Well, somehow we made it. I’m so glad that we didn’t have to turn the car around due to bad behavior. Does everyone know which teams are playing? That’s what I thought. Between that and Hippo’s excellent breakdown of the game I’ve nothing to say about that end of things but I would like to share with you some “behind the scenes” tidbits about this very site that I think you might be interested in. I’m not going to name names…just yet.
Way back in 2007 the founder of this site, a grizzled, PTSD-wracked veteran of 3 tours of the second invasion of Iraq (anyone that has a beef with this version of events can take it up with me in the boardroom tomorrow morning) decided that there should be a new-ish football site. With a ton of moxy and just one good arm he created “Abandon Hope All Ye Football Fans That Enter”. That site was a disaster. I mean, it was right there in the title. Who the hell would want to join? Years later, after his extended recuperation at the St. Tunison Sanitarium For The Hopeless he decided to give it one more go.
It was a super-tough haul, putting this site together with nothing more than used scotch tape and pigeon feathers but he got the damn thing to work. But would Door Flies Open fly? A number of lawyers flocked to the site but it was immediately apparent that as a result, the site lacked “any sense of a moral compass”, according to internet pundits. At that point the site was opened up to almost everyone. Normal people came to the site in the dozens-including yours truly.
What followed was a ton of hard work. Night after night, huddled together in a dumpster underneath a single street lamp, we batted around the questions. “How can we take this site to the next level?” and “Is no one going to throw some pizza crusts in here?-I’m hungry!” and “Could you please not urinate on my pizza crust?”. We learned a lot about each other. Who knew that someone could be triggered by two exclamation marks but not one or three? And the hygiene, OH, THE PERSONAL HYGIENE!
So here we are now. We’ve morphed into a mid-major behemoth of a football-specific website that is bound to knock off a #2 or #3 ranked site as soon as we’re allowed back into the tourney. “Ongoing Pattern of Irregular Prescriptions”, my ass. The Internet is clearly out to get “The Little Site That Could”. We’ll survive and thrive…and maybe, just maybe, I can finally get that $12 Toys R Us coupon I was promised at the outset…
That’s not as fun as the Bad Boys II scene at all!
C’mon safety! 2-0 again; 1000-1!
I made my coffee early, so I could re-heat it exactly 18 seconds.
Fuck you, it worked the previous two rounds.
ARE YOU… FINALLY… FINALLY… READY FOR SOME FOOTBALLLLLLL?
Fuck. You. CBSSports.
Get your streaming the game together.
http://i.imgur.com/RaEIeUK.gifv
So..is being a pro QB kind of like being a woman at a club, in that people just touch your butt all the time without asking?
Joe’s clutch. You knew the coin would actually flip.
They couldn’t put Montana and Young next to each other for the laughs?
Anyone get the time the coin was in the air? I’ve got 4 g riding on .48 seconds
SEE? ALWAYS FUCKING TAILS!!!!
OF COURSE IT’S TAILS GOLD IS HEAVIER THAN SILVER
LET’S GO 56-10 WOO
GIT IT RIGHT CLETE!
BEEK SHEETMAN
BLEERGH CRETIN
http://40.media.tumblr.com/fc0e4027da3b6a5f1ad2a8d813e46a45/tumblr_o0i3d5KYzv1syvjuco1_500.jpg
Clete? That’s a name?
Jerry Rice was a pussy.
Don’t headbutt that baby OBJ
Can we get to some football, please?
Holy shit. They didn’t cancel Hawaii five-0 yet?
Hawaii 5-0 AND NEW COLDPLAY SONGS?!?
AM I IN HEAVEN???
Seriously, fuck off, McDonalds.
So the new Cloverfield monster is Cthulu? That’s Clovy’s mom/dad?
Speaking of punchable faces, this is that affluenza kid. I challenge you to find a more deserving mug:
http://cbsnews2.cbsistatic.com/hub/i/r/2016/01/01/717ffdfc-df8d-430b-9b06-ac097b069198/thumbnail/620×350/905c07d77887cc77772a525edc2cbf08/ethan-couch-affluenza-2015-12-29t153023z.jpg
See: Cruz, Tec
Exactly. Look at this fucking thing:
http://media.salon.com/2016/01/ted-cruz.jpg
http://a2.files.maxim.com/image/upload/c_fit,cs_srgb,dpr_1.0,q_80,w_620/MTM2MzQ3NDUwNjE2MDYzNjAy.jpg
Yeah…him too.
THE NAVY JUST POISONED THOSE FANS WITH CHEMTRAILS! WAKE UP SHEEPLE!!1!111
I don’t care if that movie is shit, John goodman is a national treasure
All I want in life is for John Goodman to play Wednesday in Showtime’s American Gods series.
Shut the fuck up Donny!
Get in the car, DJ!
It was good, diction notwithstanding, and then she went a little overboard in the last stanza.
Agreed, musical comrade.
Either she had to time the Blue Angels, or she bet the over on the prop bet.
And now the cast of Big Bang Theory will reenact the Continental Congress debating the Declaration of Independence.
Lady GA Ga did a bang up job with the anthem… damn good.
That was actually pretty good.
I DIDN’T LOVE AMERICA BEFORE BUT I SURE DO NOW!
http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41Y2eKEV7FL._SL246_SX190_CR0,0,190,246_.jpg
Cam crying during the National Anthem…making it all about him…such a glory hound THUG!
So if Marley Matlin is conducting the Nat. Anthem…does that mean Stevie Wonder drove the team bus?
P-P-P-punch her face – Hardy
To continue my mini theme of hot women over 40. Anna Silk. Might not be well known here but she starred in a supernatural show for the last 5 years up in Canada where her super power is just being hot and having sex with everyone (<– actual plot synopsis)
http://i.imgur.com/zubRt.gif
Fuck you Imgur!
You know, it doesn’t even work when I right click and say open in new tab.
Reload after opening.
I think it’s WordPress doesn’t like Imgur now. It used to work fine.
THIS FLYBY BETTER BE GOOD
If you let your eyes go out of focus, it looks like a demon singing when she closes her eyes.
She’s taking her time.
Up next we have the reading of the constitution by Morgan Freeman.
IS THIS GAME OVER YET???????
http://gifsec.com/wp-content/uploads/GIF/2014/03/Nope-Button-GIF.gif?gs=a
grrr
http://memesvault.com/wp-content/uploads/Nope-Meme-Gif-02.gif
You guys got over or under on this anthem?
Taking the under.
It was set at 2:20 right
Yeah I’m fucked
I’ve never taken the under on an anthem in my life, and I’ve never regretted it.
Always go over.
Saw our former Matron Saint on an earlier pre-game show. I’d still give her the most unsatisfying 7 minutes of her life.
You’re thinking that she’d give you another shot after the disappointment of the initial 2 minutes?
How much did the army pay to do this?
This is why we lose wars
I wonder if Marley Matlin could hear the sound of my cock landing on her tits?
I’m gonna start a band called “Waifs of Grain” that does nothing but death metal covers of patriotic songs.
Front and center : A state flag with rebel symbol on it.
Got a good one coming up for kickoff, guys: Breckenridge Holidale, a strong ale aged in bourbon barrels.
Someone needs to gif that Ron Rivera side-eye. Stat!