Sill Bimmons

Opiates should help with that!

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

that was literally the hardest Peypey can throw it

Horatio Cornblower

Whoever told Jay Feeley that that tie was a good look is a goddamn liar.

Romonobyl

I say we bench Pheeeeel and bring in Jon Gruden.

Bortleback

Gruden/Tirico calling a superbowl would be glorious

King Hippo

halftime fetus? HALFTIME FETUS!!

Sill Bimmons

Planned Parenthood Comes Through For Manning Again; Residents Of Colorado Springs Torn

King Hippo

Diamond Joe Biden will give a wink and a nod when he visits the White House!

Doktor Zymm

Peyton benefiting from the longer half time, let him leave his neck plugged in for longer.

Spur

Manning had some extra HGH at half time.

Brocky

FUCKING MAGNETON!!!!

Spur

I can play pokemon

ThePirateSloth

This stupid dogs Dorritos commercial obviously did not take place in Oregon

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

I like harvey keitel. I dislike Mini. Dissonance is hard.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh Hannibal Lecter….WHY??????

Senor Weaselo

Pokemon commercial. Somewhere RFD is jizzing himself.

Horatio Cornblower

I’ll buy a lot of things but there’s no fucking way I believe Randy Johnson drives a Mini Cooper.

Sill Bimmons

They’re big as hell on the inside.

I rented one in France and it was really a good car, they’re just too expensive.

Senor Weaselo

It could be like that scene from the Simpsons!

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Recovery Whiskey

Harvey Keitel is not looking well

Sill Bimmons

THIS CAR COSTS TOO MUCH

JerBear50

So the team that doesn’t have Norwood shanked one wide right?

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

shutthefuckup

JerBear50

Sorry Rev

King Hippo

WOO!!!!!!

Romonobyl

I still think a doink should be good for eight points.

Sill Bimmons

Only if you call it.

Sill Bimmons

of all the consarned boobery

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

MiniShank

MikeWallaceAndGromit

Cam wishes he had anything but dish rags to throw passes to.

makeitsnowondem

ye olde clanke

Spur

BOINK!

Recovery Whiskey

CLANG

Mother Puncher

Ga No you Di’int

The Maestro

DOINK

ThursdaySkyGoddess

DOINK!

Old School Zero

This Gano guy is a real cracker.

UPDATE: DOINK!

laserguru

I’m pretty sure that a Super Bowl party is not the best place to work on your better sex groove.

It doesn’t help to be gassier than the fucking Hindenburg.

I’m still in the game though!

Doktor Zymm

Woo! You go, boy!

ThePirateSloth

Maybe she’s into that

ballsofsteelandfury

Use matches!

King Hippo

3 words: BLAME. THE. DOG.

JerBear50

Depends. Is she German?

Sill Bimmons

PHRASING

JerBear50

Heh. Good call Sill.

Doktor Zymm

I bet Cam Newton can do a handstand

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Hail Bleergh

theeWeeBabySeamus

Jeeeem: What is a catch?
Pheeel: Not when it hits the ground.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Huh…it wasn’t Ginn who dropped it. WEIRD

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