Your “Finally!” And “It’s All Over After This?!” Super Bowl Open Thread

Well, somehow we made it. I’m so glad that we didn’t have to turn the car around due to bad behavior. Does everyone know which teams are playing? That’s what I thought. Between that and Hippo’s excellent breakdown of the game I’ve nothing to say about that end of things but I would like to share with you some “behind the scenes” tidbits about this very site that I think you might be interested in. I’m not going to name names…just yet.

Way back in 2007 the founder of this site, a grizzled, PTSD-wracked veteran of 3 tours of the second invasion of Iraq (anyone that has a beef with this version of events can take it up with me in the boardroom tomorrow morning) decided that there should be a new-ish football site. With a ton of moxy and just one good arm he created “Abandon Hope All Ye Football Fans That Enter”. That site was a disaster. I mean, it was right there in the title. Who the hell would want to join? Years later, after his extended recuperation at the St. Tunison Sanitarium For The Hopeless he decided to give it one more go.

It was a super-tough haul, putting this site together with nothing more than used scotch tape and pigeon feathers but he got the damn thing to work. But would Door Flies Open fly? A number of lawyers flocked to the site but it was immediately apparent that as a result, the site lacked “any sense of a moral compass”, according to internet pundits. At that point the site was opened up to almost everyone. Normal people came to the site in the dozens-including yours truly.

What followed was a ton of hard work. Night after night, huddled together in a dumpster underneath a single street lamp, we batted around the questions. “How can we take this site to the next level?” and “Is no one going to throw some pizza crusts in here?-I’m hungry!” and “Could you please not urinate on my pizza crust?”. We learned a lot about each other. Who knew that someone could be triggered by two exclamation marks but not one or three? And the hygiene, OH, THE PERSONAL HYGIENE!

So here we are now. We’ve morphed into a mid-major behemoth of a football-specific website that is bound to knock off a #2 or #3 ranked site as soon as we’re allowed back into the tourney. “Ongoing Pattern of Irregular Prescriptions”, my ass. The Internet is clearly out to get “The Little Site That Could”. We’ll survive and thrive…and maybe, just maybe, I can finally get that $12 Toys R Us coupon I was promised at the outset…

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Senor Weaselo

That’s not as fun as the Bad Boys II scene at all!

Beerguyrob

C’mon safety! 2-0 again; 1000-1!

King Hippo

I made my coffee early, so I could re-heat it exactly 18 seconds.

Fuck you, it worked the previous two rounds.

Old School Zero

ARE YOU… FINALLY… FINALLY… READY FOR SOME FOOTBALLLLLLL?

ThePirateSloth

Fuck. You. CBSSports.

Get your streaming the game together.

JustStopDude
Doktor Zymm

So..is being a pro QB kind of like being a woman at a club, in that people just touch your butt all the time without asking?

Kungjitsu

Joe’s clutch. You knew the coin would actually flip.

Spur

They couldn’t put Montana and Young next to each other for the laughs?

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Anyone get the time the coin was in the air? I’ve got 4 g riding on .48 seconds

King Hippo

SEE? ALWAYS FUCKING TAILS!!!!

Doktor Zymm

OF COURSE IT’S TAILS GOLD IS HEAVIER THAN SILVER

Sill Bimmons

LET’S GO 56-10 WOO

Shogun Marcus

GIT IT RIGHT CLETE!

WCS

BEEK SHEETMAN

Sill Bimmons

BLEERGH CRETIN

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Clete? That’s a name?

Spur

Jerry Rice was a pussy.

Spur

Don’t headbutt that baby OBJ

Dick E. Phuck

Can we get to some football, please?

Gratliff

Holy shit. They didn’t cancel Hawaii five-0 yet?

JustStopDude

Hawaii 5-0 AND NEW COLDPLAY SONGS?!?

AM I IN HEAVEN???

WCS

Seriously, fuck off, McDonalds.

John Difool

So the new Cloverfield monster is Cthulu? That’s Clovy’s mom/dad?

Romonobyl
Moonbatting Average

See: Cruz, Tec

Beerguyrob

Exactly. Look at this fucking thing:

http://media.salon.com/2016/01/ted-cruz.jpg

Romonobyl

Yeah…him too.

Beerguyrob

THE NAVY JUST POISONED THOSE FANS WITH CHEMTRAILS! WAKE UP SHEEPLE!!1!111

Moonbatting Average

I don’t care if that movie is shit, John goodman is a national treasure

makeitsnowondem

All I want in life is for John Goodman to play Wednesday in Showtime’s American Gods series.

Romonobyl

Shut the fuck up Donny!

Beerguyrob

Get in the car, DJ!

Senor Weaselo

It was good, diction notwithstanding, and then she went a little overboard in the last stanza.

The Maestro

Agreed, musical comrade.

Beerguyrob

Either she had to time the Blue Angels, or she bet the over on the prop bet.

Redshirt

And now the cast of Big Bang Theory will reenact the Continental Congress debating the Declaration of Independence.

John Difool

Lady GA Ga did a bang up job with the anthem… damn good.

Croooow

That was actually pretty good.

Doktor Zymm
JustStopDude

Cam crying during the National Anthem…making it all about him…such a glory hound THUG!

Romonobyl

So if Marley Matlin is conducting the Nat. Anthem…does that mean Stevie Wonder drove the team bus?

Spur

P-P-P-punch her face – Hardy

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

To continue my mini theme of hot women over 40. Anna Silk. Might not be well known here but she starred in a supernatural show for the last 5 years up in Canada where her super power is just being hot and having sex with everyone (<– actual plot synopsis)

http://i.imgur.com/zubRt.gif

ballsofsteelandfury

Fuck you Imgur!

You know, it doesn’t even work when I right click and say open in new tab.

Redshirt

Reload after opening.

Brick Meathook

I think it’s WordPress doesn’t like Imgur now. It used to work fine.

Brick Meathook

THIS FLYBY BETTER BE GOOD

Gratliff

If you let your eyes go out of focus, it looks like a demon singing when she closes her eyes.

She’s taking her time.

Spur

Up next we have the reading of the constitution by Morgan Freeman.

Brick Meathook

IS THIS GAME OVER YET???????

makeitsnowondem

You guys got over or under on this anthem?

The Maestro

Taking the under.

The Maestro

It was set at 2:20 right

The Maestro

Yeah I’m fucked

Doktor Zymm

I’ve never taken the under on an anthem in my life, and I’ve never regretted it.

ballsofsteelandfury

Always go over.

Romonobyl

Saw our former Matron Saint on an earlier pre-game show. I’d still give her the most unsatisfying 7 minutes of her life.

Sill Bimmons

You’re thinking that she’d give you another shot after the disappointment of the initial 2 minutes?

Wakezilla

How much did the army pay to do this?

Brick Meathook

This is why we lose wars

John Difool

I wonder if Marley Matlin could hear the sound of my cock landing on her tits?

Doktor Zymm

I’m gonna start a band called “Waifs of Grain” that does nothing but death metal covers of patriotic songs.

Wakezilla

Front and center : A state flag with rebel symbol on it.

makeitsnowondem

Got a good one coming up for kickoff, guys: Breckenridge Holidale, a strong ale aged in bourbon barrels.

ballsofsteelandfury

Someone needs to gif that Ron Rivera side-eye. Stat!