Your “Is There Going To Be A Test At The End?” Wednesday Open Thread

NFL Roundup:

  • Nick Foles asked for, and got, his release from the Rams. He gets to keep his $6 million roster bonus paid in March.
    • No word on if it counts against the cap, but it would just make something laughable even funnier.
  • The good news keeps coming for the Cowboys. As a result of having three players on the suspended list, they are forced – by League rules – to pay a $250,000 fine.
  • Mike Wallace failed his conditioning test with the Ravens. He’ll get another chance later in the week.
  • According to Florio’s Funhouse Follies, Greg hardy tried to join the Roughriders in the spring, but the CFL shot down his attempt to cross the border.
    • Here’s the takeaway line: “[I]f the CFL won’t touch you, it’s reasonable to wonder who will.”
  • Your of-note PUP list update:
    • Jamaal Charles (Chiefs)
    • Ryan Matthews (Eagles)
    • Pernell McPhee (Bears)

Here’s for Chargers commentists like the Low Commander, Big Daddy Drew gave the Chargers the “Why Your Team Sucks” treatment today.

Finally, as the banner image indicates, 80s & 90s poster legends the Costacos brothers have teamed up with Russell Wilson on a fundraising campaign for Wilson’s “Why Not You” foundation. Here’s a link to the site, and here’s a link to SBNation’s fantastic story about the brothers and their rise to fame.


Last night sold me on another Bill Clinton presidency. (Looks up 22nd Amendment; shakes head) Well, tonight is a veritable who’s who of Democratic luminaries on the speaker’s podium:

  • Civil Rights Leader Reverend Jesse Jackson
  • Actress Star Jones
  • Former Governor of Maryland Martin O’Malley
  • Actress Sigourney Weaver
  • California Governor Jerry Brown
  • Director Lee Daniels
  • Actress Angela Bassett
  • Gabby Giffords and Mark Kelly
  • Dr. Jill Biden
  • Vice President Joe Biden
  • Michael Bloomberg
  • Lenny Kravitz
  • Democratic Nominee for Vice President Tim Kaine
  • President Barack Obama

Plus associated folks talking about tragedies in Orlando, Charleston, Sandy Hook and Iraq. I’ve broken up the list a bit, but the descending order is essentially correct. Lenny Kravitz goes between Joe Biden and Barack Obama. Fucking Star Jones? What – was Whoopi unavailable? Also, I guess Jesse knows where he stands with the modern party now; it’s been, what – 30 years since the “Hymietown” crack? Finally, where’s the modern equivalent of Rosey Grier?

There look to be about 25 speakers in total, once they began things about 4:00 EDT. I’m willing to bet Joe Biden gets a “You should have run” type of chant before or during his speech.


Tonight’s sports:

  • International Champions Cup – on ESPN2
    • Real Madrid vs Paris- St. Germain – 7:30 (Columbus, OH)
    • Bayern Munich vs AC Milan – 9:30 (Chicago, IL)
  • MLB: White Sox @ Cubs – 8:00 – ESPN

I can’t believe (well, maybe I can) Trump actually asked Russia to hack America and find Hillary’s missing emails. That should just about put the nail in the Reagan Revolution. DUTCH WOULD NEVER DO THAT!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Horatio Cornblower

‘or homegrown demagogues” WITH RIDICULOUS HAIR AND ODD BEHAVIOR AROUND THEIR DAUGHTER”

ftfy Obama.

Horatio Cornblower

Oh yeah. She has many skills but public speaking is not one of ’em.

King Hippo

Probably. But maybe she will surprise us.

Sharkbait

Can’t wait for the debates!

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

More the one you don’t like vs the one that is completely incapable of discharging the duties of the office

/sick of false equivalency

blaxabbath
blaxabbath

Woooo! Honeymooning in Hawaii! Wooo!!!! USA #1!

Horatio Cornblower

You know what would be a great ending to this speech?

Pulling Bin Laden’s head out of a bag and saying “And oh yeah, we got this done too. I’m out.”

Unsurprised

Then punt it into the crowd.

blaxabbath

You can’t stay home just because she’s W’s 5th term!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You should get back on your meds.

blaxabbath

I comment on NFL players’ off-field behavior and criticize the abilities of elite athletes. Don’t take me seriously.

(Even though you know I’m right — jk lol)

jjfozz

Fuck all politicians.

Thanks to all of you for the support about my dog.

I love you stupid bastards.

Buenos noches, motherfuckers.

Unsurprised

God Bless Joe Kirby

Unsurprised

And Stan Lee can get fucked.

blaxabbath

If you think there is too much money in our politics, vote for the person who has taken more money than anyone in history!

Unsurprised

John McCain should’ve gone to prison for being one of the Keating Five and his legacy will always include being a “champion” of campaign finance reform.

It worked when FDR made Joe Kennedy the first chairman of the SEC.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

So don’t play the game and then lose? Good luck with President Trump.

Horatio Cornblower

‘The Marine who loves his country and no longer has to hide his husband’

Fox News tomorrow: “OBAMA SAY MARINES ARE FAGGOTS!!!!”

Shogun Marcus

Smgdh…so true.

blaxabbath

Imagine how great our military would be if they didn’t ban all heterosexuals from joining!

Brick Meathook

AS A NAVY VETERAN, I KNOW THAT GAY MARINE CRACK WILL HAVE SOME LEGS

Horatio Cornblower

My father was talking to a Navy guy who served on some sort of troop carrier. Dad asked how many people the ship carried. Navy guy answers “300 people and 4,000 Marines”

Brick Meathook

There are worse jokes than that.

Unsurprised

That’s a joke?

Unsurprised

https://www.doorfliesopen.com/index.php/2016/07/27/your-is-there-going-to-be-a-test-at-the-end-wednesday-open-thread/comment-page-2/#comment-210218

It also helps to be the only industrialized country in the world not being or recovering from being bombed to shit for decades. The postwar era was a fluke and trying to grasp for it again is like praying for a unicorn.

blaxabbath

mff

blaxabbath

Hey man! You’re the President of the rapists too! Don’t act like they don’t deserve a voice!

Sharkbait

#RapistLivesMatter!

–Ben Roethlisberger

blaxabbath

Hillary* is the person to lead a post-racial America because the only color she sees is green.

*Also Trump

Brick Meathook

I DONATED $25 TO THIS GUY IN 2012 AND HE HASN’T MENTIONED ME ONCE

WHAT AN ASSHOLE

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I saw an original draft with a Brick shoutout, but focus groups confused you with Brick Tamlin, so they had to cut it.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I feel I should run with my harassment of you and let you know which Space Mutiny nickname I am thinking of whenever you post, at least for tonight. It is Lump BeefBroth right now

Brick Meathook

I’ll take that. “Space Mutiny” also starred Miss False Eyelashes from “Billy Jack,” the best worst movie ever except for it’s sequels.

My name is original though. Look it up.

blaxabbath

“We meet our commitments”

Well, to the rich. Veterans can die on wait lists at the VA. They aren’t worth a shit.

jjfozz

Spineless twats, all of them.

Unsurprised

After 240 years, why start now?

blaxabbath

“He suggests America is weak. Guess he doesn’t see all the assault rifles we got floating around this great land!”

Sharkbait

Old school Law and Order marathon > DNC

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Maybe. I need to know cast members or a season number before I agree or disagree

Sharkbait

Season 16. Its Original Flavor crossed over with the Slightly Rapey edition.

blaxabbath

Just gonna point out that the DARK ACT legislation is sitting on Obama’s desk now and everyone expects him to sign it.

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jjfozz

Dark Act? YOU RACIST!

Porky Prime

Oldboy. Now that was a dark act.

blaxabbath

“But Hillary has been in the room and part of the decision to send young people to war. I’m confident many of you high schoolers at home watching right now are gonna get your asses blown off for one of her donor’s wars sometime in the next four years. Those who never make it home missing limbs with no one around to care for them….they will be the lucky ones.”

jjfozz

thanks for the chills up and down my spine. too close to reality.

fuck all politicians. i have more respect for whores, because at least they do something for you.

JerBear50

At least they’re honest about what they’re doing.

Unsurprised

Yeah, but it’s not like they’re being drafted. So … eh.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That’s pretty fucking stupid.

Unsurprised

Hillary is her generation’s Nixon, only smarter. She’s smarter and shrewder than Bill because she never had the benefit of his natural charisma.

Aw, fuck it. I don’t care.

Duchess

Do people not remember that from 92-96 before Monica happened all the jokes were that Hilary was running the country?

Unsurprised

No.

People are fucking stupid, remember?

Gratliff

My dad showed me this movie when I was 7. Had some great parents.

Duchess

The end of Pizza Rat

Duchess

Gratliff

And they wonder why free lunch programs are necessary

BrettFavresColonoscopy

The following people can get fucked:

Donald Trump
Bernie or Busters interrupting the fucking President

blaxabbath

What? Now I gotta tune back in….

theeWeeBabySeamus

Didn’t realize George Takei hated video games.

herodotus450
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Sorry, one more thing about guns and living in Wisconsin. I was a boy scout growing up. They had us use bows and guns on retreats. I told them I was blind in my dominant aiming eye, they still made me use them. When I couldn’t hit a target instead of taking them away from me they just harassed me for my shit aim. Later after I grew up my friends who are hunters heard this story and instead of just letting me not shoot a gun tried to harass me into learning to shoot left handed instead

blaxabbath

Blind kids get guns — but no gays.

Love the scouts.

Gratliff

Okay, Bernie Bros are creeping up towards Birthers level of disdain now

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I know I’m late to the party, but re: Russell Wilson NEVAR FORGET:

http://dailycaller.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/Screenshot-2014-12-30-at-1.00.31-PM.png

jjfozz

It must be jelly cause jam don’t shake like that.

Sweet Jesus in the morning.

WCS

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Brick Meathook

HE’S A HAWAIIAN

WCS

U MEEN KENYANIAN SOSHLIST #2A #TCOT

Duchess

Biggest surprise in baseball this year is not that Cubs are winning but that Dusty Baker hasn’t broken every arm in the Nats bullpen

...

Aroldis Chapman making his debut with the Cubs. Pitch speeds in mph:

101, 101, 102, 91 (strikeout swinging)

101, 102, 92, 101, 103(!), 101 (groundout)

Christ.

...

101, 100, 100, 102, 103 (strikeout looking)

JerBear50

And that’s with a 7 run lead. Not bad for fucking around time.

herodotus450

That 92 is only because his wife got in the way

...

Christ.

Cubs fandom turned itself inside over his acquisition. It was a rough few days on Twitter and the various Cubs message boards.

herodotus450

They’ll be more upset if/when he gets hurt, comes back too soon, and never regains his velocity.

Gratliff

When was the last time a president actually got to go out on a high note?

jjfozz

This guy could show him how
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

JFK.

Shogun Marcus

First speech in months where he hasn’t had to say “For fucks sake, this shit again.”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Dr. Mrs. Deadly, Esq. needed the laptop, so I’m now watching on ABC. The commentators are killing me. It’s like watching one of just about any NFL announcer pairings.

SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP GOD NOBODY CARES WHAT YOU THINK YOU ASSHOLES.

Gratliff

C-SPAN has no live commentators

blaxabbath

I sort of feel like you don’t need the sound for political conventions either.

Didn’t someone do NFL game soundtracks? We should have gotten those for the conventions.

King Hippo

Barry, you was a cool-ass President.

blaxabbath

Was?

Did they already release Hinckley?

King Hippo

well, all lame duck-ish now.

Brick Meathook

U2?

herodotus450

Did we get them back from China yet?

Unsurprised

We should’ve paid the ransom to keep them there.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I can’t believe the argument for gun rights is less restriction on getting a gun than renewing a pet license or we hate Merica

I had to show my mom the second amendment the other day

“A well regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the People to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed.”

She still called me a liar after reading the text which said gun rights were for state or local militias in a time before the federal government could bomb you with a drone drunk in DC on a whim.

And the thing is, I am not anti gun. I am blind in my right eye so I can’t shoot but I am from Wisconsin. Everyone has a gun. There is one in the closet across the hall.

Unsurprised

Dude. It’s a religious talisman to these fucking animals. You may as well be an atheist at a Baptist convention.

Duchess

Cranston should have ended it with “Obama is the one who knocks”

jjfozz

“You’re goddamned right.”

jjfozz

Mel Gibson’s hair in Lethal Weapon is a thing to be admired and worshiped.

I am drinking multiple toasts to my dog’s ashes.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I will be having a martini in a little bit; the first sip will be dedicated to your dog’s memory.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
blaxabbath

Just gonna add overproof rum to a thirstbuster because I feel that is more Baltimore-ish, but same sentiment.

jjfozz

You could also drink a pint of Seagrams, which is called “knotty head”, because of the bumps on the top of the bottle. Then you get blind drunk and smash the bottle and go after one another.

I am not shitting you. This happened behind my uncle’s liquor shop all the time.

blaxabbath

I like that your uncle owns a liquor store. Napa makes wine. Colorado brews beers. Other places distill whatever liquors.

Baltimore distributes and consumes.

blaxabbath

So I just saw the Trump clip about Russia. Technically, it sounds like he’s saying that those emails are missing and Russia might find them. I get the point but, on the same token, the DNC is already saying Russia has hacked them. He also said the media would reward them [with loads of coverage] which is 100% correct.

Hillary can’t find the emails. The FBI can’t find the emails. No one can find these emails. To say, “Hey, Russia is already in your shit, maybe they can find the emails!” doesn’t seem to controversial to me. Yeah, it doesn’t sound good but this treason talk is ridiculous — Trump isn’t smearing some highly ethical individual about their personal life; the emails are part of Hillary’s recent professional history and, short of Hillary supporters who just want the issue to go away, there are still loose ends about (1) Hillary saying she had permission for the server (2) The missing emails. Which, of course, goes with the snowball of Clinton scandals including the OTHER batch of Clinton emails not being released until after the election which, of course, looks shady as well.

...

I think he sort of intended it as a joke as well, but frankly, he doesn’t deserve the benefit of the doubt at this point.

You don’t get to encourage a foreign power to break our laws and get to avoid being told you’re a shithead.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Especially after you just gave them a green light to fuck around with our supposed allies.

King Hippo

yeah, he’s either sleazy to the precipice of treason, or he’s just an unbelievably clueless idiot. There’s no more graceful ‘splanation.

...

I almost can’t call Trump treasonous because that would require having some underlying principles. Trump would be, at best, an accidental committer of treason.

Unsurprised

Like Reagan/Bush?

Duchess

Doesn’t help in the same speech he says he’d consider recognizing Russia’s right to Crimea

blaxabbath

“It’s something we’ll look at” is his answer to everything.

That way he’s not a liar when his position evolves.

WCS

Colbert has been killing it with the live shows, but, sweet holy fuck James Corden is awful.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’m with your mom on this ….and a few other things.

He is not as good as his predecessor, not sure if anybody could fill those shoes, but he is OK IMO.

JerBear50

I loved Colbert on Report but not so much on CBS. I have had no late-night watchings since Fergs retired.

jjfozz

Got the dog’s ashes back yesterday. They’re above the TV.

And boy, do I miss the hell out of her.

Sorry for the mopey post, just missing my dog.

Sill Bimmons

We’re your shoulder, broseph.

Gratliff

The gimpy one with the bad rotator cuff that surgery didn’t help like they told you it would. Basically, don’t expect us to do a lot.

jjfozz

Thanks, got her as pup and she was there for every child’s birth, watched over them, was my wife’s first dog.

Here’s a great story: when my first child was in one of those walkers with wheels, he was tooling around on our wooden floors, and then headed towards the deck. He would have fallen onto the deck, and I look up, there’s my girl, Lucy, standing between him and the door. Just looking at us like, “What is this? Rookie hour?”

theeWeeBabySeamus

Condolences. Never an easy thing.

Shogun Marcus

You go right ahead. All good.

SonOfSpam

Sorry to hear that. Dogs are all kinds of awesome.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Sorry for your loss. Dogs are great, they love you regardless of what is going on in your life, and always know when you need love. I could never fault you for being mopey about missing your pup

Gratliff

I spent a solid week in college ugly crying because I had to give the go ahead to have my dog put down over the phone from 1000 miles away after she got a fibrocartilagenous embolism while playing with her mom that basically paralyzed her. Okay, no more talking about this!

blaxabbath

Mine are still in a drawer in our bedroom (from January). My garden didn’t do well enough this year to earn the ashes. We’ll see how the fall planting looks.

King Hippo

There is also a logical, natural progression to these speeches, and the convention overall. Even the idiocy during the Panetta speech can’t knock it off the rails.

King Hippo

I think it was effective for what it needed to do…get under Trump’s thin skin.

He’s gonna troll the hell out of him.

jjfozz

FYI – I hate the fuck out of everything and anything to do with politics. I am switching over to vintage Quaaludes until December.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I hope you brought enough for the whole class.

jjfozz

I got them by the bagful.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m scheduled to be in B’more in September.
Now I think I might need to move that up.

Sill Bimmons

Wow.

I was just talking about Quaaludes with my Uber driver on the way home from the weed store.

WEIRD

Duchess

We went from Uncle Joe to Dad Joke Kaine