I assume the face most GMs see in their dreams the night before the draft is Jack Bauer.
It is a nightmare, naturally, as the GM slogs through the dank, polluted streets of their town, running uphill through mud, having to take the stairs since the elevators just don’t work, trying to beat the clock and get their pick in to a cackling ginger demon.
The whole while, a rabid fanbase is getting ever closer, screaming for blood and demanding that all the franchise’s historic wrongs be righted on this one day. They hunger, be it for championships or mediocrity, but they are always demanding and pressing for more.
He runs as fast as he can, barely staying ahead of the slavering mob. Always running; heart racing; never out of range. Just when he turns a corner and thinks he’s safe – there’s Jack.
Gun in hand, he screams, “WHO IS IT?!”, ‘WHO MADE THE CALL?!”, and “WHERE’S MENDOZA?!!”, because even in dreams Jack Bauer is always on the hunt. When the GM doesn’t answer right away, Jack has to use a little persuasion…
“I’LL FEED YOU TO THEM!” Jack screams, pointing at the fanbase, which has somehow slowed down yet gotten closer. “WHO’S THE PICK?!”
“I don’t know…” the GM weeps, “it’s not up to me. It’s whatever the owner’s 8-ball says”.
“LIAR!” screams Bauer, as he grabs the GM and hurls him out the window.
Waking up just before he hits the ground, covered in sweat, the GM realizes that his future, and his family’s, rests on the decisions that will be made today.
His wife, having left the bedroom earlier in the night due to the screaming, returns with a smile and a cup of coffee. She worries about him – wondering when the stroke will come, has the will be updated, and will she be in the passenger seat? “Don’t worry, honey”, she purrs, “it’ll all be over tonight. Why don’t you watch the news?” She turns on the TV and leaves the room, the Xanax finally taking effect. The GM turns to the screen, hoping to catch the basketball highlights, when the screen suddenly becomes his nightmare…
And it ends…
Liveblog tomorrow! Get your picks in!
Until then, the games!
NHL:
- Islanders @ Lightning – 7:00 – Round 2 Game 1
- Predators @ Ducks – 10:00 – Round 1 Game 7
NBA: (all are Game 5)
- Hornets @ Heat – 8:00
- Blazers @ Clippers – 10:00
- Rockets @ Warriors – 10:30
Sweet dreams, Trent Baalke.
http://41.media.tumblr.com/fe6f07d6dc2c2841feb7cacc2dcbe1f8/tumblr_nwn2460MSp1ub7g4ro1_1280.jpg
OK, almost ready for the draft.
http://49.media.tumblr.com/28c2c9734c844a96972075d94f520800/tumblr_o0hsv4CNYf1v1qqh8o2_500.gif
Half empty Honda Center for a Game 7 seems about right for Anaheim.
http://i.imgur.com/AtZaU0y.gif
Fans got stuck in traffic…
would peeps have cared more in that great Ice Footbaw Mecca of Nashville?
Probably, since they have nothing else at this time, until Opry tour bus season.
see thats why they want 2 NFL teams in LA. So they can possible seel 3/4ths of the seats between the two of them. Ya know to the visiting team
SCIENCE!
Im not saying I’m a Browns fan… but dang it I would like to see them play well.
You could cheer for the Ravens. They’re sort of the Browns.
I’ll take sadness over stabbings.
Agree to disagree.
http://media2.cardboardconnection.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/Replica-Baltimore-Ravens-Super-Bowl-Ring-260×260.jpg
Yeah….there comes a time when it stops being (as) fun and just starts being sad (but also still kinda fun).
http://static.comicvine.com/uploads/original/11111/111119495/3941735-fools.gif
I would love for the Browns to commonly beat Pittsburgh and Baltimore, but that is just hatred for those teams in addition to just wanting something different in that division.
Oh, and yes. I made most of these. If they’re in their own gallery, I made the gifs. There are a couple I made in the miscellaneous gif gallery, but I can’t remember which.
It’s a nice side effect of having learned Photoshop and knowing where to find look books and modeling mega-fans.
I’ll have to rectify leaving Dok Zymm out of the fun.
Eh, I’m a good sport. Though some sexy men pics are always appreciated.
Inorite?????
Moar Penus!!!!!
So this is a thing I ordered. It does not come with instructions. I spent about 45 minutes with this picture and one of the back figuring out how to put the damn thing on. I’m still not 100% sure I’ve got it right, but after some consultation with the Pats fan we agreed it didn’t really matter.
http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51cwq6N814L._UX342_.jpg
http://45.media.tumblr.com/992229a32cdb00f767d95b71c577f355/tumblr_ntuoanbbQL1rsxqqio1_500.gif
LMFAO
Best gif response ever.
Looks better than the one I got in the mail…
OH! That was fucking beautiful.
http://www.ringgame.net/SecondAge/weapons/chainmail.jpg
Kate Upton http://www.imagebam.com/gallery/33otxuh594ncylcckcm1bcltsqc3ke6o
Hannah Ferguson (NSFW) http://www.imagebam.com/gallery/tt4p4ic4drro3sg5ilpogrmri6q6f568
Emily Ratajkowski (NSFW) http://www.imagebam.com/gallery/9a61pqcn7luhrjr2jsk6vqvbez882o1b
And I’m off to dinner.
Some of us…have more…refined…tastes…
http://i.imgur.com/SFEDe5k.gif
Nina Agdal: http://www.imagebam.com/gallery/lsa1pez84yinaf476f0gpqo00qslj2x5
http://115.imagebam.com/download/Tf1i36jBlgEuglnmr1Z6lg/47958/479574500/nina_agdal_7.gif
http://ama-cdn.com/sites/default/files/imagecache/superphoto/11282378.jpg
OG MUTHERFUCKER!
http://i39.servimg.com/u/f39/18/91/45/56/c4cdf510.jpg
OGG
http://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s–6uv2jbTy–/18j5n29w435h1jpg.jpg
Simpler TImes…
Mostly gifs I found to repost here from Imgur or other shitty sites (Some NSFW): http://www.imagebam.com/gallery/1xsgt9h250qgdl3brntptg7vd6ng5b37
http://115.imagebam.com/download/OwNXf7UTO3gzmHGhs-bF9g/47937/479364705/tumblr_mq8z3mWN1l1romx5eo2_400.gif
Wow….she’s really excited about clean sheet day, huh?
WAS clean sheet day.
Irina Shayk gifs like the one below: http://www.imagebam.com/gallery/rdsi77tf3xn57bycj7l877durjnymvye
http://116.imagebam.com/download/hUnlBjspIC1xDQo1Up9DZA/48023/480228024/irinashayk-2.gif
Interesting, she appears to have her panties on over the garter straps. That always seemed like the more practical approach to me, but people usually do it the other way around.
You frighten me.
(to be clear, only because I noticed this as well….and recently had a “spirited” discussion on this subject with someone)
It seems like the kind of thing Prince would have kicked someone out of bed for.
Is she a real cop?
I sure hope so. If she doesn’t have handcuffs I’m gonna be way disappoint.
Better. She’s Russian.
Okay, so I have managed to collect a ton of images over the last couple of months. I blame Moose and Mark Trestman’s Windowless Van.
The rest of the Kelly Brook gifs and some photos: http://www.imagebam.com/gallery/x2125hjaxpavdmsd1w40buhbwzfqc5n9
http://115.imagebam.com/download/jm5I2KS3sAKm9BRmxTEFag/48019/480184495/Kelly-Brook-Caps-2015-Calender-Video-9.jpg
http://40.media.tumblr.com/2399284f515eac7709f386155443169a/tumblr_njvtelxxUP1ttpk7to1_500.png
remember ladies too much douching has been linked to increased risks of cancer
http://larrybrownsports.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/Johnny-Manziel-Scott-Disick.jpg
http://49.media.tumblr.com/b9091a3db795d04c61ac54809888cd6d/tumblr_o0l8rxBGAC1t7x9x7o5_500.gif
Also yeast infections!
Damn you, opportunistic candida!!!!!!
http://115.imagebam.com/download/m69k-GcNfYe2XVHc9CrRhg/48019/480184484/Kelly%20Brook-BW.gif
http://cdn0.hark.com/images/000/358/582/358582/original.jpg
http://41.media.tumblr.com/ad00d237dd6394aa0737226e054ffdec/tumblr_o0kin22ZqQ1qz5q5oo1_1280.jpg
SPLOOOOOOOOSH.
http://45.media.tumblr.com/6a4c0acb34738198d9f03d0e1b93fa92/tumblr_o0m4w5WGS41qzk2apo1_500.gif
Hippocrates….schmippocrates.
To make up for ruining your night with the earlier unpleasantness.
http://116.imagebam.com/download/7Lk5H9D4Kb0FXalXEWW43A/48024/480239499/Kelly-Brook-white-5.gif
Its a start. Now keep it up.
http://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/taoxaaaxlvkyavbchqpc.jpg
http://41.media.tumblr.com/120964d5b1c0c9a91a439b378df9234c/tumblr_nzdp6e7KXC1tcsjn4o2_400.png
At least Swanny is still afloat…
http://40.media.tumblr.com/26fa7d1464f1dca20a0f854550fc27c7/tumblr_o0mkuaVGmA1qjpgmeo1_1280.jpg
Still think this should have been the pic for his rookie year football card
http://nowyoutwokiss.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/20140707-084603-31563638.jpg
Is the Manziel mugshot available yet? I can’t seem to find it.
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/sites/default/files/imagecache/670xX/photos/johnnymanziel.jpg
sorry thats from 2012.. have to be more specific about JFF musgshots 😉
http://49.media.tumblr.com/04e249b607ba1bac229797f7178f6d4d/tumblr_nz5o2iJajR1tvm489o1_400.gif
http://img.ccrd.clearchannel.com/media/mlib/616/2015/12/default/mugshot_nutty_0_1450778481.jpg
New School Zero send that to you?
http://31.media.tumblr.com/83b028365d47fe6cd59cee32094ca393/tumblr_inline_o0nr8g3L9n1s3eyfz_500.gif
Ha…just saw that if the Foxes win one more game, bookies in England are at an estimated loss of over $14.5 million USD.
That’s leg breaking losses there!
Time to dispatch this guy:
I’m reminded :
fuck madonna remember when Guy Richie made great movies? Yeah before marrying that succubus/
I would have thought they would have made a killing by all the bets on the “clubs that matter” that wouldn’t cash at all, not the 5-10 weirdos at the pub who put a tenner on the 5,000:1 sides on a lark.
The Brits gamble at a slightly lower rate than the US has gun violence incidents.
Its staggering the amount of money involved…
In a sudden twist, a friend of mine who happens to be a Browns fan will be sleeping in my glamorous guest accommodations that consist of an air mattress on my living room floor tomorrow night. No matter who the Browns pick, I plan on making fun of him for being a Browns fan.
You should make a special sign “Factory of Sadness Air Mattress of Shame”
I wish I had time to order custom Factory of Sadness sheets. That would be glorious, and well worth the money.
Will Kaep be traded tomorrow?
“I’d cut Colin, but then I’d just be a thug like him.”
–Chip Kelly, probably
3rd rounder for him? Do the 9ers think they could get a 2nd for him? Possilbly Bradford was traded for a 2nd rounder.
If Broncos don’t get a QB in 1st or 2nd round, then yeah.
I just realized its my birthday tomorrow.
I really need to start tracking the days of the week and shit…
This also means that I am suppose to be on vacation this week.
I am a fucking idiot…
Happy Birthday! Also, maybe don’t go into work tomorrow.
Nah fuck that…since I was suppose to be gone all week…they shouldn’t bitch about me skipping out two days for a long weekend.
Happy Birthday!!!!!
(sorry to hear about the idiot part though….I’ve got some pamphlets from the doctor which might be of help)
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-i-tsySriekY/UzxCo4SsRvI/AAAAAAAAUEI/5wLqNbA3S10/s1600/43e850db4a1b947b8a03e4ea6096b04f.jpg
Hawt Taek incoming….
I’m already tired of hearing about the NFL Draft. Frankly, they can all go get fucked.
/ducks multiple rotten fruit/vegetable projectiles
you picked the wrong weekend for the 4-day beach hiatus then ,, smh
/fucking infidel
I been telling meself that same damned thing for the last 3 days.
On the bright side, there should be no lines everywhere except bars.
Howdy Folks. Happy Draft Eve!
Hoping Santa brings us a Dak Prescott!!
http://s.quickmeme.com/img/aa/aa7c7d87028ae629918cc328e1955b4090ae28d861dcbccfe47b088da529cbac.jpg
I hope Jerry Claus brings us a Bosa.
YYYEEEEHHHHAAAWWWWWW THE OL’ DOUBLE J CLAUS IS BRINGIN’ IN TWO NEW GODDAMNED STARS THIS YEAR! WE’RE TRADIN’ AWAY OUR PICK FOR THAT GOOD OL’ TEXAS BOY, JOHNNY MUTHAFUCKIN’ FOOTBALL, AND HIS BUDDY, JOSH GORDON! THEY’RE GONNA BE STARS, I TELL’S YA! I AM FUCKIN’ CRAZY!
me too because that’s what I predicted in teh contest
Tomorrow during the NFL Draft, I will be on pain meds for the first time in my life.
Will I be awake?
Will I be grumpy?
Will I be goofy?
Will I think my skin is some sort of fleshy, hairy bodysuit and attempt to take it off?
Find out tomorrow!
Said no Hippo in EVAR!!!!!
Will you find Trump to be at least somewhat reasonable?
I do not like him in a pool
I do not like him in a school.
I do not like that orange ham.
I do not like him Sam-I-Am.
Son of Sam was a pussy.
— Ted Cruz
He won’t be THAT fucked up.
Welcome to the first day of the rest of your life!
Getting prescribed pain killers can be amusing. I’ve never done drugs I wasn’t prescribed, and I’ve never drank enough to be drunk. Yes, I’m that guy. When I had my wisdom teeth basically strip mined out of my gums, they put me on Vicodin. Oddly enough, I have a natural resistance to pain medication. For a month, I got to experience the lovely mix of cringing in pain and laughing my ass off at nothing in particular. Fun times, and probably more enjoyable in hindsight than it was when my gums were bleeding. If it weren’t for the unique way in which I’m a broken human being, I’d probably find out if it’s more enjoyable if you’re not also getting elbowed in the brain by your jaw.
so you got the goofiness, but NOT the painkilling? And JEEBUS, if you didn’t get that with wisdom tooth extraction, dunno how you managd not to black out in agony.
Still so much better than before. For the month and a half or so leading up to it, the pain was so severe that I would was sleeping less than probably 1.5 hours total a day. I could be mid-sentence, and if the pain subsided, I’d just pass right out. That was a fucking exquisite pain.
GGGG-glorry HHHH-hole, I SSS-say
http://31.media.tumblr.com/f30e36209b7502933591e732ce4bc3f4/tumblr_msbo6vMiAb1rtjnyeo1_500.gif
It’s almost 9. Why are we still awake, with the draft tomorrow?
Oklahoma court rulings keeping me up
got yew a purty mouth, huh?
The dog’s been looking at me funny.
http://24.media.tumblr.com/1a7694ed8a98d73c0a34c9ddc83b3370/tumblr_mk4fxbefIy1s40vuko2_250.gif
Just A Thought-
Let’s walk away from this mouth-rape thing before one of us says something stupid/thoughtless.
I bet the girl was black and the guy was white.
/That’ll learn ya not to tell me not to say something stupid/thoughtless.
All rise for the Honorable Judge Xenomorph
Better than some associate circuit judges I’ve seen. She’s harsh but fair
A mouth inside a mouth? That’s no judge; that’s a plaintiff tort lawyer.
my entire life is a series of regrets ,, smgdh
Nulla poena sine leg–
/Struck with copy of Common Sense for Dummies
I hope you guys are resting your “B”, “O”, “H”, and “A” fingers for tomorrow.
Ice Jets taking it to the Ice Bucs
http://www.kingscountypolitics.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/islanders8.jpg
Full set of teeth.
2/10….would not mouth rape.
all the excite of a true regular J-E-S-T/Bucs matchup, too. But less rapey.
http://i.imgur.com/wzMzHkK.gif
http://i.imgur.com/XOnPJqN.gif
CANADA-
Come visit a land where rulings concerning unconscious mouth-rape are pretty much non-existent.
Sooooo… that means it’s okay?
[gist of joke flies over]
[Monty looks up]
I got a thing for pretty mouths…
Holee Sheet…the catch by Rays’ RF Souza to rob Os’ Chris Davis of extra bases.
Oughtta be #1 on SCTop10 tonight, but it won ‘t be (fuck you NBA).
Any Portugal The Man fans? They got a little overexposed on commercials a year or so ago, but that seems to have waned.
http://www.netanimations.net/FUNKYCHICKEN-z.gif
Hell’s yeah!
Sure it tastes good on a bagel but cream cheese is a food disaster. How far away is it from Easy Cheese? Not more than a few paces…
Your seeeester sure likes it.
Counterpoint: cheesecake
Check and fucking mate.
I stand by my stand. It tastes good but it’s a god-awful food stuff.
YOU ARE ALL MONSTERS. How can one even LOOK at that shit?
Communist traitor.
Da! The bestest kind, comrade!!
I found out today that the DMV has nothing on Passport offices. Holy fuck, there is a special place in hell for the scumbag Passport agent I had to deal with today.
It is so weird to see the NHL have two games on tonight, but each game is in a different round.
My passport was one of the easiest government dealings I’ve ever had, but that was a while ago before. HSD.
YMMV, I guess. All I know is,I’m fairly certain my skin turned green in a fit of rage.
/breathes into a paper bag
I hope someone gets Oklahoma drunk and mouthrapes it.
JESUS FUCKING H. CHRIST! WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK FUCK?!?!
People are lithesome creatures.
Of any of the states that would have this verdict Oklahoma is one of the least surprising, although 21 states fit in that category. Fucking assholes.
“See?”
– Darren Sharper
Must have been a jury of his peers.
Seems like their argument is that someone cannot object when unconscious, and therefore they cannot said to have been coerced if they never resisted. And there is a separate law/criminal charge for unconscious victims which was not at hand since it only specifically calls out vaginal and anal forcitude.
And in that very article they quote an expert who calls the ruling “appropriate” according to the law (by way of calling the law itself the problem). If I could retract my click which was brought about, baited if you will, from that tweet, I would.
True, but WTF? This part “someone cannot object when unconscious, and therefore they cannot said to have been coerced if they never resisted.” It would seem to me that if someone is unconscious, that by logic and law they are not consenting to anything, but I’m no lawyer. That sounds like a Darren Sharper/ Bill Cosby defense.
The boy claims it was consensual, the girl turned out to have a .34 BAC; seems unlikely a 16 year old was conscious at that level unless she’d had a lot of practice. Maybe, assuming Oklahoma is not a complete confederate shit hole, the DA knew the case was weak, hoped it would it least get the kind of attention it’s getting now and the appropriate law can get passed. Better than the whole thing going away quietly?
If it was an OU athlete we would not have heard about it.
So what you’re saying is, we need to recreate that monkey with the tortoise gif to the people in favor of oral sex not being rape if the person is passed out? Agreed.
Look at Tampa gettin’ all chippy, like a real side! And when did they arena stop being all Amway-ish??
An 8 ball sounds just LOVELY!!
Also, Ted Cruz is a real moe-ron.
SOMEBODY SAID 8 BALL?!?! WHO’S BUYING?!?!
http://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s–slqMZtx5–/c_scale,f_auto,fl_progressive,q_80,w_800/18ly289pa3xo7gif.gif
Penelope Cruz is an underrated director. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hpqhUpiUYy8
I spent my time waiting for the dryer making this and others. The ultimate:
http://116.imagebam.com/download/ABVuU55BZ0syi3Z2ZEkVbA/48023/480228221/irinashayk-9.gif
The rest: http://www.imagebam.com/gallery/rdsi77tf3xn57bycj7l877durjnymvye
You make these? How?
Photoshop and patience.
The important thing about this draft is not who gets picked where, it’s who we can make fun of the most between the Jets, [REDACTED]s, Eagles, Rams, and Browns
http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/2535049/clevelandsucks.gif
Dude’s a Browns fan. What was he expecting?
http://i.imgur.com/uEKagZH.gif
A Browns fan who SHOWED UP TO THE DRAFT
THIS DRAFT, I CALL IT THE FIRST TIME I HAD SEX, BECAUSE I HAD EXTENSIVE SCENARIOS FOR WHO WOULD BE FIRST, AND THEN IT WAS OVER IN 30 SECONDS.
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view/149430/sanchez-draft-o.gif
How’d you know there was a Mexican involved?
Except it was a midget with a wooden leg and an eyepatch, but one hell of a cook.
wooden leg and a hell of a cook? Yeah right was there?
Oh, you said COOK…
I figured there would be a team of wannabe wiseguys shouting abuse from the sidelines of the love making…
This needs to be tomorrow’s banner quote.
How tits awesome would it be if a drunk Johnny Football just showed up and took a seat?
Wearing a fake moustache and blond wig.
http://www.totalprosports.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/manziel-nfl-draft-cleveland-browns-hat-money-sign-johnny-manziel-gifs.gif
We all want this to happen…to the same team…hell…it might not even be the worst pick the Browns ever have made, taking Manziel a second time!
My sons are each betting me $5 on the Ravens’ first round pick. If I’m right, I’m taking the money from them. I don’t care.
Well done, sir