Copa America Centenario Preview – Group C – Mexico

ballsofsteelandfury -
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Mexico is the place of my birth.  It is a beautiful country full of beautiful beaches with lavish resorts,

important archaeological sites,

amazing food,

and a perenially underachieving National Soccer team that is guaranteed to make it out of the Group Phase of every World Cup and lose the first elimination game.  El Tri, as the National team is known, has done a fair bit better in the Copa America since the South American soccer confederation decided it could make more money by inviting them to the 1993 Copa.  Mexico has repaid the favor by finishing in the top three five times and as runner-up twice.

Since the tournament is being held in the US, Mexico will have a YUUUUGE home-field advantage as the stadiums will be packed with Mexicans.  Don’t tell Trump.

Thus, I expect Mexico to do well this tourney.  The roster, as shown below, is stocked with a mix of players working in European leagues as well as the Mexican League, Liga MX.  No MLS players here, thank you very much.

Here is Mexico’s first round schedule:

JUNE 5

MEXICO
VS
URUGUAY
GLENDALE, AZ
University of Phoenix Stadium
8:00PM ET

JUNE 9

MEXICO
VS
JAMAICA
PASADENA, CA
Rose Bowl Stadium
10:00PM ET

JUNE 13

MEXICO
VS
VENEZUELA
HOUSTON, TX
NRG Stadium
8:00PM ET

Three games within a few hours’ drive from the border against two crappy teams and an admittedly good team but playing its first game together in a long time?  Yes, thank you!  I see the best case as 3 wins out of 3 and then let’s see what happens in the other groups.  Even if they were to lose (not likely) or tie (a little bit more likely) in the first game against Uruguay, I still see them getting out of the first round.  If they don’t, heads will roll.  Quite possibly literally.

Yeah, there is a reason my parents left and I thank them every day that they did.  It’s a nice place to visit and the people are wonderful, but, as millions can attest, you wouldn’t want to live there.  Visiting and spending money is more than ok, though.

Projected Copa America Centenario performance:  Depends on the draw for the elimination rounds.  If Mexico can avoid Argentina until the final, they have a chance to win.  I could see them beating Brazil and any other team except Argentina.  If someone does Mexico the favor of eliminating Argentina, the Copa could be in Cancun for next Spring Break.
Fun Fact that I did not know:
Salma Hayek’s French husband and really rich person, François-Henri Pinault probably fathered Linda Evangelista’s child
The lesson, kids, is that you need to stay in school and make as much money as you can.  Seriously.
Enjoy the games!
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ballsofsteelandfury
Balls somehow lost his bio and didn't realize it. He's now scrambling to write something clever and failing. He likes butts, boobs, most things that start with the letter B, and writing in the Second Person. Geelong, Toluca, Barcelona, and Steelers, in that order.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OoqpwRwGaCM

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Kill It!!!!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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nomonkeyfun

In Mother Russia, extinguisher fires you. What a country!

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nomonkeyfun

Please Mr. Wolfman. It didn’t end well last time you took us to Mexico.
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/Awooooooooooooooo!!!!!! That was fuckin awesome. Especially when you carried the 27 baggies back for the Zetas. I haven’t seen such a cavernous asshole since I talked to Peter King.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view3/4885333/battle-of-the-alamo-4-o.gif

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blaxabbath

THIS play warrants it’s own NFL.com video????

“Tom Brady Incomplete Pass to Start Overtime”

http://www.nfl.com/videos/denver-broncos/0ap3000000591618/Patriots-Tom-Brady-incomplete-pass-to-start-overtime

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Nice! Thanks for that.

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nomonkeyfun

That Brady he’s just so darn passionate.
His older girlfriend starts to pick up a few miles and get knocked up, he upgrades to a younger, richer, Brazilian model.
We should teach all of the young people in America to act like him. Then we can make America great again.
And he doesn’t have small hands either.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The club can’t even handle you right now.

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lkefgzmQuV1qaulnko1_500.gif

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Don T

My beefs with El Tri:
-fucking ESPND and Fox Deportes push them El Tri so. Fucking. Much. “Hey, Steua Bucharest won the Champions League. I eonder how Chicharito would do on that squad”.
-They have recently sent B teams to Copa América. El Tri means to snub, butit’s such an obvious CYA move if they don’t go through the knockout phase.
Dynamite stuff Balls. Tell you what: if El Tri defeat Uruguay, I’ll send you this:
http://www.beveragewarehouse.com/images/products/3892.gif

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ballsofsteelandfury

Yeah, I hate how much hype they get. It sets them up to perennially underachieve because the expectations are so high. They’re good, but they’re not THAT good.

You are on! If Uruguay wins, I’ll send you a bottle of the finest tequila.

Of course, if they tie, as I fully expect, we can each raise our own respective glasses and drink to each other’s good health!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

http://media.giphy.com/media/jSCHTkrTj61cQ/giphy.gif

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SonOfSpam

You’re sending a bottle of CUERVO GOLD then. That stuff’s obviously the best.

(Cuervo and Patron’s marketing guys are geniuses)

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

This Cuervo product is fan-fucking-tastic;
http://cuervo.com/products/reserva-de-la-familia/
Of course it is COMPLETELY different from their other products.

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SonOfSpam

Yeah, haven’t tried that one, but I’ll bet it’s good. I even like 1800. It’s just “Cuervo Gold” is turrible, but it’s somehow popular. I blame Steely Dan.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Unlike their other products; this is 100% blue agave; smooth, delicious and very pricy. They use a blend of great tequilas. There are a lot of less expensive brands that I prefer over 1800. I think Cuervo Gold is for the “college experience” which is part of the popularity, that and good marketing and distribution, as you said.

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ballsofsteelandfury

I’ve had it and it’s out-fucking -standing. I may send that to Don T.

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Don T

We’ll see, we’ll see. It’s on.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

http://media.giphy.com/media/20XYY0eMv7lio/giphy.gif

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

What I have open now is Azul; it is smooth sippin’ tequila even though the bottle is also a marketing device.
http://www.drinkhacker.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/clase-azul-tequila-Reposado.jpg

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The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

So wait…is Balls here to steal our jerbs or not?

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blaxabbath

He sure is! (That lazy SOB)

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ballsofsteelandfury

And all/any Kelly Bundy lookalikes.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

With octopi …..

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SonOfSpam

This is why President Trump will be a welcome change. “I will deport Balls or as I like to call him Sweaty Balls and make American great again. Sad.”

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

http://sportshoop.la/attachments/giphy-gif.72796/

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jjfozz

I went to Cancun with my inlaws. We had a two year old son. So I’m up in the room while he naps and my brother in law decides to send up gin and tonics the entire time I’m in the room (all exclusive resort.) My wife comes up to see how I’m doing, and I’m all banged up, “watching” our son. Bourble commenced.

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blaxabbath

“Love that Michael Bourble guy. Great voice.”

-Emmit Smith

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ballsofsteelandfury

There is quite literally nothing like Cancun bourble.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Mazatlán bourble was fantastic too.

My favorite thing was a great grilled lobster dinner and drinks for about $12 including tip, then drinking fine tequila with the owner who didn’t speak a drop of English and me ignorant of any Spanish.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Your brother in law sounds like a great man with a remarkable foresight.

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jjfozz

I would show her my root. And then root her.

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blaxabbath

#wouldroot

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blaxabbath

“…guaranteed to make it out of the Group Phase of every World Cup and lose the first elimination game.”

So they’re the Bengals.

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ballsofsteelandfury

EXACTLY!

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Unsurprised

What’s the Mexican equivalent of skyline chili?

Whatever it is, I suspect it’s got tripe in it.

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blaxabbath

Caldo de cabeza….TAL VEZ!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The two times I’ve been to Mexico I never had anything as bad as skyline chili.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I suppose I should watch some of Mexico’s games, if only to prepare me for what it will be like when the Raiders play there this season.

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blaxabbath

NRG Stadium for SB LI or bust!

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nomonkeyfun

I for one welcome our new Mexican soccer fan overladies.
http://www.viralspell.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/fans-17.jpg

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Cuntler

For those of you who don’t know, Balls is a yuuuuuuuuge Steelers fan. Here is a picture of him cheering on his favorite team:

http://vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/simpsons/images/1/17/Bumblebee_Man.png/revision/latest?cb=20131208162305

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Fixed that up a little bit.

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Cuntler

I assume he is pointing out his slightly creepy underwear he plans on reviewing at some point?

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ballsofsteelandfury

That reminds me, I need to write Part Three: The Jocks!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Needs moar shocker finger.

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King Hippo

DO tell Trump!! Operation Troll must be in full force at all times, yo.

The biter should be on the sidelines for the Uruguay matchup as well. 3-for-3 is definitely attainable.

This is definitely South American Euros, but with home advantage de Mexico. WEIRD.

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Don T

I’m down with the South American Euros designation. Mr. Data, make it so and shoot me in the face.

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