NFL Notes:
- humourous in a “you dumb fuckers” kind of way, nfl.com has a long-winded story about why both sides are comfortable watching Kirk Cousins play under the franchise tag for 2016. I’m sure the season ticket base agrees with this logic.
- trading “dumb” for “sad”, PFT reports that Ezekiel Elliott has the top-selling jersey in the NFL since April.
- still on the money and Cowboys side of things, Dez Bryant is suing his former financial adviser for using his name to attract business and withholding monies generated from the use of that name. If only they’d asked his mom…
- venturing into Crimebeat! territory, Eagles WR Nelson Agholor won’t be facing charges over sexual assault allegations arising from a strip club visit back in February. The ever-popular “lack of evidence” is cited as the main reason, although I’m sure he and the lady finally sorted out the prices for the champagne room.
- the Giants plan to induct Tom Coughlin into their Ring of Honor sometime this season. Joining the old man in receiving the honor on November 14th – versus the Bengals! – will be Justin Tuck and Ernie Accorsi.
- ESPN has a pretty sad story about the Rooney Rule and its apparent inability to make a dent in NFL coaching hiring practices. Between 2012-16, only one first-time minority coach – Todd Bowles – was hired during that time, the same number as between 1997-2001 when the rule first came into effect. If anything, most senior positions on staffs have only gotten whiter.
Finally, SI has a story about the USFL and Donald Trump’s time owning the New Jersey Generals. A telling part of the story is that, much like today, the Donald only had time for the stars, and the everyday players had to make do knowing he was their boss but not their contact. The part I didn’t know about was his attempt to try and buy the Baltimore Colts, which probably would have kept them in Memorial Stadium and out of the Mayflower vans. Given the timing and the convention in Cleveland, it’s actually quite a good piece for echoing Trump’s rise and bellicosity.
For about an hour today, some people thought I was dead.
A Facebook acquaintance – over the age of 60, whom I should unfriend – tried to post a tribute for a person named Rob Arnold. He ended his post with “RIP Rob” and, by typing Rob, my name came up. He apparently deleted my last name, but didn’t realize that leaving the first name still tagged me in the post.
I know this because at about 9:30 this morning, my phone started to go bananas with emails and notifications. I had to ignore them because I was teaching, but when I gave the class a break at 10:15, I saw about a dozen emails with titles like, “WTF?!”, “CALL ME ASAP!!” and “Is everything okay?”. I figured the rest of it out pretty quickly and tried to undo the damage. Luckily, it never got to my wife – who doesn’t Facebook – or my mother, because she wasn’t up yet.
I’ll file this under “shit I don’t need”.
Tonight’s sports is once again the Republican Convention. The highlight will be the roll-call vote of states. It will be fun to see which delegations blow up in front of the microphone, and which ones fracture into a million pieces with walkouts and attempts to seize the platform. That ban on tennis balls will be sorely tested this evening.
In terms of Mrs Tertiary Trump and her speech last night, one could argue she stole from the best. In that regard, I direct you to a Cracked article on plagiarism from 2014. It’s a better read than all of today’s “think pieces” on whether she did or didn’t plagiarize Michelle Obama. Me – I tend to view it in the same light as all those former eastern European politicians who had to resign due to being discovered as plagiarists when they presented their Ph.D thesis. It was easy to cheat when you were one of the few able to leave from behind the iron Curtain, knowing most everyone else wouldn’t be able to access the works you liberally borrowed from. But with the decline of communism and the explosion in digital media, it became fairly easy for people to find out what politicians with privilege had done to enhance their reputations. She probably thought she’d never get caught, or that people wouldn’t give her the same hard look as her husband.
ENJOY THE SHITSHOW!
I DID NOT NEED TO SEE THIS
http://66.media.tumblr.com/761ca5310e305286cd9de4dbe7e7336f/tumblr_o8if1ls85e1uby4koo1_1280.jpg
http://67.media.tumblr.com/8a1305b04e7c0c5a90aa1b4a2ec62e45/tumblr_npg8hy4qgb1qac3wso1_500.gif
http://66.media.tumblr.com/695799a170b6f3dc3e49c0832d0a5129/tumblr_o47g4rEXlF1uchxvxo1_500.gif
http://66.media.tumblr.com/8c51068586ebc1892ee9a0297984e8a1/tumblr_o585n08vrS1s6ns18o4_500.gif
http://66.media.tumblr.com/ab01662886eb1cc2df83ed123502e8c2/tumblr_o5a4w9Dxh61swj3ico1_1280.jpg
How come I never get invited to these events…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0TX5ij8uQeo
http://67.media.tumblr.com/d3ef568a407b19cc899f0b8e39cd12be/tumblr_o3gimnq7kG1ru67qro1_400.jpg
Remind me to tell you a story about this.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/7f8ae85ae15f0063a47608b48c244336/tumblr_oajhcrljkh1s39ht8o1_400.gif
So Kirk Cousins is now a top end paid quarterback for the year? That doesn’t seem real
http://67.media.tumblr.com/317c623eaf35106495009782716c39ad/tumblr_oajii5cmti1taycy1o1_1280.jpg
http://67.media.tumblr.com/b3d6f41b16b5f72fbea0bf6f9a9f1d3d/tumblr_mqianeP9DZ1rnikkco1_250.gif
It’s amazing how much I think Cameron Diaz looks like her. I swear they’re related.
Don’t tell any of the other DFO’ers but Debbie is my sister-niece-pretend-lover from the ’70s-’80s and Moose is my brother-uncle- … wait … this is a private convorsation … right?
http://67.media.tumblr.com/c5c413f0bd25ec71f22c1d40d0f8f8c5/tumblr_nuxsn7UBD71ugd030o1_500.gif
I don’t see the resemblance.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/a306ad0c48f613c775955ea15030e58a/tumblr_n0eyx3Kkur1sn0mkdo1_400.gif
Scary thought:
Whatever GOP boogeyman has been conjured up in Trump, assuming he loses, what’s possibly coming in 2020, could make Trump look like nothing. With outright flirtation with fascism and open white supremacy being on the table, the next guy could just as easily push that envelope even further. The next guy could harness this craziness for a win.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/424acfd673bbb35cdcd463869df228b6/tumblr_o8wvv64ahc1rtwd1fo1_250.gif
http://66.media.tumblr.com/d917733ada8c399a4c93951580dd4f3c/tumblr_o8wvv64ahc1rtwd1fo4_250.gif
So, she’s been posted before and it got me wondering if I should be watching the home shopping network…..
http://66.media.tumblr.com/0a0828423fb1362d4cd0353c5dbce5e2/tumblr_o6zgnhre5Q1rtwd1fo1_400.gif
To see if there was anything I needed.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/d260c585addecee88a58c93fc3024bbd/tumblr_o6zgnhre5Q1rtwd1fo3_r1_400.gif
http://38.media.tumblr.com/587204d1653c6631177f3592e68298eb/tumblr_mfoc84Qqzh1rgewb2o2_500.gif
http://67.media.tumblr.com/c491dbcedb7e39293c9056c7d4f826cb/tumblr_o3cve9g5Py1rtwd1fo2_400.gif
http://67.media.tumblr.com/c1e380338053a5a42c526c9e93e207c5/tumblr_nziy5hLNsx1us2fiio2_500.gif
Don’t they cater mostly to a female audience?
http://67.media.tumblr.com/448a04a21a0e03f3f1c2171d2a6fcf11/tumblr_o6vpt3Frap1rtwd1fo3_400.gif
I’d vote for her.
Did Colbert stick with his satirical gimmick tonight? Or did he revert back to his bland CBS personna?
Evening, folks. What new and exciting thing happened tonight?
http://67.media.tumblr.com/66641e4eac986c95e2db5c21650fc678/tumblr_o8pu0k98sI1qksihqo1_1280.png
So… Tuesday night?
Pretty typical; the embarrassing acid trip that is our current political state.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mdb0xthAh51qzr8nao1_1280.jpg
Hey boys? Yeah, grab the fire extinguisher please? Thanks hon.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/9435daf4eeb6e90b617ee2159bcfaad7/tumblr_o78pz4JA9L1rtwd1fo1_400.gif
My wife had to go to the hospital due to doctor’s orders. We’re home now. Thankfully, the baby (still inside the oven) is OK and so is she.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/9c894b109271eeb46c877bc580908323/tumblr_o8dc7if5QO1u7t71ro1_r1_400.gif
http://67.media.tumblr.com/8ae6ade8f46e8bb2994504fa9bb9cc18/tumblr_o8w3he5gKK1rtwd1fo5_250.gif
Nice grouping.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/e793324c0ddbd0f9fb6ee27ffd24ee35/tumblr_o7xm2wIYbm1rtwd1fo1_500.gif
Reputation be damned, still would
http://67.media.tumblr.com/dfe5c42436188c16cc2da1e13fa94394/tumblr_o8w3he5gKK1rtwd1fo3_250.gif
http://67.media.tumblr.com/2d44036a213b4d41c77b6d236f91508f/tumblr_oa4dddQHGv1rtwd1fo1_500.gif
We like her.
Yes, in fact I do speak for everyone.
Yes we do, Other Barry/
http://67.media.tumblr.com/0750b8d628cb76ae8f0bd490fa2814d1/tumblr_o8wuigBsBE1rtwd1fo5_250.gif
http://66.media.tumblr.com/525eb9e828787a7ddc7c09c9f31f2949/tumblr_o8wuigBsBE1rtwd1fo1_250.gif
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HYxip8-0dzY
http://67.media.tumblr.com/63f0fff1ab365dde1a69a05bebdf88ce/tumblr_oaha8rzAkV1qapkmyo1_400.png
I hate everything
Tough but fair
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-uTfBcECBeTE/VM66yGFnNkI/AAAAAAAAECI/B_aAle19p9g/s1600/giphy-2.gif
http://66.media.tumblr.com/e49dfaae7ed748fe3e88a9513e8f8732/tumblr_nppto28TgV1u7t71ro1_400.gif
I almost don’t want to go home after work this morning. Goddamn AC went out today. July in Florida is not the ideal time for your AC to go out.
Yikes. When I was still in AZ we lost ours one August afternoon.
But it was a dry heat. And yet the sweat dripping (as I tried to sleep) didn’t seem paricularly phased by that.
Dude got there before the sun rose the next morning though. And yes, he got a big goddamned tip.
Oh, boo hoo. I grew up in a house with no AC that had the wonderful thermodynamics of being hotter than outside in the summer and colder than inside in the winter. At least the heater mostly worked, but Jesus Christ.
http://uproxx.files.wordpress.com/2013/03/pam-poovey-food.jpg?quality=90&w=650&h=366
Sorry. I’m in a foul mood.
It’s all good my friend.
No need for sorry’s.
(sorries?)
((meh….fuq do I care?))
What about the laws of thermodynamics?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dc-m9dumEaw
http://66.media.tumblr.com/562df07701ced49e251eea93d75b1c62/tumblr_o3kbxj1BqR1rtwd1fo8_400.gif
There’s nothing dry about this. Might have to hit up a cheap hotel for a night or two.
http://www.reactiongifs.us/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/playing_with_scissors_futurama.gif
http://67.media.tumblr.com/82ba178f52d9171f6859df347054d193/tumblr_mrgvojbmhe1qgapm9o1_400.gif
My life:
http://65.media.tumblr.com/7e4daa6d71836a976f5680034f79cba3/tumblr_o39b9wQgwa1v2qvrfo8_500.jpg
Update: that growler of beer is gone.
What was on tap tonight?
Space Jam, a dark sour beer from a small Boulder brewery called Vision Quest
Man, I just can’t do sours. I’ve tried to a few times to see if the taste needed to develop, but it just doesn’t work for me.
Plenty of Left Hand in the fridge as well…
Milk Stout? Their porter is not bad either.
Sampler. 3 bottles each of Sawtooth Ale, Nitro Milk Stout, Ginger Juju, and Extrovert IPA. Good times.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/3b2cebaeacb6186dd14cd91cd757f28f/tumblr_n59xq6WKaw1tr6ni8o1_500.gif
http://65.media.tumblr.com/285f388bd8fd805252d703eb510e3134/tumblr_oa5il34PSv1qz4d4bo1_500.jpg
My coronary arteries just seized up a bit.
Totally worth it.
I did have Five Guys tonight, so there is rejoicing.
http://65.media.tumblr.com/d1ddc9c2463cfce7feeabfac27e155e4/tumblr_o9e99czgke1qaew20o1_1280.jpg
Today:
http://65.media.tumblr.com/7e4daa6d71836a976f5680034f79cba3/tumblr_o39b9wQgwa1v2qvrfo8_500.jpg
Tomorrow:
http://65.media.tumblr.com/7e4daa6d71836a976f5680034f79cba3/tumblr_o39b9wQgwa1v2qvrfo8_500.jpg
Jeebus, I love this shit.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/ab052995cc156fcc9b406e19b0608a6d/tumblr_mtoouzVieq1qgapm9o1_500.gif
How has the NFL not forced ESPN to spike the fuck out of that Rooney Rule story?
http://data.whicdn.com/images/50523448/large.gif
They just beat Brady; best to not be too greedy.
http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/8c/8c4d2be389660926f173d68503d3d6c504816506a2bfdab33aa6e7b6db5eced3.jpg
http://static3.fjcdn.com/comments/Final+part+wwwfunnyjunkcom+channel+futuramatime+futurama+comp+10+aznxlnm+_f640e25abd05e07442c6b6b616197df8.png
http://66.media.tumblr.com/648eb45f3d0ca58a394e8060b8025710/tumblr_nfnmo6Seh21s2wio8o2_500.gif
I DON’T THINK THAT’S WHO SHE CALLED ON HER HOT DOG PHONE.
Perpetually disgruntled soup customer Michael Steele was just on TDS.
bertstrips?
http://images1.phoenixnewtimes.com/imager/u/original/7748461/ermahgerd-girl-phoenix-maggie-goldenberger.jpg
poor mr. johnson
How did we ever lose our way, America? No wonder today’s youth are aimless, without tasty vittles like these.
Dear God what is that?
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-D7pZKCShDUA/VF-K_Y3m8HI/AAAAAAAAATc/37z2Zv_EzXA/s1600/kookycookery7.png
http://img.scoop.it/G3Ff15xuySHL9gm5oX6vjIXXXL4j3HpexhjNOf_P3YmryPKwJ94QGRtDb3Sbc6KY
Clearly America’s problem is not enough corn syrup and not allowing babies to lift weights.
There is a whole series of these and they’re kinda disturbing!
http://67.media.tumblr.com/bf133a480dfe31ae5e343e79a28e8270/tumblr_oalgknoj2R1syvjuco1_500.jpg
Kinda surprised big ag never managed to get corn syrup labeled as a vegetable.
Big Ketchup got to Congress first.
R-r-r-r-r-eagan!
Hey ZYMM, congrats on the 9 for 9 in the AFL, back in the day you would get a free Whopper from Hungry Jacks AKA Burger King
I’m gonna buy myself a burger tomorrow and pretend it was free!
http://cdn.secretmenus.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/106953-hungry-jack-039-s.jpg
Honest question. I am in a shitsville town in Alberta and went to the legion. Do the americans have a “legion” I know Oz does as cheap beer night there was fantastic. JUST DONT WEAR YOUR HAT!
http://www.glencarbonveterans.org/legion/images/thmP8290009.jpg
Thanks Sill. When you startin up the insanity league?
Draft will be the night before the season starts.
Will start another if we get enough people.
IN
So do they do cheap beer, and meat draws?
Cheap beer, yes.
Not sure about meat draws:
So meat draws are basically they butcher an animal and it is a raffle of sorts and you win a bunch meat from said animal. If you win you are set for a month, all proceeds go to veterans.
http://files.ctctcdn.com/fe5ec693101/2a95e722-4607-4bb9-9dd1-d4dd85ea5d87.jpg
That is different animals. I prefer yours.
Common at bars in the north, especially Minnesota and Wisconsin. Meat raffle.
We have Legions, VFW halls, Moose lodge, Elks lodge, and some others I’m likely forgetting. If you drive by any of them at 9 or 10 am, they will already be doing a lively business. Maybe lively isn’t the right word now that I think about it.
The Lions and Shriners Clubs will be writing you a strongly worded letter about their omission, just as soon as they get back from early bird dinner tomorrow.
I used to drive my Granddad home from the ‘Mercian Legion when he was drunk and I was eleven/twelve. Good times.
“He taught me how to drive his car when he’s too drunk to”- Guy Clark
https://youtu.be/dFb1lGMvS3I
Paul Ryan had a sportsball moment with the NC delegation today, making a “unity” delegation, saying something along the lines of “sure some of you might be NC State fans, and some U*NC, but don’t you all cheer for the team from your state, whoever it is, once your very favourite is out?”
He got a resounding “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO”
Our Republicans are dumb, but not THAT fucking dumb.
If he mentioned Duke, they’d have rightfully lynched him with his own tie.
So the theory on the big fuckup for tonight (we can probably expect one per evening) is that they invited the wrong Chris Cox to speak (Stocks Cox was on the program, Glocks Cox was the actual speaker). According to Trump’s Razor (the stupidest explanation is probably the best one) this checks out just fine.
Hee hee, I hope Josh Marshall trademarks that, and/or writes a fucking book.
http://i.imgur.com/0ReZh6S.gif
Anybody else ever wonder how long they’d be able to manage a nice heroin habit before they’d wind up dead? There should be an online simulator FOAR THAT.
LIFEHACK!!!!!
http://zenithcity.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/ClassyLumberjack_GM.jpg
Will Trump make lumberjacks classy again?
http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/02738/lumberjack_2738207a.jpg
Didn’t work for Dexter.
http://images.complex.com/complex/image/upload/t_article_image/dbpmcxeqofmbz81wsbko.jpg
http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2012/12/30/article-0-16B0E7B6000005DC-397_964x655.jpg
How much would you pay to see Ivana Trump give a speech at the Democratic convention next week?
Oh shit, snorlax is back.
Let’s make America grate!
http://media.nola.com/business_impact/photo/9050945-large.jpg
All that cheese
Cheese hands?
http://assets.nydailynews.com/polopoly_fs/1.2311900.1438466021!/img/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/article_750/stasi2n-3-web.jpg
Still relevant
From the New York Times about Mrs. Trump the Third’s speech:
You guys.
It may actually be true that Melania wrote that speech.
According to the article, a pair of speechwriters wrote a draft that they sent to her weeks ago. They heard nothing from her but she took the speech, which she apparently did not like, to some Trump book ghostwriter who might have made a bunch of changes. The original speechwriters were hearing the final version for the first time while watching it on TV.
What a shitshow.
Speaking of sorting out the prices in the champagne room, as someone who’s not (yet) paid for sex, what are the going rates? I literally have no idea of what the bounds are, both in the illegal world or even the Cathouse-type places.
I believe the correct phrase is YMMV.
I’m sure it depends on where you live/go.
/googles YMMV
//still confused
Sorry. It’s Your Mileage May Vary.
$200 an hour is the minimum you should expect unless it is a ripoff or a skank. $300 an hour is a fair price for a real quality experience, but only if said courtesan is BOTH highly fetching and GFE.
OR THAT’S WHAT I’VE BEEN TOLD SMH
*this does not apply in NYC or LA, obviously
/googles GFE
//is less confused but doesn’t necessarily understand why that’s a thing
///appreciates the info
////drinks a beer
It just depends on how much it matters to one whether said courtesan will pretend to like you and let you kiss her. That is all, really. It’s not like, deep roleplaying.
Just looked up both. Why the fuck is that a thing?
Without the illusion of emotional connection, or the ability to treat the courtesan tenderly, as an object of affection as opposed to mechanical congress (or the rough stuff, which I just don’t get at all), it’s just no good for some of us. Even if we know it’s illusory.
COST ME A FUCKING HOUSE! DON’T DO IT!
The Cubs loaded the bases with no outs needing only one run to tie and a second to win.
And yet I suspect they’ll fuck it up somehow.
And right as I click “post comment”…
As usual, the meteor loses.
At least Arrieta was better tonight.