There’s a game tonight? THERE’S A GAME TONIGHT!
You may thank God/disaster preparations for this blessing. Washington & Tampa got moved to Wednesday because there might be a tropical storm hitting the Bay on Thursday night, and that was projected to quintuple the number of people expected to contract MRSA via attending the game. It’s “safety first” for 2016’s NFL.
Normally, I’d get out of the way on a weekday game night. But this is preseason Week 4, and two relatively bland teams. It might be beneath our veritable Scotchnaut. I concocted this Thread just in case.
NFL Notes: Bridgewater edition
- official word is still a dislocated knee and fully torn ACL
- the Vikings are hopeful he might return; common sense says he’s done for the year
- ESPN has a half-sad, half-redemption story on how many first-round QBs Shaun Hill has had to fill in for during his career.
- Historical fact: He was with the Vikings when Mike Tice was head coach.
- Peter King, not surprisingly, has thoughts.
- the interesting portion is how Zimmer turned to Bill Parcells for advice, and Parcells referenced Phil Simms’ injury and turning to Jeff Hostetler.
NFL Notes: non-Bridgewater edition
- Colin Kaepernick is listed as the 49ers starter for Week 4 in San Diego, their “Salute to the Military” night. I see no problems with that.
- As if the welcome from the crowd won’t be enough, Chip probably wants Marmalard to yell at him during the first quarter, so he’ll quit of his own volition.
- the Cowboys are going to kick the tires on former Browns & Rams QB Austin Davis.
- Barkevious Mingo is “excited” to be with the Patriots. Of course he is – he’s going to see more wins this season than he’s seen in his previous three combined.
- Antonio Brown restructured his deal. His deal is now worth more money, as it advances 2017 money to this year. He’s expected to get even more money next year when he signs an extension. Money is good.
Finally, I think ESPN is out of ideas. They have separate stories on both the evolution of Tom Brady’s coiffure
and Aaron Rodgers’ annual preseason facial hair.
The stache is back.
Check out @AaronRodgers12's #PackersCamp looks through the years 📸: https://t.co/5JYJuNw5lN pic.twitter.com/3CBVhZvN01
— Green Bay Packers (@packers) August 30, 2016
End of summer means back-to-school sales. Rather than perusing the usual Target & Big 5 flyers, let’s check in with those fine folks at The Whisky Exchange to see what they are promoting:
Talisker’s Distillers Edition is finished in amoroso casks, similar in style to sweet oloroso sherry. This 2003 vintage has sweetness and fruitiness backing up the distillery’s maritime character.
TASTING NOTES:
Nose: Gorgeous combination of sea spray and brine, oyster shells and pink peppercorns, along with chewy malt, orange peel and plenty of fruit to tame the pepper and smoke. Classic Talisker fire but softer and sweeter.
Palate: Seville orange marmalade, then freshly ground black pepper, along with woodsmoke, clove and coriander seed. The aromatic smokiness builds, kept in check with the sweet, juicy notes of orange, grapefruit and lemon. Good fruity undercurrent to the savoury, peppery kick.
Finish: Like the dying embers of a fire, with a sprinkling of aromatic citrus.
Comment: A delightful combination of classic Talisker smoke and pepper, lifted with heady citrus notes.
Okay, but what about something in a Lowland for my delicate palate?
This is the second batch of Auchentoshan’s Virgin Oak. Aged in new North American oak casks, this triple-distilled Lowland whisky is rich, spicy and complex.
PRODUCER’S NOTES:
To the eye: Deep sienna orange
To the nose: Cinnamon and nutmeg, toasted vanilla and candied orange.
To the tongue: Spiced apple, smooth chocolate caramel, maple candy and a velvety mouthfeel.
To the end: Warm with spiced orange and brown sugar.
Evaluation?
Tonight’s sports:
- NFL: Washington @ Tampa Bay – 8:00 – NFLN
- MLB: Pirates at Cubs – 8:00 – ESPN
- US Open: Second Round – 6:00 – ESPN2
I dare you to find something interesting to talk about during tonight’s game.
YOU HAVE BEEN DARED!
I had two coffees to keep working. Now I’m wide awake but still too burned out to concentrate for longer than 10 seconds straight.
I wish my bad choices were funnier.
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Fucking hipsters….
Did I mention I did my draft in flight? Relying on United wifi for that was nervewracking. On the plus side, United now serves:
It’s interesting hearing Trump talk about our national enemy
SnowballHillary Clinton.Just finished my first ever keeper league draft! WOOOOO!
/looks at roster
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“It might be beneath our veritable Scotchnaut.”
Is this parallel-universe DFO?
I assume Scotchnaut is upside down, somehow?
OH GOD HE’S IN THE UPSIDE-DOWN SOMEONE CALL CHIEF HOPPER!
I’m busy…da Fuq do you want?
No, not the Chief HUFFER, Chief Hopper!
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dl3mRjydcPw
Enough time foar one song before my stalking…errrr love affair, with Aya Cash resumes. Back later.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wpv-vGScrvU
Oh dear lord.
I didn’t need to see that opening sequence.
Masturbation protocol invoked.
Catching up on “Why Your Team Sucks”….this factoid from a Chiefs fan…
“Fun fact: Andy Reid is 3rd all-time in postseason wins by a Chiefs coach with 1. They are a tough team to root for.”
Wow…I…just…I….I’m…SORRY!
Marvin Lewis is tied for 3rd in all time postseason Bengals wins by a coach. With 0.
Yay, the Jets can mock people here! They have Rex at #1, a tie for second place with 2, and then another tie for 3rd! Hell, the “no wins” coaches don’t even start until fourth place!
(Waits for someone to post the buttfumble, cries)
I don’t even want to look up Cleveland.
Stillers “no wins” coaches don’t start until fourth place either!
Mike Tomlin is 3rd on teh Stillers with 6.
So the power is back…now I just have to reset fucking everything…
1st world problems…
We needed a shield (apologies for low quality, wanted to get a version done before my brain lost the idea):
OMG THAT IS PERFECT!!!
Is that meant to say “BEER” or “BOO”? I feel like either is appropriate.
“BEER,” sort of like a generic beer can. I think I lost some pencils somewhere. Like I said, first version.
This might get DTZM sued.
Just saying.
Falls under parody, fair use.
/wants to make a DTZM sister joke
//knows better
///ducks anyway
I was saying “BOOOO-EEEEEER…”
I find cannabis to be underrepresented.
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INTOXICATION WITHOUT REPRESENTATION IS TYRANNY
Love it lo-fi. And I’m partial to hazy words on the can.
Oh shit….almost forgot….You’re The Worst starts back up tonight.
/Checks to make sure still on auto-record
//whew
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QHqjJ9WYl0A
I almost missed this, myself, got lucky with a random reminder from the cable provider…. 22 minutes til Gretchen goodness!
She’s yummy.
And I’m more like Jimmy three names than I’d care to admit.
Oh, indeed. Although where they pull him back, I am full speed ahead and diving to push that self-destruct button….
Kirk Cousins highlight and “Can you take me higher” song playing…
I now know what awaits me in hell…
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Stillers just signed Uglyburger.
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This changes EVERYTHING
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Stillers: Now With 13% Extra Sexual Assault!
He’s a braver and more cost-effective Landry Jones, with exactly the same inability to move the offense forward.
Brugal Extra Viejo is a nice rum with hints of why won’t Joe Theismann shut the fuck up.
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I KNOW
Did I mention I’m starting an eBay Cutco store with my 10-year-old niece?
And I just lost power…
Evening boys. Happy to be here now that my chores are done.
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Gradkowski placed on injured reserve.
That guy’s as useless as dicks at Lilith Fair.
You forget how much you hated Joe Theismann.
Then you have to hear him again.
And the stabbiness returns.
On one hand…I can’t really think of anything that he does is “THAT” bad…but on the other, I want to shove my head in a microwave. I don’t know what it is.
Marv’s kid is decent…he just has a face for radio…for blind people.
You didn’t just hear him tell his underdog “I WAZ ONLEE 150 IN CAWLEDGE” story for the eleventy billionth time?
I came to hate him when he changed the pronunciation of his name to match that of the Heisman trophy, and since then he has only done and said enough stupid shit to maintain my hatred.
I had completely forgotten about that.
Same here.
I’m not saying he is good. I think he is annoying as fuck. What I am saying is that NFL announcing across the board is an ungodly dumpster fire.
I would be estatic if they just got the British guys from NBC that do the Premiere League would just randomly start doing games. Sure they would fuck up the most simple concepts of the game…but it would have a nice British accent…and I could at least understand why these guys were fucking up simple shit.
I dream of something akin to this…
I’m reading a dude live tweeting a Trump rally in Phoenix as an observer. It reminds me of the time I went to a Sarah Palin rally. Even on script she wasn’t all that interesting of a speaker and this was before she went in her full-on CTE rambling phase.
I know a guy that was part of the McCain/Palin campaign…basically he was one of the political fixers/junkies that Palin blamed all her fuck ups on.
To this day, he is convinced she has a 4th grade reading level in terms of vocabulary and comprehension. They would have write and rewrite her speeches over and over again because complex words would trip her up. Even with all that work, they could never get her to practice. Then during the speeches she would just go off script…then make an ass of herself…and then basically blame everyone but herself.
He told me it was the most fucked up, weird campaign he ever participated on because a good section of the handlers/junkies were trying to act disappointed in the end so it wasn’t obvious to the true believers and the candidates that they were relieved to have lost the campaign because the idea of Palin being that close to any sort of presidential power was terrifying.
Some friends in Alaska said basically the same thing. They could not believe she got anywhere. They said the skill level was below that of a Walmart cashier. The place where she was from, Wasilla is apparently an active nest of idiots and she became their idiot mayor.
A guy I know from Alaska says Wasilla is like their Ozarks.
He refers to her now as “Proto-Trump”.
He had this one story where she and her people filled their shit because the handlers and junkies were meeting up on a regular basis with basically their Democrat counterparts. Not to talk shop or anything…just social.
The Palin people incredulous that people would get together across the political spectrum in DC and that many of them had worked both Dem and GOP campaigns.
My friend was shocked that they actually expected members of congress, their staff, their workers…basically anyone should ever associate, cooperate, or even communicate with their counterparts on the other side of the aisle.
He was convinced she had no idea how government was suppose to work. But what freaked him out was that she had a lot of people with her that thought the same way.
He has basically quit politics all together when the Trump train took off.
Palin actually had a high approval rating in Alaska, but I don’t think a ton of people realize that she was probably only popular because of the oil boom that gave every resident a nice government check each year courtesy of oil taxation back then.
The people I know mentioned that there was an active group of people who hated her bullshit, but Alaska is pretty conservative (see “Uncle Ted Stevens). I drove all over and there was one reasonable radio station in Anchorage, the rest were Rush wannabes.
People also forget that she ended up quitting office early because she was getting hounded like crazy over serious ethics violations.
Yes, her supporters blamed it all on da libtards and outastaterz.
What does this guy have against 4th graders?
“Did someone say fourth graders?”
-Jared Fogle
This makes me so eager for tell-all about the Trump campaign. I’ll bet it’ll be fucking amazing.
My favorite part of the Palin rally: I was working in the TV news at the time so I went to the event to quasi-cover it. (This was pre-Twitter, so I couldn’t live tweet it. I pass along info via email/phone.) But one of our cameras caught our sports director just enthusiastically lapping up everything Palin said. Our news director (a huge twat whom no one liked) got annoyed but it was if it would make our station look bad. Except everyone knew the guy was a huge fundie and loved him for it.
(I worked under him in sports for a couple years part-time and when I finally left for good, he wanted to add me on Facebook and wasn’t terrible comfortable letting him see all the shit I said that is 100% in violation of his beliefs so I just told him I’d add him instead and never did.)
He will never allow one to see light of day. Unless (ghost)written by him.
Trump isn’t young. Provided they wait a decade, Trump may descend far enough into dementia that he can’t stop it and we’ll get the delicious HBO miniseries about this campaign that we so desperately deserve.
Why has it taken this long already to make that declaration is what puzzles me. Third-party competency/commitments aren’t that hard actually!
/has had to do it many times
http://www.rawstory.com/2016/08/judge-in-trump-university-case-shoots-down-latest-attempt-to-dismiss-fraud-lawsuit/
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Always Sofia Vergara
DOOKIE NACHO WOO
Sill,
Can you please add your part to the Steelers preview? It’s scheduled to run tomorrow.
I guess you weren’t cc’d on the messages I sent to WCS.
He said it was going to run on Friday. Can we still do that? I’m up to my neck at the moment but I’ll be home tomorrow night.
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Dear gob, this [Redacteds] circle jerk is intolerable.
Dear god…I just realized this game was going on in Tampa and not DC.
These back pills are…wow….just wow.
I’ve been giving drive and automation training to a group of people from a steel mill all this week and the 9 hours a day of standing and talking non-stop is killing me. So I finally broke down a took a couple of back pills from my doctor.
My back still feels like shit, but I think I could headbutt a wall at full speed and not fucking notice.
Who is this Brown fellow?
Mine.
~Trump
(deleted by Censor)
“……..”
“bloomer crickets”
“crotch critters”
It would have been way better if Matt Leblanc was “Snowden”
I’m cautiously optimistic for the Chris Evans-free Top Gear.
Well shit hit the fan about that when I was over for the Euros. Chris Evans was spotted reading a self help book while swigging whisky. Something happend with Leblanc too but I was drinking.
From what I heard it can only be an improvement. I never cared for him as a guest, so aside from his Ferrari collection, making him a host was odd. They’re all white fercriessakes!
He is a sentient anal fistula.
THERE’S NOTHING IN THE RULEBOOK THAT SAYS A GIRAFFE CAN’T PLAY QB
http://img4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20111007035234/looneytunes/images/7/73/Gb_bobo.jpg
Crap, he’s right. Defensive back, yes, but quarterback, no.
Foreskins score on the Special Teams fumble…
Listen to that crowd!
/pretends its not a meaningless preseason game in a downpour just to hate on the DC fan base.
TOUCHDOWN WASHINGTON [REDACTEDS]
oar noat
My cat is in full Psychobilly Freakout mode:
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WELP. My first deal may have fallen through because the appraisal came in 11k shy of the purchase price.
Sometimes you gotta whoop an appraiser’s ass.
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“Hold on…I got this”
Boy oh boy…I cannot stand either one of these teams.
Not sure which one I hate less. You got the skins…but you also have the team that signed Jameis Winston…
MRSA, Hanta, Zika, Tampa.
Coincidence?
I think not.
One of the worst porns I’ve watched.
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Today.
We’re supposed to get hit with the outer bands of a dying tropical storm tomorrow and Friday, so I used that as an excuse to buy a bunch of rum. I got a Gosling’s Dark & Stormy kit and a 750ml of Brugal Extra Viejo. I’ve never had Dominican rum, so I’m looking forward to it.
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Ummm guys BC vs Toronto is on. Once cuts happen in the nfl half these guys lose their jobs.
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Former Cleveland Punter Andy Lee: Trade to Panthers is ‘biggest blessing from God I ever had’
[makes wanking motion] “Whatever.”
-God
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I haven’t been “veritable” for a long time. How dare you, Rob!
/”Proudly Horizontable Since ’04”!
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A coworker told me this morning that he heard on SPORTS TALK RADIO (/ducks beer bottles) that if Kaepernick is injured before the season starts, the 49ers can cut him and get out of the remaining money that they owe him on the hilarious contract they signed him to.
If true*, expect him to be playing most of the game tomorrow. Bosa will not be playing in that game.
*Probably not true
If Kaepernick is smart, he just spikes the ball on EVERY SINGLE SNAP. He’s already the most hated man in the NFL (according to front office executives who were too brave to go on the record), wouldn’t hurt his standing any.
Jed York, after the 2nd series of spikes:
http://ak-hdl.buzzfed.com/static/enhanced/webdr06/2013/7/29/13/anigif_enhanced-buzz-12178-1375118087-7.gif
I’m tired of the traction this keeps getting. The quiet asshole in me hopes it’s true, and ultimately is cut, never to be heard from again.
The loud asshole I am hopes this shitty organization and idiot have to War of the Roses it out to the bitter fucking end.
Are you mad at him for trying to make a statement, or just not being the QB you wanted him to be?
Neither. Never been a fan of the guy. No real reason, just that feeling.
OK, I like general vague hate.
Also if we are still hearing Tebow rumors…. no former quarterback ever fades away.
I have never seen a single situation involving a player, where I would take the side of an NFL ownership.
A QB having on the field struggles and daring to point out there are social issues in the US…vs Jed York…
How….what…why?
There’s no win or lose, right or wrong here that can’t be intelligently argued for on any side. But because of the parties involved, intelligence will not be used. Really I’m more annoyed at sprots yell media than anything.
This whole uproar at Kaep just shows how fucking insipid and pointless the hero worship of Ali was. Nothing has changed in our society. Minorities are expected to perform and to shut the fuck up otherwise.
Any minority athlete that makes a popular opinion known is fucked. If you get a DUI, if you kill someone, if you beat the shit out of a spouse…no problem. But good god almighty don’t you fucking dare have an opinion on a social issue.
Or smoke weed.
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He received less death threats than Leslie Jones….. which…. whaaaa? I fucking hate people.
Ei7her way, a s7orm i7 comin7.
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Whew! Another day done!
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Well…sonofabitch.