So we’ve made it to the first major event of the 2016 NFL season, the first round of the draft is tonight! As we are reminded that coaches, general managers, and meddling owners are the real stars of this league, we will also use this event to be introduced to the latest class of well-dressed athletes who, in as soon as four years even, may be budding stars preparing to be training camp hold outs insisting on new contracts, early retirees, or simply journeymen professionals chasing their athletic dreams.
Remember about a month ago when the draft universe was upside-down? The top two picks, Tennessee and Cleveland, presumably pleased with their quarterback situations (because nothing says “nah, we’re good at QB” like having a top draft pick), were expected to kick off the draft with unsexy upgrades to their non-existent lines. Boltman and Ol’ Double-J would then get some screen time before perpetual top-five picker Jacksonville would bring aboard someone with high upside who won’t make it to the preseason without getting an injury that will land him on the season-ending IR. Also, the P*triot’s didn’t have a first round pick because they had tampered with game balls and got caught. But that didn’t matter because, with Tom Brady for 16 weeks, this team didn’t need a first round pick to get off to a hot start.
Well, now our draft universe is upside-down for other reasons. The Los Angeles Rams of Raider Nation announced that their “philosophy has always been to build through the draft” before sending six of their first seven picks over the next two years to Tennessee in exchange for the right to pick first tonight. Who will they take? Well, RAMIT insiders haven’t decided yet. Not to be outdone — by LA or their previous regime — the Philadelphia Eagles gave up eight picks to earn the right to draft whoever gets rejected by the guys who assembled a 2015 QB depth chart of Nick Foles, Case Keenum, and Sean Mannion. Laremy Tunsil, the projected top pick before Tennessee traded down, is set to lose at least $1.5 million on his rookie contract as a result of these trades. Also, the P*triot’s still don’t have a first round pick because they had tampered with game balls and got caught. Also, they lost Tom Brady for the first four weeks of the season, including their Sunday Night Football home opener where Chris and Al will have to talk about Brady being out because he’s a cheater even though they don’t want to talk about Brady’s history of cheating.
Now, for everyone who submitted on Pick Is In, tonight is also judgement day for you. That’s right, click below to open the official [DFO] Draft Challenge Prediction Board, turn on the television, and get ready to weep.
If the Patriots take Tunsil in the 2nd round, I’m going to assume that Grumblelord planted the video.
Hey everybody!
Did I miss anything?
Because I’m still at work watching this insanity online.
It has not been my favorite day ever.
Ohnoez! Hopefully a sexy knee day!
MRI In half an hour.
Parked at work this morning and walking in I felt what was left of the cartilage just fucking tear into shreds. What had been endurable painwise and non-limping wise is fully unquestionably fucked.
So…is Peyton a full time pitchman now? Asking before I go full double Picasso.
Tunsil looks like he is about to breakdown
It’s remarkable that Tunsil is getting screwed for smoking something that’s increasingly legal.
Here’s hoping he drops to 26.
Berman with a great point about how lucky the Bears are that Kevin White was hurt for all of last year.
It’s like we got a bonus first rounder!
The culprit behind the Tunsil video. Fuck you beating me back to back years.
Tunsil falling like news broke that nobody attended his birthday party.
Don’t tell Sill.
Floyd got toasted in the first two highlights they showed
@LegKickTKO 5m5 minutes ago
TUNSIL GONNA DROP TO THE 4TH ROUND, 20TH PICK
The Ravens waited until after they saw the video to remove Tunsil from their board? Brave.
Hey!!!!! We needed pointers on the best ways to smoke weed.
You shut up.
Why did they trade up for Floyd?
I don’t hate the pick, just not sure why they traded up
Must have suspected the Giants were going to take him or trade the pick to someone who would.
They didn’t want to hit The Wall.
Is Myles Jack knee that bad?
Yes.
he’s been honest about how bad it is, and honesty is rewarded with getting horribly screwed because NFL.
Kilometers Jack to the G-Men!
Meanwhile his knee goes to the Jets.
I think you mean Kylometers
Leonard Who?
Bears fans appear to be happy with the Bears pick?
Hrrrmmmmm…….
Just scream “CUTLER CUTLER CUTLER!” and we’ll be unhappy again.
So will Michael Jordan and the Blackhawks make a few picks with Goodell, got to stop the booing somehow.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
(Am I doing it right?)
Needs more enunciation on the OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Needs moar OOOOOOOOOOOOO
You know who else surrounded himself with a human shield of youths
traded up for THAT?
Inorite?
I think concussions are more pervasive that we originally might have believed.
This why bears are an endangered species.
“… and proving CTE isn’t just for the developmentally mature.”
Fuck it….I am booing children. ARE YPU FUCKING HAPPY YOU GINGER BASTARD!?!?!
I would say the Titans and Bears are definitely going ass to mouth tonight.
“That’s right, widows and children. Boo away, assholes!”
Goodell hoping the crowd won’t boo kids.
You underestimate us commish.
Good thing he didn’t bring the Chicago Little League champs.
Buncha cheating bastards.
TELL ME WHO THE BEARS PICKED YOU GINGER-HEADED SLUG IN A SUIT
For some reason I thought it was going to be the brian piccolo award
After Tunsil and MAYBE Stanley, it’s not really a super great draft for tackles, at least true 1st round LTs.
Somebody’s getting a great fucking deal with Tunsil.
Stop clapping directly into the microphone, you fucking moron.
Why is Goodell walking out with Aretha Franklin?
(just kidding….I know that’s really Patti LaBelle)
Racist asshole. That’s Pink.
Hmmmm….nice tan, P!nk.
I thought it was Rachel Robinson. Those people all look alike.
Sports widows I mean.
Third wheeling Bolden
“But Lloyd might not have lasted til 11, then we would have had to take Jack or Lawson, who are probably as good or better. You can see the bind we were in!”
“You can’t boo me if I’ve got Walter Payton’s family up here!”
“Walter Peyton. Now stop booing me, you bastards.”
Wrong way to say payton.
I’m sorry this is a huge sticking point to me
Walter Payton was in his prime when I was a wee Cornblower and even as a Cowboys fan he was fucking great.
Now he’s trotting out the boo shields.
Just got home… the Bears did a thing?
Yup. So they can do another thing. Probably draft a mediocre WR.
And I’ll bet he tears an ACL before the season starts!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Well, and who could ever follow the Sex Cannon?
The nickname “Conk-block” is now bequeathed to the Titans guy.
Oh god if the Giants take Tunsil we’re gonna need to mount an expedition to check on Scotchnaut.
With the ninth pick, the bears select I DON’T CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARE!!!!!
Goddammit Bears….dunno even who you’re gonna take, but you’ve really pissed me off here with this trade up.
Shaq Lawson?
BEARS ARE ON THE BOARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Probably going to be jack the ucla linebacker
Avoiding the Titans gets easier, and easier, and easier….
Bears trade up! why?
Woo! Bears!
Fuck it, give us tunsil. Kyle long will keep him in line
OMFG THE BEARS