I can do this…
I can do this…
/deep breath…
That was a pretty go–
FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS!!!
Dammit. I’ll take anybody but them. C’mon Blues. This emotion is just more proof that the only Canadians tuning into the playoffs are hate-watching the games.
Not much on the NFL front 6 days (SIX. DAYS!) before the draft. Speaking of hate-watch, I don’t even think AMC has “Draft Day” scheduled. God, that movie’s awful. I will watch “The Express” anytime, though. That’s a solid sports movie.
I’m not going to claim to understand the thought process his agents went through when they decided to use body sculptor Vickie Gates to bulk up Barkevious Mingo, but I’m certain it wasn’t found anywhere in the Flying J employee manual the Browns call a playbook. I guess LaRon Landry couldn’t clear his schedule. On the plus side for the Browns, she sure seems to know her stuff.
In other “wait, don’t copy the Browns!” news now the Chargers are talking about dealing their pick, #3 overall. We’re inside a week to the draft boys; there’s no surprises left. Just try to find the guy who can Jesus as hard as Marmalard and I’m sure it will all go swimmingly. Nice looking new stadium proposal, though.
And the Spanos’ only want the city & county to pick up $1.18 billion of the cost. What noble, impovrished millionaires they’ve turned out to be ever since the Rams RAMMED them and got sole privilege to LA.
LATE BREAKING UPDATE – Josh Norman has signed with the [*Redacted] s. Five years; $75 million.
Tonight’s sports action!
NHL: it could be a big night for eliminations, and I know a few Commentists are verrry interested.
- Flyers @ Capitals – 7:00 (Caps up 3-1)
- Islanders @ Panthers – 7:00 (tied 2-2)
- Wild @ Stars – 9:30 (Stars up 3-1)
- Sharks @ Kings – 10:30 (Sharks up 3-1)
NBA:
- Cavs @ Pistons – 7:00
- Hawks @ Celtics – 7:00
- Spurs @ Grizzlies – 9:30
Bellator 153: Koreshkov vs Henderson – 8:00 on SPIKE
The big Jon Jones UFC fight is tomorrow on PPV, but this should be a nice warm-up for that.
Otherwise, make sure to wake up nice & early for the footy thread, as Everton play Man U in one of two FA Cup semis on Saturday morning. GO TOFFEES!
Matt Carpenter needs no el beisbol gloves. BECAUSE HE LEADS OFF THE RIGHT WAY.
el beisbol WOO!!!!
http://49.media.tumblr.com/4aad77442a624215deb76e7a183db5c5/tumblr_nuxwia8W3m1s49q5qo1_1280.gif
Cubs woo!
I was going to say happy Sexy Friday, but just read about Patton. Bloody hell.
Well, here some sex it up anyway, damn it.
http://49.media.tumblr.com/0801f1c508655cfac3d2c23bd07f968d/tumblr_o1pys5QSuC1qbipv3o1_500.gif
http://41.media.tumblr.com/9477670fab170f0bdb10e1efb813bfb7/tumblr_o1p2h0KTB01qhccpao1_1280.jpg
Fuck Sports…my drunk ass has now switched to Adult Swim.
(yes, this is on right now goddammit)
http://i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/692/449/460.gif
I like this one from Wyshinski:
“As we noted before Game 5: In the dark corners of Capitals’ fans minds, where they keep things like “worst case scenarios for another playoff disappointment,” you’ll find a concept in which their former goalie, who requested a trade when the current goalie was given the job, returns as a member of their hated rival and orchestrates a reverse sweep after the Flyers fall behind 3-0 in the series. In the process, he finds a new and exciting way to absolutely crush the Stanley Cup dreams of this woebegone franchise.”
Yeah….OK.
Home.
Beer.
Shots.
Rest.
That was one of the longest goddamn weeks in recorded history.
Stay strong, kitten!
Got no choice, kitty cat.
I’ll make it.
Thanks for the encouragement.
I feel strong like bull.
So like, I wonder if the Ice Dolphins ever have Mercury Morris throw out the first puck or anything, and also now I kinda hate the Ice Dolphins.
Fuck Dallas. I don’t have particular love for Minny, but seriously….FUCK DALLAS.
You’ve touched on why these playoffs are so generally shit. All the teams are like “gross” or “who gives a shit?”
I am actually a fan of the “team” of the Stars, as in the sum of its parts, but super fuck Dallas fans. Fuck them in the ears!
http://s-m-s.tv/images/fifth_element_2.jpg
Ah, there it is. Only Flyers playoff win with more saves was the Game That Refused to End. /Booooooooooosh
My yinzer law school buddy and I closed down the local sports bar that night!
That game sucked all the butt.
I was struggling to stay awake. That game was fucking with me. I think there was a sequence in the 3rd OT with like 4 consecutive end-to-end posts.
YUP. Fortunately, we got really really drunk. Past official state of North Cakalaky closing time, but we were the only peeps there since the 3r period, and the owner and barkeep just didn’t have the heart to send us home (it was before the day where one could watch on one’s phone).
I took a nap and woke up to that game
Many times did I consider passing out, but like most Yinzers…Bob;s a talkative sumbitch, especially whilst drunk and angry.
Woo Ice Dolphins did a good!
No good comes from swamp hockey
Yes, but they’re playing the Isles and the Rangers will be out of the playoffs tomorrow so I’ll take what I can get.
it appears that both coaches in this fixtures are winos, yes?
Man, I am SUPER uncomfortable by this show of effort coming from teams in the rears of a 3-1 series.
/mumbles under breath “don’tfuckthisupsanjosedon’tfuckthisupsanjosedon’tfuckthisupsanjose…”
Caps outshoot the Flyers by 33 shots and lose is the most Capitals playoffs loss ever.
That might be the best goaltending performance in Flyers history
Which is why I’m not too worried.
Plus, it’s sports….I’ve experienced enough soul crushing defeats that it doesn’t worry me any more.
Fuck you ’79 Pirates.
Caps fans aren’t sleeping for shit tonight.
Pretty sure that monkey is raping the inside of his knee.
BWHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Its going to be a long, sad drive back to the ritzy suburbs…
http://www.fukarf.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/oh_wrestling_youre_so_funny_24.gif
Okay, so I know this won’t really rattle anyone’s chains, especially a day after Prince, but Patton Oswalt’s wife died, and for whatever reason, I actually feel badly for him and their daughter. I thought Prince was newsworthy, but for McNamara I actually find myself sympathizing with her family. Stupid feels.
If I had a nickel for every time Hippoz said this to hisself.
OH CB…we are broken up for Patton and fam as evidenced below.
I only scrolled so far. Now I have sympathy and lack diligence. Fuck.
Not at all dear.
That was not my point at all.
Just that we love Patton, and his wife’s demise actually hits as close to home for me as Prince (and way closer the Chynna [sp]).
http://m0.joe.ie/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/wrestling-gif-10.gif
If the Caps score in the last 2 mins…Philly might burn tonight.
Win-win
http://i.imgur.com/bVqD1mQ.gif
Glove saves are fascist.
Don’t be a bitch.
Also, I need to go to a game at OAK to experience that gameday experience. Their 2016 home slate is the AFC West + ATL, CAR, CLOTS, BILLS. Thoughts?
I would like to see the Panthers live. Just my personal opinion.
I just love the fact that Cam Newton makes racists ass sports writers uncomfortable.
I sort of want to see the crowd just HATE the broncos. CAR is definitely the most attractive of the out of division games.
Do you really think that would happen though?
Chances are half the crowd will think the Broncos play in LA…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HzSUo8iPp4M
Exactly. This is my favorite part of being a fan.
If you like, I’ll happily punch you in the nuts and piss on your unconscious body for half the price.
Cards are at RAMIT for Week 17. Trying to talk the fiance into making out LA/Universal Studios trip then so we can go and celebrate NYE in LA.
Michael Neuvirth says fuck your statistical probability.
WOOOOO!!!!! FOOD ORDERED!!!!!
(and now the sad wait begins….sigh)
/moar drinking is probably a bad idea
//mixes another drink
Refs in the Flyers-Caps series have reached “Disappointed Headshake” level.
SHOT ON GOAL! 37-9 Caps now!
And a power play? Maybe they’ll get to 10!
I am polishing off an entire oven-made margherita pizza. I am still hungry.
Caps fans look nervous as fuck.
?w=300&h=144
As a Caps fan, I’m actually happy the Flyers are pushing them some at this point.
That being said, it’s now time to cut that shit out.
I’m awake.
I’m not suppose to be awake. I’m sick as fucking hell. I called this girl I have been seeing, that I was suppose to go out with tonight…
“Hey…”
“ooo…boo you sound like shit”
“Yeah. I know. I’m about to leave work cause I feel like shit”
“So what we doing tonight?” I proceed to spend about 5 minutes on the phone explaining that I was too fucking sick to be doing anything other then resting.
So why am I up?
CAUSE SHE FUCKING SHOWED UP TO MY APARTMENT, CONVINCED I AM CHEATING ON HER!
I really need to stop sticking my dick in crazy…
Did she bring pho?
Tell her to bring pho.
Fucking nothing. It was literally “I’ve been trying to text you all night…where is the BITCH!?!?”
II look and sound like death and this woman demanding to inspect my apartment.
Be like, “Bitch, you can inspect my prostate. But first — go get me a 2C and some egg rolls”
I’m more worried about the crackers in my building freaking the shit out because of a domestic disturbance or some shit.
Hate fuck will shut her up.
Problem solved.
/ashamed that I just said this
//but it’s true
I cannot put in words how shitty I feel right now.
I never take off work. I once got a body part re-attached and went right back down to a propulsion plant.
It takes a LOT for me to breakdown. The last time I felt this shitty, I had TB.
Welp – looks like Zika has reached [DFO].
…What body part did you lose?
Are we certain we want that answer? Just saying.
If we’d have known ahead of time, we TOTALLY would have hired this woman to turn up while your girlfriend was there.
This period is going to be impossibly long.
I find that the ladies LOVE male play-by-play about it, fo sho
At the Padres game where they’re hosting the BESTEST FANS IN BASEDBALL. The N-bomb count is currently at one, but the night is young.
Dick Enberg is there, so I hope you dropped an “oh, my!” on my #BFIB behalf.
/took a mini-nap to be awake long enough FOAR insurmountable Most Glorious el beisbol Cardinals lead
//4th inning?
Always.
Ohhhhhhh myyyyyyy
What do Pad’s tix run these days? You know — since they aren’t a powerhouse.
Also, I think it’d be great if BFIB just embraced being the fan base who uses the N word. After the election, all the Trump supporters can replace their ‘Make America Great Again’ caps with throwback redbirds caps.
You’re looking around 25-30 for field level, kinda high up 3rd base side, per. You hit 50, and you’ve got a manservant bringing you food and beer, almost beggingbyouvto piss in their hands.
Also, I am going to again suggest everyone bring in their friends to the draft contest. In part because I’m stoked about how easily the data will import — and also because I like a lot of players in contests and if we get good turnout, I’d like to throw 4 or 5 contests a year.
http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/9e/72/4d/9e724d14861f5f1fedc434dfe0eb685f.jpg
I’m getting really hungry and am way too drunk to drive even the half-ish mile up to where the restaurants are. Fuck.
/googles food delivery
//Whoa….maybe I was prematurely judgemental
///too many choices…drinks more, passes out
Pardon if this was already discussed, but why would CAR not franchise Norman? They are in a SB window and, even for one year at $14mil — SLURS are paying him $15mil/year. Seemed like a value to franchise a top-3 guy, unless he was going to hold out or something ridiculous.
Also, has any pundit blamed this on Cam yet for not taking less to keep the core group together — you know, like Manning and Wilson did (oh wait).
I thought it was rescinded. Which is even weirder!
What I read (one SI article, not much research) is that this is just CAR’s front office. They weren’t close in contract talks and they didnt want a $14mil “lease”.
BUT YOU ARE THE DEFENDING NFC CHAMPS!
It was rescinded. I saw somewhere that this was partly about an internal understanding that they weren’t likely to keep Norman after this year anyway, and partly about making sure they could re-sign Kawann Short long-term. That makes sense to me; you’d rather have one of the best DTs than the very best CB, given the choice, especially if you’re primarily a zone D team.
apparently, Gettleman wanted no part of any possible holdout. Didn’t feel he was worth the distraction to team unity to play out the 1-year tender. Dude doesn’t fuck around.
Flyers getting outshot 30-8 through 2, up 1-0. Neuvy is Leightoning the fuck out of the Caps.
http://imagesmtv-a.akamaihd.net/uri/mgid:file:http:shared:mtv.com/news/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/justified-finale-bob-1429097884.gif
I’ve been a Patton fan for a while, but I really loved his work on Justified.
Anytime I run across someone who has never heard of him (which much too frequent I’m afraid) I berate them to the point of tears if possible.
I have seen him live twice. Excellent both times.
Erica RRRRRRRRRRRRabidooooooooooooooux
/A Wild John Cena Appears
Hm. New Patton Oswalt special on Netflix the same day his wife dies. Rough.
His wife died?
Man….fuck this week already.
Man, that’s awful.
I saw him at a tiny restaurant bar one time. Thought about sending him a drink in appreciation for all the times I’d watched clips of his stuff on youtube.
Maybe you want to contact him and see if HE wants to be your latest nominee to replace our Birdcano writer….
It was already in the glass…
That’s simply horrific.
Commence Meltdown!
SKINS SKINS SKINS!!!
Idk I’ve seen some tumblers that have left me wondering about myself.
Tonight’s movie: Ghost in the Shell (original dubbed version)
Tonight’s cocktail: Mojito Kusanagi – a mojito that’s been whitewashed (i.e. white rum, white sugar, ginger syrup added).
So trading one whitewashing for another, eh?
That’s the idea.
Evening everyone. My sports teams suck, but the rest of the week was solid to actually MORE than counteract it. How goes it?
I’m in a surprisingly good mood, considering I’ve had to request the same data three times from a client (they keep sending me the same thing that I didn’t want in the first place), and am being visited by a fourth AT&T technician to fix our internet (hooray for unsecured neighbor!).
Not sure what your neighbor would find more disturbing: the weird porn or this place.
Yes.
I’ve toned down my porn perusal since I’ve been leeching.
Post now updated to include Josh Norman to the [*Redacted] s.
So I just came in from taking photos of some thunderstorms just off the coast. As I was standing there taking photos I became aware of group of young people who were headed in my direction (turns out they are staying in the same hotel and apparently returning from a walk up the beach). It was a group of about a dozen, typical young buck (translation…broheem) behavior from the the guys; typical conservative yet suggestive behavior from the girls. As I observed their group dynamics, I was transported back to some fun memories of my own.
Then, as they passed by me, one of the guys, who obviously hasn’t started shaving yet, said “How are you doing tonight, Sir?”
Sir? SIR? Kid I will rip off you head and shit down your neck you little prepubescent fuckwit.
In all honesty, he wasn’t being disrespectful, quite the opposite. But fuck me…..boy that stung.
/calling AARP in the morning
//my hips hurt
At least you still have your knees!
For now at least.
And the plumbing still works so I’m not gonna complain too much.
So, I know there are a lot of scientists here, and on the off-chance that one of you is doing a research study on assholes and asshole behavior, I found a great pool of study candidates:
http://techcrunch.com/2016/04/22/tip-your-uber-driver/
Comments are cross-linked to their facebook profiles to make contacting them easy and convenient.
As a Sharks fan, I will be repeating this until it comes true:
Please close this out tonight. Please close this out tonight. Please close this out tonight. Please close this out tonight. Please close this out tonight.
So torn. Want Kings to lose. Hate Joe Thornton.
Merry Passover to any Chosen People here at DFO.
“Not presently, but I’m hoping to become one on Thursday.”
– Paxton Lynch
hes hoping the Browns decide to pass him over
So… will smearing blood all over his knees and throwing shoulder work?
Brilliant.
Violence early