Your “Borrowed From Betty Ford” Tuesday Open Thread

NFL Notes:

  • humourous in a “you dumb fuckers” kind of way, nfl.com has a long-winded story about why both sides are comfortable watching Kirk Cousins play under the franchise tag for 2016. I’m sure the season ticket base agrees with this logic.
  • trading “dumb” for “sad”, PFT reports that Ezekiel Elliott has the top-selling jersey in the NFL since April.
  • still on the money and Cowboys side of things, Dez Bryant is suing his former financial adviser for using his name to attract business and withholding monies generated from the use of that name. If only they’d asked his mom…
  • venturing into Crimebeat! territory, Eagles WR Nelson Agholor won’t be facing charges over sexual assault allegations arising from a strip club visit back in February. The ever-popular “lack of evidence” is cited as the main reason, although I’m sure he and the lady finally sorted out the prices for the champagne room.
  • the Giants plan to induct Tom Coughlin into their Ring of Honor sometime this season. Joining the old man in receiving the honor on November 14th – versus the Bengals! – will be Justin Tuck and Ernie Accorsi.
  • ESPN has a pretty sad story about the Rooney Rule and its apparent inability to make a dent in NFL coaching hiring practices. Between 2012-16, only one first-time minority coach – Todd Bowles – was hired during that time, the same number as between 1997-2001 when the rule first came into effect. If anything, most senior positions on staffs have only gotten whiter.

Finally, SI has a story about the USFL and Donald Trump’s time owning the New Jersey Generals. A telling part of the story is that, much like today, the Donald only had time for the stars, and the everyday players had to make do knowing he was their boss but not their contact. The part I didn’t know about was his attempt to try and buy the Baltimore Colts, which probably would have kept them in Memorial Stadium and out of the Mayflower vans. Given the timing and the convention in Cleveland, it’s actually quite a good piece for echoing Trump’s rise and bellicosity.


For about an hour today, some people thought I was dead.

A Facebook acquaintance – over the age of 60, whom I should unfriend – tried to post a tribute for a person named Rob Arnold. He ended his post with “RIP Rob” and, by typing Rob, my name came up. He apparently deleted my last name, but didn’t realize that leaving the first name still tagged me in the post.

I know this because at about 9:30 this morning, my phone started to go bananas with emails and notifications. I had to ignore them because I was teaching, but when I gave the class a break at 10:15, I saw about a dozen emails with titles like, “WTF?!”, “CALL ME ASAP!!” and “Is everything okay?”. I figured the rest of it out pretty quickly and tried to undo the damage. Luckily, it never got to my wife – who doesn’t Facebook – or my mother, because she wasn’t up yet.

I’ll file this under “shit I don’t need”.


Tonight’s sports is once again the Republican Convention. The highlight will be the roll-call vote of states. It will be fun to see which delegations blow up in front of the microphone, and which ones fracture into a million pieces with walkouts and attempts to seize the platform. That ban on tennis balls will be sorely tested this evening.

In terms of Mrs Tertiary Trump and her speech last night, one could argue she stole from the best. In that regard, I direct you to a Cracked article on plagiarism from 2014. It’s a better read than all of today’s “think pieces” on whether she did or didn’t plagiarize Michelle Obama. Me – I tend to view it in the same light as all those former eastern European politicians who had to resign due to being discovered as plagiarists when they presented their Ph.D thesis. It was easy to cheat when you were one of the few able to leave from behind the iron Curtain, knowing most everyone else wouldn’t be able to access the works you liberally borrowed from. But with the decline of communism and the explosion in digital media, it became fairly easy for people to find out what politicians with privilege had done to enhance their reputations. She probably thought she’d never get caught, or that people wouldn’t give her the same hard look as her husband.

ENJOY THE SHITSHOW!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

I DID NOT NEED TO SEE THIS

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

How come I never get invited to these events…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Unsurprised

Remind me to tell you a story about this.

Wakezilla

So Kirk Cousins is now a top end paid quarterback for the year? That doesn’t seem real

http://67.media.tumblr.com/317c623eaf35106495009782716c39ad/tumblr_oajii5cmti1taycy1o1_1280.jpg

Wakezilla

It’s amazing how much I think Cameron Diaz looks like her. I swear they’re related.

Spanky Datass

Don’t tell any of the other DFO’ers but Debbie is my sister-niece-pretend-lover from the ’70s-’80s and Moose is my brother-uncle- … wait … this is a private convorsation … right?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Wakezilla

Scary thought:

Whatever GOP boogeyman has been conjured up in Trump, assuming he loses, what’s possibly coming in 2020, could make Trump look like nothing. With outright flirtation with fascism and open white supremacy being on the table, the next guy could just as easily push that envelope even further. The next guy could harness this craziness for a win.

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ALXMAC

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

So, she’s been posted before and it got me wondering if I should be watching the home shopping network…..
http://66.media.tumblr.com/0a0828423fb1362d4cd0353c5dbce5e2/tumblr_o6zgnhre5Q1rtwd1fo1_400.gif

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Wakezilla

I’d vote for her.

ALXMAC

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Wakezilla

Did Colbert stick with his satirical gimmick tonight? Or did he revert back to his bland CBS personna?

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Senor Weaselo

Evening, folks. What new and exciting thing happened tonight?

Senor Weaselo

So… Tuesday night?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Pretty typical; the embarrassing acid trip that is our current political state.

http://66.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mdb0xthAh51qzr8nao1_1280.jpg

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey boys? Yeah, grab the fire extinguisher please? Thanks hon.

Wakezilla

My wife had to go to the hospital due to doctor’s orders. We’re home now. Thankfully, the baby (still inside the oven) is OK and so is she.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Nice grouping.

Wakezilla

Reputation be damned, still would

theeWeeBabySeamus

We like her.
Yes, in fact I do speak for everyone.

Unsurprised

Yes we do, Other Barry/

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Unsurprised

I hate everything

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Tough but fair

JerBear50

I almost don’t want to go home after work this morning. Goddamn AC went out today. July in Florida is not the ideal time for your AC to go out.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yikes. When I was still in AZ we lost ours one August afternoon.
But it was a dry heat. And yet the sweat dripping (as I tried to sleep) didn’t seem paricularly phased by that.
Dude got there before the sun rose the next morning though. And yes, he got a big goddamned tip.

Unsurprised

Oh, boo hoo. I grew up in a house with no AC that had the wonderful thermodynamics of being hotter than outside in the summer and colder than inside in the winter. At least the heater mostly worked, but Jesus Christ.

Unsurprised

Sorry. I’m in a foul mood.

theeWeeBabySeamus

It’s all good my friend.
No need for sorry’s.
(sorries?)
((meh….fuq do I care?))

Senor Weaselo

What about the laws of thermodynamics?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dc-m9dumEaw

JerBear50

There’s nothing dry about this. Might have to hit up a cheap hotel for a night or two.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Update: that growler of beer is gone.

JerBear50

What was on tap tonight?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Space Jam, a dark sour beer from a small Boulder brewery called Vision Quest

JerBear50

Man, I just can’t do sours. I’ve tried to a few times to see if the taste needed to develop, but it just doesn’t work for me.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Plenty of Left Hand in the fridge as well…

JerBear50

Milk Stout? Their porter is not bad either.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Sampler. 3 bottles each of Sawtooth Ale, Nitro Milk Stout, Ginger Juju, and Extrovert IPA. Good times.

theeWeeBabySeamus

My coronary arteries just seized up a bit.
Totally worth it.

Senor Weaselo

I did have Five Guys tonight, so there is rejoicing.

Unsurprised

How has the NFL not forced ESPN to spike the fuck out of that Rooney Rule story?

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I DON’T THINK THAT’S WHO SHE CALLED ON HER HOT DOG PHONE.

Sill Bimmons

Perpetually disgruntled soup customer Michael Steele was just on TDS.

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Brocky

bertstrips?

Brocky

poor mr. johnson

Doktor Zymm

How did we ever lose our way, America? No wonder today’s youth are aimless, without tasty vittles like these.
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Sill Bimmons

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litre_cola

Dear God what is that?

Doktor Zymm

http://img.scoop.it/G3Ff15xuySHL9gm5oX6vjIXXXL4j3HpexhjNOf_P3YmryPKwJ94QGRtDb3Sbc6KY

Clearly America’s problem is not enough corn syrup and not allowing babies to lift weights.

Spanky Datass

There is a whole series of these and they’re kinda disturbing!
http://67.media.tumblr.com/bf133a480dfe31ae5e343e79a28e8270/tumblr_oalgknoj2R1syvjuco1_500.jpg

JerBear50

Kinda surprised big ag never managed to get corn syrup labeled as a vegetable.

Unsurprised

Big Ketchup got to Congress first.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

R-r-r-r-r-eagan!

Brocky

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litre_cola

Hey ZYMM, congrats on the 9 for 9 in the AFL, back in the day you would get a free Whopper from Hungry Jacks AKA Burger King

Doktor Zymm

I’m gonna buy myself a burger tomorrow and pretend it was free!

litre_cola

Honest question. I am in a shitsville town in Alberta and went to the legion. Do the americans have a “legion” I know Oz does as cheap beer night there was fantastic. JUST DONT WEAR YOUR HAT!

Sill Bimmons
litre_cola

Thanks Sill. When you startin up the insanity league?

Sill Bimmons

Draft will be the night before the season starts.

Will start another if we get enough people.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

IN

litre_cola

So do they do cheap beer, and meat draws?

Sill Bimmons

Cheap beer, yes.

Not sure about meat draws:

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litre_cola

So meat draws are basically they butcher an animal and it is a raffle of sorts and you win a bunch meat from said animal. If you win you are set for a month, all proceeds go to veterans.

litre_cola

That is different animals. I prefer yours.

Shogun Marcus

Common at bars in the north, especially Minnesota and Wisconsin. Meat raffle.

JerBear50

We have Legions, VFW halls, Moose lodge, Elks lodge, and some others I’m likely forgetting. If you drive by any of them at 9 or 10 am, they will already be doing a lively business. Maybe lively isn’t the right word now that I think about it.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

The Lions and Shriners Clubs will be writing you a strongly worded letter about their omission, just as soon as they get back from early bird dinner tomorrow.

Spanky Datass

I used to drive my Granddad home from the ‘Mercian Legion when he was drunk and I was eleven/twelve. Good times.

JerBear50

“He taught me how to drive his car when he’s too drunk to”- Guy Clark
https://youtu.be/dFb1lGMvS3I

King Hippo

Paul Ryan had a sportsball moment with the NC delegation today, making a “unity” delegation, saying something along the lines of “sure some of you might be NC State fans, and some U*NC, but don’t you all cheer for the team from your state, whoever it is, once your very favourite is out?”

He got a resounding “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO”

Our Republicans are dumb, but not THAT fucking dumb.

Unsurprised

If he mentioned Duke, they’d have rightfully lynched him with his own tie.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So the theory on the big fuckup for tonight (we can probably expect one per evening) is that they invited the wrong Chris Cox to speak (Stocks Cox was on the program, Glocks Cox was the actual speaker). According to Trump’s Razor (the stupidest explanation is probably the best one) this checks out just fine.

King Hippo

Hee hee, I hope Josh Marshall trademarks that, and/or writes a fucking book.

...
...

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King Hippo

Anybody else ever wonder how long they’d be able to manage a nice heroin habit before they’d wind up dead? There should be an online simulator FOAR THAT.

LIFEHACK!!!!!

Doktor Zymm
Sill Bimmons
BrettFavresColonoscopy

How much would you pay to see Ivana Trump give a speech at the Democratic convention next week?

Unsurprised

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Gratliff

Oh shit, snorlax is back.

Doktor Zymm
...

All that cheese

Shogun Marcus

Cheese hands?

...

From the New York Times about Mrs. Trump the Third’s speech:

It was, by all accounts, an entirely preventable blunder, committed in front of an audience of 23 million television viewers, that exposed the weaknesses of an organization that has long spurned the safeguards of a modern presidential campaign, such as the free software that detects plagiarism.

You guys.

...

It may actually be true that Melania wrote that speech.

According to the article, a pair of speechwriters wrote a draft that they sent to her weeks ago. They heard nothing from her but she took the speech, which she apparently did not like, to some Trump book ghostwriter who might have made a bunch of changes. The original speechwriters were hearing the final version for the first time while watching it on TV.

What a shitshow.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Speaking of sorting out the prices in the champagne room, as someone who’s not (yet) paid for sex, what are the going rates? I literally have no idea of what the bounds are, both in the illegal world or even the Cathouse-type places.

ballsofsteelandfury

I believe the correct phrase is YMMV.

I’m sure it depends on where you live/go.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

/googles YMMV
//still confused

ballsofsteelandfury

Sorry. It’s Your Mileage May Vary.

King Hippo

$200 an hour is the minimum you should expect unless it is a ripoff or a skank. $300 an hour is a fair price for a real quality experience, but only if said courtesan is BOTH highly fetching and GFE.

OR THAT’S WHAT I’VE BEEN TOLD SMH

*this does not apply in NYC or LA, obviously

BrettFavresColonoscopy

/googles GFE
//is less confused but doesn’t necessarily understand why that’s a thing
///appreciates the info
////drinks a beer

King Hippo

It just depends on how much it matters to one whether said courtesan will pretend to like you and let you kiss her. That is all, really. It’s not like, deep roleplaying.

litre_cola

Just looked up both. Why the fuck is that a thing?

King Hippo

Without the illusion of emotional connection, or the ability to treat the courtesan tenderly, as an object of affection as opposed to mechanical congress (or the rough stuff, which I just don’t get at all), it’s just no good for some of us. Even if we know it’s illusory.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

COST ME A FUCKING HOUSE! DON’T DO IT!

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The Cubs loaded the bases with no outs needing only one run to tie and a second to win.

And yet I suspect they’ll fuck it up somehow.

...

And right as I click “post comment”…

theeWeeBabySeamus

As usual, the meteor loses.

JerBear50

At least Arrieta was better tonight.