Your “Finally!” And “It’s All Over After This?!” Super Bowl Open Thread

Well, somehow we made it. I’m so glad that we didn’t have to turn the car around due to bad behavior. Does everyone know which teams are playing? That’s what I thought. Between that and Hippo’s excellent breakdown of the game I’ve nothing to say about that end of things but I would like to share with you some “behind the scenes” tidbits about this very site that I think you might be interested in. I’m not going to name names…just yet.

Way back in 2007 the founder of this site, a grizzled, PTSD-wracked veteran of 3 tours of the second invasion of Iraq (anyone that has a beef with this version of events can take it up with me in the boardroom tomorrow morning) decided that there should be a new-ish football site. With a ton of moxy and just one good arm he created “Abandon Hope All Ye Football Fans That Enter”. That site was a disaster. I mean, it was right there in the title. Who the hell would want to join? Years later, after his extended recuperation at the St. Tunison Sanitarium For The Hopeless he decided to give it one more go.

It was a super-tough haul, putting this site together with nothing more than used scotch tape and pigeon feathers but he got the damn thing to work. But would Door Flies Open fly? A number of lawyers flocked to the site but it was immediately apparent that as a result, the site lacked “any sense of a moral compass”, according to internet pundits. At that point the site was opened up to almost everyone. Normal people came to the site in the dozens-including yours truly.

What followed was a ton of hard work. Night after night, huddled together in a dumpster underneath a single street lamp, we batted around the questions. “How can we take this site to the next level?” and “Is no one going to throw some pizza crusts in here?-I’m hungry!” and “Could you please not urinate on my pizza crust?”. We learned a lot about each other. Who knew that someone could be triggered by two exclamation marks but not one or three? And the hygiene, OH, THE PERSONAL HYGIENE!

So here we are now. We’ve morphed into a mid-major behemoth of a football-specific website that is bound to knock off a #2 or #3 ranked site as soon as we’re allowed back into the tourney. “Ongoing Pattern of Irregular Prescriptions”, my ass. The Internet is clearly out to get “The Little Site That Could”. We’ll survive and thrive…and maybe, just maybe, I can finally get that $12 Toys R Us coupon I was promised at the outset…

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WCS

TJ Miller hocking Shock Top?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

WhyEaglesWhy

I kinda like Shock Top on a hot day.

I’ll show myself out.

Recovery Whiskey

Time for grandpa to go to work

Senor Weaselo

The balls to Jerricho so far have all been tumbling down.

laserguru

A grilled Italian sausage done right is a work of art.

Romonobyl

Onions?

laserguru

Onions and mustard.

King Hippo

Thank fuck that bullshit call didn’t turn the game.

Recovery Whiskey

Newp

American Pie Story

Talib gonna taunt

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

woops

The Maestro

Man, Aqib Talib. Never change.

Sill Bimmons

comment image

makeitsnowondem

Fucking hell Talib

theeWeeBabySeamus

Wow. Open the door like that…u gon get fined son.

tundrajim

Talib poking around into things he shouldn’t be.

Recovery Whiskey

The ex Patriot. Who else

Redshirt

Talib you dumbass

WhyEaglesWhy

Wait, the Panthers guy is the one that touched Talib, but Talib gets the penalty?

Shogun Marcus

WHAT IS UNSPORTSMANLIKE CONDUCT ANYMORE?!

Brocky

Thanks talib!

WCS

ALL HAIL BLEERGH

John Difool

BULLSHIT

Recovery Whiskey

Oh god damn it

Gratliff

Derrrrp

Senor Weaselo

TAUNT UP, SON!

King Hippo

BOTH safeties blitzed. On 3rd and 8. Lookit the balls on Wade!

WhyEaglesWhy

I am thoroughly enjoying this.

Sill Bimmons

This Donks D is just fucking nasty.

WCS

Is Cam rattled?

Gratliff

It’s all on you, Luke

Redshirt

Denver Kryptonites

ThePirateSloth

Does Carolina look… nervous? Jittery?

Recovery Whiskey

Yeop

Doktor Zymm

Ah, I’m catching whiffs of narrative CAM MISSING CAN’T HANDLE THE BIG TIME NO CLASS

Sill Bimmons

GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER CAM

Wakezilla

Panthers are on the verge of a meltdown.

Brocky

Manning: challenge accepted

Romonobyl

I’m calling my broker. “BUY ALL THE PAPA JOHN’S STOCK YOU CAN!!!!!”

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

If a company pays $5 million for a 30 second ad they should at least make me know what their company is.

Sill Bimmons

oh fuck no

tundrajim

One thing we can conclude so far: that fumble was totally caused by Peyton Manning. Without his leadership, the Broncos defense would not have been inspired to strip the ball like that.

...

My desire to have Cam fuck with America is not going well.

Doktor Zymm

If the Broncos win…do they give Peyton the MVP just cause? Or do they give it to someone on the D who deserves it?

MikeWallaceAndGromit

Peyton could trow 3 picks and they’d still give it to him.

King Hippo

Donks are going for the ball every chance they get. Kickoff return, too.

Gratliff

An hour later, we’re 8.5 minutes into the game

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Key & Peele best commercial of the game. All other commercials wasted $5 million.

Redshirt

What the fuck was that commercial about count: e

Redshirt

That wa supposed to be 3

Bortleback

Von Miller for meast

entropy

I’m gonna go with 7:15 EDT for the first “this game is fixed for Denver” tweet

laserguru

I’m worried about Carolina and the under now.

ballsofsteelandfury

Denver’s defense is going to win this Super Bowl and Pey-Pey will have done nothing to earn it. Love it!

Gatoraids

Manning will still get mvp

ballsofsteelandfury

Sadly true

WCS

And he’ll win the MVP.

Senor Weaselo

Narrative: “Look at how Peyton masterfully did the nothing he needed to do to win his second Super Bowl.”

Spanky Datass

Wow! Just , wow.

Redshirt

Superstrip

Sill Bimmons

crap

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